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Star Wars Without The Numbers

Posted: 2005-10-07 01:39am
by Lord Poe
My latest SW.com Blog. I shit you not...less than five minutes after it was posted, Dark Moose posted in the comment box twice. Both however, were positive.
Some have declared that numbers don't matter in the Star Wars universe. Those that do think numbers play an important role, (yes even in fiction,) have been labelled a vocal minority. Well, that select group would include such luminaries as Grant McCune, Richard Edlund, John Dykstra, Joe Johnston, Ralph McQuarrie, and yes, even George Lucas himself.

So how would Star Wars play without numbers for sizes of things, or the power of things, quantity, distance, etc? Let's find out!

"Hello, sir. I am C#P#, human cyborg relations. I am fluent in over....er...a great multitude of languages. And this is my counterpart, R#D#."

"For over a...er...a very long time, the Jedi Knight were once the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic.."

"How long have you had these droids?"

"Uh..er..."

"You'd better watch yourself. Were wanted men! I have the death sentence in...er...a lot of systems!"

"It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than..er...uh..."

"Well, that's the real trick, isn't it? And its gonna cost you something extra. Uh...er....well whatever it is, it'll be all in advance!"

"We'll leave as soon as you're ready. Docking bay ##."

"She can make point...er...uh...well, she can go beyond lightspeed!"

"Hold 'em off! Angle the deflector shields while I make the...uh...the...while we wait to go to lightspeed!"

"How long before you can make the jump to lightspeed?"

"Uh...er..."

"Travelling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy! Without precise...er..umm..."

"I felt a great disturbance in the Force. As if....er....a whole bunch of people suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced."

"The entire starfleet couldn't destroy the whole planet. It would take...uh...a lot of ships with more firepower than I've..."

"TK-###, why aren't you at your post?"

"Threepio, open the maintenance hatch on unit number....uh....er..."

"The target shaft is....er...yea big."

"That's impossible! Even for a computer!"

"It's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp-rats in my T-## back home. They're not much bigger than...er...yea big."

Posted: 2005-10-07 02:25am
by Master of Ossus
That's actually really funny, Wayne. I'm surprised DM was willing to say he liked it, though.

Posted: 2005-10-07 02:38am
by VT-16
I shit you not...less than five minutes after it was posted, Dark Moose posted in the comment box twice.
Me thinks you've got a stalker.

Nice that he gave positive comments, though. I'm just positive he's monitoring you, waiting for a slip-up and then, whooosh, out you go. =/

Posted: 2005-10-07 05:52am
by FTeik
Glad you haven't lost your humour.

Posted: 2005-10-07 05:57am
by Lord Poe
FTeik wrote:Glad you haven't lost your humour.
Its hanging by a thread these days.

Posted: 2005-10-07 08:33am
by Ghost Rider
Both Moosey and RSA just love you Wayne!

To think one day you may be able to bring these starcrossed lovers together one day. :luv:

As for the piece, very good. I did like the that most everyone went...."in a lot of...!"

Posted: 2005-10-07 10:43am
by Ubiquitous
Yeah that was really funny, bravo. :)

Re: Star Wars Without The Numbers

Posted: 2005-10-07 11:28am
by Kazuaki Shimazaki
Oh, it is worse than that... for one, you can't even use the word "lightspeed", because lightspeed is simply another name for the constant "C", which is a number in itself. All he'd be able to say is:
"She can make point...er...uh...well, she can go beyond ...urr ... she can go very fast!"

Posted: 2005-10-07 02:15pm
by Quadlok
"It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than..er...uh..."
"She can make point...er...uh...well, she can go beyond lightspeed!"
"The entire starfleet couldn't destroy the whole planet. It would take...uh...a lot of ships with more firepower than I've..."
The sad thing is, it might have been better for all of us if these quotes were really what was said.

Posted: 2005-10-07 04:12pm
by The Grim Squeaker
Quadlok wrote: The sad thing is, it might have been better for all of us if these quotes were really what was said.
How so?
(Excxept for stopping all this silly ITC, SAxton analysis's and the funny little thing called SW vs ST) :wink:

Posted: 2005-10-07 04:20pm
by Quadlok
DEATH wrote:
Quadlok wrote: The sad thing is, it might have been better for all of us if these quotes were really what was said.
How so?
(Excxept for stopping all this silly ITC, SAxton analysis's and the funny little thing called SW vs ST) :wink:
In the sense that dumbshits like Darkstar couldn't try to twist them to say that the Star Wars galaxy is in fact extremely small or that the imperial fleet numbers in the triple digits. numbers in dialogue suggest to some people a level of authoritativeness that is not actually there.

Posted: 2005-10-07 05:31pm
by Noble Ire
In the sense that dumbshits like Darkstar couldn't try to twist them to say that the Star Wars galaxy is in fact extremely small or that the imperial fleet numbers in the triple digits. numbers in dialogue suggest to some people a level of authoritativeness that is not actually there.
It's not exactly like they're devestating arguements though, at least not anymore. At most, they serve as traps rabid trekkies fall into when they're running low on arguements and rebuttals.

Posted: 2005-10-07 05:53pm
by Quadlok
Noble Ire wrote: It's not exactly like they're devestating arguements though, at least not anymore. At most, they serve as traps rabid trekkies fall into when they're running low on arguements and rebuttals.
Its still annoying as hell.

Posted: 2005-10-07 09:29pm
by Darth Servo
Quadlok wrote:In the sense that dumbshits like Darkstar couldn't try to twist them to say that the Star Wars galaxy is in fact extremely small or that the imperial fleet numbers in the triple digits. numbers in dialogue suggest to some people a level of authoritativeness that is not actually there.
People like the Rabid Stupid Asshole will find a way to twist ANYTHING. Look at his magic Death Star chain reaction bullshit that is the pride of his webpage. :roll:
Deleting those numbers wouldn't have slowed him down in the slightest.

But allow me to add to the praise for Lord Poe. Very funny.

Posted: 2005-10-08 11:34pm
by Xess
Very funny Poe, very funny. I love stuff like this and you made my day. :lol: