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I just read this on Wikipedia and decided it would have been far better than what we got.

In earlier drafts, Jerjerrod was a headstrong Grand Moff, and by far more powerful than he was in the finished movie. He was portrayed as an annoyingly smug and obnoxious bureaucrat whom Darth Vader loathed. The screenplay had Jerjerrod arriving on the Executor as the Emperor's personal emissary. Vader greated him as "my lord" and Admiral Piett and the Star Captains even kneeled before him. Vader and Jerjerrod, however, quickly got into a heated argument. Jerjerrod ridiculed Vader's failure to turn Luke Skywalker to the dark side, and proceeded to openly insult the Dark Lord. Later in the script, we learn that the Emperor and Jerjerrod had conspired to turn Luke without Vader's knowledge. Upon finding out about this plot, Vader kills Jerjerrod.

I'm assuming this is from a draft back before they wrote the DS2 into the story.

IIRC it's actually back from when the Empire was building two new Death Stars in orbit around Coruscant (then called by another name, I can't remember it) and Endor was a moon of Coruscant. IIRC Jererrod was kind of a sinister, cadaverous figure not entirely unlike a more sadistic version of Grand Moff Tarkin.

Kuja wrote:IIRC it's actually back from when the Empire was building two new Death Stars in orbit around Coruscant (then called by another name, I can't remember it) and Endor was a moon of Coruscant.

Had Abbadon, and the moon that eventually became Endor was simply called the Green Moon at that point.

That situation was present in both the rough draft and revised rough draft. In the second draft, it was reduced to one Death Star, and Had Abbadon was dropped, with the Green Moon becoming Jus-Endor.

For the record, there were a total of six drafts and draft revisions for Return of the Jedi, with the third revised draft serving as the shooting script.

In the rough draft, Grand Moff Jerjerrod basically functions as Vader's rival (although it seems with little story impact), with the Emperor telling the Grand Moff of his plan to turn Luke into a Dark Lord (earlier in that scene Vader was told by the Emperor that Luke is to be killed and by the Emperor personally). On the Green Moon, Luke is captured by a Captain Naffer. Veers has orders to take Luke to Vader, but Naffer demands that Veers take him to the Emperor, but Veers refuses. Naffer then contacts Jerjerrod. Jerjerrod later runs in furious while Vader attempts to make Luke join him, and Vader kills the Grand Moff.

In the revised rough draft, Moff Jerjerrod seems much more confrontational with Vader (and has more of an impact on the story), at the start telling Vader of the Emperor's displeasure at Vader's failure to capture Luke, and that he will be taking control of the matter personally, while Vader supervises the construction of the Death Stars. When Vader is angered by this, Jerjerrod informs him of the Emperor's belief that the Dark Lord still has feelings for his son, as well as his knowledge of the upcoming battle with the Rebels. Later Vader tries to find Jerjerrod but is told by Piet that the Moff is in a private communications room. In that room Jerjerrod is speaking with the Emperor, who demands that Luke be brought to him, and that Vader must know nothing about it. Jerjerrod replies that the battle with the Rebels should distract Vader enough for Luke to be captured. Later, after Luke is captured, Vader kills Jerjerrod when he discovers that Luke has been taken to the Emperor.

In the second draft, it seems that Jerjerrod's character was basically eliminated, and the commander of the (now singular) Death Star is not named.

In the revised second draft, the Death Star Commander is given the name Jerjerrod. I assume that in the second and revised second drafts, the Death Star Commander functioned more or less the same as Jerjerrod does in the final film.

Okay, skimming through the revised rough draft, which is also the draft that Jerjerrod figures most prominantly in the story, I can say that the quote from the Wiki that Galvatron cites in his OP is rather hyperbolish. I read all of Jerjerrod's lines and the scenes he's in, and he more comes across as an informed, Tarkin-ish stuffshirt beaurecratic lacky of the Emperor.

Basically, even back then, he didn't really seem to do very much.

There was some of Jerjerrod being an "opposition" character to Vader that was actually shot- I take it you guys have seen the shot of Vader strangling Jerjerrod outside the Emperor's throne room, with the Red Guards in a defensive position? This was, IIRC, a result of Jerjerrod telling Vader he couldn't go in.

This scene made it into the novelization, but it wasn't specifically Jerjerrod.

This sound very familiar to Vader and Xixor's relationship in Shadows of the Empire. In that one, Xixor is a rival for the Emperor's attentions, and he tries to have Luke killed to make Vader look bad.

You know, it'd be nice if Lucasfilm published the various script drafts (plus treatments) for each film, at least for the Original Trilogy. Sure, each book would be more than five-hundred pages each, due to there being about 5-6 drafts for each film, but at least it would be interesting to make the progression and evolution of the stories much more available to the public.

Plus it would help clear up a lot of bullshit that gets batted around in the community.

That idea makes Kit Fisto smile.

The trouble is that there were no multiple versions of each script. Lucas had the entire saga planned out start-to-finish from the very beginning, remember?

Meh, I prefer the Force, the Jedi and Sith to be little-understood superstition and mere religious quackery to the Moffs and their ilk.

However, I do like "my lord" not being limited to Darth Vader as Dark Lord of the Sith. The idea of a galactic peerage I think is interesting, and insufficiently used in the EU. We get Soontir, Baron Fel, and that's about it.

I seem to remember "Lord Tarkin" and "Lord Tion" getting bandied about in the ANH radio drama.

I don't particularly like the idea of the Moffs and their ilk completely understanding the Force, but for them to deny its existence, like Han or Motti (prior to Vader's demonstration) would be stupid given the fact that they're probably old enough to remember the Jedi and the Clone Wars.

What I like about this early version of Jerjerrod is that it gives me an idea for how to write an idealized Episode VI that doesn't feature the Emperor in the flesh, but another proxy (as I envision prequel-Tarkin).

Galvatron wrote:I seem to remember "Lord Tarkin" and "Lord Tion" getting bandied about in the ANH radio drama.

I don't particularly like the idea of the Moffs and their ilk completely understanding the Force, but for them to deny its existence, like Han or Motti (prior to Vader's demonstration) would be stupid given the fact that they're probably old enough to remember the Jedi and the Clone Wars.

What I like about this early version of Jerjerrod is that it gives me an idea for how to write an idealized Episode VI that doesn't feature the Emperor in the flesh, but another proxy (as I envision prequel-Tarkin).

I don't understand what your big deal is with Palpatine, unless you'd want to continue with the sequel trilogy - i.e., Luke finding his sister and finally destroying Palpatine. Anyway, yeah, Tarkin admits it exists, but given they cannot use it, do not completely understand its ways, and are unfamiliar with the millienia of "dynamology" - as Publius likes to call it - it seems silly they'd attempt to convert a would-be Jedi to the dark side. I don't blame Lucas for shelving it, it doesn't seem credible to the audience. Whereas the old, powerful, wicked wizard is credible, and draws from the monomyth.

Illuminatus Primus wrote:I don't understand what your big deal is with Palpatine, unless you'd want to continue with the sequel trilogy - i.e., Luke finding his sister and finally destroying Palpatine.

That's basically it. I'd go the full nine. Literally. And I'd save Palpatine till the end. I'd never show him in the flesh in any of the previous episodes.

Illuminatus Primus wrote:Anyway, yeah, Tarkin admits it exists, but given they cannot use it, do not completely understand its ways, and are unfamiliar with the millienia of "dynamology" - as Publius likes to call it - it seems silly they'd attempt to convert a would-be Jedi to the dark side. I don't blame Lucas for shelving it, it doesn't seem credible to the audience. Whereas the old, powerful, wicked wizard is credible, and draws from the monomyth.

I wouldn't use Jerjerrod in that fashion. I'd use him as an Imperial nemesis to Vader. Kinda like Xizor, but a Grand Moff instead.