Evil Jesus vs. Superman

justifier · Post by **justifier** » 2003-08-08 10:15pm

The fight takes place on a deserted tropical island.

Superman; current JL cartoon version

vs.

Evil Jesus; If you don't know evil Jesus' powers they are as follows. Every power Jesus had in the bible, used for evil(except he cannot call on god/higher power to directly help). A sample of some:
Wound regeneration-Must be able to pray and concentrate inorder to regenrate

Long term pre-cog-Used to see approximatly what will happen in the future, not really a combat power though

Levitation-Used to hover about a foot from the surface

Blinding light-Stuns

He also has anti-Bible verses which when heard hurt anything good.

If Evil Jesus is killed and forced to Ressurect, the match is called and Superman wins.

Seggybop · Post by **Seggybop** » 2003-08-08 10:23pm

Can't he take away people's life? That should be enough to defeat anyone.

NeoGoomba · Post by **NeoGoomba** » 2003-08-08 10:40pm

Jesus is the "King of Kings", right? So technically, he's the king of everything, correct? Jesus, King of...Kickboxing! King of Streetfighting! King of Fighers! King of Eye Lasers! King of Always Winning!

He wins, cause he's King of Beating Superman!

(He must have thrown that cage match against Pilate. You know, the one with the stipulation that loser gets nailed to a 2x4)

LordShaithis · Post by **LordShaithis** » 2003-08-09 03:28am

Those powers sound pretty weak. EJ tries reading an evil bible verse, but Supes quickly punches him into giblets. Fight over.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-08-09 05:39am

Jesus has a sword sticking out of his mouth, feets of brass and eyes of fire according to revelation. Maybe those will be of some use against Superman.

Would jesus qualify as a magical character?

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-08-09 09:36am

Ehhhh, Evil Jesus? No. Evil Lincoln? Well, obviously.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-08-09 09:15pm

If Jesus has every power he used in the Bible (and we take its text literally rather than interpreting it intelligently), he can heal people, walk on water, make water into wine, etc. I don't see how this will give him the advantage against heat vision.

If the Romans could kill Jesus, then Superman could make him his bitch.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-08-10 06:29pm

Without the ability to call on Heaven, and a strictly literal interpretation of the Gospels, Evil Jesus loses. His shown powers aren't all that impressive (though he can send Superman to hell if Superman ever dies).

Jawawithagun · Post by **Jawawithagun** » 2003-08-10 07:43pm

NeoGoomba wrote:Jesus is the "King of Kings", right? So technically, he's the king of everything, correct? Jesus, King of...Kickboxing! King of Streetfighting! King of Fighers! King of Eye Lasers! King of Always Winning!
He wins, cause he's King of Beating Superman!
(He must have thrown that cage match against Pilate. You know, the one with the stipulation that loser gets nailed to a 2x4)

Nope, he's the King of Kings! He kings over Kings, not their particular domains, just the people! So as long as Superman isn't King of anything Jesus has no powert over him

Jaded Masses · Post by **Jaded Masses** » 2003-08-11 05:02am

Didn't he make a tree whether and die because it offended him? would that be of any use against superman?

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2003-08-11 05:10am

Jaded Masses wrote:Didn't he make a tree whether and die because it offended him? would that be of any use against superman?

Superman > tree

Jaded Masses · Post by **Jaded Masses** » 2003-08-11 05:30am

Robert Treder wrote:Superman > tree

Perhaps a pinpoint withering strick against a vital organ would disable Superman enough to prevent him from killing Jesus long enough for the holy one to commence concentrated wither force and, over time, kill superman.

If Jesus gets an Intel advantage he might be able to hide amongst a crowed of followers he'd be able to get a surprise attack. 'course he'd need something that would actually damage him first.

Jesus could also lure supes somewhere by getting some followers to commit genocide or some such and (to my understanding) superman would come a'running.

I am grasping at straws (I think thats what I mean) though, not knowing much about ether person.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-08-14 06:13am

Aw, come on... I could take Evil Jesus any day of the week. What's he going to do, turn water into wine and use it against me? Oh, I know! He's going to feed 5,000 with one a few fishes and a loaf of bread and not share with me! Oh, and maybe if I piss him off he'll turn a table, make a whip and hit me with it! Scary!

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-08-14 06:26am

Sir Sirius wrote:Jesus has a sword sticking out of his mouth, feets of brass and eyes of fire according to revelation. Maybe those will be of some use against Superman.

Would jesus qualify as a magical character?

Wouldn't he choke on the sword?

~ver

Seggybop · Post by **Seggybop** » 2003-08-14 06:53am

Through the ability of water->wine, can't he turn the water in someone's body to wine and destroy them that way?

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-08-14 07:16am

NeoGoomba wrote:Jesus is the "King of Kings", right? So technically, he's the king of everything, correct? Jesus, King of...Kickboxing! King of Streetfighting! King of Fighers! King of Eye Lasers! King of Always Winning!

He wins, cause he's King of Beating Superman!

(He must have thrown that cage match against Pilate. You know, the one with the stipulation that loser gets nailed to a 2x4)

King of losing?