Awww, come on guys, be fair. I mean, these are better than his earlier scenarios.
They're brief; he's managed to fit 6 scenarios in the space of only half of one of his previous ones. And he's laid off the moving the goal-posts so far.
So I'll play. What the hell. And I'll try and think of what I'll
actually do, as opposed to what I
should do.
Some of the scenarios may need to be "translated", but I'll try to keep to the spirit of what you intended. Because I'm in a good mood, and I'll even talk to JW doorknockers when I'm in a good mood.
You are doing nothing, posting useless and also useful things on an internet forum, when suddenly your phones beeps and upon checking it, you discover your best mate has texted you, telling that he had broken down in the middle of the bush. You quickly drive out to his GPS position and see a trashed Holden Accord, rolled several times down a hill, 20 beer bottles smashed everywhere, a laptop and tablet are dangling from the trees by metal cables. A strange red inky liquid is splashed on the ground is trailing deeper into the forest with small splashes.
I'll assume this is some kind of 'text to voice' thing, because I don't have a mobile. I call him back. No answer? Hmmm... I probably tell my wife where I'm going and go to find him. Get there... SHIT! No mobile... I'm a bit torn... No-one immediately around for me to grab to call... I possibly go some way along the trail to see if he's there (if it's blood, and wet, it's damn recent), but then make tracks to get help.
You are in bed, resting and humming, but then your neighbors drive up and down the road revving their V8 cars to their maximum extents and doing wheelies and burnouts on the street, while crowds of drunken mates yell "OI OI OI" over and over again at the top of their lungs, throwing beer bottles everywhere, some even at houses. You have a major exam the next day.
I'd ignore it if it was just the noise, and go back to sleep, but fuck them throwing bottles around. I don't like to wear shoes. I give a call to the cops, you know, the ones who
are just across the road.
Your mate is mounting a generator in his shed, and tells you how quiet it is through a text on your phone. He then says he will put it under his staircase, in his house, since it is so quiet, and won't disturb his sleep. He reports back his success and tells you he will shut off his power for this day and rely on the generator only for today. Then he leaves a text saying that he is tired, and will rest on his couch watching TV for half an hour or so. 10 minutes later, you text back asking if it's okay to join him, but he never replies. Several hours and 14 texts pass, but still no response.
You've never had stupid mates, Simon? I could almost imagine Bresci doing this. Almost. But he wouldn't of after Lee and I told him he was a fucking idiot.
(Fuck... Old school friends I haven't seen for decades...) Assuming he did, anyway, then told us (easier to get forgiveness than permission), and then said he's feeling tired, there wouldn't be any "several hours later", we'd get our arses over there or call the cops.
You are at work, doing things in an office, when your wife rings and tells you that she will clean the house up, and get rid of all those terrible moldy things on the bathroom walls. She says a nice lad on 4chan told her to mix two powerful cleaning solutions together in great quantities in a small, enclosed room to create a super-chemical that will erase any mold in microseconds! She is very excited and hangs up to do the cleaning, saying that she will call you back soon, but strangely she never calls you back nor picks up the phone when you call her. How mysterious.
Hey! I got a job! When did that happen? And I'm in a bloody office...?
OK, my wife's not an idiot. If I was married to a wife who was an idiot (maybe she has great tits or something), she'd be told to not do it because anything that'll erase mold that quickly will erase
you too. Assuming she hangs up too fast, and then there's no answer, I call the cops. Duh.
You are visiting your best friend's house, and parking your car in the garage, making sure the automatic door doesn't crush your car upon closing, when all of a sudden your girlfriend calls you and begins making a massive argument over a major issue. You argue and argue over the phone, until the arguments are so awful you feel physically unwell and lacking proper judgement, smash the phone into small bits on the ground. Your mate's garage connects to his house, and is normally locked, but you have the key inside your car. However, you feel quite ill at this point, so you close and lock your car doors with both garage and car keys still inside, while the car is still running. If you yell a lot, your mate might hear you, but maybe you could rest to clear your head for a little while, there is a comfortable bed in the garage..?
I could imagine parking in a friend's garage, assuming he suggested it. Maybe it's a bad neighbourhood, and it's not good to leave vehicles on the street. Whatever.
There's a phone in the garage? Odd, but not as unbelievable as me getting angry enough to smash something unthinkingly. Doesn't happen. Ignoring that, OK, I've suffered from a few "brain explosions" here.
How did I lock my keys inside my motorbike..? Oh, I've got a car. When did I get a car? When did I get a car license? Don't automatic garage doors come with a switch inside to open them in case of trouble, so you don't need the keys or control? I'll assume it's broken.
Yeah, I know what CO is. Fuck that. He'll hear me when I'm banging on the door with a heavy implement. Or I'll break the door in. Whichever comes first.
You are eating some dodgey fish with your mates, who joke about accidentally getting SALMONella. That night, you awaken with a terrible pain in your right abdomen, but decide to ignore it and call a doctor later. You are planning to go camping with your wife that day, and even the pain has increased dramatically by that time, and you have some vomiting, but you go anyway, thinking you just have some minor food poisoning. But when you arrive at the campsite and there is no cellphone coverage in the area, and the nearest town is 100 miles away and you can hardly walk. You quickly get a book of common diseases and injuries, but have barely started reading when the appendix of the book ruptures, (hahaha) spilling rotten paper and stuff everywhere, so you drop it into a deep lake underneath you. You are now in so much pain that you pass out every 5 minutes and physically cannot move, but your wife thinks you just have a slight cold and ignores you.
Can't stand fish. "You are eating some dodgey
fish chicken with your mates,... " Yeah, that's actually believable. At least for me.
My wife thinks I have a "slight cold"? Not MY wife. My wife's a flippin' hypochrondriac when it comes to people she's close to. I have to fight off her attempts to get me to go to the doctor over every tiny thing. I'll assume it's that other wife. You know, the dumb one.
"GET ME A FUCKING DOCTOR, BITCH!"
Ah, who am I kidding? We're screwed. She can't ride a bike, and if we're camping there's no-one near us. But if I survive this, I'm getting a new wife. You know, unless she has
really great tits.
