Most Useless / Weak Super Hero

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-07-26 09:56pm

Stravo wrote:The Wonder Twins, Zan and Jana?? Even as a 5 year old I knew they were awful.

A thought just occurred to me...are there Wonder Twins fanwhores??

Dear god I hope not...though Penny Arcade had one of the best Strips about those two(ah the monkey watches....never going to look at those two losers the same ever again)

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-07-27 03:25am

What about Hawkman?? Sure, he has the power to fly, but practically any superhero has that power. And if they don't have, they compensate for it somehow.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-07-27 03:50am

Dude. Hawkman was the "Token Klingon" he was there to get mideveal on people's asses. Look at the arsenal he had on him.

Mace
Wrist Blades
Net
Trident

Worry evil doorers if you don't tell us where you secret base is we'lll stick you in batman's spare "Gimp" suit (Robin: But that's mine!), and give you to Hawkman and Hawkgirl for BDSM use.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-07-27 09:28am

Pretty much what YB said...that and like Aquaman they've added a few more powers.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-07-27 03:22pm

OK, what about Stupendous Man?

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2003-07-27 09:15pm

How about Korn from the South Park episode?

The Drunkard Kid · Post by **The Drunkard Kid** » 2003-07-31 12:25pm

Simon H.Johansen wrote:OK, what about Stupendous Man?

Don't mess with Stupendous Man. Without all those moral victories, we'd have only pansies like Galactus or the Justice League to try and stop the rampages of the evil Mom Lady, or the unstoppable Babbysitter Girl. He is like the most stupendous hero the world, nay, the OMNIVERSE shall ever know. Yea and verily.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-07-31 12:58pm

The Drunkard Kid wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:OK, what about Stupendous Man?
Don't mess with Stupendous Man. Without all those moral victories, we'd have only pansies like Galactus or the Justice League to try and stop the rampages of the evil Mom Lady, or the unstoppable Babbysitter Girl. He is like the most stupendous hero the world, nay, the OMNIVERSE shall ever know. Yea and verily.

But he never won anything else than "moral victories", and his career ended as soon Calvin's mother threw away that red cape and mask. I haven't heard of any superheroes who were defeated more easily.

Arthur_Tuxedo · Post by **Arthur_Tuxedo** » 2003-08-05 05:06pm

The superheroes from The Tick were hilariously pathetic (aside from Tick himself and American Maid). You've got Bi-polar Bear: "This sounds like a job for Bi-polar Bear... but I just can't get out of bed this morning." You've got The Human Cannon, Arthur, Dieflaudermause, etc.

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-08-05 05:16pm

"Quick! fire Me Boy!"

Smiling Bandit · Post by **Smiling Bandit** » 2003-08-06 11:26am

Cypher could be actually REALLY useful, but he wasn't a combat character. He could really do a number on computers, he was really useful in outer space (alien languages).

Actually there was one superhero that was even worse than Matte-eater lad.

Arms Fall Off Boy.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-06 11:44am

Rat Phink and Boo Boo - the ultimate useless superheroes!

Dizzy D · Post by **Dizzy D** » 2003-08-06 02:20pm

Arthur_Tuxedo wrote:The superheroes from The Tick were hilariously pathetic (aside from Tick himself and American Maid). You've got Bi-polar Bear: "This sounds like a job for Bi-polar Bear... but I just can't get out of bed this morning." You've got The Human Cannon, Arthur, Dieflaudermause, etc.

"This sounds like a job for Lemming-Man"

*jumps of building*

"Ah, work with me spine."

Great series

Demiurge · Post by **Demiurge** » 2003-08-06 02:30pm

consequences wrote:How about Korn from the South Park episode?

They can transform into... corn. That's even worse than Zan's power. Although they do have good detective skills.
Spoilers:They figured out that the pirate ghosts were made by a flashlight and a q-tip... or something. I forget.

beyond hope · Post by **beyond hope** » 2003-08-06 04:51pm

Quote from How To Be A Superhero: "A 13 year old boy is no match for a 210 pound criminal sociopath with a death ray glare."

Boy wonders, without a doubt, have to be the most useless representatives of the superhero genre. Some of the "heroes" they have in that book are great, too, like Pogo-Man or E. E. Cummings Man.

I'd also suggest Angel's name for nomination (the old-fashioned feathered version.)

Datana · Post by **Datana** » 2003-08-06 06:40pm

Setzer wrote:I remember one game for the SNES, about a superhero with diabetes.

"Can't save the world yet, my blood sugar is too high!"

Captain Novolin. By the same people who brought us Rex Ronan.

Lt. Dan · Post by **Lt. Dan** » 2003-08-06 09:18pm

Badme wrote:
consequences wrote:Almost any super-hero from 'Whose Line is it Anyway'.
"Thank god your here, Embaressed by his Erection Boy"
CAPTAIN HAIR!

HELL YA! Loved that one.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-08-07 02:40am

Post Nightwing(iirc) Robins, not as strong or skilled as Batman(one got beat to death by Joker with a crowbar), no where near as smart in more than one sense(they have a tendency to go after Joker alone, and they also have a tendency to die in the process), no superpowers. Basicly their ok fighters with some bat gadgets. A accual superhero (not just a mutant with a shitty ability, a superhero) that can't hadle them are few and far between. And Hawkgirl, what the fuck, she can fly. Sure she has that power mace but usually it requires her to throw it and then making herself completely worthless or close combat, making her easier to take out. Meteor Man. Captain Planet, sure he has the power of Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water, but chuck a six pack holder that hasn't been cut up his way and he's fucked, plus he can has to be called by 5 very mortal kids that have to be gathered in the same place.

Rhaegar · Post by **Rhaegar** » 2003-08-07 05:14pm

birdman was pretty pathetic, every episode he'd get captured and shoved in a closet or something...then avenger or bird boy would have to come and save him....

thecreech · Post by **thecreech** » 2003-08-07 05:48pm

hey don't knock Meteor Man

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-10 12:59pm

Demiurge wrote:
consequences wrote:How about Korn from the South Park episode?
They can transform into... corn. That's even worse than Zan's power. Although they do have good detective skills.
Spoilers:They figured out that the pirate ghosts were made by a flashlight and a q-tip... or something. I forget.

Korn - the superhero named after a rock band.

The Drunkard Kid · Post by **The Drunkard Kid** » 2003-08-19 12:56pm

IIRC, Robin II went after Joker alone because Joker had his mother hostage, but I may be wrong. The only thing I remember about that fight was that when Batman was holding his corpse, it looked like he'd (Robin, not Batman) suffered the world's most fatal sneeze or something...

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-08-21 07:43am

Stravo wrote:The Wonder Twins, Zan and Jana?? Even as a 5 year old I knew they were awful.

A thought just occurred to me...are there Wonder Twins fanwhores??

Now have you ever seen the Wonder Twins shorts on Adult Swim?

Form of....

*plane crashes*

Crap!

*poof!*

themost worthless superhero of all time is bibleman.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-08-21 08:08am

I did create a group of Military superheroes, including M.A.D. who had the power to blow herself up....

No reform like Plastique in DC or Nitro in Marvel, but no, she had the power to kill herself in a very spectacular fasion...

Strangely I did use her in an effective way, In our timeline she killed Magneto...

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2003-08-21 10:12am

Ghost Rider wrote:Pfft at least everyone mentioned has some sort of fighting ability or power.

I give you CYPHER.

Doug Ramsey...able to translate languages!!!

Yes, this small blonde boy was a part of the crack mutant team New Mutants, and got himself killed when entering battle. Why they put him there I will never know...why he thought he had a mutant power that required him to tame I will further never understand.

But there you have it...someone that makes Matter Eater Lad(thank god he was taken out of continuity and turned into a chef) look super.

Ah. Like when he saved Brat Pack, New Mutants, Captain Britain and Psylocke from Mojo?

No combat powers =! useless. As Cypher proved time and again. By your reckoning, the Punisher would be weak.