Twilight eclipse

[Darth Lucifer]

I'll do the same thing for Eclipse that I did for New Moon and Twilight. That is to say, wait for the rifftrax version to hit bittorrent.

Ooo, I have to check those out. I'd like to see Mr. Plinkett's take on the Twilight saga if he ever does a review of it.

[Stark]

I thought rifftrax were just for people too who needed a cool nerd excuse to watch a shit movie and were too stupid to critique things themselves.

[Elfdart]

Most of the professional women in my company love it too. It's actually kind of depressing to find out how utterly juvenile educated, capable women can be.

But hey, I play Transformers games.

That's funny considering the fact that we're on a site that is founded by and frequented by adult fans of a series of movies aimed at 10-year-old boys.

My girlfriend is an educated woman with very sophisticated tastes in fiction, yet she's into Twilight and started writing Twilight fan fiction. I was shocked because it was the last sort of book I'd expect to find her reading.

Edward believes in marriage before sex. There's also the older gentlemen fancy younger women and the extremely creepy Pedowolf.

How the fuck is a vampire going to marry someone? Churches have crosses and justices of the peace aren't open at night.

[Crazedwraith]

IIRC Neither religious Symbols nor sunlight does shit to Twilight vamps. I mean the Cullen's go to high school for pete's sake.

Only heavy dismemberment and then fire kills them.

[Elfdart]

I laugh every time I think about that time Eldfart said that Twilight was "just a fad" with "no cultural impact"

While writing off Twilight is pretty funny, it is INDEED just a fad, and as books will unlikely have any real impact.

When did I write that? The only times I can remember writing about Twilight are mentioning that to my surprise, my girlfriend reads them and writes fan fiction, and how pissed she was when I favorited a YouTube video of Gilbert Gottfried making fun of the series. At the time I thought she was sticking up for her ditsy best friend who is crazy about them. I didn't find out until later that she's even crazier about them.

It's not reshaping the genre like Anne Rice did, that's for sure.

Talk about fucktarded fads! Bad as Meyer's prose is, sappy as her love stories are, and as corny as her characters are, I'll take her books over Anne Rice's angst-drenched vampire wanking any time. The only thing more embarrassing than Rice's vampire/emo-demon circlejerks is her "erotica".

[SilverWingedSeraph]

Edward believes in marriage before sex. There's also the older gentlemen fancy younger women and the extremely creepy Pedowolf.

How the fuck is a vampire going to marry someone? Churches have crosses and justices of the peace aren't open at night.

But Twilight vampires aren't affected by crosses. Or sunlight. Or any other traditional vampire weakness. They're just super-strong, super-fast, super-hard (srsly, they're described in the books as having the feel and texture of marble. ) and occasionally want to drink blood. Oh, and they sparkle in the sun.

Twilight is so awful.

[Captain Seafort]

Edward believes in marriage before sex. There's also the older gentlemen fancy younger women and the extremely creepy Pedowolf.

How the fuck is a vampire going to marry someone? Churches have crosses and justices of the peace aren't open at night.

But Twilight vampires aren't affected by crosses. Or sunlight. Or any other traditional vampire weakness. They're just super-strong, super-fast, super-hard (srsly, they're described in the books as having the feel and texture of marble. ) and occasionally want to drink blood. Oh, and they sparkle in the sun.

Twilight is so awful.

True, but their physical characteristics aren't really relevant to that. The only effect sunlight had on Dracula was to prevent him changing shape.

[SilverWingedSeraph]

Their supernatural characteristics are, though.

Vampires have weaknesses. All good vampires stories (and even most bad ones) have vampires as being something you wouldn't want to be. Vampires work as tragic characters and as inhuman horrors that are out to get you. Twilight vampires are neither of these, despite Meyer's ham-handed attempts at trying to make them so. Twilight vampires live forever, are nigh on unkillable, and can do everything a human can do. There's really no reason, at all, for people not to want to be a Twilight vampire. There's no downsides.

Silver? They're fine with it. Sunlight? Doesn't even make them itch. Doesn't even weaken them. Garlic? Fine. Holy relics? Fine. Beheading? Nope, that doesn't kill 'em either. Stake through the heart? Irritating. Do they need permission to enter your home? Nope. Do they need to have soil from their homeland near them? Nuh-uh. Do they even need to drink human blood? No they do not. Does their immortality make them inhuman beasts? No sir.

They aren't vampires, they're super heroes that drink blood and sparkle.

I realise that it may seem like I am nitpicking over what does and does not constitute a vampire, and that's fair a fair point. Really, anything that drinks blood to survive could be called one, but Twilight vampires are so unlike most other types of vampires that it irritates me intensely.

[Stark]

Frankly I think that's obvious. It's part of the success that 'vampires' really just means 'PRETTY' and 'STRONG'.

I wonder why its so popular?

[AATC-86]

Actually, they can't taste food, apparently. But that's pretty much the only downside I can remember from the movie.

[chitoryu12]

I thought rifftrax were just for people too who needed a cool nerd excuse to watch a shit movie and were too stupid to critique things themselves.

Or it's for people who find the riffing, you know, funny.

[adam_grif]

I laugh every time I think about that time Eldfart said that Twilight was "just a fad" with "no cultural impact"

While writing off Twilight is pretty funny, it is INDEED just a fad, and as books will unlikely have any real impact.

When did I write that? The only times I can remember writing about Twilight are mentioning that to my surprise, my girlfriend reads them and writes fan fiction, and how pissed she was when I favorited a YouTube video of Gilbert Gottfried making fun of the series. At the time I thought she was sticking up for her ditsy best friend who is crazy about them. I didn't find out until later that she's even crazier about them.

Like I said, the conversaiton was about how "cultural impact" equaled greatness, or something. I initially brought up Batman & Robbin, a movie that was so bad it is glorious and has a number of fans. To which you (or whoever it was) derided me and started shouting "NO CULTURAL IMPACT". So I brought up Twilight as my next example

[Marcus Aurelius]

Frankly I think that's obvious. It's part of the success that 'vampires' really just means 'PRETTY' and 'STRONG'.

I wonder why its so popular?

When you think about it, Twilight vampires are a lot like Tolkien's elves. Both are physically superior to ordinary men, beautiful, live forever unless killed by physical means, and prefer starlight or moonlight over sunlight but are not adversely affected by it. The only differences are pretty minor, like the sparkling and occasional blood drinking. And of course, the physical abilities and toughness of the Twilight vampires are much more wanked.

[adam_grif]

Honestly, the only similarities are immortality and being allegedly beautiful. Because sparkling makes things pretty, right?

Meyerpires move dozens of times faster than normal humans, have super strength, immortality in the "never age" sense as well as being able to survive anything short of being divided into several pieces. Then they all have a unique superpower like seeing the future or reading minds.

Christ.

[Crossroads Inc.]

In terms of "Wanked" vampires, I would hate to think of ever defending Meyers abominations, but there is another fictional branch that is rather heavily wanked.

The Terry Pratchett-verse Vampires, much as I adore the stories, are rather 'wanked'.
They have very few "permanent" methods of death.

If you stake one, it can come back if the stake is removed.
Cutting their head off is a 'mild inconvenience' as they can put it back and heal 'very fast'
Even burning one with fire or sunlight isn't permanent, if you collect the dust and splatter blood on it, they will reform.

In terms of power, aside from super strength and super speed, they can "Go bats" and turn into hundreds of small bats. Also they do not 'need' to drink blood. Many in the Pratchett-verse seem able to turn the craving for blood into some other sort of craving or addiction, like coffee, or politics...

Of course in terms of being 'traditional' vampires they out do several others.

For me, what grinds my gears about the Meyers vamps has been touched upon by several others. There is just no Down side to them AT ALL. Vampires were and are supposed to be outcasts, shunned for being horrible monsters. It isn't just not 'needing' blood, or being immune to sunlight; Its her vamps don't ACT like vampires.

Pratchett vampires may be obscenely powerful by some standards, but they are traditionalists to the letter. Weakness include holy water, garlic and holy symbols, they might not stay dead from sunlight but it still burns them. They might not 'need' blood but those that swear it off have to fight constant cravings none the less.

Meanwhile Meyes vampires, aside form sparkling in sunlight, act like, well, a bunch of depressed and emotionally stunted teenagers. Its as if living for 200years doesn't make a difference in her world, if you are physically a teenager you evidently act like one.

[Temujin]

In terms of "Wanked" vampires, I would hate to think of ever defending Meyers abominations, but there is another fictional branch that is rather heavily wanked.

The Terry Pratchett-verse Vampires, much as I adore the stories, are rather 'wanked'.
They have very few "permanent" methods of death.

If you stake one, it can come back if the stake is removed.

Isn't this traditionally true for all vampires, that staking is just to immobilize them; and that only later it became instant death.

Cutting their head off is a 'mild inconvenience' as they can put it back and heal 'very fast'
Even burning one with fire or sunlight isn't permanent, if you collect the dust and splatter blood on it, they will reform.

This also reminds me of the Ultraviolet vampires (the British series), they seemed overly wanked as well.

I'm also curious, how has the vampire community reacted to the Twilight crap. They seemed to take to the Anne Rice crap pretty well.

[General Zod]

Isn't this traditionally true for all vampires, that staking is just to immobilize them; and that only later it became instant death.

Staking has been the traditional way of killing them. I don't think staking = immobilization started gaining any traction until Anne Rice.

I'm also curious, how has the vampire community reacted to the Twilight crap. They seemed to take to the Anne Rice crap pretty well.

Define "vampire community". Most of the people I know into playing tabletop games like Vampire the Masquerade and such find Twilight utter garbage, mostly because they're just superheroes with fangs and not real vampires. Even Anne Rice's vampires were suitably monstrous, had trouble maintaining their humanity and shared some traditional vampiric weaknesses (like the sun killing them).

[Manus Celer Dei]

What are the Mormon elements anyways? I've not seen the films nor read the books, so all I know about the series is that the Vamps sparkle.

Edward believes in marriage before sex. There's also the older gentlemen fancy younger women and the extremely creepy Pedowolf.

The Quileute Tribe are shapeshifters, similar but apart from the Lupines of Eurasia according to the Volturi (the only real Vampire society and they claim everything as their jurisdiction), have this weird quirk where they 'imprint' (as they call it) to a single person which is akin to their one true love. It's described as an obsession, which given the shit Bella is through is telling of it's magnitude. Spoiler

So anyhow one of the 'packmates' (as they call each other) imprints on a fucking two year old and Jacob Black (the main 'werewolf') imprints on Bella and Edward's Half-Vampire daughter (that can read minds and communicate through telepathy and ages from like new born to the equivalent of nine over a period of weeks).

That's all I can really remember from reading it, I was told by my girlfriend at the time that I couldn't criticize the books unless I read them, so I did.

I watched the movie tonight as well, it was better than the other two in a couple ways. We finally get to see some fighting despite how lame and brief, I always enjoy the Dakota Fanning playing a sadist (IE Jane), and there were a couple funny moments.

Pedowolf is genuinely the best thing about Twilight. I haven't actually read or seen any Twilight stuff, but I just fucking love the idea that someone could such a hatfuckingly stupid idea and actually present it as part of serious piece of fiction. It just makes me giggle.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Honestly, the only similarities are immortality and being allegedly beautiful. Because sparkling makes things pretty, right?

Meyerpires move dozens of times faster than normal humans, have super strength, immortality in the "never age" sense as well as being able to survive anything short of being divided into several pieces. Then they all have a unique superpower like seeing the future or reading minds.

Like I said, they are more wanked than Tolkien's elves, in other words their abilities are more in the superhero spectum than just somewhat superhuman like Elves' ablities, but otherwise there are many similarities. Elves also do not age in the same way as humans do; they do become more "mature" with age, but they never become old in the physical sense and they do not lose physical abilities with age.

[Zixinus]

Also, even though I am barely trough my second lord of the rings readtrough, I recall that the Elves were more like side-characters (except for Legolas) who were there as a force and did nice things for the heroes. They were not the main characters, whom we were supposed to identify deeply with. They were somewhat meant to testify all that's good in their world. So making them wanked helped, rather than hindered their case.

That, and being written by a proper writer.

[Temujin]

Isn't this traditionally true for all vampires, that staking is just to immobilize them; and that only later it became instant death.

Staking has been the traditional way of killing them. I don't think staking = immobilization started gaining any traction until Anne Rice.

I thought that staking to immobilize was part of original legend, and was even part of the original story of Dracula (i.e., weren't both Lucy and Vlad staked and then had their heads cut off.) Then when it came to films they limited it to only staking. Now it seems to have been coming back since Rice.

I'm also curious, how has the vampire community reacted to the Twilight crap. They seemed to take to the Anne Rice crap pretty well.

Define "vampire community". Most of the people I know into playing tabletop games like Vampire the Masquerade and such find Twilight utter garbage, mostly because they're just superheroes with fangs and not real vampires. Even Anne Rice's vampires were suitably monstrous, had trouble maintaining their humanity and shared some traditional vampiric weaknesses (like the sun killing them).

I'm referring to people who Really get into dressing up and pretending (or even claiming) to be vampires. They seemed to have come out of the coffin, so to speak, with the mainstream success of Rice's books, and seem to draw a lot of inspiration from them.

[Phantasee]

smoldering

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that is the word i hate the most

[Artemas]

looks like you've got some smoldering resentment there, buddy

[General Zod]

I thought that staking to immobilize was part of original legend, and was even part of the original story of Dracula (i.e., weren't both Lucy and Vlad staked and then had their heads cut off.) Then when it came to films they limited it to only staking. Now it seems to have been coming back since Rice.

That may have just been to offer absolute proof that he was dead, which is what the Turks did to Vlad Tepes in real life. Admittedly I've only seen the movie and haven't read the novel.

I'm referring to people who Really get into dressing up and pretending (or even claiming) to be vampires. They seemed to have come out of the coffin, so to speak, with the mainstream success of Rice's books, and seem to draw a lot of inspiration from them.

If you mean LARPers, they generally fall under the same tabletop group I mentioned earlier. Most think Twilight is shit. The ones that actually think they are vampire. . .meh, who knows. They're so delusional they probably think Twilight is great.

[Temujin]

I thought that staking to immobilize was part of original legend, and was even part of the original story of Dracula (i.e., weren't both Lucy and Vlad staked and then had their heads cut off.) Then when it came to films they limited it to only staking. Now it seems to have been coming back since Rice.

That may have just been to offer absolute proof that he was dead, which is what the Turks did to Vlad Tepes in real life. Admittedly I've only seen the movie and haven't read the novel.

I've only seen "Bram Stoker's Dracula", but it's supposed to be the most accurate adaptation. As for the book, I've probably read as many pages about the work as are in the original novel itself.

I'm referring to people who Really get into dressing up and pretending (or even claiming) to be vampires. They seemed to have come out of the coffin, so to speak, with the mainstream success of Rice's books, and seem to draw a lot of inspiration from them.

If you mean LARPers, they generally fall under the same tabletop group I mentioned earlier. Most think Twilight is shit. The ones that actually think they are vampire. . .meh, who knows. They're so delusional they probably think Twilight is great.

I'm not sure exactly how to describe them, as I don't think they have a common description other than the "vampire community". The Masquerade games certainly are a part, but so is the "I'm a real vampire, blah!"