Arleigh Burke destroyers go on an exciting journey filled with glorious adventure!

[Archinist]

A group of 3 of the latest-model, fully equipped, freshly maintained/repaired and cleaned Burke destroyers with every single latest software/hardware update, modernization, addon, etc, and crewed with a brilliant crew with "real-life" competence and extensive live combat experience go for an adventure in a sea of time.

On the adventure, the destroyer group runs into a series of battles. After each battle, the crew are respawned/healed, ships are rebuilt/repaired, and all ammunition is re-stocked. HOWEVER! The crew, even if killed, will retain all knowledge from their past experience, so that that knowledge may be used to formulate a better battle plan and will generally make them more experienced. Of course, a ROB will also ensure that any past knowledge cannot cause them to become traumatized enough so that their combat effectiveness decreases. We can call this 'refreshing' the fleet.

There are three (3) destroyers.

The battles are:

From Pirates of the Caribbean:

The kraken.

That one French/English ship that was destroyed by the two ships because the captain sit there and did nothing.

The two ships that destroyed the French/English ship.

The cthulhu pirates tentacle/slug fleet.

The candle people in the swamp with the rowboat moving slowly through it.

The land ship that the main character was pulling through a desert.

Witcher series:

A single Elfen ship.

The entire Elfen fleet.

Realistic cthulhu.

Other:

Generic kraken.

Spanish Armada.

20 ironclads.

The beast from 20k leagues under the ocean.

The submarine from 20kLUtO.

Dropped into scenarios, fleet refreshed every 12 hours.

The lizardmen from the book. I think it was Destroyermen.

Planet of the apes, dawn of the apes, planet of apes with lost jet pilot.

Reign of fire oceans.

Classical knight vs dragon theme where the knight wins, dragon vs castle where the dragon wins and whatnot. Dropped into entire fantasy world. Let's say they put cities near the oceans where the dragon attacks them.

Who wins in all of these scenarios?

[U.P. Cinnabar]

The Destroyermen are a series of books, not just one book, and the "lizardmen" are called the Grik(at least for short).

Cities generally sprouted up near oceans and other bodies of water, as they were important for industry and commerce.

This is essentially ZIPANG. except as an arcade game.

Verne's novel is correctly titled 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the submarine is the Nautilus, the "beast" they fight is a giant squid, and you just took a massive dump on my childhood. Way to go.

Who wins in all of these scenarios? Broomstick's parrots.

[Archinist]

The Destroyermen are a series of books, not just one book, and the "lizardmen" are called the Grik(at least for short).

Cities generally sprouted up near oceans and other bodies of water, as they were important for industry and commerce.

This is essentially ZIPANG. except as an arcade game.

Verne's novel is correctly titled 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the submarine is the Nautilus, the "beast" they fight is a giant squid, and you just took a massive dump on my childhood. Way to go.

Who wins in all of these scenarios? Broomstick's parrots.

You should take it a bit more seriously then that, I put actual effort into making this, and the matchups are evenly balanced without a silly story. What does "broomstick's parrots" even mean, anyway?

How am I ruining 20kLUtS for you? I am just mentioning it as a matchup against a destroyer trio. It is not zipang, since the destroyers are crewed by much more competent, battle-ready crew who have actual combat experience AND are READY for real combat.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Granted, this is a little bit better than your usual fare, Archinist. But, really, the three Burkes would curbstomp everything you're throwing at them, especially since they are being magically restored to full effectiveness after every battle.

[Zixinus]

I actually have a story idea slightly something like this. Because of that, I feel I should comment. This is not completely stupid but still has some problems. Archinist, have you looked up how modern naval warfare even works?

On the adventure, the destroyer group runs into a series of battles.

Why would the sailors engage in any of the battles? Are they teleported into each battle? Are they told that they must defeat the foes they face if they want to go home?
Because otherwise, the crew may want to avoid anything weird by a good distance, better safe than sorry.

and crewed with a brilliant crew with "real-life" competence and extensive live combat experience go for an adventure in a sea of time.

Why are you putting real-life into quotes?

On the adventure, the destroyer group runs into a series of battles. After each battle, the crew are respawned/healed, ships are rebuilt/repaired, and all ammunition is re-stocked. HOWEVER! The crew, even if killed, will retain all knowledge from their past experience, so that that knowledge may be used to formulate a better battle plan and will generally make them more experienced. Of course, a ROB will also ensure that any past knowledge cannot cause them to become traumatized enough so that their combat effectiveness decreases. We can call this 'refreshing' the fleet.

This very, very heavily tilts things into the favor of the modern warships. Will definitely do wonders for crew morale.

From Pirates of the Caribbean:

Disclaimer: I have not seen one or two movies and have vague memories of them.

Unless any of the ships have magical protection, they will be destroyed by mere heavy machine-gun fire. Modern ships have very tough hulls, I would not be surprised if the canons could barely damage the warship.

This assumes that the destroyers would even let the hostile ships close. Remember, these things are motorized and have very high speed for ships. So the destroyers would not be stuck in close-range as dictated by the wind, they'd go full speed and can simply run away. So even if there are magic enemy sailors (whether the human crew can repel them depends entirely on whether they are hurt by bullets), they would not have the opportunity to use that to their advantage.

The only real threat is perhaps the kraken. I don't remember, did the human crew manage to hurt it in the movies? Because if swords and flintlocks are enough, then machine guns and power tools are definitely going to be.

Witcher series

I read trough the books and played the first two games, I don't recall anything special noted about any ship (in fact, in the books I can only recall a fisherman's ship mentioned in detailed and ships only appearing in the second game). So, it would likely mean wooden ships armed with medieval tech. Again, not even a threat.

I don't recall "realistic cthulhu" being in the series, at best Dagon making an appearance with the fishfolk. Cthulhu is Lovecraft. If that is what you are referring to, then you are in a big debate about whether Ctulhu could even be hurt by conventional weapons.

Spanish Armada.

Which one? From what era?

20 ironclads.

What kind?

The submarine from 20kLUtO.

Modern warships have anti-submarine weapons. Unless the submarine is superior to modern submarines, they are going to get killed. Is the Nautilus even armed?

Who wins in all of these scenarios?

By default I would go with the modern navy. You can't expect modern warships to be even worried by anything made out of wood. Hell, in a clear fight the modern destroyers would slaughter the enemy ships before they could even get in sight.

The more magical threats are the more likely threats. Things that they can't just shoot apart, like Cthulhu, can get them simply because the sailors have no idea how to fight them or even have the means to fight them.

You should take it a bit more seriously then that, I put actual effort into making this, and the matchups are evenly balanced without a silly story.

No, you didn't. Or the very least, you have a very low bar for "actual effort". Have you looked up the armaments of the destroyers in question? Have you looked at their defences? Do you know anything about how navies work? Because, again, the battles look very one-sided to me.

What does "broomstick's parrots" even mean, anyway?

A reminder that her parrots have figured out something you didn't, namely that blankets help keep you warm. You actually argued against that.

It is not zipang, since the destroyers are crewed by much more competent, battle-ready crew who have actual combat experience AND are READY for real combat.

Actually, if you'd look it up, it isn't because in Zipang the ship is merely sent back in time. Not pitted against fantastical monsters and ships.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Is the Nautilus even armed?

With a ram spur only, per Verne's novel. The hull could also be electrified, but that's not of much effectiveness against ships. And, definitely no match against ASROCs.

Besides, while the ROB might have eliminated post-traumatic stress from the crews, it didn't make them not prone to boredom or homesickness. At some point, they're going to want to go home. At which point, the Doctor appears...

[Ziggy Stardust]

Planet of the apes, dawn of the apes, planet of apes with lost jet pilot.

What does this even mean? Do you mean that the destroyers are fighting a bunch of apes with various levels of intelligence? Where are the apes? Do they even have ships, or are they all just hanging out on the beach with the Statue of Liberty while the destroyers cruise by? What do YOU expect would happen in this scenario?

Reign of fire oceans.

Again, what does this mean? To my recollection absolutely none of that movie takes place at sea, it all takes place in London. Do you mean you want the destroyers to fighting the dragons from "Reign of Fire"? In which case, how many? It's hard to really analyze that movie because it makes so little sense. The dragons were able to completely overwhelm the militaries of the entire world combined (somehow) and drive humanity to near-extinction. But, then, the individual dragons the protagonists come up against aren't all that impressive, considering Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey are able to take one down on their own. So this depends on how many dragons there are. If it's ALL the dragons, they are fucked, because all the dragons were able to take out the entire US Navy, nevermind 3 destroyers. If it's only one, the destroyers should take it out no problem.

Classical knight vs dragon theme where the knight wins, dragon vs castle where the dragon wins and whatnot. Dropped into entire fantasy world. Let's say they put cities near the oceans where the dragon attacks them.

Are you having a stroke? I don't even know what this has to do with anything else. Is this a different scenario? Where do the destroyers even come into this, if not?

[Simon_Jester]

I'm going to admit this one has some actual potential, mainly because it keeps things simple and avoids making up any blatant stupidity.

The biggest problem is that it removes ALL the motivation (which gives the destroyer crews a lot of situations where the honest response is "just sail away, smiling and waving." On the other hand, Archinist trying to provide credible human motivations for characters in his "RAR!" scenarios generally hasn't gone well, so this is still an improvement in that department. "No motivation whatsoever" is much better than "totally stupid motivation that's so stupid it distracts from the intended scenario."

The second biggest problem is that many of the scenarios are ill-conceived "wait what how would you even" things. Like AEGIS destroyers "versus" a swamp full of little will-o-wisps. How is that a contest? There's nothing to fight and not much to interact with, it's just guys in a weird supernatural place trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Or AEGIS destroyers in Planet of the Apes. Honestly there's no reason for them not to do their best to make peaceful contact and call it a day, which I suppose is interesting as a change of pace at least.

The third-biggest problem is that you're referencing so many things at once that it's hard to access it from the point of view of someone who's read or seen some but not all of the things referenced in the scenario.

[Archinist]

Planet of the apes, dawn of the apes, planet of apes with lost jet pilot.

What does this even mean? Do you mean that the destroyers are fighting a bunch of apes with various levels of intelligence? Where are the apes? Do they even have ships, or are they all just hanging out on the beach with the Statue of Liberty while the destroyers cruise by? What do YOU expect would happen in this scenario?

Well, in one of the apes movies, I think the apes were higher than humans are were using them as slaves, therefore the destroyers would probably try to wipe them out completely.

I think the apes would be slightly surprised at first, but could steal technology from the boats by studying them and drawing them on paper and then attempting to construct another boat from the drawing on the paper. It wouldn't be as good, but better than a wooden boat.

Reign of fire oceans.

Again, what does this mean? To my recollection absolutely none of that movie takes place at sea, it all takes place in London. Do you mean you want the destroyers to fighting the dragons from "Reign of Fire"? In which case, how many? It's hard to really analyze that movie because it makes so little sense. The dragons were able to completely overwhelm the militaries of the entire world combined (somehow) and drive humanity to near-extinction. But, then, the individual dragons the protagonists come up against aren't all that impressive, considering Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey are able to take one down on their own. So this depends on how many dragons there are. If it's ALL the dragons, they are fucked, because all the dragons were able to take out the entire US Navy, nevermind 3 destroyers. If it's only one, the destroyers should take it out no problem.

I thought the dragons could be taken out by bows and arrows? If so, then the US military in the movie were probably just a bit lacking and a trio of real life destroyers should be enough.

Classical knight vs dragon theme where the knight wins, dragon vs castle where the dragon wins and whatnot. Dropped into entire fantasy world. Let's say they put cities near the oceans where the dragon attacks them.

Are you having a stroke? I don't even know what this has to do with anything else. Is this a different scenario? Where do the destroyers even come into this, if not?

I meant that the destroyers would appear in a fairytale world with pink dragons and castles and sheep and knights sneaking into the dragon cave at midnight to make the dragon fall into the lagoon and whatnot. Howe effective would the destroyers be here?



Also, the candlelight people in the swamp probably have some sort of magical power, and the destroyer's goal is to kill the magical candle people and destroy most of the environment.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

I think the apes would be slightly surprised at first, but could steal technology from the boats by studying them and drawing them on paper and then attempting to construct another boat from the drawing on the paper. It wouldn't be as good, but better than a wooden boat.

First off, a large surface vessel is a ship, a submarine is a boat.

Secondly, you have no earthly idea just how reverse engineering works, do you? Assuming they had the infrastructure to build a Burke-class destroyer in the first place(which is a big if given the post-apocolyptic Earth under ape rule), and the technical understanding(another big if) it would take them years, if at all, to figure out how everything works, and how everything fits together, and by that time, the three destroyers would've wiped the floor and done the windows with Doctor Zaius and all the rest.

[FaxModem1]

To be fair, by the third movie, three apes were somehow able to get a rocket working well enough to use it to time travel back to 1970s Earth somehow. Course, that's not the same as reverse-engineering three naval destroyers.

I imagine it will be more like the three Naval destroyers will just have to be careful where they send their shore parties for supplies, otherwise the apes drown trying to reach the ships by failing at swimming, since apes can't swim.

But otherwise, the three naval ships just watch and wait for their kitchen stocks to replenish after every wave of drowning apes, according to OP.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

To be fair, by the third movie, three apes were somehow able to get a rocket working well enough to use it to time travel back to 1970s Earth somehow. Course, that's not the same as reverse-engineering three naval destroyers.

I imagine it will be more like the three Naval destroyers will just have to be careful where they send their shore parties for supplies, otherwise the apes drown trying to reach the ships by failing at swimming, since apes can't swim.

But otherwise, the three naval ships just watch and wait for their kitchen stocks to replenish after every wave of drowning apes, according to OP.

Or maybe bait them with bunches of bananas hung over the sides.

[LadyTevar]

AGAIN... Thread Locked because too many people are pointing out the stupidity, and not discussing the OP.
Archinist, either give up, or find something that actually will get people interested in doing more than making fun of you.