How would you invade Planet Earth?

[NecronLord]

OK. Variation proposed:

This is the Dr. Who Universe and you guess that the Doctor is likely to turn up. You are also aware of UNIT and Torchwood. Do you change your plans at all? Your information on the Doctor is the same as anyone who has heard and read of his adventures (as if they were on TV.)

I shit myself and flee. His luck is so absolutely rediculous...

If I'm being held with a gun, and made to lead the attack, I lurk behind the moon and try diplomacy with the UN.

[NecronLord]

Include shoot on sight orders for killing the doctor maybe and have regular patrols of competent soldiers aboard ship? I mean i know he's supposed to regenerate and stuff (surely you'd be able to just keep shooting him though?) but I dont think anyone in the revival series have even tried shooting him despite the numerous opportunities.

Direct attmempts to kill him have generally been unsuccessful, on at least two occasions, just plain bouncing off him. Notably, in the Christmas Invasion when the Sycorax commander hits him with the 'energy whip' he had, whereupon the Doctor simply yanks it out of his hand, when it had previously reduced humans to piles of charred bones.

I don't think I'd want to stake my life on the possibility that the lucky streak that's been keeping him safe from entire empires directing all their rage at him for nine hundred years is going to desert him now. Especially as it's been hinted that said luck is, on some occasions, the work of higher powers. Hell, there's Doctor Number Seven, who sends messages back to himself in order to know what he's going to be facing...

As for UNIT, are they like torchwood and only able to deploy soldiers completely unequipped with heavy weapons?

No. They've got whatever they need, even incuding on one occasion some kind of laser cannon. The United Nations controls access to Earth's stock of nuclear missiles. Which were capable of in-system travel on one occasion (damned if I can remember it, though), and capable of blasting the planet so badly that everyone would die and the remains would be radioactive enough to be used as engine fuel by interstellar civilisations (World War Three).

In their last appearance, UNIT had a hovering aircraft carrier that remained at cloud level, and was designed in part by the Master.

Though really the doctor is only dangerous if he's allowed to mess with ultratechnology of some form or another.

Generally, yes. Unfortunately, he has stupid luck, and there've been hints that this is actually some kind of in-universe effect that protects him (variously, being Time's Champion, Life's Champion, some kind of god on his own, and being manouvered into advantageous positions by his ship, and sundry other flavours of wank).

And god help you if you're unfortunate enough to draw the Doctor when he's being written by someone who's convinved that he has a vindictive side... as in The Family of Blood.

[frogcurry]

If the Doctor is involved, then being a bad guy (partic. an obvious bad guy or a cunning one) is a bad idea.

My new plan:
1) Kidnap various smart people, say 100. Hire about a dozen children from poor families (be generous).
2) Form analysts into teams and force them to come up with a nice plan for my global conquest on pain of my killing them/ their families.
3) Beta-test the results by putting the plans to the children. If they think I'd be a nasty man for doing that, execute the planning team responsible. Any plans that pass this nice/nasty test are sent to be further analysed by all the strategist teams.
4) Repeat steps (1) to (3) until I get a plan that can work, gets me global domination completely and which isn't evil. Implement it.
5) Pray, pray, pray that a child-certified "nice" plan is going to get me past the Doctor. If it doesn't work, have a puppet to be the front man and blame the kiddies for any moral failings in my actions.

[Darkevilme]

Okay, reassessment of plan. I retire or take a more sane/survivable/generally safer contract. Now that Necronlord has brought it to my attention, no way am i standing up against luck on par with what that girl from Ringworld (by Larry Niven) had, the girl with the name i've forgotten. I mean how do you provide a contingency plan for the coin landing on its edge so to speak?

[NecronLord]

Teela Brown, I think her name was. The Doctor can definately be shot - the TVM's opening springs to mind - but I'm sure as hell not betting my life on his luck suddenly running out.

[Crazedwraith]

Teela Brown, I think her name was. The Doctor can definately be shot - the TVM's opening springs to mind - but I'm sure as hell not betting my life on his luck suddenly running out.

Yep. You can shoot him dead. But he'll still have the moral high ground...

Plus you need to hang around and shoot again a few hours later when all that regeneratino energy's died down and he can be killed again.

[NecronLord]

You can 'almost' destroy the regenerative process with anaestetic. Chopping off his head sould do the trick.

[Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba]

If the Doctor's involved, I land on top of some mountain offering peace, love and all that jazz if Earth joins the benevolent Empire - err, Federation of the Stars and they'll get the cure for cancer, diet pills, and all-Gladiator channels 24/7.

[ThatGuyFromThatPlace]

OK. Variation proposed:

This is the Dr. Who Universe and you guess that the Doctor is likely to turn up. You are also aware of UNIT and Torchwood. Do you change your plans at all? Your information on the Doctor is the same as anyone who has heard and read of his adventures (as if they were on TV.)

I'm done, no amount of 'nicely taking over' will get past The Doctor. In the RTD series at least (not too sure about earlier incarnations) Humanity was being controlled by aliens with out its knowledge (at least twice benevolently) and The Doctor still kicked the shit out of everyone involved. I'm not going up against that.

As for EMP attacks: Even without neutralizing the Military completely, some reduction of capabilities is likely to occur, and the psychological impact of a global blackout would be staggering.
The New York Blackouts of 1965, '77 and 2003 as well of tho '03 Italian Blackout should for accurate microcosms of the initial effects, and when the power doesn't come back on? Who knows.

[General Zod]

Direct attmempts to kill him have generally been unsuccessful, on at least two occasions, just plain bouncing off him. Notably, in the Christmas Invasion when the Sycorax commander hits him with the 'energy whip' he had, whereupon the Doctor simply yanks it out of his hand, when it had previously reduced humans to piles of charred bones.

That could just be a resistance to energy weapons. He was also attacked by the Slaveene during the Aliens of London by some type of high powered taser, but managed to shrug it off eventually. He always seems extra cautious around rifles and regular guns though.

[NecronLord]

Humanity was being controlled by aliens with out its knowledge (at least twice benevolently)

Was it? The only such instances that spring to mind were the Jagrafess and the Emperor Dalek, and given that both regarded humanity as their slaves, I'd hardly call it benevolent.

[wautd]

Dropping a single SupCom ACU in the middle of nowhere should do the trick. Hell, even a tech 1 builder would be a serious treath

[Marko Dash]

A lot of people are over thinking this. Hit New York, Saint Petersburg, and Hong Kong with nukes. jam international communication. Watch as the people of earth do your job for you.

[Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba]

Thinking this over more, why use Force at all? A little Close Encounters of the Third Kind, realistically, will probably turn most of the Western World to you without a fight, and then you can let your new peons quash any resistance. It's all a matter of "True Enlightenment, cures for all known diseases, Immortality, and a place to spread your Race to the stars themselves." will make even some die-hard fundies turn to your way. Remember, a lot of evangelicals are good-weather extremists. As soon as you offer better life as soon as they throw away their one-planet dogma, they'll be at your feet before you can say 'Blessed are the Space Hookers.'

[Lone_Prodigy]

Offer immortality, infinite knowledge, infinite pleasure, and a vastly-improved ability to kill things. Give them a few 200th-century vibrators, laptops, handguns, and robot-bodies. Within days the rest of the human race would be willing servants and/or worshipping you.

[Patrick Degan]

Ah, variation on To Serve Man.

[TithonusSyndrome]

Offer immortality, infinite knowledge, infinite pleasure, and a vastly-improved ability to kill things. Give them a few 200th-century vibrators, laptops, handguns, and robot-bodies. Within days the rest of the human race would be willing servants and/or worshipping you.

Do you really want to be tasked with running a planet of Native Americans?

[dworkin]

Turn up as a company turn terraform the next planet out and offer burger-flipper wages to any who sign on. Since even a burger-flipper has access to a lifestyle lightyears ahead of the indigs, in no time I'll have

-My 'slave labour' force
-Access to the resources of planet A and they're devloping planet B
-No large scale dissent

And when the space unions deign to show up and give a hoot for the indigs
I'll be gone.

[Uraniun235]

"Listen, sweetheart, the Federation's movin' in. You play ball, we'll cut you in for a piece of the action. You don't, you're out, all the way out: know what I mean?"

[OmegaGuy]

I'd use holographic/hallucinogenic technology to create religious visions in line with the prophecies of major world religions, then pose as God/Allah/whoever and say that all people had to do to be saved was to accept me as their ruler.

[Surlethe]

Thinking this over more, why use Force at all? A little Close Encounters of the Third Kind, realistically, will probably turn most of the Western World to you without a fight, and then you can let your new peons quash any resistance. It's all a matter of "True Enlightenment, cures for all known diseases, Immortality, and a place to spread your Race to the stars themselves." will make even some die-hard fundies turn to your way. Remember, a lot of evangelicals are good-weather extremists. As soon as you offer better life as soon as they throw away their one-planet dogma, they'll be at your feet before you can say 'Blessed are the Space Hookers.'

Seriously. If I'm an agent of a power that is capable of controlling a galaxy, I would move in like the guys in Childhood's End and simply let my presence be a threat; having technology so far superior it is essentially magic to 21st century Earth, I would have no need to actually threaten.