You get a Cosby Cloner on Purge Night

[TithonusSyndrome]

It is the evening of March 18, 2018, three days before the first Purge is slated to begin. Unsure quite how to deal with this looming new exercise in obscene enjoyment, you are surprised when an unknown benefactor has suddenly had a large and mysterious package delivered to you - a Cosby Cloning Machine. Taking up roughly the same volume in a room as a large Christmas tree, the Cosby Cloner can produce approximately one clone of Bill Cosby from a decaying genetic sample per hour, but with a twist - each Cosby clone has a unique theme or trait that overwhelmingly defines its life and existence, being manifestly unable to really live a full life without instruction from you upon which it relies.

Upon being cloned, they will announce their presence to you with a general description of said trait, which number clone they are, and a quick title for themselves based on the defining trait, ie "I like to repair small engines, I'm Cosby (number), Small Engine Repair Cosby." Not all of these traits will be useful; some will be useless, like Standing Still Cosby, or annoying, like Pot Banging Cosby, or even hazardous, like Vandalism Cosby, but there is no underlying logic as to how these traits are decided, and will emerge at random upon being cloned into being. They will take orders from you but there is no guarantee that their minds won't wander down the road as the defining trait reasserts itself over and over, and they will speak exclusively in exaggerated caricatured Cosby impersonations and refer to other people only as "Rudy" or "Theo."

However, every tenth Cosby will have not merely a trait, but an outright superhuman ability. Again, these abilities are decided at random and some may be odd and useless, like dispensing lotion from under their fingernails, or even hazardous like constantly being on fire, but these Cosbys will be less childlike and silly in their mannerisms and will form the backbone of any coordinated effort to fortify yourself against the events of the Purge.

How would you use the Cosby Cloner to best fortify your home and your loved ones from the events of the Purge, and would you strive to clone as many Cosbys as possible or restrict them to a specific number for best results?

[Mr Bean]

Choke the treads of the purge with their meat. I can get at least 60 Cosby's before the purge and continue to produce them mid-purge. It means I have 6 chances to get Super Cosby or God invisibility Cosby. Failing that I'll keep producing Cosby's during the purge and fortify my place of refuge.

But best hope I serious Cosby somewhere in my 60 per purge and my 10 during the purge I'll get the Cosby to save me.

[TithonusSyndrome]

And if you can't strike superCosby gold, what then? Would you not try to prep the Cosbys you do get to be at least nominally capable of defending your home by instructing them to collect some kind of weapons, or to practice some kind of formal tactics?

[Mr Bean]

And if you can't strike superCosby gold, what then? Would you not try to prep the Cosbys you do get to be at least nominally capable of defending your home by instructing them to collect some kind of weapons, or to practice some kind of formal tactics?

My home would be a deathtrap in the purge. In the middle of an urban area worse a semi-crime area. My only hopes are getting into the woods such as they are or going preemptive by murdering my neighbors with laser eye Cosby.

Unless Purge RAR moves me into a new area the house density around here and access to weaponry means 60% casualties if people get purge happy.

[Joun_Lord]

Pretty much the same as Mr Bean. No way in hell I'd survive in my house during a Purge. My house is borderline ramshackle, not in the best area, and have no real weapons beyond some shitty wall hanger swords and some decent machetes. My best bet is to go up inna woods with an army of Cosbys and hunker down.

Before I'd leave I'd of course gets supplies but also some walky talkies. Use the Cosbys as sentries to alert me of anyone coming my way. Use them either as meatshields or as decoys to lead anyone away. Keep any super Cosbys as bodyguards and arm the useless power ones with the finest in cheapo Chinese swords and the one with decent powers with the machetes.

If I can dig up enough money to buy something other then a fucking Hi Point (which isn't a terrible weapon really but not something I'd trust my life with) I'd go and buy a pistol. Probably only be great for defending myself considering I haven't shot a gun in years but better then nothing.

Are the Cosby's current old half blind and thoroughly unloved Cosby or younger Cosby Show era America's dad Cosby or young Cosby in the prime of life when he was in the Navy?

[TithonusSyndrome]

They'll randomly be assigned the physique and appearance that Cosby had throughout his high-profile entertainment career, from the late 60's to early 90's.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

So, we'll have some animated teenaged Cosbys, maybe a Fat Albert or two, and maybe even the Brown Hornet.

[Solauren]

Does the Purge usually just target the rich?

But some of the Cosby's in the series had superpowers, so, the 'clone until I get a superpowered one' may be the most feasible option.

[FaxModem1]

Does the Purge usually just target the rich?

But some of the Cosby's in the series had superpowers, so, the 'clone until I get a superpowered one' may be the most feasible option.

Other way around, the rich use the Purge to target the poor, even going so far as to bet on people in auctions, hiring local crazies to bring in 'game', and hire mercenaries to safeguard their homes.

[Solauren]

Ah. Not having seen the movies, that makes sense.

Okay, in that case, turn the Cloner on to full power, and get the hell out of dodge!
(And since the purge is in the US, I'd relocate to Canada)

[Simon_Jester]

Well, the targeting seems to hit the poor and the middle class, with the only people who are really safe being those rich enough to fortify themselves. Not many. It's sort of an exaggeration of how crime (including organized crime) affects society in real life. Once violent crime entrenches itself in an area, the only reliable defense against it is to move away from the areas criminals live in. Which means that the bulk of the victims are those too poor to escape high-crime areas.

The Purge turns basically every part of America into a high crime area for one night, except the areas specifically fortified and secured by people who can afford to hire a platoon of mercenaries to secure their house against a mob.

Others have already pointed out, of course, the holes in this. For instance, there's no reason to assume that the universal amnesty for crimes committed during the Purge doesn't extend to white-collar crimes and so on, so you'd expect massive amounts of corporate espionage, contracts being broken, and so on. There is basically no level of the economy that wouldn't fall apart in short order, and society as a whole would just plain stop functioning at at all.

[Gandalf]

How far in advance is this purge announced? Why are there no mass exoduses to Canada/Mexico?

[FaxModem1]

How far in advance is this purge announced? Why are there no mass exoduses to Canada/Mexico?

In the films, The Purge is an annual tradition, viewed as rather divisive, with half the people refusing to participate, or help those who are being targeted or hurt by it as their form of protest. While half the country views it as their sacred right and not getting to participate is infringing on them.

As for Canada and Mexico, maybe Trump built his wall?

The Purge movies have always been stupid. They were originally made as an excuse to do a home invasion movie without the option of calling the cops, and they became full on allegory about class warfare.