Sci-Fi events of complete dickery created by lazy writers

[Pulp Hero]

The lobby scene in the Matrix. Imagine this:

You're a security guard working long hours in a building. You're trying to support your family on your small income and boredom is a serious issue on the job. Here come a couple of people wearing trench coats and shades. Dang Hot Topic punks. Ok, give 'em the usual check before letting them in and-

What the fuck, that asshole just unloaded a machine gun into me and then killed all my buddies. Thanks a lot, fucker. Oh, you're here to rescue your friend? Well, by all means then, go and ahead and MURDER anyone who gets into your path without any warning, mercy, or hesitation.

Then they kill the SWAT team that went in after the pair of psychopaths who just hosed a couple rent-a-cops. Then they blow up part of the building for no discernable reason.

Now imagine this: you're a single mom, raising a kid, you need money after paying for your husband's funeral, you're working two jobs, and you happen to glance out the window at the office where you work as a secretary just before a fucking helicopter comes through it and messily splatters you like a gerbil in a blender. Then it explodes and kills all your co-workers too.

Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus ride off into the sunset, blissfully ignoring the innocent lives they just snuffed out, either unintentionally or quite deliberately.

These are the assholes who are supposed to save humanity? Look, if saving me from the machines involves KILLING ME and anyone else who happens to be present when you're waltzing through the area, do me a favor: go fuck yourself and drop the 'hero' schtick.

Every time I bring this up to a Matrix fan, they excuse it by "well, those people could have been turned into agents at any time". Yeah, and anyone in this country during the Cold War could have been a Russian spy, but we didn't fucking exterminate the entire population "just in case", now did we.

How about all the poor people just driving to work/home or taking their families on vacation who got shot, blown up, wrecked, or otherwise horribly maimed and killed during the highway chase?

Gosh those movies sucked. And not just because the so-called heroes were total dicks.

Yeah, killing the security guard always bothered me too. I think the movie unintentionally gets a bit deeper if you think about the "protagonists" as unlikable murdering dicks. (Note: I've not seen Matrix 2 or 3, so it hasn't oclored my like of the first film.)

[Peptuck]

In the Tiberium Wars novelization, McNiel decides he's going to promote Vega from Private to Sergeant on his first day out of boot camp. This is after a whole spiel about how Vega's family, which includes a decorated GDI war hero, is totally irelevent to his career choice, etc. The kicker is that Vega gets this poromotion after having done nothing to show he's worth promoting, having taken no initiative and showing no leadership ability.

In fact, he shows pretty much nothing but blunt idiocy throughout the entire preceeding battle, including dropping his fully-loaded rifle and switching to his sidearm for a precision shot at the head of a Nod soldier holding a hostage about fifty meters away.

And then McNiel turns around and promotes him four complete paygrades over multiple guys who have had vastly more experience in actual combat, all the while saying it has nothing to do with Vega's family and such. If McNiel isn't a lying douche, then he's utterly incompetent as a commander for promoting a fucking teenage Private straight out of boot into an NCO.

Oh, yeah, and by the end of the book, which is, about, say, six months down the line, Vega's been promoted to Captain. Pretty much, after every battle, no matter how Vega does or how badly they fuck up, Vega gets promoted.

Way to dispel that nepotism illusion, McNiel. Good job.

[Darth Ruinus]

The Vorlons and the SHadows were pretty big D bags for orchestrating thousands of years of interplanetary war because of an argument.

In the Doom novels, the demons are actually just modified aliens who have been fighting a galaxy spanning war for a really really long time because of some books. One sides thinks the book should be interpreted by the individual, the other side, the Deconstructionists, believe every single word is literal and should be treated as such. They disagree, hence, their war.

[starslayer]

The Vorlons and the SHadows were pretty big D bags for orchestrating thousands of years of interplanetary war because of an argument.

Read the thread title again. The whole Vorlons vs. Shadows arc wasn't lazy writing; their dickery was the whole goddamned point. They were supposed to be dicks so that people would realize that we didn't need overarching guardians to keep us safe and look after us; we could take care of ourselves.

[Joviwan]

The Vorlons and the SHadows were pretty big D bags for orchestrating thousands of years of interplanetary war because of an argument.

In the Doom novels, the demons are actually just modified aliens who have been fighting a galaxy spanning war for a really really long time because of some books. One sides thinks the book should be interpreted by the individual, the other side, the Deconstructionists, believe every single word is literal and should be treated as such. They disagree, hence, their war.

Honestly, those books were just kinda fucked up to begin with. And my 10 year old brain had absolutely no fucking idea with what happened in the last two books. I was right with them through the first two, with the aliens trying to exterminate the Mormon Menace. Page 2 of the third book just nose-dived off the comprehension cliff.

[Cykeisme]

In the Doom novels, the demons are actually just modified aliens who have been fighting a galaxy spanning war for a really really long time because of some books. One sides thinks the book should be interpreted by the individual, the other side, the Deconstructionists, believe every single word is literal and should be treated as such. They disagree, hence, their war.

The novelizations were a big literary abortion trying to cash in on the Doom name.

Is it too much to actually write about demons from Hell? That's what the damn games were about; if that offends their gentle sensibilities, why bother writing the books at all?

[Shadowtraveler]

Though this may be an old record, it bears repeating.

The New Republic Government.


Maybe the editor's never thought to take the books and read them together, but if you read one author's work and then another's.....well, you get an NR that scuttles an SSD and it's blueprint because it's "too Imperial", but then decides to hold on to the Death Star plans.

[Rye]

Yeah, killing the security guard always bothered me too. I think the movie unintentionally gets a bit deeper if you think about the "protagonists" as unlikable murdering dicks. (Note: I've not seen Matrix 2 or 3, so it hasn't oclored my like of the first film.)

It always struck me as pretty harsh, but yeah, they could've become agents and if they'd not done it, the machines would've got into Zion and killed more (or the protagonists would've had to have killed Morpheus).

[CDiehl]

The lobby scene in the Matrix.

That's not as good an example as you'd think. Remember, Neo and Trinity are fighting a war, and those security guards are on the other side of it. Honestly, what are they supposed to do, round up the guards and put them in a closetwhile they rescue Morpheus? If this makes them dicks, then it also makes a dick of just about every hero who ever fought his way through an enemy HQ. After all, the grunts who worked for the villain were just regular Joes who answered an ad.

Here's an example of lazy writing producing a dick character, Eragon. Paolini seems not to consider how having his hero act giddy about killing his enemies makes that hero look. In most stories, the heroes kill the mooks working for the bad guys because they have no other choice, and if they make an occasional humorous remark as they go, it's mostly a tension breaker.

[Thanas]

Though this may be an old record, it bears repeating.

The New Republic Government.


Maybe the editor's never thought to take the books and read them together, but if you read one author's work and then another's.....well, you get an NR that scuttles an SSD and it's blueprint because it's "too Imperial", but then decides to hold on to the Death Star plans.

Because there never are conflicting agendas in a democracy.

[Timotheus]

Yeah, killing the security guard always bothered me too. I think the movie unintentionally gets a bit deeper if you think about the "protagonists" as unlikable murdering dicks. (Note: I've not seen Matrix 2 or 3, so it hasn't oclored my like of the first film.)

It always struck me as pretty harsh, but yeah, they could've become agents and if they'd not done it, the machines would've got into Zion and killed more (or the protagonists would've had to have killed Morpheus).

I guess one would have to ask if agents can take over the bodies of unconcious people. It wouldnt have taken much more effort for Neo and Trinity to knock the guards out.

[Atlan]

Yeah, killing the security guard always bothered me too. I think the movie unintentionally gets a bit deeper if you think about the "protagonists" as unlikable murdering dicks. (Note: I've not seen Matrix 2 or 3, so it hasn't oclored my like of the first film.)

It always struck me as pretty harsh, but yeah, they could've become agents and if they'd not done it, the machines would've got into Zion and killed more (or the protagonists would've had to have killed Morpheus).

I guess one would have to ask if agents can take over the bodies of unconcious people. It wouldnt have taken much more effort for Neo and Trinity to knock the guards out.

Yeah, knock people out for more than a few seconds. That works really well. So well in fact that if you hit them that hard on the head and don't[/] outright kill them there is a serious chance of maiming them for life. There is no such thing as a Vulcan nerve pinch, and the human brain is easily damaged.

[Ender]

ID4, they blow up the mothership massing 1/4th that of the moon and have it come raining down on the planet.

America, fuck yeah.

As opposed to letting it destroy the base, and then letting the aliens strip mine the entire planet?

So humans should kill themselves rather then let aliens kill them?

[Jaevric]

Arguably the whole Matrix trilogy was an example of "sci-fi dickery."

Honestly, given the option between living in the "real world" and living in the Matrix from those movies...I'd take the Matrix. The lifestyle of the "free humans" in Zion sucked, and I hate rave parties. I'd rather live in an artificially-created fantasy playing a role as a battery and never knowing than live in the world as described by that movie.

[Ted C]

ID4, they blow up the mothership massing 1/4th that of the moon and have it come raining down on the planet.

America, fuck yeah.

As opposed to letting it destroy the base, and then letting the aliens strip mine the entire planet?

Ender's talking about the big mothership, not the "disk" ships that destroy cities.

Of course, if they didn't destroy the mothership, the ground invasion force that it was getting ready to deploy would still have landed and ground out humanity.

Either way we lose, I guess, but at least we took the mo-fo's with us.

[Junghalli]

Arguably the whole Matrix trilogy was an example of "sci-fi dickery."

Honestly, given the option between living in the "real world" and living in the Matrix from those movies...I'd take the Matrix. The lifestyle of the "free humans" in Zion sucked, and I hate rave parties. I'd rather live in an artificially-created fantasy playing a role as a battery and never knowing than live in the world as described by that movie.

Speaking of unintended consequences, nobody in the movie ever brings up the issue of the massive logistical nightmare that freeing billions of humans from the Matrix would represent. Granted, they Machines apparently do have some way of feeding them (synthetic nutrients? algae grown in tanks under grow-lights?), but still, it's amazing how nobody ever comments on how incredibly hard it would be to free all the humans and not end up with huge numbers of deaths in the process.

[bilateralrope]

ID4, they blow up the mothership massing 1/4th that of the moon and have it come raining down on the planet.

America, fuck yeah.

As opposed to letting it destroy the base, and then letting the aliens strip mine the entire planet?

Ender's talking about the big mothership, not the "disk" ships that destroy cities.

Of course, if they didn't destroy the mothership, the ground invasion force that it was getting ready to deploy would still have landed and ground out humanity.

Either way we lose, I guess, but at least we took the mo-fo's with us.

That and saved whoever the aliens were going to attack after us.

[Coiler]

The end of Advance Wars: Days of Ruin.

After fighting through a post-apocalyptic wasteland and defeating both mad scientists and insane megalomaniacs, the heroes settle down in a nice farming village without a care. The scriptwriters are apparently completely ignorant of the fact that they've just created a gigantic power vaccuum where bandits can reign free, as a result of almost all of the powerful factions being wiped out and the surviors demilitarizing.

[NecronLord]

No they explained this clearly. The Ascended Ancients have to limit their interaction in our plane because doing too much would increase the odds of the acended Ori sensing them and coming to the Milky Way.

This was the actual key reason for the rule. I belive Orlan explained this when he descended as a child.

Actually, that's not the reason at all. It was well within the Ancients' power to simply 'shield' the galaxy from the Ori, and that's what the Ori said they did. I believe you are misremembering Kid-Orlin's words.

[Teleros]

In the Tiberium Wars novelization

Damnit, you had to mention that book - I've been trying to forget about it the last few months .

Granted, they Machines apparently do have some way of feeding them (synthetic nutrients? algae grown in tanks under grow-lights?)

They were fed other dead humans IIRC from Morpheus' chat to Neo in the first movie.
And yes, I know it doesn't make sense .

ID4, they blow up the mothership massing 1/4th that of the moon and have it come raining down on the planet.

Just where was the ID4 mothership positioned anyway? A lot of the debris may have disappeared off into space or hit the moon (would its gravity have helped much too?), so it may not be all that bad when the debris comes crashing down. Still wouldn't want to be on the nearest hemisphere though...

[Patrick Degan]

ID4, they blow up the mothership massing 1/4th that of the moon and have it come raining down on the planet.

America, fuck yeah.

As opposed to letting it destroy the base, and then letting the aliens strip mine the entire planet?

So humans should kill themselves rather then let aliens kill them?

Well, that's what the Osterhagen Key is for.

[Timotheus]

No they explained this clearly. The Ascended Ancients have to limit their interaction in our plane because doing too much would increase the odds of the acended Ori sensing them and coming to the Milky Way.

This was the actual key reason for the rule. I belive Orlan explained this when he descended as a child.

Actually, that's not the reason at all. It was well within the Ancients' power to simply 'shield' the galaxy from the Ori, and that's what the Ori said they did. I believe you are misremembering Kid-Orlin's words.

I am remembering it. Though I will rewatch the episode to be certain. HE said they were shielding the galaxy but would not be able to do so if the Ascended started messing around on the lower plane.

Maybe shielding a galaxy of humans is easy but when the Ascended start walking around its like screaming in a quiet library.

[Stark]

Well, that's what the Osterhagen Key is for.

They couldn't use that in ID4; they hadn't surrendered.

[Peptuck]

In the Tiberium Wars novelization

Damnit, you had to mention that book - I've been trying to forget about it the last few months

I've been trying to forget that insult to the English language for over a year

[Timotheus]

No they explained this clearly. The Ascended Ancients have to limit their interaction in our plane because doing too much would increase the odds of the acended Ori sensing them and coming to the Milky Way.

This was the actual key reason for the rule. I belive Orlan explained this when he descended as a child.

Actually, that's not the reason at all. It was well within the Ancients' power to simply 'shield' the galaxy from the Ori, and that's what the Ori said they did. I believe you are misremembering Kid-Orlin's words.

I am remembering it. Though I will rewatch the episode to be certain. HE said they were shielding the galaxy but would not be able to do so if the Ascended started messing around on the lower plane.

Maybe shielding a galaxy of humans is easy but when the Ascended start walking around its like screaming in a quiet library.

Just watched the bit where Orlan talks about the Ascended Ancients and the Ori. He says the Ancients do not interfere because since you can sap power from worshippers and get stronger the temptation to interfere for an Ascended's own good would be too great. The old "absolute power corrupts absolutely". He then states that fighting the Ori may not be a winning endeavor, obviously because pound for pound the Ori are stronger since they suck in power, and that Ascension is not the final step by just the next step and fighting at that level can keep one from moving even higher up.

WAtching this episode reminds of another dick item. We watch Orlan slowly become a retard in the episode as holding onto all the Ascended knowledge destroys his brain. Anyone with a brain would realize that a trip or three through the Anubis ascension machine would advance his brain to beyond baseline human and allow him to live longer and maintain knowledge without destroying his mind. Lazy writing.