Buffy vs. X-Files

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-01-14 12:51am

Assume Similar Time Periods for Both

IE: 1996-2001

Assume Full Cast, full power.

Best Times for Combat:

Buffy - (1) Near End of Season 1 (1997), (2) Begining of Season 2 (1997), (3) VERY EARLY begining of Season 3 (1998), (4) Mid Season 4 (1999/2000), (5) VERY EARLY Season 5 (2000)

Premis:

Mulder and Scully (Yes, lets assume Classic Team up) Decide to investigate all of the spooky-ness happening in Sunnydale.

The Challange:

Part 1. Buffy needs to keep her Secret Identity from BOTH or at least keep Scully Skeptical.
Part 2. Buffy needs to make sure Mulder and Scully aren't killed by the local Wildlife.
Part 3. IF buffy's identity is compromised, will she be able to 'escape' her situation/Mulder's tenacidy?
Part 4. For Season 4 Only: Apply above three to the Initiative as well, and if Buffy will rat them out.

So, Can Buffy and the Scoobies keep their night time activities secret from the top FBI agents?

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-01-14 03:14am

Mulder and Scully find out EVERYTHING, but in the end, Buffy and
the Scooby gang are locked up and thrown into an abandoned ICBM
silo by Cigarette Smoking Man.....who wins.......again....

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-01-14 03:17am

You cannot beat CSM's uber coolness....

He was the one who did JFK after all, from a manhole...

You think a bunch of brats like Buffy and the Scooby gang
are going to be a match for his l33t coverup mad skillz?

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-01-14 03:19am

Gawd, my brother will freak out when I show him this thread, those are his favorite shows, and he berates me for spending so much time on a sci-fi board.

Myself, I opt for Mulder and Scully.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-01-14 03:21am

Frank Hipper wrote: Myself, I opt for Mulder and Scully.

No, if you had watched more than ONE episode of X-Files, you'd know
that Mulder and Skully ALWAYS lose to The Conspiracy, led by Cancer
Man (aka Cigarette Smoking Man)

So Mulder and Skully win, but are bested in the end by CSM/Cancer Man,
and Buffy and the Scoob gang scream their lungs out for all eternity
inside a locked ICBM silo....

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-01-14 03:28am

MKSheppard wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote: Myself, I opt for Mulder and Scully.
No, if you had watched more than ONE episode of X-Files, you'd know
that Mulder and Skully ALWAYS lose to The Conspiracy, led by Cancer
Man (aka Cigarette Smoking Man)

So Mulder and Skully win, but are bested in the end by CSM/Cancer Man,
and Buffy and the Scoob gang scream their lungs out for all eternity
inside a locked ICBM silo....

Silo #1013, to be exact.

For you see, I enjoyed the X-Files quite a bit, until things got strange......

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-01-14 03:30am

Frank Hipper wrote:Silo #1013, to be exact.

For you see, I enjoyed the X-Files quite a bit, until things got strange......

Heh Yeah. I didn't mind the conspiracy, but when it got a bit whacked,
with all the alien shit, and shapeshifting alien assassins........

I miss the old days of Season #1, when it was strange shit happening....

I mean, give Mulder and Skully a win over the Conspiracy for once!!!

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-01-14 04:31am

Did anyone else note that in the X-Files, whenever Mulder pulls his gun and shouts "federal agent"

- something terrible happens to him
- he misses
- he is somewhow prevented from shooting

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-01-14 05:01am

Has anyone ever noticed that you can fuck over "Rat boy" any way imaginable, yet no one can really seem to kill him.

He's almost as hard to put down as Apothis was to SG-1

Why am I now wondering why CSM hasn't delivered Krychek to NIB Black, as a host for Apothis?

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-01-14 08:28am

MKSheppard wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote: Myself, I opt for Mulder and Scully.
No, if you had watched more than ONE episode of X-Files, you'd know
that Mulder and Skully ALWAYS lose to The Conspiracy, led by Cancer
Man (aka Cigarette Smoking Man)

So Mulder and Skully win, but are bested in the end by CSM/Cancer Man,
and Buffy and the Scoob gang scream their lungs out for all eternity
inside a locked ICBM silo....

You honestly think the conspiracy would involve itself? How would it aid them? From what I know of the conspiracy, interfering with the work of a Slayer would really be counter-productive.

For if they capture one, garunteed Armagedon within the year (thats how often these Apocalypses are, damnit).

For them to do that, well...
"It makes the kind of sense that is...not"

Aside from which, I thought they were dealing with the colonists more than the demons, etc.

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-01-14 08:46am

My own opinion of what might happen:

No matter what the season, Buffy and the Gang are notoriosly bad at covering up their activities.

Once, Buffy tried to pass off a vamp-bite scare as comming from an "Angry Puppy".

I give M&S an 80% chance of uncovering the truth if they encounter the Scoobies.

As for the wildlife, Mulder will probably be only partially prepared. if Buffy tries to 'Save the day', it's almost a 90% chance of getting caught. or, she could live with the guilt of letting 'inocents' die.

So pretty much, their is no-way in hell that Buff willl keep her identity.

So, now it comes to preventing Mulder from doin' something stupid.

here's what I'd think they'd do.

(1) - Appeal to morals of the agents...pfft. Angel threats as well would be very useful.
(2) - Above, plus Ripper intimidation.
(3) - Above two, plus an attempt from Faith to intimidate.
(4) - First two, plus Initiative gov. backing (who says that CSM doesn't have his paws in that orginization?)
(5) - "listen, I deal with an appocalyps just about every year. you haul me off to some lab, well...you'll only get maybe 8 months of study done before it all becomes meaningless, and they run this place." Buffy and Ripper intimidation factor.

Will it work? Is Mulder that morally bereft as to threaten the entire planet's continued existence in his quest for the truth? Would Faith just beat the shit out of him if he tried?[/i]

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-01-14 05:23pm

Mulder and Scully.

Assuming that both shows are at their peaks...

Then Mulder and Scully have onside X and Skinner and also that really amusing Lab Tech. Not to mention having CSM, Krycek, Alien Bounty Hunter and the rest following them around...

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-01-14 06:26pm

You have to remember that threats against Mulder and Scully won't exactly work. Buffy's posse tends to wield crossbows, knives and stakes. Mulder and Scully have guns. Sure, bullets won't exactly kill Angel, but I doubt that a piece of lead entrenched in his head will leave him in a useful state. Furthermore, threatening federal agents isn't really a good idea in the first place. Buffy may be able to fight vampires and demons hand-to-hand, but I'd be willing to bet that a SWAT team is beyond her capabilities.

Though, I seriously doubt that Mulder would threaten to expose her, anyway. It's not like it's some gigantic conspiracy she's running. She's helping people.

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-01-14 06:42pm

In hand to hand, a Swat team would be crushed by Buffy. She evaded miltary personel for 30 minutes, and neutralized them when they did find her (in Hand to Hand) in 30 Seconds.

See "The I In Team" Season 4 for that little bit of funny.

Of course vs. Guns she's fucked Like a cheap hooker.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-01-14 06:58pm

Majin Gojira wrote:In hand to hand, a Swat team would be crushed by Buffy. She evaded miltary personel for 30 minutes, and neutralized them when they did find her (in Hand to Hand) in 30 Seconds.

See "The I In Team" Season 4 for that little bit of funny.

Of course vs. Guns she's fucked Like a cheap hooker.

Of course she'd kill them in hand-to-hand, but that's why a SWAT team carries guns. They'd be in her house and have it secured before she could blink.

Also, I'm a bit hesitant to consider the Initiative guys indicative of any kind of true military training, much less a special forces-type training -- which is how I suppose they'd be classified. Hell, none of them even carried a standard sidearm, and they stopped using face-masks after Buffy discovered who they were.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-01-14 07:05pm

Odds on one of the Gunmen making a pass at Willow: 1:1
Odds on the Gun man succeeeding: 1000000000000000:1
Odds on the Gunmen & Molder asking if the Girls could make a video: 1:10
Odds on them suceeding in getting video 1000:1

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-01-14 07:31pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Odds on one of the Gunmen making a pass at Willow: 1:1
Odds on the Gun man succeeeding: 1000000000000000:1

Willow Responses:
Season 1: Um...gee...th-thank you, but (insert babble here)
Season 2: See Above+ Aren't you a little old to be asking a girl in high school out on a date.
Season 3: Thanks, but, I'm already seeing someone
Season 4: Sorry, but I'm not interested
Season 5: Sorry, but...I'm gay.

Odds on the Gunmen & Molder asking if the Girls could make a video: 1:10
Odds on them suceeding in getting video 1000:1

Odds that the only accepting member is Faith 1:1

[/quote]

Skelron · Post by **Skelron** » 2003-01-14 09:59pm

Mulder and scully arrive take Buffy in, two hours later she's set loose, the FBI, and CSM got a phone call from a Upper class Sterotypical British guy who pulled a lot of clout. (The Conspiracy finds out that these guys know everything they've been up too... they may be good but the council's been at this game a lot longer, and have as much, if not more, in the way of resources to call upon)

Graeme Dice · Post by **Graeme Dice** » 2003-01-14 10:14pm

Durandal wrote:Hell, none of them even carried a standard sidearm, and they stopped using face-masks after Buffy discovered who they were.

Well that's because Mutant Enemy paid good money for their faces.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-01-14 10:14pm

Skelron wrote:Mulder and scully arrive take Buffy in, two hours later she's set loose, the FBI, and CSM got a phone call from a Upper class Sterotypical British guy who pulled a lot of clout. (The Conspiracy finds out that these guys know everything they've been up too... they may be good but the council's been at this game a lot longer, and have as much, if not more, in the way of resources to call upon)

Actually, The Conspiracy has the entire resources of the United
States to draw upon. They even have a secret vault in west virginia
with the DNA of everyone born in the USA, and their l33t assasin
corps are much better than the bullshit Initative assclowns.

Skelron · Post by **Skelron** » 2003-01-14 10:42pm

MKSheppard wrote:Actually, The Conspiracy has the entire resources of the United States to draw upon. They even have a secret vault in west virginia with the DNA of everyone born in the USA, and their l33t assasin
corps are much better than the bullshit Initative assclowns.

Completly agree I'm talking about the Watcher's Council, which while headed up in the UK, is a World wide organisation with the resources of several Magic users, and Modern Technology.... Either through people that directly work for them, or whom they can get in touch with to help out... and they've been around for several centurary's at least...

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-01-14 11:07pm

OK, I'll put it this way.

Mulder and Scully un-earth something there that shouldn't have been unearthed. Vampires/Demons/Whatever.

They ask X about it. He tells them nothing. The Gunmen tell them that SunnyDale is a freak-o hotspot. The Conspiracy are bored.

Now, look at the kind of damage a single idiot with a Glock was able to do.

Think about what Mulder and Scully (both well trained with firearms) can do.

Now imagine the consequences if they call in a local FBI SWAT team or HRT.

Then, imagine if the Alien Bounty Hunter(s) decides to join the party (unkillable except for stabbing to the base of the skull, plus their blood is toxic to humans).

Now, what if the Conspiracy rock up, bringing Garnet with them (their strike team). That means lots of well trained people (they used the Canadian AT forces as well as local SWAT teams to act them when filming) with modern military tech, we see between Garnet and the Blue Berets) MP5s of every variant, Steyr AUGs, Benelli M3 supers, H&K CAWS, USAS-12s, M-16s, M4s, Mini-14s, a whole collection of pistols, not to mention the variety of grenades and demolition equipment.

Now, bring in the real aliens - Greys, Black Oil infestees, Alien Resistance...

Are you still trying to tell me that Buffy and the Scooby gang have a chance in hell?

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-01-14 11:16pm

But, if we are to address the points in hand...

Part 1. Buffy needs to keep her Secret Identity from BOTH or at least keep Scully Skeptical.

- They'll be uncovered in a matter of hours. Buffy would leave forensic evidence everywhere she goes. Not to mention the fact that she's well known locally. Mulder and Scully will easily find her. Scully will of course be skeptical, but the moment they set up any surveillance on her, its all over.

Part 2. Buffy needs to make sure Mulder and Scully aren't killed by the local Wildlife.

- Mulder and Scully survive the local wildlife wherever they go WITHOUT the help of slayer and co. They've dealt with Vampires (3, Bad Blood) and demons (Grotesque, and a few other episodes whose names I can't recall) before without any major issues. So what makes you think that the Sunnydale variety will pose a threat?

Part 3. IF buffy's identity is compromised, will she be able to 'escape' her situation/Mulder's tenacidy?

- Pfft, hell no.

Part 4. For Season 4 Only: Apply above three to the Initiative as well, and if Buffy will rat them out.

- The initiative will be butt-fucked by the conspiracy in under a day. The conspiracy gets pissed when people encroach on their monopoly on genetic experimentation,

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-01-14 11:24pm

weemadando wrote:OK, I'll put it this way.

Mulder and Scully un-earth something there that shouldn't have been unearthed. Vampires/Demons/Whatever.

They ask X about it. He tells them nothing. The Gunmen tell them that SunnyDale is a freak-o hotspot. The Conspiracy are bored.

Now, look at the kind of damage a single idiot with a Glock was able to do.

Think about what Mulder and Scully (both well trained with firearms) can do.

Now imagine the consequences if they call in a local FBI SWAT team or HRT.

Then, imagine if the Alien Bounty Hunter(s) decides to join the party (unkillable except for stabbing to the base of the skull, plus their blood is toxic to humans).

Now, what if the Conspiracy rock up, bringing Garnet with them (their strike team). That means lots of well trained people (they used the Canadian AT forces as well as local SWAT teams to act them when filming) with modern military tech, we see between Garnet and the Blue Berets) MP5s of every variant, Steyr AUGs, Benelli M3 supers, H&K CAWS, USAS-12s, M-16s, M4s, Mini-14s, a whole collection of pistols, not to mention the variety of grenades and demolition equipment.

Now, bring in the real aliens - Greys, Black Oil infestees, Alien Resistance...

Are you still trying to tell me that Buffy and the Scooby gang have a chance in hell?

Likelyhood of the above actually happening (Specifically, all after "Think about what Mulder and Scully (both well trained with firearms) can do."? Trillions of times less than the Lone Gunmen getting a date from Willow.

A) Why would they call a swat team on her?
b) Why would the conspiracy try and kill people trying to preserve this planet for as long as possible (it works to either sides advantage, after all)
c) Why would the Grey's try to kill her if she does not initiate hostilities?

Should have clarified that its JUST MULDER ANS SKULLY

And it's not A FIGHT TO THE DEATH

Nor are we to bring ALL OF THEIR DAMNED ENEMIES INTO ONE SPOT.

If so, I'd like to see Glory tear her way through those sorry SOB's. That'd be funny shit. You do not want to mess with a pissed Hell goddess.

But that's not the situation.

It's more of an "Evasion/conspiracy/try not tro get caught and if you do, find a way to weasle out of it" situation.

As for the Alien Bounty Hunters...Well, Are those guys always hunting Mulder and Skully?

Scenario: Buffy throws a bounty hunter around a little bit, M&S try to warn her about the blood thing. she takes the hint. they flee after throwing ABH into situation it will have dificulty getting out of.

Later, She snipes him with a crossbow.

(Unless I am missing something about the ABH, toxic blood and that "can only be killed" clause are the only known powers they posess, i could be wrong).

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-01-14 11:37pm

weemadando wrote:Part 2. Buffy needs to make sure Mulder and Scully aren't killed by the local Wildlife.

- Mulder and Scully survive the local wildlife wherever they go WITHOUT the help of slayer and co. They've dealt with Vampires (3, Bad Blood) and demons (Grotesque, and a few other episodes whose names I can't recall) before without any major issues. So what makes you think that the Sunnydale variety will pose a threat?

A species distinction must be made, the X-files vamps have OCD, Buffy vamps don't. Plus, some vamps are not THAT adverse to the cross. but they are either powerfull or very crazy or both.

Part 3. IF buffy's identity is compromised, will she be able to 'escape' her situation/Mulder's tenacidy?

- Pfft, hell no.

So the followup question becomes, how much of a prick would Mulder be and how far would Scully let him be one?

Part 4. For Season 4 Only: Apply above three to the Initiative as well, and if Buffy will rat them out.

- The initiative will be butt-fucked by the conspiracy in under a day. The conspiracy gets pissed when people encroach on their monopoly on genetic experimentation,

So it becomes "My supersolder/Alienhybrid/alien bounty hunter can beat your cyber-demonoid!", now THAT would be a fight!