The truth about Phasers

SF: discuss futuristic sci-fi series, ideas, and crossovers.

Moderator: NecronLord

Post Reply
User avatar
NecronLord
Harbinger of Doom
Harbinger of Doom
Posts: 27384
Joined: 2002-07-07 06:30am
Location: The Lost City

The truth about Phasers

Post by NecronLord »

Today I recieved this peice of Junk-mail
Everyone.Benefits!™ has teamed up with Xerox to provide you with this special offer.

Make the shift to fast full throttle brilliant COLOR!
Finally an affordable, high-performance office color laser printer!

Introducing the NEW Phaser® 6200...
• 16 ppm COLOR at FULL 2400 dpi resolution
• FASTER than 90% of today's office printers
• High speed 500 MHz PowerPC processor
• The easiest color laser to use - ever!

Enter here for a chance to WIN!
50" HDTV Flat Plasma Screen Television ($15,999 USD value)
or Xerox Phaser 6200 Color Laser Printer ($1,999 USD value)
Thats right Phaser is a Xerox Trade Mark! The fed's main weapon is in-fact a color printer!
Superior Moderator - BotB - HAB [Drill Instructor]-Writer- Stardestroyer.net's resident Star-God.
"We believe in the systematic understanding of the physical world through observation and experimentation, argument and debate and most of all freedom of will." ~ Stargate: The Ark of Truth
Top
User avatar
Mr Bean
Lord of Irony
Posts: 22463
Joined: 2002-07-04 08:36am

Post by Mr Bean »

Before anyone else can

Sir! The Toner is going critical!


Look out he's packing Toner!

"A cult is a religion with no political power." -Tom Wolfe
Pardon me for sounding like a dick, but I'm playing the tiniest violin in the world right now-Dalton
Top
User avatar
NecronLord
Harbinger of Doom
Harbinger of Doom
Posts: 27384
Joined: 2002-07-07 06:30am
Location: The Lost City

Post by NecronLord »

CAPTAIN: ENSIGN SPEAKING PART, REMODULATE THE PHASER ARRAY!

Ensign: Pardon Captain?

CAPTAIN: CHANGE THE CATRIGES!
Superior Moderator - BotB - HAB [Drill Instructor]-Writer- Stardestroyer.net's resident Star-God.
"We believe in the systematic understanding of the physical world through observation and experimentation, argument and debate and most of all freedom of will." ~ Stargate: The Ark of Truth
Top
User avatar
Alyeska
Federation Ambassador
Posts: 17496
Joined: 2002-08-11 07:28pm
Location: Montana, USA

Post by Alyeska »

Heh, anyone who has attempted to search for phaser props on E-bay has known this for a while now. :D
"If the facts are on your side, pound on the facts. If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If neither is on your side, pound on the table."

"The captain claimed our people violated a 4,000 year old treaty forbidding us to develop hyperspace technology. Extermination of our planet was the consequence. The subject did not survive interrogation."
Top
User avatar
NecronLord
Harbinger of Doom
Harbinger of Doom
Posts: 27384
Joined: 2002-07-07 06:30am
Location: The Lost City

Post by NecronLord »

Heh, and you trekkies have been keeping it quiet?
Conspiracy!!
Superior Moderator - BotB - HAB [Drill Instructor]-Writer- Stardestroyer.net's resident Star-God.
"We believe in the systematic understanding of the physical world through observation and experimentation, argument and debate and most of all freedom of will." ~ Stargate: The Ark of Truth
Top
User avatar
SirNitram
Rest in Peace, Black Mage
Posts: 28367
Joined: 2002-07-03 04:48pm
Location: Somewhere between nowhere and everywhere

Post by SirNitram »

And now I will steal a Xerox copier to perform rigorous combat tests of Xerox Machien With Phaser Vs. Crazy Hick With Shotgun.

I'll be back soon.
Manic Progressive: A liberal who violently swings from anger at politicos to despondency over them.

Out Of Context theatre: Ron Paul has repeatedly said he's not a racist. - Destructinator XIII on why Ron Paul isn't racist.

Shadowy Overlord - BMs/Black Mage Monkey - BOTM/Jetfire - Cybertron's Finest/General Miscreant/ASVS/Supermoderator Emeritus

Debator Classification: Trollhunter
Top
User avatar
Typhonis 1
Rabid Monkey Scientist
Posts: 5791
Joined: 2002-07-06 12:07am
Location: deep within a secret cloning lab hidden in the brotherhood of the monkey thread

Post by Typhonis 1 »

Ohhhh the possibilities.... What the Frell???? It was supposed to fry him not pint his face yelllow
Brotherhood of the Bear Monkey Clonemaster , Anti Care Bears League,
Bureaucrat and BOFH of the HAB,
Skunk Works director of the Mecha Maniacs,
Black Mage,

I AM BACK! let the SCIENCE commence!
Top
User avatar
StarshipTitanic
Sith Marauder
Posts: 4475
Joined: 2002-07-03 09:41pm
Location: Massachusetts

Post by StarshipTitanic »

The TOS phasers must have been loaded with eraser fluid since it can make various amounts of matter disappear with impunity.
"Man's unfailing capacity to believe what he prefers to be true rather than what the evidence shows to be likely and possible has always astounded me...God has not been proven not to exist, therefore he must exist." -- Academician Prokhor Zakharov

"Hal grabs life by the balls and doesn't let you do that [to] hal."

"I hereby declare myself master of the known world."
Top
User avatar
NecronLord
Harbinger of Doom
Harbinger of Doom
Posts: 27384
Joined: 2002-07-07 06:30am
Location: The Lost City

Post by NecronLord »

Ensign:Captain our weapons have no effect

Captain: OH NO! Theyr'e Laminated!
Superior Moderator - BotB - HAB [Drill Instructor]-Writer- Stardestroyer.net's resident Star-God.
"We believe in the systematic understanding of the physical world through observation and experimentation, argument and debate and most of all freedom of will." ~ Stargate: The Ark of Truth
Top
User avatar
Mr Bean
Lord of Irony
Posts: 22463
Joined: 2002-07-04 08:36am

Post by Mr Bean »

Ensign:Captain our weapons have no effect

Captain: OH NO! Theyr'e Laminated
ROTFMAO!

"A cult is a religion with no political power." -Tom Wolfe
Pardon me for sounding like a dick, but I'm playing the tiniest violin in the world right now-Dalton
Top
User avatar
NecronLord
Harbinger of Doom
Harbinger of Doom
Posts: 27384
Joined: 2002-07-07 06:30am
Location: The Lost City

Post by NecronLord »

Worf and co fighting borg

Ensign: They've Laminated!

Crew: ARGHHHHHHH!!!!

Crew bail out in escape pods.
Superior Moderator - BotB - HAB [Drill Instructor]-Writer- Stardestroyer.net's resident Star-God.
"We believe in the systematic understanding of the physical world through observation and experimentation, argument and debate and most of all freedom of will." ~ Stargate: The Ark of Truth
Top
User avatar
SirNitram
Rest in Peace, Black Mage
Posts: 28367
Joined: 2002-07-03 04:48pm
Location: Somewhere between nowhere and everywhere

Post by SirNitram »

I bring you the result of the Phaser Vs. The Shotgun-Wielding Hick:

Hick: 5
Phaser: 0
Manic Progressive: A liberal who violently swings from anger at politicos to despondency over them.

Out Of Context theatre: Ron Paul has repeatedly said he's not a racist. - Destructinator XIII on why Ron Paul isn't racist.

Shadowy Overlord - BMs/Black Mage Monkey - BOTM/Jetfire - Cybertron's Finest/General Miscreant/ASVS/Supermoderator Emeritus

Debator Classification: Trollhunter
Top
User avatar
NecronLord
Harbinger of Doom
Harbinger of Doom
Posts: 27384
Joined: 2002-07-07 06:30am
Location: The Lost City

Post by NecronLord »

Heh, just out of curiosity did the police come and remove the hick from the xerox plant after 5?
Superior Moderator - BotB - HAB [Drill Instructor]-Writer- Stardestroyer.net's resident Star-God.
"We believe in the systematic understanding of the physical world through observation and experimentation, argument and debate and most of all freedom of will." ~ Stargate: The Ark of Truth
Top
User avatar
SirNitram
Rest in Peace, Black Mage
Posts: 28367
Joined: 2002-07-03 04:48pm
Location: Somewhere between nowhere and everywhere

Post by SirNitram »

NecronLord wrote:Heh, just out of curiosity did the police come and remove the hick from the xerox plant after 5?

Nah, I used broken Xerox's which were going to Xerox Hell anyway.
Manic Progressive: A liberal who violently swings from anger at politicos to despondency over them.

Out Of Context theatre: Ron Paul has repeatedly said he's not a racist. - Destructinator XIII on why Ron Paul isn't racist.

Shadowy Overlord - BMs/Black Mage Monkey - BOTM/Jetfire - Cybertron's Finest/General Miscreant/ASVS/Supermoderator Emeritus

Debator Classification: Trollhunter
Top
User avatar
NecronLord
Harbinger of Doom
Harbinger of Doom
Posts: 27384
Joined: 2002-07-07 06:30am
Location: The Lost City

Post by NecronLord »

Theres a xerox hell? :shock: I wonder how the fundies will take that? :D :twisted: :roll:
Superior Moderator - BotB - HAB [Drill Instructor]-Writer- Stardestroyer.net's resident Star-God.
"We believe in the systematic understanding of the physical world through observation and experimentation, argument and debate and most of all freedom of will." ~ Stargate: The Ark of Truth
Top
User avatar
SirNitram
Rest in Peace, Black Mage
Posts: 28367
Joined: 2002-07-03 04:48pm
Location: Somewhere between nowhere and everywhere

Post by SirNitram »

NecronLord wrote:Theres a xerox hell? :shock: I wonder how the fundies will take that? :D :twisted: :roll:
We can Xerox them and find out.
Manic Progressive: A liberal who violently swings from anger at politicos to despondency over them.

Out Of Context theatre: Ron Paul has repeatedly said he's not a racist. - Destructinator XIII on why Ron Paul isn't racist.

Shadowy Overlord - BMs/Black Mage Monkey - BOTM/Jetfire - Cybertron's Finest/General Miscreant/ASVS/Supermoderator Emeritus

Debator Classification: Trollhunter
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Science Fiction”