GI JOE: Rise of Cobra (Spoilers Ahoy!)

[LadyTevar]

Ok, the movie's been out for a couple days, and no one's started a thread yet? I'm ashamed of you guys

So, from the girl who wanted to be Scarlett when she grew up, here's my Review:

This isn't the '80s GI Joe.
But godDAMN did they do it justice!

This movie gets Nitram and Tev's 5-star rating of Awesome. Just the fight in Paris alone was worth the ticket. The cinematography was great, the CGI and tech-toys were spiffy, and the acting matched the characters perfectly. The script was heavy on action, with a deft touch of humor, in-jokes, and shout-outs to the comics and cartoon. More to the comics, imho.

The Shout-Outs are everywhere: "Knowing is half the Battle" and "Real American Hero" are both dropped with far more grace than similar lines in Transformers. For those that missed it, the "Delta-6" suits are shout-outs to the short-lived GI JOE Delta-6 cartoon. The Cobra soldiers are referred to as "neo-Vipers". And if you look closely and pay attention, you can pick out some of the background Joes by how they're dressed.

There's a great Cameo by a certain actor, and I'm going to have to go find out which Joe he was supposed to be. It was a "Is that.... OMG IT IS!" moment.

The Baroness gets several great lines, as a ruthless woman with a lot of class. The 'nice shoes' comment had a lot of people laughing. Actually, there were a lot of LOL moments for me, as well as a lot of 'wow! bitchin!' action shots.

As I said, Cinematography on this movie was high-budget and very well done, and the scene transitions between action were expertly timed and seamless. Some of the CGI was obvious, but others, especially interactions with things like the Cobra transports, were perfect. They went all-out for this movie and it shows.

However, the question is out there: Is this a GI JOE movie, or just another Summer Action Movie with Joe in the title.

The Answer? GOOOOOOOOOO JOE!

[neoolong]

Sigma 6 was the cartoon. And Fraser played Sgt. Stone, which is a new character, kinda. There's a Lt. Stone, but it's a different type of character, no eye patch nor British nor a pilot. It would have been cool to see Mindbender get to do stuff, but I suppose there can be flashbacks in the sequel.

Jinx was the only background Joe that I could see that seemed to be a particular Joe. I don't know if there were supposed to be others. No Shipwreck and Gung Ho as was rumored, though I believe that was debunked.

All in all, it was a pretty good movie. About as well as could be done with GI Joe. It was also rather violent for a PG-13 movie, though I guess with the armor and lack of blood they were able to get away with clear shots of arrows and knives in "eyes."

[SylasGaunt]

I myself tend to lump this movie in with the likes of Speed Racer. It is essentially a live action episode of the show complete with bond villain lairs, crazy vehicle designs, nifty gadgets, occasional dodgy animation (to be honest some of the special effects shots just don't look finished), and more than a little cheese.

That said it's fun cheese and never have a seen a movie where I had a harder time figuring out when one would take a bathroom break because you're either missing out on plot points or action sequences.

I'll echo Neoolong's comment to.. the offscreen body count for this picture is staggering (and not since Mars Attacks have I seen a movie with so many exploding heads). I mean the casualties from the Paris battle alone would be staggering, thanks in no small part to the Baroness' Uber-H2 that can plow through cars, take missile and gunfire, shoulder a bus off the road, and get t-boned with nary a scratch on it.

Also Submarine dogfight woohoo!

I thought it was cute how much of the Mummy cast Sommers managed to sneak into the film to.

[Zor]

I am going to second all "two hour long Cartoon" Comments. Leaving that aside it was a pretty good cheese fest that blows Transformers II out of the water. The Paris chase scene was pretty intense, although i thought that the Underwater fight could have been done better IMHO.

Also was anyone besides me hoping that Cobra Commander and Destro got away at the end?

Zor

[neoolong]

I suppose Rachel Weisz is going to play Lady Jaye now? Now, who can Oded Fehr play?

[LadyTevar]

I was expecting Destro and Rex to get away, in true Cartoon/comic fashion... but the "My ARMY" setup was just too fuckin' good to pass up. They'll get away, though. Baroness Ana still has the nanites inside her. Stormshadow was stabbed and fell into the icy depths of the polar ocean, but no body was seen afterwards. If you think that will kill StormShadow, you've not seen all the comics he's been in.

And yes I'm sorry, Sigma-6 was the cartoon. Mea Culpa.
Shipwreck was seen briefly in the Water Tank on the elevator ride down, I think. Could be wrong. The comic adaptation says Lady Jaye was the corporal stabbed by Zartan.

Now... how many figured out the "Most Powerful Man on the Planet" trick from the hints dropped throughout the movie, and how many got surprised at the end?

[neoolong]

Zartan stabbed Cover Girl, Hawk says the name when she's stabbed. Which kinda sucks, since she didn't get to do anything but play secretary. Guess she ain't going to be driving any tanks.

I already knew about it beforehand, but they sure were pushing it hard with the tune that Zartan keeps humming. This isn't a particularly deep film, and foreshadowing isn't its strong suit.

One thing though, the nanomites are supposed to be able to heal according to Rex. They can also make a dude have a living metal face. So why can't he just heal himself instead of looking like a freak? Cause he just doesn't want to go back to looking like the kid from Third Rock from the Sun?

[LadyTevar]

Because then, he'd have to face the pain they cause, and possibly become one of the controlled, not the Controller. You never put something in your own body that can be used to control you, after all.

And the metal was Rex's little joke on the mask of Clan McCullen.

[neoolong]

Zartan broke the mind controlling portion of the treatment; he wanted to keep his own non-Australian brain. But, maybe it can still be co-opted.

[LadyTevar]

Zartan was no dummy. He saw those particular nanites there, and obviously from the reaction Destro didn't know it had been included in the treatment. Rex tried to slip that one in on him.

[Drooling Iguana]

I'll echo Neoolong's comment to.. the offscreen body count for this picture is staggering (and not since Mars Attacks have I seen a movie with so many exploding heads). I mean the casualties from the Paris battle alone would be staggering, thanks in no small part to the Baroness' Uber-H2 that can plow through cars, take missile and gunfire, shoulder a bus off the road, and get t-boned with nary a scratch on it.

Casualties? In a GI Joe movie? I mean, sure, you have to massage things a bit when you adapt anything from one medium to another, but did these guys care about the source material at all?

[SylasGaunt]

The vast majority of those killed onscreen are the MARS neovipers who while not robots really may as well be given what's been done to them.

[Old Plympto]

I'm pretty sure during the end credits when they showed the top billed cast and crew, there was also the Sigma-6 logo (as well as the Ashirikage seal) stamped onto the nooks and crannies of what was eventually revealed to be a metallic Joe insignia.

One thing about this Joe universe: it makes me want to see a real Battleforce 2000 vehicle fight scene more than before, and I was ambivalent to its concept in the comics.

In the closing scene in the Pit we also hear announcement of names of different Joe squads as they were deployed. The lead team was "Alpha Dogs". I wish I could remember the others.

I laughed when they actually included "kung fu grip" in the script.

[LadyTevar]

that was one of the shout-outs I loved as well, Plympto. As well as a LOL moment.

[DarkSilver]

good movie.

Loved the shout-outs, and obviously the writers for the film had knowledge of the source material, and kept this "reboot" internally consistent, while giving us throw backs to what we know and love.

From the "Life like hair" and "kung-fu grip" line, to the Pit, and even the USS FLAGG seen in the end, and everything in between, the movie worked well. So what if it was a two hour episode/toy commercial, it was done well, the pacing was excellent, the action was near always easy to follow, little-to-no annoying slow-mo, and no Snake-Eyes Sword-wank.

I enjoyed this movie a lot more than either of the Transformer movies, and I eagerly anticipate the next - with more Joes (must see Shipwreck).

[Old Plympto]

I have a feeling we have Larry Hama to thank for all that.

[LadyTevar]

Whomever we thank, Fraiser, Hama, etc... they did a great job with it and I think they deserve congrats for making a movie that lives up to the Hype.

[NeoGoomba]

Was Sgt. Slaughter in it!?!?!?!?!?!

[neoolong]

No. I doubt that they could get rights to the character.

[LadyTevar]

Nope. Sorry.

[Publius]

Between bland characters, flat acting, and clumsy changes to backstory, this was utter rubbish as an adaptation. This film's "Duke" bears no resemblance at all to the actual character. One is left to wonder why they even bothered to call this film "G.I. Joe," when it is clearly Action Force.

[Davis 51]

I totally went into this film expecting it to suck balls. Boy was I surprised.

First, I 100% agree this is a 2 hour long cartoon. I actually felt like I was watching a GI Joe movie, not random soldiers with gadgets. Bad acting? Irrelevant. Shitty story? Irrelevant. Fucking amazing action that left my heart (and eardrums) pounding for half an hour after I left the theater? All I need.

But there was more to it than that. Somehow, despite the shitty acting and cheesy one-liners, I found myself caring what happened to the characters. I can't explain it, but it was like I was a 10 year old boy again watching a saturday morning adventure cartoon and wondering how my favorite characters were gonna get out of it this time. I even caught myself thinking "I can't wait for the sequel."

Overall, much better than it had to be, and a blast. A roller-coaster ride from start to finish.

8/10

Edit: I also laughed my ass off at the "Kung fu grip" and "Knowing is half the battle" lines. Priceless.

[neoolong]

Between bland characters, flat acting, and clumsy changes to backstory, this was utter rubbish as an adaptation. This film's "Duke" bears no resemblance at all to the actual character. One is left to wonder why they even bothered to call this film "G.I. Joe," when it is clearly Action Force.

Because it's an American film and Americans know GI Joe more than Action Force. As for Duke, well, he had to start somewhere.

[dragon]

Ok, the movie's been out for a couple days, and no one's started a thread yet? I'm ashamed of you guys

Actually there was a post it got moved to testing reached 3 pages and got closed.

[Stark]

Between bland characters, flat acting, and clumsy changes to backstory, this was utter rubbish as an adaptation. This film's "Duke" bears no resemblance at all to the actual character. One is left to wonder why they even bothered to call this film "G.I. Joe," when it is clearly Action Force.

Movie may be a reboot. May not be set in 80s either! Transformers was a pretty 'rubbish adaption' too - turns out it's branding?