The Borg, Cybermen, Combine, or Zombies. Who do you join?

[Rossum]

Okay, suppose that tomorrow morning all around the world strange ghost-like apperations appear. People are obviously freaked out but are unable to harm them, even as the ghosts scout out all the worlds defenses. By the afternoon, the ghosts materialize to become over five million Cybermen made out of a hypermetal that is completely impervious to anything less than a direct hit from an anti-tank rocket.

Just as the Cybermen finish taking over various strategic locations and set up their cyber-conversion factories, a Borg Cube appears in orbit containing several million Borg. The Borg announce that "Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated!" and begin their own attack.

As if that wasn't bad enough, big rifts in reality open up and the Coclave pour out with Striders, headcrabs, and all of their other weapons as well. They seek to conquer the Earth, kill all who resist, enslave the rest, surgically convert some into soldiers, and steal everything of value that isn't nailed down and fire... including the oceans.

Then, to top it all off, various zombie outbreaks occur and shambling undead are spreading across the globe hunting defensless humans to spread their infection.

It becomes clear that the military cannot hope to deal with all of these threats happening at once and many believe that humanity is done for. However, the various invaders are just as confused about this whole mess as humanity is and are fighting each other as well in an attempt to claim the Earth for themselves.


There have been attempts at negotiation, but all three invaders have made it clear that they want nothing less than total domination of the Earth and the assimilation of its inhabitants. They are each willing to convert humans into soldiers to help them fight (each promises that they will favor those who go to them voluntarily above those they have to hunt down), each one is fully dedicated towards eliminating the others, and it looks like each group has an evacuation plan in case the war turns too far against them (Borg plan to teleport out and fly their ship away while both the Combine and Cybermen forces can escape to another dimension). The zombies are pretty much mindless pests who are preying on anyone who can't defend themselves. Whoever wins the war for Earth will most likely deal with the zombies as part of their cleanup and start hunting down all the various resistance groups.

So, if you had to choose, which group would you join? Why? What would you ask in return? Or would you have some other plan to survive the global chaos of a four-way pileup of invaders?

[Stark]

Are we talking shiny metal bodies that will never age cybermen, or dudes with silver wetsuits cybermen?

[Rossum]

I'm thinking the new series Cybermen, the ones made by Cybus Industries who are basically brains in robot bodies. Actually, I'm not sure what their bodies are made of... it can't be steel since I would expect steel to get dents in it from the bullets the military guys were using. I say hypermetal although I think its some kind of super alloy since John Lumic was stated to be the inventor of some kind of new metal.

But yeah, its the ageless body ones who don't die when you shoot them with gold arrows.

[The Grim Squeaker]

Borg and the Zombies are out right away, I like having my own brain/personality thank you very much.

Given the choice between the Combine and the Cybermen - I'd go with the Combine. Being modified to be a post human thug is still better than having my squishy bits yanked out, personality destroyed (the Torchwood woman was only halfway through the process) and whatnot. At least with the combine i'd retain some semblance of humanity, and they're the best alternative along with the Cybermen.

[Ford Prefect]

Are we talking shiny metal bodies that will never age cybermen, or dudes with silver wetsuits cybermen?

I'm not sure either is really all that preferable. Though I might get an ame if I pick old school Cyberman.

In any case, 'joining' the Combine is the least terrible, because you can potentially join as a dude in a denim jumpsuit.

[Stark]

Shiny metal bodies that will never age (and have a laser gun) are more competent than the Combine, and thus you won't instantly die. Remember there's a war on!

What's a zombie going to do to a cyberman?

[Ford Prefect]

On the other shiny metal hand I'll be a mindless robot.

Comparitively the Combine represent the only force here with any sort of air/vehicle support, disintegration beams, weird medical-themed military slang etc.

[Stark]

They die to bullets.

Not even many.

Can't stop one guy on a dune buggy etc.

At least Cybermen have spaceships, zeppelins, etc.

And cybermen aren't mindless robots.

They just CLAIM to be emotionless.

[Rossum]

Personally, I think I'd go with the Cybermen. Metal body that shrugs off gunfire, wrist laser that looks pretty deadly (I think there were cars exploding from the cyberman blasts at one point) in addition to being able to pick up regular guns if the Borg adapt to the wrist laser. Plus, that woman who was the head of Torchwood was able to break the conditioning near the end and was firing at the other cybermen ("I did what I had to for Queen and Country!") so yeah, there is a bit of the old personality in there as well. It might not be fun, but Cybermen seem like they would have better survivability than the other groups.

Zombies couldn't hurt a cyberman. Metal skin that can shrug off bullets would have nothing to fear from zombie teeth. One cyberman with his wrist laser should be able to walk right through most zombie apocolypse zones and clear them out.

Combine might be a problem but less so with a body of metal. I've never played the games, but most Combine forces use standard human weapons with maybe some more powerful plasma weapons and the striders. Cybermen should be immune to headcrabs so that alone would be worth giving up my squishy flesh.

Borg... if their shields can adapt to cyberman wrist lasers then I could just pick up an assault rifle and use that. They tend to attack with their nanotube things to try and inject nanoprobes. Not sure if they could assimilate a cyberman, but I can just shoot them from a distance. In melee, I could electrocute them with my fists if I felt like it (although if I retain my ability to use tools then I might walk into a wal-mart, grab an aluminum baseball bat or crowbar, and start bashing in heads. Metal melee weapons conduct electricity so I could electrocute my enemies while hitting them with a crowbar!) so I feel confident cybermen could go up against Borg in combat.

Soo... yeah, I'd volunteer to become a cyberman. Then request "human guarding duty" where I locate areas where humans are and round them up into comfortable and secure areas where they will be safe from the other factions. Spend my time gunning down zombies that can't harm me and occasionally fighting Combine or Borg who would be a threat (but far less so due to me being metal).

I certainly wouldn't want the Combine taking over since they would exterminate humanity and the entire ecosystem. Sure, the Cybermen might convert all of humanity into unfeeling cyborgs and effectively eliminate humanity as a species... but the Combine want to do the same thing and then kill all the animals and steal our oceans. Death of humanity or death of humanity along with all other life on earth?

[Kuroji]

I say 'screw it' and find a way to call in the Daleks. And then get as far away as possible.

If we're lucky they'll all destroy each other, if not, at least everything but the Daleks will die.

[Broomstick]

So, if you had to choose, which group would you join? Why? What would you ask in return? Or would you have some other plan to survive the global chaos of a four-way pileup of invaders?

No one is going to survive that four-way dogpile. I don't like any of the above, that's a rare situation where I think one can argue that suicide is preferable, at least for some folks.

[Stark]

What do you mean? Cybermen and Combine will have a hash on it (although a full scale invasion would quickly overwhelm the Cybermen) but there's no way it's a stalemate or mutual annihilation.

[Broomstick]

I was thinking the human race wasn't going to survive - if my species is dead what do I care who the ultimate victor is?

[Starglider]

Can't stop one guy on a dune buggy etc.

The Cybermen regularly get defeated by an unarmed hobo, albeit a time-travelling one.

At least Cybermen have spaceships, zeppelins, etc.

Not in this scenario. They have five million infantry and that's it. I'd to give it to the Combine on the basis that they have a competent combined arms force. Their original invasion defeated the entire world's military forces as of 2000 in seven hours. What we see in HL2 is just the police / garrison forces for one eastern European city. The cybermen will be a tough fight, but they'll go down to the gunships, striders and artillery crabs. I don't know if the vaporising energy ball launcher will work on them, it seems kind of inconsistent in what it vaporises and what it doesn't. If it does and the conflict drags out then I'd expect the Combine to replace a good fraction of their pulse rifles with a full-size version of that, to give their infantry a practical way to destroy cybermen.

The borg in theory should be able to win given their technological advantage (transporters, orbital bombardments etc) and magic nanoprobes that seem to need no resources or equipment to turn people into borg. However given their appalling tactical record I expect them to lose due to massive congenital stupidity.

I was thinking the human race wasn't going to survive - if my species is dead what do I care who the ultimate victor is?

A good fraction of the human race survived on Combine-occupied earth. There was an active resistance and HL2 showed that after a decade or so they'd gotten careless and there was at least a fair chance of defeating them. The Cybermen and Borg would try and convert every last human and not try to adapt/reuse existing infrastructure, so they'd be much harder for a human resistance to beat. As such I'd definitely prefer the Combine to win. Obviously the zombies are just a distraction.

[Purple]

The borg, any day.
Upload my self to the hive mind and lose all personality and feelings. Heck yea!

And unlike with all the others, I can keep dressing in black all the time.

If I am to go down, at least let me go down with style.

[Coyote]

Hmmm.... I could join the Borg and even my rather basic concept of military planning and operations would give them a tremendous tactical boost, once they assimilated it... (heheh!).

[Kuroji]

Coyote, you would be directly responsible for the Borg becoming a viable galactic power and overrunning the entirety of the galaxy.

Honestly... technically competent Borg with a grasp of real tactics are a frightening thing. Inevitably they'd end up assimilating some soldiers, and suddenly they'd change their behavior entirely.

[NecronLord]

The Cybermen's military record is not inspiring. I don't know enough about the combine guys, though I seem to recall that they're outright sadists, so, Borg it is. It sure beats being a zombie.

[Starglider]

Honestly... technically competent Borg with a grasp of real tactics are a frightening thing. Inevitably they'd end up assimilating some soldiers, and suddenly they'd change their behavior entirely.

What, you think there were no competent soldiers in all the billions of humanoids that the Borg assimilated from all over the Trek galaxy? I know the Trek characters we see suck at ground combat (or indeed warfare of all kinds), but they're still better than the Borg, plus in an entire galaxy there should be some competent civilisations out there. I am pretty sure the Borg do assimilate people with a clue from time to time, but their virus scanners are set to reject this as 'irrelevant'.

[adam_grif]

The Cybermen's military record is not inspiring. I don't know enough about the combine guys, though I seem to recall that they're outright sadists, so, Borg it is. It sure beats being a zombie.

Sadists? They're into transhumanism very heavily, but you can work for them and retain yourself completely. Notably, Barney was working with the Combine for years, and held some small degree of authority without any obvious negatives. They have some sort of scheme going where you volunteer for memory replacements, and then you get given a higher rank just like that. Presumably this is to instill loyalty in their higher ups and so on, but it's entirely avoidable.

Militarily, huge open question as to whether the combine could take the Borg. They're interdimensional and very high tech, but with no obviously quantifiable abilities. But I'd much rather be a part of the combine than part of any of the other factions, that's for sure. At the very least, I could be a Metrocop and abuse my powers to make people pick up cans and shit.

[Kuroji]

Honestly... technically competent Borg with a grasp of real tactics are a frightening thing. Inevitably they'd end up assimilating some soldiers, and suddenly they'd change their behavior entirely.

What, you think there were no competent soldiers in all the billions of humanoids that the Borg assimilated from all over the Trek galaxy? I know the Trek characters we see suck at ground combat (or indeed warfare of all kinds), but they're still better than the Borg, plus in an entire galaxy there should be some competent civilisations out there. I am pretty sure the Borg do assimilate people with a clue from time to time, but their virus scanners are set to reject this as 'irrelevant'.

Actually what I want to know is why the Borg hasn't started to go about assimilating Jem'Hadar and using them as cannon fodder, aside from the fact that they apparently think every drone in the entire damn collective is expendable. At least they'd learn some tactics from them, perhaps it's just the fact that the ones with brains that get assimilated are drowned out by the drones who go 'we're scientists, engineers, farmers, etc, we know how to fight better than you'.

If that was the case I'd try to arrange for the collective to put me in front the next time an invasion was staged just so I didn't have to listen to that crap.

[Starglider]

perhaps it's just the fact that the ones with brains that get assimilated are drowned out by the drones who go 'we're scientists, engineers, farmers, etc, we know how to fight better than you'.

That explains a lot actually; if anything you're being too generous. The borg collective reasoning method seems to be equivalent to letting the ignorant Internet denizens who generate all the retarded YouTube comments actually direct military operations.

[Rossum]

perhaps it's just the fact that the ones with brains that get assimilated are drowned out by the drones who go 'we're scientists, engineers, farmers, etc, we know how to fight better than you'.

That explains a lot actually; if anything you're being too generous. The borg collective reasoning method seems to be equivalent to letting the ignorant Internet denizens who generate all the retarded YouTube comments actually direct military operations.

Yeah, its like the Borg are hooked up to the internet 24/7 and are all chatting with eachother. All the millions of drones who aren't on the front lines keep saying stuff like "Use ur nanotubz to assimilate teh enemy. Then he'll start assimitating otherz and we'll win!" or "lol, exponential recruitment ftw! We'll have this hole planet borg in no time!" or "Just adapt your shields to block his weapons. There's no need to dodge or run. Resistance is futile, remember! Exponential recruitment ftw!" or "Gah, get this stuff out of my head! You're all a bunch of stupid bastards! I can feel your insane comments sucking out my intelligence... why are you assimilating everyone if you're dooming them a life of having mindless drivel spouted into their ears nonstop! DAMM YOU!! I WISH EVERY SINGLE BORG WAS DEAD!" and then "LOL! noob."

[Kamakazie Sith]

Honestly... technically competent Borg with a grasp of real tactics are a frightening thing. Inevitably they'd end up assimilating some soldiers, and suddenly they'd change their behavior entirely.

What, you think there were no competent soldiers in all the billions of humanoids that the Borg assimilated from all over the Trek galaxy? I know the Trek characters we see suck at ground combat (or indeed warfare of all kinds), but they're still better than the Borg, plus in an entire galaxy there should be some competent civilisations out there. I am pretty sure the Borg do assimilate people with a clue from time to time, but their virus scanners are set to reject this as 'irrelevant'.

Uhh yeah I do think that. When the Dominion shows up from the other side of the galaxy do we see a radical difference in tactics? Fuck no. We see the same bullshit applied all over again.

Also, is orbital bombardment out? If not, then I pick the Borg and being beaming up people for forced assimulation and destroy those that I can't beam up due to interference or jamming.

[Enigma]

I'd take Borg also. My personality wouldn't be erased, just suppressed.

Also the Borg have been known to scoop up chunks of a planet so maybe they start carving up areas where there are lots of Cybermen and the like?