You get a Dalek in a Jar (RAR!)

Zor · Post by **Zor** » 2014-01-09 12:04pm

In this scenario, Q gives you something, namely a DALEK!

Fortunately for you, not it is not one of these...

Rather you get a brainy-squidy thing in a glass jar with a life support system. It contains a nutrient processor and waste reclamation system to keep your Dalek fed. It also has a vocorder with an on and off switch. Other than that, it can not move or interact with it's environment.

What do you do?

Zor

Borgholio · Post by **Borgholio** » 2014-01-09 12:12pm

What would I do with a Xenophobic alien creature that would EXTERMINATE me and everyone else on this planet given the first opportunity?

What COULD I do? Would it even speak to me other than to taunt me with my *eventual* demise should it be released? Can anything it said be trusted? If all it had to talk about was murder, what would be the point in turning the speaker on?

Most I could do is use it to prove there's alien life out there and maybe sell it to a research lab to be dissected.

Does Ebay have any policies against auctioning off an alien lifeform?

Post by **Eternal_Freedom** » 2014-01-09 12:52pm

Unplug it's life support system, pour bleach into the jar, then dump contents into an incinerator.

Come on, it's a fucking DALEK. It is not nice. It would happily kill everyone in existence if given a chance. Kill it as soon as possible.

Although I may simply disconnect the life support, let it die and then ell the corpse to the highest-bidding medical lab.

Bedlam · Post by **Bedlam** » 2014-01-09 02:45pm

Eternal_Freedom wrote:Unplug it's life support system, pour bleach into the jar, then dump contents into an incinerator.

Come on, it's a fucking DALEK. It is not nice. It would happily kill everyone in existence if given a chance. Kill it as soon as possible.

Although I may simply disconnect the life support, let it die and then ell the corpse to the highest-bidding medical lab.

Better hope you can reliably tell when a Dalek is dead.

Post by **Eternal_Freedom** » 2014-01-09 03:20pm

Good point. In that case, revert to plan A. Disconnect life support, add caustic/toxic/posionous chemicals to tank, leave for one day locked in a safe, then incinerate.

Napoleon the Clown · Post by **Napoleon the Clown** » 2014-01-09 03:24pm

Force it to listen to Justin Bieber on infinite repeat.

Post by **Eternal_Freedom** » 2014-01-09 03:29pm

Napoleon the Clown wrote:Force it to listen to Justin Bieber on infinite repeat.

No no no. Destroy it yes, but don't torture it. That's just mean.

Iroscato · Post by **Iroscato** » 2014-01-09 04:14pm

Hmmm...would a glass jar be able to hold it? I'm sure there's at least one canon instance in DW where the actual mutant itself attacks and kills a human - that would suggest some level of strength and independence from life-support. Not sure I'd be comfortable with it just sitting in a glass jar. Although if I was in the same room as a footsoldier bred to hate and destroy every other lifeform in the universe, comfort would be relative.

Napoleon the Clown · Post by **Napoleon the Clown** » 2014-01-09 04:49pm

Eternal_Freedom wrote:
Napoleon the Clown wrote:Force it to listen to Justin Bieber on infinite repeat.
No no no. Destroy it yes, but don't torture it. That's just mean.

River Song makes them beg for mercy. I'd make it beg for death, and not because its DNA was contaminated.

Zixinus · Post by **Zixinus** » 2014-01-09 05:07pm

I take it that the brain-squidy thing also has an eye and able to hear surrounding things?

In an ideal world try to reason with it and engage it in dialogues, attempting to undo its brainwashing.

But more realistically, that's unlikely to happen. Even if I were somehow so convincing, what can I move to convince the Dalek of? Love that it can only feel through a microphone or see in alien eyes? A wonderful universe that has condemned its species and has been brainwashed that it can only be ever worthy to enjoy once it has exterminated all other life? Pleasures it can't have, all sensation hooked to alien technology I don't dare touch, that it can't sense and is technically cut off from?

The thing is, aside novelty value, you have a creature bread to hate and kill in your house. The only important detail aside that is that it's crippled.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2014-01-09 05:11pm

I wreck the vocoder and tell Kara it isn't sentient and she could really annoy Clark by tossing it into the sun.

Tribble · Post by **Tribble** » 2014-01-09 05:47pm

I'd probably keep it around, if only because it's guaranteed to be a hit the next time I throw a party. Do Daleks get drunk? Let's find out!

Zor · Post by **Zor** » 2014-01-09 05:52pm

Zixinus wrote:I take it that the brain-squidy thing also has an eye and able to hear surrounding things?

Yep.

Zor

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2014-01-09 05:53pm

I don't know about the rest of the Time Lords, but as least from NuWho, Rassilon pretty much was. Though it'd probably be a much bigger jar (and I'd have a much harder time convincing Kara he isn't sentient).

Tribble · Post by **Tribble** » 2014-01-09 05:55pm

haha- edited that part out. Well, If Q gave u that aging thing the Master used on the Doctor, you could turn him into a Yoda-like creature and stick him in a bird cage.

Seriously though, I would like to see a Dalek after it's had a good pint or two. Maybe they just need to relax.

atg · Post by **atg** » 2014-01-09 05:57pm

Aren't Dalek's meant to be extremely intelligent? I get it to do stock brokering or somesuch for me with the 'promise' that when I'm rich I'll free it.

If it agrees to this plan I then kill it once I'm rich, I mean the thing is almost literally Hitler in its outlook.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2014-01-09 06:03pm

The key phrase being meant to. Look at the Daleks as portrayed in the series (even if we limit it to NuWho) and tell me what you think

Tribble · Post by **Tribble** » 2014-01-09 06:05pm

Wait, did you say "Q" gave me the Dalek? I'd immediately ask him to take it back - knowing Q, there's guaranteed to be some kind of trouble or some test involved. The last thing I need is to be responsible for the fate of all of humanity. Or is there a no return policy?

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2014-01-09 06:08pm

It's a Dalek. Trouble up to and possibly including the fate of all humanity being in danger is pretty much built in?

Tribble · Post by **Tribble** » 2014-01-09 06:11pm

Ya, but Q is tricky- killing it right off the bat might be the wrong move.

Ahriman238 · Post by **Ahriman238** » 2014-01-09 06:16pm

Ah, but is it a secret test of humanity's character? Destroy the thing and maybe be condemned as a species of violent thugs lashing out at what we can't understand. Or spare the Dalek and hear that as a species we're too stupid to live because obviously the only thing to do is kill it with fire and whatever happens is now on our heads.

I'd watch some Doctor Who with it, see what a little perspective might accomplish, particularly given the Dalek's origins.

Iroscato · Post by **Iroscato** » 2014-01-09 06:33pm

Ahriman238 wrote: I'd watch some Doctor Who with it, see what a little perspective might accomplish, particularly given the Dalek's origins.

That just conjures up some mind-blowing mental imagery XD

Purple · Post by **Purple** » 2014-01-09 07:17pm

Can it survive outside of the jar for at least short periods? And if so, how easy or difficult would it be to unhook and reattach it to the system? As in, can I give it a hug without killing it?

Tribble · Post by **Tribble** » 2014-01-09 07:20pm

They can survive outside their armour, and I seem to recall an episode where one killed a soldier by jumping at his throat. I would be more worried that if you tried to give it a hug, it might very well kill you... at least if it's sober. If you dropped a bottle of vodka in the tank first things might get interesting.

Purple · Post by **Purple** » 2014-01-09 07:26pm

Dropping vodka in actually sounds a lot like what I'd do to it. You see, what I basically have in my hands is a Dalek. A single, lonely Dalek. The most feared and powerful creature in the entire universe. And it's helpless, completely and utterly at my mercy. So naturally I'd find all sorts of entertaining and cartoonish ways to love him and hug him and call him George. He would be my special little octopus friend. I would feed him vodka and teach him drinking songs. Teach him to play chess and spin the bottle. And I would love him to death.

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