Dracula on Voyager

Dooey Jo · Post by **Dooey Jo** » 2002-09-03 01:17pm

Yes, it's true. The evil count has resurrected in the 24th century and somehow he managed to hide in Voyager's cargo bay when they went to the Delta Quadrant. His evil(?) intention is to kill everyone aboard and use the ship to go back in time to 1897 and change the history, so he doesn't get killed. And now for the questions:

1. Will the crew on Voyager be able to stop him?
If yes, how many will die?

2. What would his tactics be? Or would he just run around and slaughter everyone instead of killing them, one by one?

And most important of all:
3. What kind of technobabble would they use to explain his excistence? (I know, the worst kind, but do you have any examples of what they might say?)

(4. Will he be able to take over the world once he has changed the timeline so van Helsing & Co. doesn't kill him?)

Yes, and remember, this is Bram Stoker's Dracula, not Castlevania or anything else.

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-09-03 01:24pm

Easy, 7of9 detracts him with her arguments while Harry Kim kills him the traditional, proven way.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2002-09-03 02:51pm

Okay, this raises an excellent point: Since vampires are violently allergic to daylight, what the HELL would it mean for him to be wandering around on a spaceship in the middle of god knows where? If they fly by a star, or the daylight side of a planet, is he in daylight? Or what?

Hell, they could just beam the little bloodsucker into a star after the first three or four extras get killed off and they figured out what was going on.

Vampires in space: The last B-flick frontier.

Evil Jerk · Post by **Evil Jerk** » 2002-09-03 02:56pm

1. Will the crew on Voyager be able to stop him?
If yes, how many will die?

Perhaps one or two of the Redshirts will meet an untimely (TV friendly) death, then they'd win and carry on as if nothing had happened, almost as if somebody pushed a reset button or something

2. What would his tactics be? Or would he just run around and slaughter everyone instead of killing them, one by one?

Probably try to suck as much blood possible and make new undead for his army of the night to take over the ship and whatnot..
Of course, this is Voyager, so he would suffer from the patented Voyager Evil Villian Dumbifying Syndrome, (previous victims include the Borg and Species 8472) and would spend all his time threatening Janeway and making stupid, stupid mistakes so that even the Voyager morons could defeat him.

And most important of all:
3. What kind of technobabble would they use to explain his excistence? (I know, the worst kind, but do you have any examples of what they might say?)

The Doctor would probably find that Dracula suffers from some sort of quasi quantum molecular bio DNA disease that makes him vampiric and immortal, he must drink blood because his own dies out too quickly due to entropic cascade meta-neuron failure or something like that.
He'll also find that Dracula makes more vampires by biting people because his saliva assimilates a victim's body due to having 500 times more DNA than human saliva, he finds this out by examining Harry Kim who was bitten and infected (because he's the fall-guy) but manages to save him.

(4. Will he be able to take over the world once he has changed the timeline so van Helsing & Co. doesn't kill him?)

No. Voyager follows him back in time and takes care of him once and for all with a new anti-vampire photon torpedo which explodes next to him and hurtles him through a crack in the event horizon of a quantum singularity, trapping him forever.

That's the episodic version.
In a more realistic version, Dracula kills them all except Janeway, whom he tosses out an airlock (she tastes bad).
Presumably he'd use the ship to get back to the past and kill his enemies, or he could just stay in the future, the Feddies are just ripe for the pickings

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-09-03 03:09pm

The Voyager crew propells at high velocities a capacious, abated angled object constructed of pinus sylvestris material through the left anterior descendng coronary artery.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2002-09-03 08:06pm

Like with the Borg and the Q, voyager will FUCK up the Lord of Vampires. He'll probly be a xenophob afraid of blood.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2002-09-04 01:53am

By the way, 7of9 looks pretty good as a vampire (ie Dracula 2000)

Depending on the vampire mythology they don't have to be overly vulnerable to daylight. In the novel Dracula was out and about during the day (supposedly he couldn't use his full powers then).

Personally I'd like to see the Voyager crew trying to fight him with religous objects.

Also, how about a Vulcan vampire? That should be interesting.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-09-04 12:03pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:The Voyager crew propells at high velocities a capacious, abated angled object constructed of pinus sylvestris material through the left anterior descendng coronary artery.

Well, since nobody got my joke (nor does it appear that anybody tried), I will explain it for you. It's technobabble for stake through the heart.

CorSec · Post by **CorSec** » 2002-09-04 12:09pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:
Wicked Pilot wrote:The Voyager crew propells at high velocities a capacious, abated angled object constructed of pinus sylvestris material through the left anterior descendng coronary artery.
Well, since nobody got my joke (nor does it appear that anybody tried), I will explain it for you. It's technobabble for stake through the heart.

I guess it never crossed your mind that it just wasn't worth responding to.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-09-04 12:27pm

I think you're all misinterpreting the writers' tendencies. I think that one of the Voyager crew will Reach Out To The Misunderstood Creature(TM) and open lines of communication with him, so that he repents his evil ways and decides to be a good, upstanding citizen. Then, he will sacrifice himself to save the ship.

And the Dracula fans will turn over in their coffins.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-09-04 12:41pm

CorSec wrote:I guess it never crossed your mind that it just wasn't worth responding to.

*holds head in shame* no.

CorSec · Post by **CorSec** » 2002-09-04 01:30pm

It's okay, Pilot. I've suffered many many times for having uninspiring posts. In all honesty, I think we were too busy groaning at your statement to respond. So, in that light, it was quite effective.

Dooey Jo · Post by **Dooey Jo** » 2002-09-04 02:34pm

Well, actually, they would have a pretty darn hard time to kill Dracula, considering they don't have any wooden stakes onboard. Yeah, they could replicate them, but who would keep a pattern of an oak stake anyway?

And what would they do if he made a "Renfield" out of Janeway? Then he might be able to take over the ship without anyone noticing anything before it's to late.

Blaze · Post by **Blaze** » 2002-09-04 05:03pm

they'd also hav a damn hard time finding him

vampires can only be seen face to face no mirrors, no photos,no video or electronic suvalance.
But i'm sure they cud recalibrate their sensors to find him

Admiral Drason · Post by **Admiral Drason** » 2002-09-04 08:47pm

He would probably die from his first bite since all trek charicters cary the trekki insanity virus. He would probably stick a stake in his own hart to end it all

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-09-05 09:04am

Well, actually, they would have a pretty darn hard time to kill Dracula, considering they don't have any wooden stakes onboard. Yeah, they could replicate them, but who would keep a pattern of an oak stake anyway?

holodeck. I'm certain they could reroute the holodeck wooden stake program martix through to the doctor's remote holographic projector, thus allowing him to travel through the ship alone in search of the evil fiend while the rest of the crew is trapped in the holodeck in the "sunlight with wooden stakes" program that b'ellana so niftily programmed.

The doctor will then find Dracula and they will have a dramatic yet not-particularly-well-choreographed bout of fisticuffs in a jefferies tube. In the course of the fisticuffs, the doctor will drop the stake, which will remain inexplicably intact despite being outside the range of the holoprojector. The doctor will look like losing for most of the fight, but then Dracula will sink his teeth into the Doctor's neck. The doctor will go *fizzle* in the region that was bitten, but will recover, giving Dracula a mighty push. He will then reach for the stake and shove it into dracula's heart in one last desperate manouvre.

The episode will end with B'ellana fixing the doctor's holoprojector, which sustained minor damage in the fight and Janeway will congratulate us and give us some obscenely foul and boring speech on bravery and the prime directive and blah blah blah, isn't it wonderful that we all live in the 24th century where people are civilised and don't drink people's blood, and isn't it a shame that we killed the only vampire left in the galaxy, but it was neccesarry... *puke*

Dooey Jo · Post by **Dooey Jo** » 2002-09-05 01:08pm

Hahaha!

I never really understood how holodeck things could hurt anyone. WTF?! They're made of photons!! They must be made of pretty damn thick light, or very, very, big and heavy photons.
But in trekkie language that would probably be something like:
Quantum binary subatomic quasi-photon ionized reflection polarizer with a mumbojumbyonic subatomic ion quantum particle tracer.
Or was that just a telescope:?:

CorSec · Post by **CorSec** » 2002-09-05 02:34pm

Dooey Jo wrote:I never really understood how holodeck things could hurt anyone. WTF?! They're made of photons!!

Photons and force fields.

The crew cowering on the holodeck makes for a funny mental picture, but they wouldn't be safe there. Parking the ship near a sun and rotating would be disorienting for the crew but it might force Dracula towards interior areas. Having the doctor play, well, Doctor Helsing is probably a good bet. But there's still the problem of having a real piece of wood on that ship. (A stake of photons and force fields wouldn't cut it, sorry.) The best bet is to replicate mirrors to reflect sunlight through the ship, forcing Dracula to a cargo or shuttle bay that can be vented to space.

Thanks, all of you. Now I feel so dirty having deliberately thought about it.

Admiral Drason · Post by **Admiral Drason** » 2002-09-05 06:04pm

Not only does the stake have to be wood it has to be made of oak or so I've been told.

Datana · Post by **Datana** » 2002-09-05 08:42pm

A stake? Bah! All you really need to kill Dracula is a whip and possibly a cross-shaped boomerang. Unfortunately, no one on Voyager is likely able to use either and so get killed.

CorSec · Post by **CorSec** » 2002-09-05 08:45pm

Not to mention in order for a religious talisman to be effective, the user must believe it able to protect them. Since there is no religion, per se, in that future - yup, they're screwed.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-09-05 08:49pm

You know, they could just try shoving Janeway at him so that he bites her first. When her foul not-quite-human nicotine-pollluted blood enters his system, he will promptly hurl himself out of the nearest airlock toward the Sun in order to end the pain and wash the horrible taste out of his mouth.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-09-05 08:54pm

do peasants from the dark ages taste better?

Admiral Drason · Post by **Admiral Drason** » 2002-09-05 09:25pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:do peasants from the dark ages taste better?

Probably do. They didn't get infected with trkisom.

Dooey Jo · Post by **Dooey Jo** » 2002-09-07 11:16am

Enforcer Talen wrote:do peasants from the dark ages taste better?

Not today

Well, maybe.
Probably. I think I would prefer a 600 hundred year old peasant than a treknobabbling bitch from the future.

You know, they could just try shoving Janeway at him so that he bites her first. When her foul not-quite-human nicotine-pollluted blood enters his system, he will promptly hurl himself out of the nearest airlock toward the Sun in order to end the pain and wash the horrible taste out of his mouth.

If Dracula bites Janeway, then she will become a vampire herself!! And so, Dracula wins anyway, he dies but Voyager will be taken over by Janeway?! Oh yeah, that's right, she already has taken over ship. Well, now they have a good reason to kill her. So everyone, except Dracula, will be happy.

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