This was in my local newspaper on December 18 (I kept it this long in order to post), originally from the Fort Forth Star-Telegram.
The debates resound through school hallways and shake basement windows wherever there are sci-fi fans. Who's cooler: good Terminator or bad Terminator? Princess Leia with the baby fat and hair bagels or Princess Leia in the gold bikini
(gold bikini)
And of course, the greatest sci-fi-geek debate:
Kirk or Picard?
<snip>
Management Style
Kirk: Top-down
Picard: Consensus building
Advantage: Picard, for his levelheadedness. Kirk will break any rule, blow anything up, emote to the very edge of schizophrenia to win the day. Picard, meanwhile, can always find time for a nice, leisurely, inclusive staff meeting even when the universe is minutes away from imploding
My take: Ummm...taking time for a staff meeting when the universe is about to implode is not an advantage in my book. Anyone who regularly has their counselor in on strategy meetings is not properly trained in strategy (how often do naval battle groups consult their chaplains on how to strike a target?) In my book, advantage Kirk.
Personality
Kirk: Wild man
Picard: Wallflower
Advantage: Draw. Kirk climbs mountains, drinks contraband booze, chases women of all species. Picard studies archaeology, sips tea, curls up with a good book. It's a shame the two captains, so perfectly opposite and complementary, appeared together in only one movie.
My take: In other words, Kirk is a stereotypical military person, and Picard is a stereotypical politically correct boot-licker. Since they're both stereotypes, I'll agree with the draw, though I prefer Kirk myself (he's actually got a personality)
Ship
Kirk: A flying saucer with chicken wings
Picard: A giant space mall
Advantage: Kirk. There are no kids on the original Enterprise. (Kirk would never have tolerated a genius space teen like Wesley Crusher!)
My take: I really have nothing to add to this.
Notable Sidekick
Kirk: An emotionless alien
Picard: An emotionless android
Advantage: Kirk, because Spock sings in only one movie (crooning "Row Row Row Your Boat in Star Trek V) while Data has humiliated himself by belting out a tune in three of the four Next Gen movies.
My take: Besides, Data is just a bad copy of Spock. At least Spock didn't claim he had no emotions, just that he wanted to suppress them due to his father's expectations.
Archenemy
Kirk: Khan
Picard: Q
Advantage: Kirk. Superpowers or no, the omniscient Q would get his butt kicked by Khan. Just look at the muscles on that guy.
My take: Badly fallacious argument, but I consider the advantage to be right. Khan was at least a fallible opponent, though seemingly superior to humans. Q is not really an enemy of humanity, but a prankster benevolent helper. Besides, omniscient enemies are boring.
Sex Appeal
Kirk: Irresistible
Picard: Avuncular
Advantage: Kirk. Forget the new life and new civilizations-Kirk is seeking out lovely ladies, and he seems to find one in every other episode. Picard, on the other hand, has had only a handful of dates through the years. Maybe it's the tea-sipping thing. Not exactly manly.
My take: I'll leave it up to y'all to debate this one, though I will say I've heard people argue both sides.
Alter Ego
Kirk: William Shatner
Picard: Patrick Stewart
Advantage: Who's better, the Candian who plays a guy from Jansas or the Brit who plays a guy from France? We go with Shatner by a hair(piece).
My take: I actually like Stewart a little better (his voice delivery is certainly better than Shatner's "Go...to........red alert.").
Most Memorable Quote
Kirk: "KHHHHAAAANNNNN!"
Picard: "Make it so."
Advantage: Kirk. In space, no one can hear you scream, goes the old ad line. Well, apparently, that doesn't apply to Kirk. When he gets to chewing the scenery, you can hear it all the way to Vulcan. Kirk wins this one hands-down, because no matter how many times you see his anguished yell in The Wrath of Khan, you always expect his head to explode before he gets the whole syllable out.
My take: I agree. This also shows the difference between the two captains perfectly. Kirk is emotional, volatile, lively. Picard is reserved, quiet, and dull.
Alter Ego's Most Memorable Moment
Kirk: Shatner sings "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" on the high-concept 1973 album The Transformed Man.
Picard: At the end of a 2000 performance of the Broadway show The Ride Down Mt. Morgan, Stewart, the show's star, halts the applause so he can rip into the play's producers for not adequately promoting the play.
Advantage: Picard. Shatner's loopy, disturbing rendition of the classic Beatles song is impossible to block out of the mind. But Stewart gets extra points for a very Kirkian show of ego and pique
My take: I hadn't heard of either of these events, so no points awarded.
And the winner is...
Kirk.
His camp appeal makes it so. (The Khan yell, for example, long ago entered the popular lexicon. It was used on Seinfeld more than once, including when George looked to the heavens and screamed, "TWWWWWWIIIIIX!" after someone steals his candy bar.)
Can anyone imagine people still quoting Picard, doing Patrick Stewart imitations or hiring Stewart to appear in embarassing commercials thirty years from now?
We think not.
James Tiberius Kirk is an icon who will survive.
My take: I agree. The whole OS has entered the social fabric, and is still remembered more fondly by many people than TNG.
