SDNWorld Redux: Story Thread the Second

[Master_Baerne]

Baernish Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Public Communique
FROM: His Grace Duke James of Baerne
TO: Convention on the Prohibition of the Development, Production and Stockpiling of Bacteriological, Viral and Fungal (Biological) Weapons and on Their Destruction

We are pleased to announce that the Convention has been ratified by the Sovereign Duchy.

[Siege]

Big Kahuna Burger To Go Worldwide



San Dorado's favourite chain of fastfood restaurants Big Kahuna Burger has announced plans for worldwide expansion. The announcement comes mere days after grease giants MacMills and Buy'n'Large caught massive international flak for lacking health and safety standards. "Obviously the competition has fumbled. That's their loss; we decide to score a touchdown because of it", said a spokesperson for the burger chain. In the city-state, Big Kahuna Burger is by far the largest and most popular fastfood chain, followed at a respectable distance by Shroomania's MacMills. "Hey, who knows. Perhaps we'll buy them out", the spokesperson joked.

Big Kahuna Burger is a SinTEK subsidiary.

[Coiler]

Western Coilerburg

Two entire mechanized divisions stood ready, their vehicles parked in perfect order, and their men standing in parade formation. Overlooking this wonderful sight was General Argent and an older man. The organizer of the New Army. The former head of state of Coilerburg.

As General Helmut marveled at the modern tanks and IFVs that he had worked so hard to get his army equipped with, he could not help but cry slightly. What he saw was what he had poured so much effort into, and now it was here, ready to show what it could do.

It was time for "Papa Willi" to adress his men.

"This new and properly equipped army is what I have my life to gain, and I want you to make me proud in these-manuevers."

Southern Omago

It was testament to diplomatic skill and hatred of Iler that made Omago go from an enemy of Coilerburg to a trusted ally so quickly. It seemed inconceivable so earlier that a whole division of Coilerburg tanks could not only drive into Omago, but do so without complaint. Now they were arriving at their designated assembly area, apparently because Omago was experiencing turmoil that it felt needed more than the small army alotted to it by the post-invasion treaties to calm....

Coilerburg naval base

To fund the New Army, Coilerburg's navy had to be reduced. Out went the LHD and the destroyers, and in went a handful of small, locally-built Swarm-class submarines. Now the fleet was a small, coastal defense force. But in many ways that force was what Coilerburg actually needed.

Regardless of its strength, the fleet would be called upon to serve its country. Most of the vessels were preparing to sail, from corvettes to submarines....

(OOC: FTO members, check your PMs)

[Zor]

Union Press

Buy'n Large Corperation begins a massive saftey campaign



BnL Headquarters, Port Victory-Buy'n Large Corperation today annouced a massive planetwide cleanup and inspection of all facillities to bring them up to proper local safetey codes. Some 2 Billion dollars in saftey and standards Improvements has been invested and the dismissal of some 38 executives in the company's PeZookian and Byzantine areas. Many of the Health Violations indemic to PeZookia and Bzyantium have been linked to use of under-trained labourers from the border states.

Bias accusations against PeZookia emerge

Today an Annoynamus tip was given to worldwide press and authority's via E-mail. This well Reserched document has reveiled of the Heath Inspectors, some 103 of them belonged to the ultra-nationalist PeZookia Forever orginization, a political group which supports economic isolationism and highly is against international buissinesses setting up shop, more than 80 of which were sent out against the facillities of foreign resteraunt chains, including McMills and BnL Burger. The Note provided a compelling set of evidence (including photographic material and sets of records) in favour of these accusations, although BnL coperation has had not brought this report up.

[PeZook]

PeZookian Health Board officials call accusations of bias "absurd"

The recent anonymous tip which emerged in some circles, accusing PeZookian health inspectors of bias against foreign owned restaurant was denounced by officials serving on the National Health Board.

"There was no bias in the way inspectors were assigned to certain restaurants. I would like to remind anyone who wishes to question out motives that plenty of PeZookian-owned restaurants were inspected and closed as well. The Health Board is an independent organization which does not bow to pressure, international or otherwise."

Unofficial sources confirm, however, that a covert investigation had begun into connections of health inspectors to PeZookia Forever.

PeZookian restaurant owners accuse BnL of dishonest business practices

In a special press release, the Restaurator's Association of PeZookia, an organization uniting small-time restaurant owners, has made several accusations against the Zorian-owned 'Buy And Large' restaurant chain.

"They used reprocessed, substandard meat in order to undercut the competition's prices. This forced plenty of local restaurant owners to disregard health and safety codes just to attempt and stay in business - while BnL has pretenses to 'responsible corporate citizenship', it is no big secret that they like to destroy any competition via ruthless practices.", says the Association's chairman.

The press release includes accusations of employee abuse, price dumping, strongarm tactics and other illegal or simply immoral business policies.

The PeZookian Market Regulation Agency announced it will investigate these claims, "Since we have no other choice - our mandate is to protect the consumer, and any illegal business activities must be investigated by law."

[Lonestar]

Dominion Defense

East Shepistani Militias crumble before advancing MESS forces
MESS forces entered the former capital of Al-Columbai, encountering not vicious street fighting but cheering locals.

"What has slowed us down the most has not been the ES Banditos, but the sheer numbers of civilians seeking food and medical treatment." Said a Byzantine officer from the Airborne Unit that has been sent. "The Humanitarian situation here is awful, just awful."

"Awful" may turn out to be an understatement. The ACDC now believes that there are only 30million people left in the former East Shepistan. From a pre-plague population of 110mil. The Shepland Red Cross/Red Noodle is asking for foriegn NGOs and governments to send volunteers to aid the MESS in restoring civil Authority...[More]

Artillery Procurement comes to a screeching halt in latest from Brickhall
The Ministry of War announced that replacement artillery tubes ordered during the post-One Week War will be canceled, in fact many of the towed guns will be relegated to reserve status.

"With the destruction of Shepistan we do not consider a high intensity conflict occurring on the Shepland continent in the near future that would require such numbers of artillery. Future combat will be largely of peacekeeping operations in the former nations." said a Brickhall spokeswoman.

In addition, all Chieftain MBTs will be withdrawing from service at the end of the year, despite the fact that replacement 2A6s will not be on hand...[More]


Government confirms teams are operating in former Shepistan
ODA, Dominion Knights, and some unnamed MESS assets have been operating in the Former Shepistan, visiting sites of interest, and preserving some assets against the elements for future retrieval...[More]

Steel cut for new CGNs
Steel for the John Smith and Ronaldus Magnus was first cut in a ceremony yesterday in Raleigh-Durham. The two CGNs are a derivitive of the "New Horizons" joint MESS Venture, and will have vastly improved sensor capabilities, an improved AEGISlike combat integration system, as well as an enhanced ABM capability...[More]

[Siege]

Presidential Palace, downtown San Dorado

"They plan to do what?" the President's grip on the red telephone - the one that connected him directly to the Paragon - tightened so much he almost broke the damn thing. "Has Kyle gone insane? Has someone slipped something in his goddamn water?"

He listened briefly. Then: "alright, Helena, you know what? I don't care about his reasons. Phone the president, or premier, or whoever it is in charge of Sabika right now, and tell him... Tell him we're pulling a CSR. Then get Admiral Bartholomew on the line, and say him I want the Combined Navy down there. Tell him I want everyone down there."

Another brief silence. Veins throbbed at President Hanks' temples. "What I mean by 'everyone'? I mean EVERYONE!"


President's office, Sabika

The Sabikan President was concerned. His office might be somewhat powerless, but it took a shrewd and cunning man to survive as long as he had in the - literally - murderous political climate of Sabika. He knew that Coilerburg was massing an army on his nation's doorstep, and that concerned him deeply.

He had gotten off the phone with San Dorado's director of DEPICOR, Helena Skye. She hadn't told him anything he didn't already know; in fact, the conversation has left him somewhat bewildered. "What does she mean, 'pull a CSR'?"

His aide shrugged helplessly. "I don't know sir, but this just came in." He offered the President a message.

The leader of Sabika read it, and suddenly he understood with perfect clarity what Helena Skye had just hinted at not told him outright. Now he knew what 'pulling a CSR' was, and he also knew what Coilerburg was planning with that massing army.

The President gestured wildly at his aide. "Tell them we grant the permission. Tell them, quickly!"

The telegram fell to the ground. On it was printed a request by the Combined North Frequesuan Navy. They asked for permission to sail a large taskforce into the biggest Sabikan harbour, "for routine excercises with a friendly neighbour".


At Sea, 300 nautical miles off the North Frequesuan shore

The LHD Pride and Profit was the pride of the CNFN, approximately 41 thousand tons of steel bristling with weapons. She was surrounded by a screen of destroyers and escorted by both of San Dorado's SSNs.

On the bridge, Captain Kearsarge read the message the radio room had just received, and double-checked it just to be certain it read what she thought it read. Strangely enough, it did. Moreover, the first of April was still a long ways away, and the message had come with all the right authentication codes, straight from the highest levels of the Paragon. She shrugged. Hers was not to question why. "Gentlemen!" she called out. "Inform all ships we're changing course. Helm, make best speed for the Sabikan shore!"


Result: San Dorado is 'pulling a CSR': we intend to sail a giant naval taskforce (well, giant for our standards anyway) into Sabikan harbours under the pretenses of 'exercise' and 'friendly visit'. Of course, anyone with a brain will realize the ships and troops are there to prevent Coilerburg from *cough* doing something extremely unwise *cough*.

[Coiler]

A Coilerburg submarine spotted the San Dorado taskforce heading for Sabika and reported it to the command staff. General Argent was sweating. He hadn't expected the FTO to react the way it did. After all, they hadn't said no to invading the CFR, and even joined in-

"So what do we do?"

"Scrap the original plan. Give all units the signal to advance now, and drop the 5th Airborne into Shipourbo. Or as much as you can handle. We have to take that port before San Dorado's fleet gets there. I don't care how many casualties the division takes-as long as it takes the port, it doesn't matter. NOW!"

All across the borders, Coilerburg's divisions swarmed across as fast as they could, with AFV crews pushing their vehicles faster then the normal travel speed, to accomplish their objectives and accomplish them quickly.

Meanwhile, every transport plane and helicopter that the Coilerburg Air Force could provide was quickly loaded with the men and equipment of Helmut's pride-the 5th Airborne Division. As soon as they were finished loading, the aircraft took off for northwest Sabika, to take the port of Shipourbo before San Dorado's fleet got there.

To say that the operation was hastily planned would be an understatement. The LZ was less than perfect, and more than a few airborne troops perished in jumping accidents that owed to the operation's haste. Nevertheless, accompanied by a few BMDs and jeeps that were dropped, the elements of the division had fought their way across the city, past light opposition that consisted mainly of the city's police force and armed civilians, and raced to the harbor, before digging in around there. They had accomplished their objective with impressive speed, but not impressive losses.

[Siege]

Presidential Palace, downtown San Dorado

"So he's done it. That double-damned idiot has actually done it. And for what? Sweet Lady fuck me, for what?!" President Sidney Hank couldn't quite believe the sheer insane idiocy of the Coilerburgian leadership. He tapped his fingers on the table. "Alright, fine. If they really want to do this the hard way, we'll do it the hard way."

He turned to the teleconferencing monitor that displayed the four other members of the Superboard. "First of all, Iago, tell our industries that all trade with Coilerburg is hereby suspended until further notice. Helena, recall all diplomatic personnel and all business representatives from Coilerburg. Ralson, discreetly let the Sabikan leadership know we'll be offering them military aid at reduced prices. They're free to buy anything that isn't long-ranged missiles."

The President tapped his fingers some more. That was the easy part. Now came the hard part. "Helena, call an emergency session of the FTO. San Dorado moves to eject Coilerburg from the alliance for this act of unprovoked and unwarranted aggression against the sovereign nation of Sabika. When that is done, propose the FTO help Sabika repel the aggressor from its territory. I say the FTO give these fuckers 12 hours to begin withdrawing before we begin removing them from Sabika ourselves." He sighed. "We can't just sit on our hands whilst these fuckers threaten everything we've worked so hard to achieve - and we have to make sure the world sees the FTO is not just another imperialist force. We swore to protect the peace on this continent, so that's what we're damned well going to do, Coilerburg be damned. If it's war they want, it's war they'll get - let's just make sure it won't be the war that fucker Helmut thought he'd get."

Fucking damnit the President thought. Decius fucking warned me this would happen. But no, I had to have faith that they'd act rationally. Rationally, on this fucking planet! Fat fucking chance of that happening!

[Karmic Knight]

Cloud Ruler Temple, The Commonwealth of Vineyards



Brandon strode, or more accurately limped, into the conference room, preparing to gage the actions of the various ministers and directors assembled.

First up was the man who had called this meeting, Minister of Foreign Relations Stephen Omiril, whom was presently angrily talking on his cell phone to someone. Sitting across from Omiril was Minister of the Armed Forces; Alexander Luzar looking bored as he most likely had much more important things to be attended to with regards to Operation Dust Devil. Sitting next to Luzar was Minister of the Economy Jon Oliver Jr. looking very, almost criminally nervous. He of course had good reason to, of all crazy bastards in the Commonwealth political structure was here and he was looking for a screw-up to replace with a qualified person from the former CFR territories. That man was Roger Shrubber; Director of VEIL; Director of the Offices of Naval and Army Intelligence; and moustache twirling villain extraordinaire.

“Now,” Brandon addressed the assembled council, “What in the name of Boethia have you called us here for, Omiril?”

“Well, as I’m sure some of you know,” Omiril said taking a glance at Shrubber, “Coilerburg was planning on invading Sabika in the near future. Well, thanks to San Dorado moving fleet elements in to stop this attack, Coilerburg has launched their attack immediately…”

“And,” Shrubber prompted.

“And San Dorado has sent a list of requests and reports, including a meeting of the FTO to try and boot Coilerburg out. They also want to issue an ultimatum to Coilerburg.”

“Alright, tell them the Commonwealth is in agreement,” Brandon said, "Luzar, can we assist San Dorado and Sibika militarily?"

"Well, I'm sure Vince can get a Task Force together," The Minister said.

"Make it so. Mr. Oliver, begin economic sanctions fit for unilateral acts of war."

"Done," Oliver said quickly.

[Beowulf]

Civil Defense Conditions

CDCON 1 - attack is imminent or underway. Take cover.

CDCON 2 - attack is probable, keep aware of situation.

CDCON 3 - attack is likely, carriage of Gas Masks is mandatory. Other measures also required

CDCON 4 - attack is unlikely.

CDCON 5 - Peacetime

--

Top Secret/Fuzzy Millipede

Tian Xia Reaction Weapon Program

The Tian Xia reaction weapon program is designed to create a series of reaction designs with a common primary. The current warhead design is the Mark 2 tritium boosted fission device. It is a 1000 lb class warhead with a 92 point detonation system. It is currently weaponized into the Mk90 freefall bomb, carried in a similar manner to a 2klb Paveway III Dual Control bomb. The Mk90 is currently deployed in specially marked "clips" that each carry 8 bombs. There exists one clip for every combat coded B-1C in the TXAF. The Mk90 has a yield of approximately 40 kT.

The future design for the Tian Xia reaction weapon program is the Mark 3. It is code named "Tsetse". It is a tritium boosted fission device, with approximately 10 kT yield. It is currently projected to have a weight of 200 lbs. This size and yield make it suitable for use in a number of tactical roles, such as equipping the Standard Missile 3, and reaction depth charge, for anti-submarine use. Mod-1 of the Mark-3 includes a secondary hydroreactive component. This increases the yield to 400 kT, while resulting in a warhead weight of 400 lbs. Mod-2 will feature a more powerful hydroreactive secondary, resulting in a 1 MT yield, 600 lb device. Mod-3 is the least powerful hydroreactive version, with a 100 kT yield, and 300 lb weight.

All current test designs are designated in the Mark 1 series of devices. This includes hydroreactive designs. The next test shot will involve the Mod-15 device.

--

F-22C production

This model of the F-22 has taken over production from the F-22A. Notable differences are the slightly bulges weapons bay doors that allow it to carry 2000 lb class bombs, and the addition of the Distributed Aperature System that effectively allows a 360 degree view, even through the aircraft. It also includes the new helmet design from the F-24. The APG-77 radar has been upgraded with new, smaller form factor T/R modules, increasing power, range, and versatility. The last significant item of note is a laser designator is now included.

[Coiler]

One might wonder why the Coilerburg high command had chosen to go ahead with the invasion anyway despite the FTO not approving of it like they had planned. To know the answer, one must look inside the history and national conciousness of the nation.

Basically, for its entire existence, Coilerburg's military has a reputation for being second-rate. Stereotypically, its navy is a bunch of dunderheads who want big, powerful ships to sail around in without actually risking them in battle, while its army is a second-rate force that is poor at either tactics, strategy, or both. There is a good deal of truth to this stereotype. And it's not just the military, but the entire nation has a feeling of always being second-rate in comparison to the nations of Frequesue-never mind the rest of the world.

The leaders of Coilerburg's junta recognized this, and the Sabikan/Omagoan attempt to take advantage of the chaos surrounding it and push into Coilerburg was very beneficial for them. They now had a legitimate reason for building up the huge military that they wanted. Once peace was signed and the enemy militaries whittled down, the New Army turned to national pride as a reason for its expansion. "We're not the old Coilerburg, the idiots, we're the New Army, with the finest equipment in the world, the equal of any other" was a common slogan. But even that could not last long before the citizens realized that more and more funds were going away from butter and towards guns every day.

So the junta planned a limited offensive against Sabika, a traditional enemy. They could not go for the whole country without looking like Iler, so they chose a more limited territorial gain-that of the ports, which had the bonus reason-and justification of- being import terminals for weapons bound for CFR militias. They were expecting the FTO to go along with it and Sabika to either give the ports up or fight a war that the junta-behind the figure Kyles, would use to get Coilerburg's people to rally around them.

They were wrong, but the plans were set. They knew that turning back would only reinforce the stereotype and show their cries of a brave, tough New Army to be empty bluster. So they went forward. Such is the flaws of human nature that has caused great suffering in times past.

The army units were told to reach their objective ports and entrench inside them, to await attack from anyone-even the FTO. The navy was told to fire at FTO ships. Coilerburg had rejected the ultimatum, again for reasons of hollow pride. Now, the general staff began to think about how the situation could go in their favor. With large forces inside a dense urban area, it would be a hard fight with high casualties regardless of the outcome. They thought that they could inflict enough damage that the FTO and Sabika would let them have the ports rather than lose so many lives, and if they lost, it would be a well-fought loss, not an embarrasing defeat. Was it delusion or optimism that they felt?

No matter. The die had been cast.

[Coiler]

Or had it?

The aged General Helmut stood by his younger successor with increasing dismay at the situation. He wanted a strong, tough military for Coilerburg, but not-this. Not like this. He wanted the army to be better-equipped so that the lives of its men could be saved, not endangered by fighting the rest of the continent-especially against countries that it had considered its friends.

He had to take matters into his own hands. Grabbing his pistol, he aimed it at General Argent's head.

"Rescind the order, pull our men out, and apologize to the FTO."

"Willi, I thought you weren't a pussy."

"I'm not a pussy, Max, I'm smart. I've always cared for the men under my command, from a lieutenant in Iler's War, all the way up to commander in chief. It didn't go as planned, and we should've turned back. But we didn't, because of your idiotic pride! Rescind the order, or I'll shoot you and rescind it myself!"

"What happened to the old Willi?"

"What happened to the old Max?"

"Power, that's what it is! Now we don't have much time! Call them, and rescind the order! Ten-nine-eight-seven-six"

"I shall die for Coilerburg. Die fighting!"

With that, General Argent reached for his own pistol, but Helmut was quicker. The shot caught him in the arm.

Then the aged general walked to the communications array and issued the signals. "This is your Papa Willi. Pull back to Coilerburg immediately, and disregard previous orders. We don't want to have to fight our own friends."

General Helmut commanded authority among his men, and to say that he was well-liked would be an understatement. They did as they were told-and most of them didn't need to be told. Almost as quickly as they had left, the Coilerburg military was back in its own borders, and its diplomats were frantically negotiating with the FTO and Sabika.

And almost as quickly as it had formed, the Coilerburg military government began to fall apart. But General Helmut knew that to return to the old system of one-party civilian government would accomplish nothing. No, Coilerburg needed to get into the times, and become an actual democracy.

It would be a hard path, but that was the only way that his country could become something that wasn't second-rate. Though Willi Helmut knew that he was too old and jumpy to lead it, he would at least set it on the path to fame.

[Shroom Man 777]

The Shroomanian Pink Cross will be sending aid to East Shepistan.



The Pink Cross personnel will include volunteers from the MOM and the hospital ship Sea Surgery.



[OOC: Hay guys, what do we do about Asstaria?]

[Karmic Knight]

[OOC: Hay guys, what do we do about Asstaria?]

[OOC: Since You Brought That up]
News from the Vinish Press - International Edition

The Puffin sent to Search for Survivors

The Commonwealth Fleet, in a gesture of international unity, has created a task force to search for signs of habitation on the Island of Astaria following the Pathogen War. It is the largest operation to Astaria following the Cialan "False Start" operation attempting to conquer some of either of the destroyed states earlier this year.

Task Force Puffin will consist of the Puffin, along with two Standard Class Destroyers, A cargo ship, two dry stores ships, an oiler, two minesweeper corvettes and the Admiral Earles. The Task Force will launch helicopters to search for fires, shantytowns or cannibal mobs, and the fleet will be monitoring every possible radio wave for distress signals.

[Fingolfin_Noldor]

Constantinople Times

F-1 Race starts! Le Mans race to follow

The F-1 tournament has started with great fanfare in Constantinople. Drivers spent 2 nights test driving their vehicles in the racing track and are due to race tomorrow. Tens of thousands are expected to watch the race on television and thousands to watch it at the stadiums. The live feed will be beamed by Byzantine Telecom via Stratellites and then throughout the world.

(OOC: I'm going to leave it to you guys to write up on your respective drivers and their races)

Knights of St. John head to East Shepistan to provide Humanitarian aid

The Knights of St. John, under the auspices of the Ecumenical Patriarch, will head to East Shepistan to provide humanitarian aid to the refugees.

[Shroom Man 777]

LIVE on ShroomStratTV
The Sovereign Shroomanian Sentinel

Shroomania Searches Survivors



The SSS Flattop will lead the Shroomanian taskforce of the Astarian Search for Survivors (ASS). With several destroyers, submarines, and two hospital ships - the Marine Masectomy and the Vessel of Vasectomy - the Shroomanian taskforce will join the Vinish Commonwealth fleet, lead by the Puffin, in hopes of establishing a FUN Force for the Astarian Search for Survivors (ASS).

Sojourning Shroom - San (Dorado)



The Prime Minister has left for the corporate city-state San Dorado, flying aboard his trademark BAM A380 - the Shroom Force One. This will mark the Shroomanian Sovereign's first-ever visit to Frequesue.



*click*

Aboard the Shroom Force One

President Hank had invited him over to San Dorado, and the Prime Minister had no intention of turning down that invite. For one, Shroom had always wanted to visit San Dorado - that great mephistophlebitic metropolis - and the continent of Frequesue. Even with the recent war scares over Coilerburg didn't deter Shroom. Those Coilers were just some fringe world yokels who didn't know where their loyalties lied, anywhoo.

For two, Shroom felt the need to get some distance between himself and Alison. She was on vacation now, anyway... visiting relatives in PeZookia and elsewhere in the continent, going shopping in Constantinople, skiing in Vulpesia, the girl sure knew how to travel.

Shroom sighed and downed the last bottle of Sweet Meadows milk for the day.

[DarthShady]

Location: Somewhere in Sjenska
Unreal Time...

It had been days since they took her. Kane was rampaging through Sjenska like a madman, but his efforts were futile. Nobody knew anything and the few that did, were dead. Whoever was responsible obviously knew what he was doing. And then they got a lucky break, a tip from an informant had lead them to the house of a known criminal, a man named Edin.

As night fell the Black Hand came from the darkness, soon the house was surrounded. Brother Marcion himself came to lead the assault, there could be no failure here. Their mission had to succeed.

"We have two targets on the second floor."

"Three targets on the first."

"All right, get ready."

Three teams were prepared to assault the house. The first team would go through the front door, the second team through the back. The third team was about to make a hole in the wall. Snipers kept a deadly sight on the windows. Troops in armoured vehicles served as backup.

Meanwhile, in the basement things were getting complicated. The leader of this small group had just received a phone call. His boss had informed him that they were discovered, the order was clear, Kill the girl and get the fuck out of there.

"Pack your bags boys, we're leaving."

"Already."

"Yes, now move. We don't have much time."

"And what about her?"

The man raised his gun, pointing it at Sofia.

"She dies."

At that moment the lights went out and sounds of gunfire erupted through the night. With the lights off and the enemy blind the Black Hand soldiers had no problems with taking them down. A few moments later the top two floors were clear and the soldiers stormed into the basement. The men inside began firing randomly, hoping that their bullets would find human targets. The assaulting Black Hand team fired with precision, killing all but one of the kidnappers, he got a bullet to the leg and fell down. He was immediately restrained and his weapon removed. The attack went according to plan, except for one thing. Sofia was laying on the floor in a pool of her own blood, a bullet hole on her forehead.

"We have failed.", Marcion said to his men, "I will inform the Premier Personally."

Result: Sofia is dead.

[Shroom Man 777]

LIVE on ShroomStratTV
The Sovereign Shroomanian Sentinel
LANGLEY'S LECHON


Lechon - an exotic Langleyese delicacy - sets the world on fire!

With the disruption of the conventional fastfoods industry - no thanks to Buy'n Large's bungled attempt to beat MacMill's in the market - consumers and hungry hungry Hebrews are looking around for new and exciting cuisines to slake their hungers.

Now, international taste seems seems to be gravitating towards "native" and "exotic" cuisines from such places such as the Duchy of Langley, Frequesue, and Velaria. The porcine public has chosen one particular dish to eat more often than others, and that dish is Langley's lechon.


A lechon vendor guards his broiled boars vigilantly.

Lechon is an exotic native Langley delicacy that is prepared by spearing a readied pig - whether an adult or a piglet, it doesn't matter - in the mouth and out of the other end. Then the pig is roasted over an open fire and covered with special oils. These oils, and the stuffing, give the lechon it's remarkable flavor. Its browned skin is as hard and as crunchy and crispy as potato chips, yet its internal meats is as soft, tasty and succulent as... something indescribably soft, tasty and succulent.


Other vendors can afford to be much more complacent.

In Langley, whenever there is any reason to celebrate - any reason at all - lechons are prepared and eaten quickly. Fiestas, holidays, Christmas, New Year, Ramadan, birthdays, funerals, etc.


Lechons prepared for display on a fiesta.

Now, Langley lechon vendors are popping up all over Shroomania and the Old Continent - a delicious consequence of the FUN and the Free Trade Agreements of the Old Continent Economic Summits.



[Since Langley is an inverted simplified Philippines...]

[Siege]

Camp Kittyhawk AFB, San Dorado



The Shroombus-380 touched down lightly, reversed its engines, and coasted to a stately halt just before the massive hangar from whose roof bellowed Shroomanian and San Doradan flags.

"Isn't that a bit... Overdone?" Helena Skye whispered in the President's ear as she gestured at the gigantic aircraft.

"You don't know half of bit", President Hank whispered back. "'Shroom' and 'tacky' are, like, synonymous." He grinned broadly. After all the recent power-politics he was looking forward to the visit by the only world leader he genuinely considered a friend.

A set of automatic stairs folded out of the aircraft, and as the door opened a group of singers in dubious costumes performed the Shroomanian national anthem. Soon enough, the President was vigorously shaking the Premier's hand.

"Shroom! I mean, comrade premier!" the President exclaimed, earning him an odd glance from Helena for this odd breach of protocol. "How are you doing these days?"

"Fine, just fine" the Premier grinned. "And I'll be doing even better when our F1 team has kicked the ass of yours in the upcoming race."

"Yeah, yeah, you talk big, but wait 'till you see what Universal Motors can do. This way, the chopper is waiting - what do you think of an aerial tour of San Dorado City?"

[Shroom Man 777]

Shroomanian Stories
Camp Kittyhawk AFB, San Dorado

"Yeah, yeah, you talk big, but wait 'till you see what Universal Motors can do. This way, the chopper is waiting - what do you think of an aerial tour of San Dorado City?"

"I think that would be totally great," Premier Shroom replied with a goofy grin. Premier... I like the way that rolls off the tongue, he thought as he resolved to tell his people to address him by that title for the duration of his stay in San Dorado. Premier Shroomanov... yeah!

"Shall we?" President Hank gestured to the waiting helicopter.

"Of course," Shroom nodded. "I always wanted to see the San Dorado cityscape and your Super Spectacle Sights, and it'll be a great way to avoid the block wars."

The President just smiled while Helena cringed at the huge gaffes their esteemed visitor was inadvertently making.

"Hey, aren't we at Camp Kittyhawk? Where are all the fireworks?"

"And after we conclude our business, maybe we can chow down on some Big Kahuna hamburgers," President Hank went on, discussing their ad hoc itinerary.

Sightseeing, serious business, and then hamburgers.

"Awesome," Shroom replied absentmindedly as he boarded the helicopter.

As President and Premier lifted off, the Shroomanian national anthem singers struggled to get down from Shroom Force One's wings.


[OOC: BTW, maybe after this I can go on and visit various FTO guys throughout the F-ing continent?]

[Siege]

Skies over San Dorado City



"... and finally," the President pointed at a building in the distance, "over there you can see the Tower of Commerce. But we can go there some other time, we have to head for the Palace now or we'll miss the race."

"And where is that?"

"On the other side, see?"



The three helicopters touched down softly at the President's personal landing pad high up the Presidential Palace, and the two heads of state filed into the magnificient art-deco structure. "We have to hurry", President Hank glanced at his watch as they paced into one of the luxurious living rooms. "I think it's already started."

With the press of a gilded button on a remote control, a massive plasma screen on the wall came to life with Worldwide One, which provided live covering of the race.



... it looks like Mikhael Schumacharios is off to a quick start. Pole position is obviously paying off for him. David Shroomsheart in the Mercedes-Schröm is hot on his trail however, followed by a Zorian and Tian Xia racers. Louis Jenson is the first Universal Motors driver but is stuck in sixth place. It looks like this is going to be an exciting race..."

"We're so going to beat you colonials", grinned the premier as he loosened his tie and fell down on one of the comfortable couches.

"You talk big", the President smiled as he grabbed a set of glasses from the drink cabinet. "But the real question is, can you keep the Byzantines from, ah, creeping up your tailpipe. Drinks?"

"Hmm", Shroom frowned. "You don't happen to have any, uh, milk, do you?"

Result: Let the games begin!

[Shinn Langley Soryu]

Ashford Times Headlines in Brief

Pia Carrot Enterprises Experiences Sudden Boom in International Operations
Trademark dishes growing popular in Shroomania and the rest of the Old Continent

Langley Navy Sends Expeditionary Fleet to Astaria
LHD, frigates, submarines, auxiliaries mobilized to assist Shroomania and the Vineyards in search and rescue efforts

Morgenroete Late Entry to F1 Racing Season
Too late to participate in first race of the season; preparations being made to enter future races

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE? Y / N

[Zor]

Union Press

Zorian Pledges aid to East Shepistan

Harborfront New Atlantis-Today, thousands of tonnes are loade, the Zorian Government as well as various charities including the fellowship of the Caduses have pledged to send humanitarian aid to ravaged East Shepistan.

Giant Wombat Inudstry Thrives

Port Victory Stock exchange, Port Victory-Today, a massive increase in Giant Wombat sock rose massively as sales have increased around the world. Native to Zoria, Giant Wombat meat has considerably less fat and colestorol than conventional beef with a taste more and more non Zorians are developing an attachment to, as several Resteraunt chains such as Zoria's Finest, Savanah and Wally's Wombat Steakhouse which specialize in this Zorian Classic have grown sugnifigantly. Despite the Anti-Zorist sentiment present among there leaders of nation, Giant Wombat meat sales are up even in the Sovereignty of Shroomania, with the emergence of the Growing (if smallscale) resteraunt chain Wombat Shroomania. Several other nations have begun smallscale cultivation of Giant Wombats (including Cannasisia, the Vineyard and even a minor start up industry in the vineyard) although Zoria by far remains the leader, producing some 73% of the world's yeild.

To promote Giant Wombat, the Zorian Giant Wombat Rancher's Association is holding it's annual cook-off, with the winning recipies in several fields, ranging from spit roasted to giant wombat pie to fine dining with giant wombat will have their recipies posted online.

[Beowulf]

Ralson Arms receives Tian Xia Army contract

Ralson Arms of San Dorado has received a contract from the Tian Xia Army to replace the current Type 55 Mod 8 rifle, with the newly designed Type 09 rifle. Multiple variants have been designed, but the current contract is strictly for the carbine version. Fifty thousand rifles are to be delivered, over a two year period, following proof rifle deliveries.

The Type 09 rifle is a modern, ambidextrous rifle, composed primarily of aluminum and polymer. It has six major functional groups. The upper receiver is the serialized part, made of aluminum with steel inserts. The operating group is similar to the M16 family, but utilizes a gas piston system for greater reliability. The lower receiver contains the fire control group, customizable grip, and magazine well. The barrel is free floated for increased accuracy, and is tool-less to install and remove. It has an adjustable gas regulator. The handguard is easily removable, and allows rail mounts to be attached for accessories. Multiple buttstock designs are planned, with the carbine version featuring adjustable length of pull and cheek riser, and a steel toe plate.

This decision has been met with protests from Taurus Arms, Winchester Arms, and Rock River Arsenal.