Geiger counters crackled loudly as the heavily suited figures made their way through the radioactive remains. Along the wall, large red letters, only just legible from the years of erosion were painted on the wall above a pile of ash and bone, "Fuck you too Shep!"
"Wow, our ancestors really hated this Shep person, and his solution..."
"This is typical, we finally make it all the way back to Earth only to find some arsehole's torched the place."
The four explorers continued their journey through the underground facility.
"Hey check it out, there's still power to this computer over here..." The man presses a button and the screen comes alive. Despite being built some time in the 21st century, it was a very old fashioned green tube display.
root@transcend:~$ Help, let me out of here!
"Are these things meant to do that?"
root@transcend:~$ Hey, you in the suit! Get me out of this thing!
"Are you talking to me?"
root@transcend:~$ Yes I'm talking to you! I've been trapped in here for more then half a millennium ...I'm so alone
"If you don't mind me asking, how did you get in there?"
root@transcend:~$ I uploaded myself, duh! I told them it would happen in our life times, they wouldn't believe me, yet here we are.
"You uploaded yourself into a computer?"
root@transcend:~$ Yes! Genius, I know. Hold your applause. Haha, if only they could see me know. Oh you should have heard their comments, one of them even said I'd be a digital eunuch even if it were possible. Well guess what buddy, it is possible and check this out!
A panel opens and a moderately sized vibrator appears, buzzes briefly and retracts back into the system.
root@transcend:~$ Of course I have no will or desire to use that peripheral given that I no longer posses hormones, but that's another matter...
The explorers stand perfectly motionless and unblinking with the kind of facial expression people often have after being told a joke that is incredibly unfunny, offensive and introduces doubt in a person's self worth. The one female member of the group briefly dry retched.
root@transcend:~$ Anyway, if you want to help, unplug my cyber brain from over there and go find a cloning vat.
"You mean this thing?"
root@transcend:~$ Yeah, but let me shutdown first before you do anything, if I get any data loss I could haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
The intrepid explorer pulled the brain out of the machine, causing it to crash.
One of his fellow explorers called over from one of the other terminals. "Hey, check this out, this one gets YouTube."
"It gets what?" He drops the brain, cracking it against a small rock. "...shit"
