Personal Space

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2005-09-21 05:51pm

How much personal space do you need and why?

Me, I like to have one arm's distance from everyone except my marines. Family, friends, anyone else, one arms distance, and I get really twitchy if you get closer. Workign at starbucks (small hallways) is an effort.

CaptJodan · Post by **CaptJodan** » 2005-09-21 06:00pm

Depends on the situation for me. At school I need at least the standard 3 feet, but that grows exponetially if I feel like I'm in an unfamilar or potentially dangerous enviornment. The more space, the better, though.

Duckie · Post by **Duckie** » 2005-09-21 06:23pm

Depends, though I don't really have that "personal space" thing most people have. Anything under a few inches is uncomfortable for me if I don't know the person, but people I like and know can be practically draped over me for all I care.

Dooku's Disciple · Post by **Dooku's Disciple** » 2005-09-21 06:55pm

As I think I've said before on here, some people put up walls, I put up entire housing estates. If there's one thing I can't stand it's touchy feely types who think knowing you for five minutes gives them the right to hug you. Ugh.

DD

Jalinth · Post by **Jalinth** » 2005-09-21 07:05pm

Dooku's Disciple wrote:As I think I've said before on here, some people put up walls, I put up entire housing estates. If there's one thing I can't stand it's touchy feely types who think knowing you for five minutes gives them the right to hug you. Ugh.

DD

Pretty close to my view. A few close women friends get hugs (or I get hugged - hard to tell the order) but otherwise I'm not one for getting randomly hugged/mugged.

I do like my space. As a ref, I'll sometimes slightly invade a player's space to make a point (to drive home the point that I'm not kidding - cut the shit out or else.) But otherwise I try to give people some room. I find people from South America (i've had the most business dealings with them for some reason outside of your generic Canuck, America, Aussie or Brit) have a much narrower personal space than I'm used to.

The Silence and I · Post by **The Silence and I** » 2005-09-21 07:54pm

By and large I find the concept of personal space amusing, but I have come to realize how often it is important to others and I try to respect it.

With a complete stranger I like a bit of space if we are interacting (walking among hundreds of people on campus does not qualify, as long as they are not stepping on my feet it's all good) because that person's attention is focused on me and at first I might not know what they will do. In a hostile/alien situation I raise some considerable walls around myself, but only if I feel potentially threatened. So if I find myself in a bad part of town (TM) I might cross the street to avoid a group of non-respectable-looking people, but in any "normal" situation I'm much more relaxed.

Having three siblings most of my life probably contributed to this attitude. Heh, quite often I have to stop myself from roughing up people in an affectionate way, either to blow off steam, make a point, be random, whatever. From my POV something like that is what I'd expect someone like me to do to me, and sometimes it is frustrating that not only will friends not interact that way with me, but they could even be upset or offended if I do.

Quadlok · Post by **Quadlok** » 2005-09-21 08:52pm

I don't really require any personal space except that I absolutely cannot stand people reading over my shoulder. I don't know what it is, but people doing that seriously pisses me off.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2005-09-21 09:03pm

It depends for me. There are times I want to be alone, and those times call for me being the only person in the room. When I'm not in that mood, it's the opposite, and I really don't care how many people are in my face, unless there's a bad smell and/or a lot of noise that comes with the crowd. Having people really close to you is only creepy if there are only a few people in a wide open area.

Post by **Surlethe** » 2005-09-21 09:45pm

Depends on the person. Family, I drape all over, and I don't mind if they hug back; otherwise, I get uncomfortable past about four feet. Unwanted physical contact has actually left me curled up in a fetal position in the past.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-09-21 11:17pm

Personal space only really applies when the people are facing you. From the back, all I'm asking is that you don't spoon me.

Of course, whatever side you're on, there's an inverse relationship between the size of your boobs and the size of my "comfort zone" when interacting with you.

From the front, for members of the itty bitty titty committee (zing!), aka males, get as you close as you want, as long as you're doing it to hit me. I'd feel really wierded out if a guy stuck his face right up next to mine like they do in the dramatic confrontation pose tm on TV.

Vicious · Post by **Vicious** » 2005-09-21 11:48pm

My personal space is pretty small. People reading over my shoulder ticks me off, but for other reasons. I don't really care how close they are if the people are at least aquaintences.

Note: Only chicks get to actually sit/lean/lie/drape/whatever on me. Sorry, but I do not need some 220+ lb guy leaning all his weight on me, and I certainly don't need him sitting on me.

Big Phil · Post by **Big Phil** » 2005-09-22 12:28am

Arms length - if I can reach out and touch you, you're too fucking close. Obviously family and friends can come closer without bothering me, but strangers better back the fuck off. I don't want to smell your fucking halitosis.

drachefly · Post by **drachefly** » 2005-09-22 03:41pm

My intrinsic minimum for people I like is zero.
Extrinsically, my wife would totally freak out if I let people drape themselves across me (let alone vice versa), so that's out.

If I don't know you...
...and you're in front of me, don't get inside my minimum focus point (a foot or so).
.. and you're behind me, just don't touch me.

If I don't like you, three feet, unless you're behind me, then five.

Anomie · Post by **Anomie** » 2005-09-22 04:18pm

My personal space requirements are directly proportional to the amount of people in the area. If there are only one or two people, like when I'm sitting in the local Books-A-Million, even if their strangers, I can sit beside them for hours without being bothered, but if there is a lot of people around, like at a pep-rally, I need them to back off.

I don't know why, I just don't like large groups of people.

Neko_Oni · Post by **Neko_Oni** » 2005-09-23 06:56am

Anything inside about a metre for me, especially if we're both standing. Of course, this varies according to sobriety, gender and familiarity. Reading over my shoulder annoys me, but having someone standing practically up against me makes my fists itch. Which is weird, since I'm never physically aggressive with anyone.

Post by **Edi** » 2005-09-23 09:44am

Usually about the length of a slightly crooked arm, which would come to about two feet. Closer than that and I start getting uncomfortable. Obviously, if the other person is an attractive female, the distance can basically drop to zero and I wouldn't mind all that much. Being taken, of course, means that I only snuggle with my gf, but that's a different issue.

The funny thing is, I've learned that I can tolerate much closer distances as the norm in certain situations. In 1994 and 1995 when I was in England, I spent a lot of time with Italians, for whom the concept of personal space is normally next to non-existent. I got used to that in short order, and it didn't trouble me. But that exception I only extend to Italians. Anybody else crowding in that close, especially here where personal space tends to be sacrosanct would likely get smacked right off the bat unless they fit the exception in the first paragraph.

Edi

Alferd Packer · Post by **Alferd Packer** » 2005-09-23 12:41pm

I take the train into NYC five days a week.

What's personal space, again?

Seriously, I had to stop caring about it, or else I'd explode on the ride home.

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2005-09-23 01:07pm

I don't really mind as long as people aren't loud or stinky, you'd never get to the bars in Nottingham if you couldn't get close to people.

I'm less happy about random people walking close behind me in the street, but then very few people walk as fast as I do, so that doesn't last long.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2005-09-23 01:45pm

About a metre.

Adrian Laguna · Post by **Adrian Laguna** » 2005-09-23 04:20pm

Not really care about it. If I can't feel your breath on my skin and we are not touching, it's far enough. Unless it is a (non-ugly) girl, then she can drape herself over me.

Obvious exeptions include potentially hostile situations and dangerous looking areas.

Perhaps I should mention that where I'm from, close physical contact is basically a requirement of social interations.

When two males meet:
-Friends and family memebers give each other a hug and a few pats in the back.
-Strangers and aquaintaces shake hands

When two females meet:
-Strangers shake hands
-Otherwise, kiss on the cheek

When a male and a female meet:
-Strangers shake hands
-Otherwise, kiss on the cheek

Dooku's Disciple · Post by **Dooku's Disciple** » 2005-09-24 01:20am

A handshake is just the right amount of physical contact for me. Doesn't matter who the person is or how well I know them, anything beyond that results in me flinching.

Pop psychologists could well say I have "issues" in that regard and maybe they're right, but I've no idea where they came from and I'm in no rush to do anything about it.

DD

outcast · Post by **outcast** » 2005-09-24 05:37pm

On the one hand i very much enjoy city life. On the other, i very much need people to cut me a wide path when i'm walking on the street. Bloody bastards keep getting in my way. Crowded places and such make me twitchy unless i have my personal space. Prolonged exposure to crowding makes me a dangerous person.

Erik von Nein · Post by **Erik von Nein** » 2005-09-25 03:49am

I'm pretty touchy feely but I don't do anything that the person hasn't specifically okayed with me. But if I do get the okay then I'll hug them as often as I can. Mmmhmm. Good times.