Polytheistic Creation (Greek)

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-04-10 05:02am

Original speech by Barry Marin (PanThea 2002):

Well, Yes. I became a polytheist because I have a scientific mind. I looked at the evidence: Teats on men. Nose hair. EAR hair! The Krebs cycle. This body has all the earmarks of something designed by a COMMITTEE!

And I know women were involved. Because, let's face it: If a MAN had invented MEN, my balls would not be where they are. They'd be in my chest, or my skull, somewhere SAFE.

My real problem is that they let the trickster Gods into it. Like farting. You KNOW farting was Pan's idea. It's just exactly his style.

I can just picture the animal design committee in my mind. There's Hermes in the corner, making insect after insect after insect. They're small, they fly, they're annoying. Perfect!

So Artemis wanted something to hunt them: invented the Wren. Aphrodite didn't think that was pretty enough: invented the Bluebird. Ares thought that was too tame: made the Hawk. Zeus thought that was too small: invented the Falcon. Poseidon had to top that: created the Eagle. Athena put her twist on the idea: invented the Owl. Hera wanted something more practical: invented the Chicken. That was too ugly for Aphrodite: made the Peacock. Zeus wanted bigger chickens: created the Turkey. And Bacchus chimed in: "Ok, ok! It's a chicken. A BIG chicken! A REALLY big chicken! And it's got a looonnngg neck!" "Looks too big to fly, Bacchus." "It don't fly, it runs really fast!" "That's nice, Bacchus."

So then, we know Poseidon created the Horse. Aphrodite didn't think that was pretty enough: made the Gazelle. Hera wanted something more practical again: created the Cow. Zeus made it bigger: invented the Ox. Poseidon had to top THAT: invented the Elephant. Cows weren't fierce enough for Ares: made the Leopard. Which Zeus wanted bigger: created the Lion. which now Artemis had to top: invented the tiger. And Bacchus: "Right! So it's a horse, a BIG horse! And it's got a looonnngg neck; And ORANGE POLKA DOTS!" "That's nice, Bacchus."

And it went on.

Athena made Fish for Poseidon. Zeus made them bigger: created Whales. Poseidon returned the favor: invented Rabbits for Athena's Owls. Aphrodite wanted them softer: made Chinchillas. And, of course, Bacchus: "Ok, So; it's a looonnngg neck!" "How many feet does it have, Bacchus?" "It's got no feet! It's just a loooonnng neck. Slithering on the ground!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

And so it went.

If you listen carefully and observe the world around you, you begin to hear the music of creation. And it's not the monotone, monotonous march of a monotheistic Deity. What single God would bother to invent 9000 different kinds of Frog? No, that music is Jazz! One idea bouncing off another, and taking off in a new direction. Riffs; and variations on themes, and variations of the variations. Obviously a group effort! Until finally, Bacchus, from deep in his cups: "Platypus!"

THAT'S NICE BACCHUS."

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-04-10 05:04am

hehehe. . .worth saving.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-04-10 05:47am

Enforcer Talen wrote:hehehe. . .worth saving.

Hence the posting of it, here.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-04-10 05:55am

ach, tricky.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-04-10 06:23am

They forgot that while they were making the fish for Posiden, Ares thought they weren't fierce enough and invented sharks.....

I think Posiden allegedly made the Dolphins too.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-04-10 06:35am

The Yosemite Bear wrote:They forgot that while they were making the fish for Posiden, Ares thought they weren't fierce enough and invented sharks.....

I think Posiden allegedly made the Dolphins too.

Poseidon and Dionysus (the Greek name for Bacchus) made dolphins by having sailors jump into water, but I forget the entire tale. But lighten up, YB, 'tis just a bit of humor. ;P

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-04-10 06:47am

Artemis would have made the sharks,

And bmost of the birds of prey. She doesn't get enough credit here.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-04-10 07:15am

innerbrat wrote:Artemis would have made the sharks,

And bmost of the birds of prey. She doesn't get enough credit here.

And the deer.. [snickers]

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-04-10 08:21am

Hah. I wanna see Hellenist pseudofundies and christianazis go head to head. Then the Kemetics pop in, and then the ORTHODOX Kemetic say why everyone else is wrong, and the Hindus stop by to say they have more gods then everyone else, then a band of Norse neo-Vikings storm by and axe everyone and steal their goods.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-04-10 10:26am

Makes a lot more sense than Creationism.

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-04-10 12:06pm

neoolong wrote:Makes a lot more sense than Creationism.

AND much cooler! Does YHWH, Jesus, Mohammed, and co. have their own computer games? I think not!!

Queeb Salaron · Post by **Queeb Salaron** » 2003-04-10 05:24pm

Man... That's it. I'm converting.