The "BRUCE ALMIGHTY" Thread

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-05-25 08:51pm

Among other things, I'd fix all the bugs in Windows. The only problem is that I'm not sure that even God himself can do that.

Crazy Goji · Post by **Crazy Goji** » 2003-05-25 09:45pm

1. For better or for worse: I would grant myself infinite knowledge and wisdom.

2. For better or for worse: I would cure Parkinsens Disease so Mr. Furious from Movie-Comics.com can have his fourth Back to the Future movie, and he can shut up about it.

3. For better or for worse: I would give myself infinite free resources to help others and myself.

4. For better or for worse: I would give myself the ability to knock stupidity out of people by hitting them on the head.

5. For better or for worse: I would give myself the ability to transform into Godzilla at will, even after my week is up.

6. For better or for worse: Using my infinite knowledge, I would fix all the Windows bugs except for a few minor ones to make a near perfect operating system. That way I could make more money selling the countless upgrades.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-05-25 10:27pm

Alyeska wrote:Ah yes, piss off 90% of the computer users out there. Real brilliant dumbass. Windows might have its problems, but its undeniably an easy to use and fairly powerful OS. You would have people forced to use an OS they don't know and can't customize the way they had customized Windows. It just shows your a fucking idiot who wants to force your most minor petty ideas onto everyone else.

Calm down. This is supposed to be a fun thread.

Drooling Iguana wrote:An OS they don't know? Well, they didn't know Windows when they started using it either, did they? Can't customize? You've enver used Linux, have you?

You can customize Linux ... way too much. It's extremely intimidating to a computer newbie to set up, and that level of customization simply makes support a bitch.

SAMAS · Post by **SAMAS** » 2003-05-26 02:25am

Fix both my computers, and link them with a LAN cable and free Broadbamd/Cable connection, as well as a Gamecube and Xbox.

Get myself a nice two-story house in a cooler climate.

And an enjoyable, Sufficently-Paying Job at Nintendo.

Give myself knowledge of every current language, as well as full literacy.

And finally, give myself the Posers of Justice League Superman, retroactively past the one-week mark of my omnipotence.

Give every great Fanfiction writer the inspiration to finish their unfinished stuff. Then inspire Rumiko Takahashi to read Hearts of Ice, just because.

Give myself about 4 of my favorite Pokemon as pets.

Now that I'm done with the selfish shit, time for business.

Cure every sick person on the planet.

Reset all of Earth's resources. All presently clearcut forests, empty mines and quarries, and so forth.

De-pollute all waters and the sky.

Drop Bin Laden, Saddam, and 30 random terrorist leaders in a cage in the middle of Times Square.

Give every human the power of Empathy.

Then check my computer, and see what I can do about those messages.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-05-26 02:52am

To steal from Steve Martin:

1) All the children of the world to join hands and sing in peace and harmony

2) 30 billion dollars a month, to be deposited into a Swiss bank account

3) Absolute power over the creatures of the earth and sky and the entire universe

4) A 31 day long orgasm once every year to be triggered by Jessica Alba, Keira Knightley, and Natalie Portman

SAMAS · Post by **SAMAS** » 2003-05-26 01:22pm

And because this is the OFFICIAL thread:

All behold the CAP Report!

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/brucealmighty.htm

Cthulhu-chan · Post by **Cthulhu-chan** » 2003-05-27 01:42am

Dude, that has to be the single most sane review I've ever seen from him. I'm, like, in awe or something...

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-27 02:10am

Cthulhu-chan wrote:Dude, that has to be the single most sane review I've ever seen from him. I'm, like, in awe or something...

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Just wait until the next time he's right, and that'll be it.

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2003-05-27 02:21am

Meh, you know...

I'd probably keep things the way they are.

Screw infinite power. I just want to live normally.

Rubberanvil · Post by **Rubberanvil** » 2003-05-27 05:14am

Darth Yoshi wrote: [*]I'd dramatically lower the birth rate, either by advocating usage of birth control or by sterilizing all the people who won't make good parents, to ease overpopulation.

Pointless to do in the First World countries, birthrates are pretty low as it is. Which leaves the Second and Third countries to depopulate.

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-05-27 10:48am

I'd just settle for humiliating Chick.

Steven Snyder · Post by **Steven Snyder** » 2003-05-27 05:06pm

What would I do...

I would instantly kill every male human on the planet except myself and my son.

I would then destroy the powers I have and so ensure that no one else could ever use them again.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-05-27 06:04pm

Steven Snyder wrote: I would instantly kill every male human on the planet except myself and my son.

You have just earned the hatred of a good percentage of the board.

SAMAS · Post by **SAMAS** » 2003-05-27 09:41pm

And hope he doesn't have any daughters.

Sriad · Post by **Sriad** » 2003-05-31 08:32pm

neoolong wrote:
Cthulhu-chan wrote:Dude, that has to be the single most sane review I've ever seen from him. I'm, like, in awe or something...
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Just wait until the next time he's right, and that'll be it.

Strangely enough, only a stopped clock is right twice a day. Make of that what you will.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2003-06-03 04:13pm

I can't believe I haven't seen this thread yet. I need to visit this part of SD.net more often.

1. Lump all of the world's diseases into one uber-disease, and then cure it before anyone got sick.
2. Alter the genetic makeup of women so that everytime a guy didn't last long enough for her, she thought he did. (that alone would bring me a shitload of followers.

)
3. Banish all the fundies/terrorists/and generally insane fuckwits onto an the most isolated part of the planet and make it impossible for them to escape, no matter what they did.
4. Make alternative sources of fuel (ie: non-polluting fuel sources) more readily available, along with the technology to take advantage of them safely.
5. Bring Farscape, Firefly, Space: Above and Beyond, and all the other cool scifi shows that never finished their run back from the tomb of 'good scifi shows that were never given a real chance to make it big' and stick them on a single TV channel, so that they would never get pre-empted by any sports event.

6. Give myself my very own Pyro GX with a working warpcore!

(if you haven't played Descent 2, then you won't understand)
7. Give myself my very own zat gun!

(One of the best things to come out of SG-1!

)
8. Give myself the ability to control the force!

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2003-06-03 04:36pm

Personally I felt the movie was to religious, but then I thought AP Euro History was to Eurocentric.
It could have at least tipped its hat to Kevin Smith once or twice.
Spoilers

The scene where Carrey says "God doesn't take vacations!"
They so should have had Freeman say "I'm going to go play some skeeball." or something to the effect.