The "BRUCE ALMIGHTY" Thread

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2003-05-24 04:26pm

I'd give every child on the planet enlightenment, so that youth will not be wasted on the young.
I'd reveal the secret of FTL travel to the third world nations, just because.
I'd dramatically lower the birth rate, either by advocating usage of birth control or by sterilizing all the people who won't make good parents, to ease overpopulation.
I'd grant myself superpowers so that after my stint as God is done, I'll have souvenir.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-05-24 04:30pm

EvilGrey wrote:The responses in this thread epitomize perfectly why atheists should not be given power over others or the world.

Don't be absurd. This thread is irreverant, as in, you wouldn't actually act like several examples in this thread if we achieved world president or whatever.

And besides...i see no flaw in my world, what's wrong with it.

and btw..im not atheist.

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2003-05-24 04:31pm

Drooling Iguana wrote:Eliminate every copy of every Microsoft operating system around the world (including all of the original source code,) and replace them all with Linux or one of the BSDs. Create perfect ports of every Windows program for Linux (except for the various virii, trojans, spyware and other less-than-desirable programs.)

Cause attractive women around the world to decide that clothing is only useful for warmth, and to start going around naked on hot days.

You would have to design Linux to look exactly like the windows system people were operating. One nice thing about windows is its general layout and ease of use. Linux requires a certain degree of computer savy. Best way to do that would probably be to create a Linux OS that has the option of running any Windows shell for outward apearance and navigation.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-05-24 04:34pm

Alyeska wrote:
Drooling Iguana wrote:Eliminate every copy of every Microsoft operating system around the world (including all of the original source code,) and replace them all with Linux or one of the BSDs. Create perfect ports of every Windows program for Linux (except for the various virii, trojans, spyware and other less-than-desirable programs.)

Cause attractive women around the world to decide that clothing is only useful for warmth, and to start going around naked on hot days.
You would have to design Linux to look exactly like the windows system people were operating. One nice thing about windows is its general layout and ease of use. Linux requires a certain degree of computer savy. Best way to do that would probably be to create a Linux OS that has the option of running any Windows shell for outward apearance and navigation.

You can get a version that looks like win xp when it boots up can't you?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-05-24 05:00pm

Every pimply-faced geek in high school would get laid ... by the girlfriends of the jocks who pick on them. Said jocks would all wake up with very large penises in order to promote the irony of the fact that not only did their girlfriends fuck other guys, not only did they fuck geeks, but they fucked geeks with smaller penises than them. They'll find that those nice sporty cars they drive have been appropriately replaced by green station wagons with wooden style panels.

And it was good.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-05-24 05:45pm

I'd cure cancer, definately. As for all the other stuff, I'm with Yoshi in giving myself superpowers to use after the whole God stint is over with.

Hmm, what else? The elimination of biological and nuclear weapons, the discovery of an unlimited, non-polluting, efficient energy source, turning the entire region of the Middle East into the 'fertile crescent' it once was... oh yeah, replacing every copy of the Bible in the world with the Skeptic's Annointed Version.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-05-24 05:59pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote: oh yeah, replacing every copy of the Bible in the world with the Skeptic's Annointed Version.

Not think an ironic comic book version would be cooler?

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-05-24 06:49pm

Let's see.

First and foremost, it would be a week of scientific/engineering advancement. I'm God, I get to make things go forward. I get to fill researcher's heads with solutions to the problems, and engineers will wake up with completed skematics on their CAD machines. That, and I get to make a loophole to allow for cheap FTL to be developed.. By England.

What else, though? Well, North Korea will eventually announce all of it's nuclear missiles were somehow replaced with sparklers. Cancer would vanish worldwide. Bin Laden would be found over a week dead, apparantly having died on a toilet after a wild binge of booze and hookers.

Oh yea. I will also spontaneously win the lotto, Tevar's boobs will grow a cupsize or two, and I will have a System class GSV waiting for me in orbit.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2003-05-24 07:10pm

SirNitram wrote:Let's see.

Oh yea. I will also spontaneously win the lotto, Tevar's boobs will grow a cupsize or two, and I will have a System class GSV waiting for me in orbit.

............. More than One Cup Size bigger, and I'd hurt you.

I would eliminate diabetes, because I watched an aunt first her toes, then her feet, then her legs because of it. Either that, or Heart Disease, which killed my father, both grandfathers, most of my uncles... you get the idea.....

Then, I would appear to certain devout people as a 'messanger from Above', telling these people to preach tolerance for each other, and I'd whisper in the ears of the leaders of Palestines and Israelis that only together can peace be reached.

And I'd make the worst of the 'Gays are Evil' lot wake up gay. After all, that's not free will, it's not a choice, it just is.

Of course, they might already *be* gay and denying it.......

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-05-24 09:06pm

Alyeska wrote:
Drooling Iguana wrote:Eliminate every copy of every Microsoft operating system around the world (including all of the original source code,) and replace them all with Linux or one of the BSDs. Create perfect ports of every Windows program for Linux (except for the various virii, trojans, spyware and other less-than-desirable programs.)

Cause attractive women around the world to decide that clothing is only useful for warmth, and to start going around naked on hot days.
You would have to design Linux to look exactly like the windows system people were operating. One nice thing about windows is its general layout and ease of use. Linux requires a certain degree of computer savy. Best way to do that would probably be to create a Linux OS that has the option of running any Windows shell for outward apearance and navigation.

Why? I'm destroying every copy of Windows, including Microsoft's source code. Linux would no longer have to compete with Windows, because there would no longer be a Windows.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2003-05-24 09:09pm

You should anyway, since everyone will now have to switch to Linux. A majority of these users were raised on Windows, and you should give them a Windows-esqe GUI to keep customer satisfaction up.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-05-24 09:11pm

LadyTevar wrote: And I'd make the worst of the 'Gays are Evil' lot wake up gay.

That's so good, it's going on my list.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-05-24 10:35pm

I'd make a piece of cake that only gives me God's powers, and eat it. Boom, I have the POWER forever, not just for one week.

I'd get rid of bras. And female clothes in general. It's a silly idea.

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-05-25 12:23am

Darth Yoshi wrote:You should anyway, since everyone will now have to switch to Linux. A majority of these users were raised on Windows, and you should give them a Windows-esqe GUI to keep customer satisfaction up.

Fine. Just give 'em KDE.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-05-25 12:45am

EvilGrey wrote:The responses in this thread epitomize perfectly why atheists should not be given power over others or the world.

Once again you ruin a perfectly legitimate (and extremely interesting IMNSHO) thread with your boring fecal flamebait. Get your dirty shitstained nose out of SDnet and DON'T come back!

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-05-25 12:54am

Oh, I forgot a few things btw...

I would make it so that Most Guys prefer SMALL boobs over huge ones and everyone has 9-inch long tongues and know how to use it...

Also I'd make it so that literally anyone could build a working Over-Unity Fusion Reactor with a steel bucket, some stainless wire, a solder gun, a few 9-volt batteries, and a bit of deuterium.. and the design is infinitely scalable.

Enricko · Post by **Enricko** » 2003-05-25 01:26am

Apart from the usual cure-cancer, help flood victims, kill psychopaths/rappists with lightning before they coming a crime, the thing I would change would be that women could have orgasms as easily as men...

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2003-05-25 10:03am

Drooling Iguana wrote:
Alyeska wrote:
Drooling Iguana wrote:Eliminate every copy of every Microsoft operating system around the world (including all of the original source code,) and replace them all with Linux or one of the BSDs. Create perfect ports of every Windows program for Linux (except for the various virii, trojans, spyware and other less-than-desirable programs.)

Cause attractive women around the world to decide that clothing is only useful for warmth, and to start going around naked on hot days.
You would have to design Linux to look exactly like the windows system people were operating. One nice thing about windows is its general layout and ease of use. Linux requires a certain degree of computer savy. Best way to do that would probably be to create a Linux OS that has the option of running any Windows shell for outward apearance and navigation.
Why? I'm destroying every copy of Windows, including Microsoft's source code. Linux would no longer have to compete with Windows, because there would no longer be a Windows.

Ah yes, piss off 90% of the computer users out there. Real brilliant dumbass. Windows might have its problems, but its undeniably an easy to use and fairly powerful OS. You would have people forced to use an OS they don't know and can't customize the way they had customized Windows. It just shows your a fucking idiot who wants to force your most minor petty ideas onto everyone else.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-05-25 10:23am

Kill God, therefor he can't take my powers back.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-05-25 02:05pm

Rye wrote: Not think an ironic comic book version would be cooler?

Actually... I've got a comic-book version Bible from many a year ago... I think... I might have gotten rid of it. I'll look around.

Yogi · Post by **Yogi** » 2003-05-25 03:30pm

First, drop Fred Phelps, Jerry Fawell etc. in the middle of Saudi Arabia with only three days of food and water, a copy of the Koran translated into English, and a sex change.

Second, randomize everyone's race (mine included, of course). This will definetly help slove racism.

Third, create various planets around other Earth-like systems and transport the fundies of various religons there. Tell them that they are the Chosen Ones and will live in paradise there for the rest of their lives. Of course, the place will be pretty comfy so none of them will want to develop space travel and leave. On Earth, each person I transport will be replaced by an identical copy, only with the dumb-ass fundie part removed.

Fourth, create perfect non-breaking Dyson Spheres around a crap-load of stars and have them beam their energy to Earth. Retroactively create the energy "en-route" so Earth can begin recieving energy immediatly. Of course, also build the means to recieve the energy safely on Earth.

Fifth, fix all the crap humans have done to the environment.

Sixth, create a variety of edible lichen that can be grown in the most inhospitable environments and still provide an abundance of food.

Seventh, create natural springs where water is a problem.

Eighth, make a perfect Windows emulater for Linux. Peek into the specs for Longhorn, and make a perfect emulator for that as well. Free CDs will be scattered around the world.

Ninth, make B&B of Star Trek fame serve on an actual Federation Starship as redshirts for the week (all in their minds, of course).

Tenth, Cure Cancer,

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2003-05-25 06:05pm

I would destroy the previous God, and do away with his pitiful rules. Then I would do anything I wanted to.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-05-25 06:09pm

Basically what we're all saying is if we have God's powers for a week, we make god irrelevant. Kinda like R00ting a *nix box...

Tasoth · Post by **Tasoth** » 2003-05-25 06:36pm

to continue the trend, the first order of business would be to put myself on or above god's level. Then the fun begins. I'd make myself the god of Pestilence, War, Death and Earthly delights. Second order of business would be to visit the most overpopulated country and insert devistating(SP?) plagues. Next would be widespread riots and small scale, non nuclear wars. Of course, while all this is going on, the environment and nature would be recouping, said cradle of plagues becoming a veritable(sp?) garden of eden. after enough time passes, strategy pools of civilization would be made safe again. Then, I'd hand the planet back over to the G-man and proceed to make Mars a habitable place. Begin rapid evolution to sentience of either A.) Whale/Dolphin type mammal, B.) Mantid like organisms with the human like internal systems, C.) Dragons or D.) Squids. Enter war of the world should earth get uppity.

*cue echoy fade out* BAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-05-25 07:31pm

Alyeska wrote:Ah yes, piss off 90% of the computer users out there. Real brilliant dumbass. Windows might have its problems, but its undeniably an easy to use and fairly powerful OS. You would have people forced to use an OS they don't know and can't customize the way they had customized Windows. It just shows your a fucking idiot who wants to force your most minor petty ideas onto everyone else. :roll:

An OS they don't know? Well, they didn't know Windows when they started using it either, did they? Can't customize? You've enver used Linux, have you?