god comes before you in glory, and says the bible is true

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-06-08 06:50pm

This question really doesn't apply to me because I already believe, but I would follow if he came to me.

Jawawithagun · Post by **Jawawithagun** » 2003-06-08 09:07pm

"Did Mrs God kick you out for cheating again? This omnipresence stuff really hurts you in the bedroom department in the end. Maybe you should give it up, dude."

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-06-08 09:45pm

Jawawithagun wrote:"Did Mrs God kick you out for cheating again? This omnipresence stuff really hurts you in the bedroom department in the end. Maybe you should give it up, dude."

Were you a Mormon in a past life or did you smoke something that is illegal for a good reason?

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-06-08 11:06pm

Well, we know that he's had an affair with at least one earth-chick, but only because of he ended up knocking her up. Who knows how many others there were that we don't know about?

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-06-09 12:07am

Well, since I don't want to spend an eternity getting poked with pitchforks, I'd pick the lesser of the two evils and go with the now visible man in the sky. If the jerk doesn't let me in, I'd find a Bible verse that supports me getting in to Heaven. Then, he'd either send me to Hell for challenging him, let me in, or be confused with all the Biblical contradictions to the point where he vanishes, making me the new God.

Death from the Sea · Post by **Death from the Sea** » 2003-06-09 12:12am

Cyborg Stan wrote:...What if God comes before you and says that you're the true winner of the 1485 Super Bowl?

LOL

Cyborg Stan wrote:...What if God comes before you and asks for your help in beating the last level in the video game he's playing?

Then it is time to put the X-Box away for awhile and go outside for some sun.

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-06-09 08:47am

I would check myself into a mental institution for evaluation.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-06-09 12:22pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Well, since I don't want to spend an eternity getting poked with pitchforks, I'd pick the lesser of the two evils and go with the now visible man in the sky. If the jerk doesn't let me in, I'd find a Bible verse that supports me getting in to Heaven. Then, he'd either send me to Hell for challenging him, let me in, or be confused with all the Biblical contradictions to the point where he vanishes, making me the new God.

Or, like the Ultimate Politician He is reported to be, He just rewrites out all the contradictions in favor of His administration.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-06-09 12:26pm

I would tell him that the Israelites really fucked it up when they put pen to paper, and then I would ask him to read it and get back to me.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-06-09 12:37pm

HemlockGrey wrote:Seriously, if you are confronted with a being that can erase any traces of the existance of your entire species on a whim, I really, really doubt you would tell him he's a dick.

Fortunately JHVH is not that being, as he is <Iorn Chariot in his combat effectiveness. And he's just said that that's true,,,

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-06-09 12:42pm

NecronLord wrote:Fortunately JHVH is not that being, as he is <Iorn Chariot in his combat effectiveness. And he's just said that that's true,,,

Moses also wrestled him to a stalemate, so I imagine someone like Hulk Hogan or a few of our own members would probably wipe the floor with him.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-06-09 12:48pm

Darth Wong wrote:Moses also wrestled him to a stalemate, so I imagine someone like Hulk Hogan or a few of our own members would probably wipe the floor with him.

Imagines Shep vs God...

Now imagines The Mess vs God...

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-06-09 12:51pm

i`d take him to a bar an get drunk with him.

drunk gods are cool.

JodoForce · Post by **JodoForce** » 2003-06-09 01:10pm

What IS this shit about God losing to an iron chariot?

Where can I find it

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-06-09 01:25pm

Judges:1:19
"And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron."

JodoForce · Post by **JodoForce** » 2003-06-09 01:45pm

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-06-09 02:51pm

"Damien, I am the Lord thy God. Everything in the Bible is true."
"I'm not impressed with the Divine Sense of Humor so far."

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-06-09 03:15pm

Durandal wrote:"Damien, I am the Lord thy God. Everything in the Bible is true."
"I'm not impressed with the Divine Sense of Humor so far."

How about "what kind of Divine Drug art thou smoking, and where can thy get it?"

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-06-09 03:31pm

As I have said...he will be hearing a call from my lawyer, and will be charged with crimes against humanity.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-06-09 04:05pm

Kneecap him, and hand him over to Saudi Arabia...

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-06-09 04:59pm

NecronLord wrote:Judges:1:19
"And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron."

I still don't see the big deal with that quote. I read it as referring to Judah, not to God.

NapoleonGH · Post by **NapoleonGH** » 2003-06-09 06:21pm

If god showed up and said the entire bible is true, i would look around at everything i had swollowed in the last hours and discovered that someone gave me magic mushrooms instead of shittakke at the grocers.

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2003-06-09 06:21pm

NecronLord wrote:Judges:1:19
"And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron."

I have access to a 3.7 inch AA gun. God Is divinly fucked.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-06-10 05:16am

Howedar wrote:
NecronLord wrote:Judges:1:19
"And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron."
I still don't see the big deal with that quote. I read it as referring to Judah, not to God.

Judah is not a person it is a people group. Thus the he is a singular, and must represent the other possibility here, the LORD. Therefore "he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron."

If it had said they it wouldn't be a big deal, but it doesn't, it says he.

JodoForce · Post by **JodoForce** » 2003-06-10 05:25am

Doesn't the bible use capital He for God?