Crazy Fundamentalist Relationship Letters

[Surlethe]

Taken from the book Created to be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl:

Section Title: "Blaspheming the Written Word of God"

Question: Dear Mr. Pearl,
I have a question. Would it be sin to castrate myself? I am a husband and father, and I just cannot satisfy myself with my wife because she does not want sex very often. The Bible says "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Would it not be better in my case to be castrated? I talked with my wife, and she does not care. I am tired of sinning.
Mr. Miller.

Response: This is a real letter from a real man named Mr. Miller. We were shocked! What do we tell this man who is willing to lose his manhood to avoid the lust caused by his indifferent wife? The gravity of his wife's sin is staggering. She has NO FEAR of God Almighty. She has blasphemed the Word of God with her selfishness, thinking only of her own needs and not loving her husband. Never, never, never be guilty of such a grave sin. This husband needs to know that God says, "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband ... . Defraud ye not one the other ... that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency" (I Corinthians 7:4-5). God grants the marriage partner full access to his spouse' body for sexual gratification. And remember, indifference is unwillingness.

If y'all want, I can post more excerpts from this book. It's great hilarity.

[Rahvin]

Less hilarious, and more nauseating. I mean, that's a straight-up endorsement of spousal rape.

But like a train wreck, I can't look away. Please, post more - shick us with more specific examples of how fucked up fundy relationships are. Somehow it's worse when you read actual "Dear Abby" type letters than reading the source material for the fundy mindset.

[Dave]

Wow. They took the whole verse out of context by stripping it of everything they didn't want it to say.

3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command.

[Junghalli]

Wow, I don't know which one sounds more fucked up; the guy who wants to castrate himself because his wife won't have sex with him or the one who thinks his wife is a horrible evil person for not having sex with him whether she wants to or not.

Yesirree, that old time religion is just great for your mental health.

[Zablorg]

Wow, I don't know which one sounds more fucked up; the guy who wants to castrate himself because his wife won't have sex with him or the one who thinks his wife is a horrible evil person for not having sex with him whether she wants to or not.

Yesirree, that old time religion is just great for your mental health.

I was a bit more interested to hear that his wife didn't care in the slightest that he was considering castrating himself.

[Junghalli]

I was a bit more interested to hear that his wife didn't care in the slightest that he was considering castrating himself.

Yeah, that too.

It's pretty rare you find three such wonderful examples of how mentally fucked up humans can get in one place. It really says something about how toxic these sort of belief systems are that they fuck people up like this.

[Kanastrous]

If self-castration was good enough for Origen, I wonder why Pearl didn't consider it appropriate for Mr. Miller (who I bet is just tickled that his name got attached to his question...)

[Marcus Aurelius]

If self-castration was good enough for Origen, I wonder why Pearl didn't consider it appropriate for Mr. Miller (who I bet is just tickled that his name got attached to his question...)

1. Fundamentalists usually don't care much about early Christian theologians, since they take the Protestant principle of "Sola Scripture" to the extremes. Therefore they usually ignore them, especially if their thoughts do not concur with the Bible interpretation of the Fundie church in question.

2. For most Fundies (or indeed the whole Western Christianity) Origen would be a heretic anyways, since he did not believe in perpetual Hell. A very good reason for ignoring him. The Catholics can still accept other parts of his theology which are more in sync with Catholic dogma, but Fundies are not known for such subtleties.

3. I doubt Pearl even knows very well who Origen was, if at all.

[Junghalli]

4. Fundies are often misogynists. It's hardly surprising that they think things like this are the woman's problem.

[Oni Koneko Damien]

This is either an abomination in print, or a hilariously well-done troll in literary form.

Initial research lends no conclusive evidence one way or the other, yet.

[Kanastrous]

3. I doubt Pearl even knows very well who Origen was, if at all.

Marcus, I think I'll go with what's behind curtain number 3.

[Surlethe]

This is either an abomination in print, or a hilariously well-done troll in literary form.

Initial research lends no conclusive evidence one way or the other, yet.

They also run No Greater Joy ministries. My mother-in-law swears by them.

[Surlethe]

More!

If you're not familiar, look up the story of Bathsheba.

"I Am My Brother's Keeper"

Because Bathsheba was indiscreet, she casued a great calamity, resulting in the bloodshed and suffering of many. Her lack of discretion cost her husband his life, his comrades-in-arms their lives, her baby son his life, and the integrity of one whom God upheld as a man after his own heart. By simply doing what she thought she had a right to do, she was complicit in bringing ruin on an entire family line, including rape, incest, rebellion, and murder. David should have been with his men, but he was not out looking for a woman. She provided the opportunity for him to lust by her lack of discretion in where she chose to bathe. Her beautiful body won out in a contest between his flesh and his love for God. Generations have associated the name Bathsheba with a wicked oman, yet she was the wife of a fine military man. All she lacked was modesty and discretion. Too often in life, many tragedies would never have taken place, if only ...

Your life is not your own. You are bought with a price, the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. We will all stand beore God for acts of the flesh, even the ones we are responsible for in a careless way. Remember the warning in Matthew 5:28: the woman is part of adultery when she puts herself into a place that causes a man to lust after her.

"The Bottom Line"

If a wife has an attitude of rebellion, she can find a thosuand different exceptions to obedience. But if a woman is really seeking God and askin gfor wisdom from on high, she will be able to discern the difference between her own controlling spirit and those rare instances that a husband may command outside his sphere of authority -- requiring legal intervention. Women who threaten to "report him to the law" or women who answer the phone any way other than, "He is here, but will not talk," are rebellious. They will never make it to the hall of fame found in Hebrews 11, where Sara was listed, nor will they make it into a heavenly marriage here on earth. They will go to their graves unloved and uncherished, a total failure as the woman God called them to be. Wisdom allows us the ability to use our minds and spirits to handle small problems with grace and honor.

[Darth Wong]

I found a book called "Towards Christian Marriage" in the basement that Rebecca's mother gave her twenty years ago in an attempt to get her to stop having sex with me.

It obviously didn't work , but I should post excerpts from it sometime. It was first published in 1948 and it's kind of hilarious that it contains the exact same rantings about young people and rampant sexuality that you hear today.

[RazorOutlaw]

I'm glad that despite the pervasiveness of conservative Christianity in my area sex isn't a hot button topic like it is for these people. By all outward appearances parents would prefer their children not to have sex, or turn a blind eye to it even when they know it's happening. They might even caution their children not to do it. In the end, however, they just let things ride out as they will.

Even my girlfriend's parents, being Baptists and also very religious, admitted to being minks well before marriage. Her father once related to me that the second week he had known her mother that they had spent a night in the back of a truck somewhere. Oddly, they just don't want me to do anything with her before marriage...even though I already do.

[Samuel]

I'm glad that despite the pervasiveness of conservative Christianity in my area sex isn't a hot button topic like it is for these people. By all outward appearances parents would prefer their children not to have sex, or turn a blind eye to it even when they know it's happening. They might even caution their children not to do it. In the end, however, they just let things ride out as they will.

Even my girlfriend's parents, being Baptists and also very religious, admitted to being minks well before marriage. Her father once related to me that the second week he had known her mother that they had spent a night in the back of a truck somewhere. Oddly, they just don't want me to do anything with her before marriage...even though I already do.

Did you point out that is the textbook definition of hypocrisy?

[Axiomatic]

but I should post excerpts from it sometime.

Yes please.

[Ender]

I'm glad that despite the pervasiveness of conservative Christianity in my area sex isn't a hot button topic like it is for these people. By all outward appearances parents would prefer their children not to have sex, or turn a blind eye to it even when they know it's happening. They might even caution their children not to do it. In the end, however, they just let things ride out as they will.

Even my girlfriend's parents, being Baptists and also very religious, admitted to being minks well before marriage. Her father once related to me that the second week he had known her mother that they had spent a night in the back of a truck somewhere. Oddly, they just don't want me to do anything with her before marriage...even though I already do.

Did you point out that is the textbook definition of hypocrisy?

It's also the textbook definition of being a father. When you have kids, your perspective on things changes. You raise your sons hoping they will turn out to be just like you. You raise your daughters hoping they will stay away from guys like you.

[RazorOutlaw]

If I'd been that blunt I doubt I would have been coming down to visit them ever again. They already had reservations against me for being four years older than their daughter so I really didn't want to widen the tiny crack into a crevice. They know I don't go to church, don't believe in the supernatural, or am even slightly spiritual and they still accepted me. Why press my luck? They're good people but they're also parents.

[Darth Wong]

I'm glad that despite the pervasiveness of conservative Christianity in my area sex isn't a hot button topic like it is for these people. By all outward appearances parents would prefer their children not to have sex, or turn a blind eye to it even when they know it's happening. They might even caution their children not to do it. In the end, however, they just let things ride out as they will.

Even my girlfriend's parents, being Baptists and also very religious, admitted to being minks well before marriage. Her father once related to me that the second week he had known her mother that they had spent a night in the back of a truck somewhere. Oddly, they just don't want me to do anything with her before marriage...even though I already do.

Did you point out that is the textbook definition of hypocrisy?

He should be glad of that fact. It means his in-laws are probably more flexible about things. My mother-in-law was no hypocrite; she lived her life exactly as she preached to her daughter. That was far worse; she was incredibly self-righteous about it.

[Marcus Aurelius]

It's also the textbook definition of being a father. When you have kids, your perspective on things changes. You raise your sons hoping they will turn out to be just like you. You raise your daughters hoping they will stay away from guys like you.

While that is true, most fathers of teenage girls I know (and I know a few) understand very well that they are going to have sex with their boyfriends before marriage. What they try to do is to make sure their daughters understand the importance of safe sex and preferably choose their first sexual partner wisely, i.e. choose not to sleep with the first horny punk available. Of course there are irrational fathers who try to shield their daughters from sex as long as possible, but in my experience they are no longer the majority at least where I live. Needless to say, I am not talking about conservative Christians, since I don't know any fathers of teenagers from that group.

[Surlethe]

He should be glad of that fact. It means his in-laws are probably more flexible about things. My mother-in-law was no hypocrite; she lived her life exactly as she preached to her daughter. That was far worse; she was incredibly self-righteous about it.

Sometimes, people feel so guilty about their hypocrisy that they overreact. For instance, my wife was conceived about a month before her parents' wedding. As a result, her mother felt so guilty that she told my wife absolutely nothing about sex; Rachel had to learn about it from a "teach-your-children" book at the library, and she was still so ignorant that she had to look up why her vagina got wet after we started dating. Her mother's rationale? "Oh, I figured your husband could tell you about it on your wedding night."

[Darth Wong]

He should be glad of that fact. It means his in-laws are probably more flexible about things. My mother-in-law was no hypocrite; she lived her life exactly as she preached to her daughter. That was far worse; she was incredibly self-righteous about it.

Sometimes, people feel so guilty about their hypocrisy that they overreact. For instance, my wife was conceived about a month before her parents' wedding. As a result, her mother felt so guilty that she told my wife absolutely nothing about sex; Rachel had to learn about it from a "teach-your-children" book at the library, and she was still so ignorant that she had to look up why her vagina got wet after we started dating. Her mother's rationale? "Oh, I figured your husband could tell you about it on your wedding night."

Did she ever throw the "Let he who is without sin throw the first stone" line at them? That's too rich to pass up.

[Surlethe]

Perhaps later today, I'll transcribe "Bad Bob", the story of how thirty seconds of pornography at age 13 and the immodesty of women around him make a man's life living hell. In the meanwhile, the people who wrote this book are also the people who wrote Pornography: The Road to Hell. Enjoy.

Did she ever throw the "Let he who is without sin throw the first stone" line at them? That's too rich to pass up.

Afraid not. We held that in reserve, but the opportunity never presented itself.

[Mayabird]

Her mother's rationale? "Oh, I figured your husband could tell you about it on your wedding night."

Ah, always that double standard. A guy can fuck anything that moves and that's perfectly okay, but heaven forbid a woman actually know anything about it. No doubt sin will enter or something.

More to the point, does your average guy even know all that much about sex and the mechanics of it? I wasn't really let into the guy rumor grapevine about these things so I only know the stupid things the girls were passing by word of mouth (in rural Georgia, but I figure that's about as stupid as it can get while still technically in a first world country).