The "BRUCE ALMIGHTY" Thread

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2003-05-24 12:51am

Ok, gents, God has chosen to give you His power for one week.

What would you do? Here are your limitations:

You can't alter free will. No making Pres. Bush into a French homo.

You can only cure ONE disease. Which one would you choose?

You can't reveal yourself to the world as God, nor can you tell anyone He visited you.

Everything else is fair game. Another flood? Sure. Stop the Earth from spinning? No problem. Just do what the real God doesn't: explain your actions.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-05-24 12:54am

edit the genetic template of unborn for empathy. enter unification of humanity.

its not free will, its cells ^^

oh, and cure fundamentalism, and vanish in a puff of logic.

Ender · Post by **Ender** » 2003-05-24 12:55am

female bust sizes all increase by at least a cup.

Do I really need to explain that one?

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-05-24 12:57am

I liked the whole "cause orgasms with the wave of a hand" bit. Sounds like fun during boring situations, and political campaigns.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-24 01:00am

1. Ensure that my future is filled with opulance and riches beyond my wildest imagination. : It's no fun playing God for one week and then going back to a crummy life.

2. Enforce peace on Earth. : I should do at least some good.

3. Make sure B&B are fired. : Self-explanatory

4. Make Lucas release the original SW films on DVD. : Self-explanatory

5. Commit naughty things.

: Because I'm naughty.

Oh, and I guess I would cure cancer.

Post by **AdmiralKanos** » 2003-05-24 01:04am

Lord Poe wrote:You can't alter free will. No making Pres. Bush into a French homo.

Goddammit, what's the fun in being God if you can't make President Bush into a french homo? I think we need that option back, and then to top it off, we give him a horrible case of unrequited love for Einhander Sn0M4n. Mind you, God's powers are demonstrated in the Bible are pretty inconsistent.

You can only cure ONE disease. Which one would you choose?

Cancer.

You can't reveal yourself to the world as God, nor can you tell anyone He visited you.

Can I erase all of the world's religions and start a new one revolving around butt-sex and porno?

Everything else is fair game. Another flood? Sure. Stop the Earth from spinning? No problem. Just do what the real God doesn't: explain your actions.

Eliminating cancer is big because it's such a prolific killer. Flooding the Earth is not really an option because mass-murder is a pretty piss-poor solution to anything. Stopping the Earth from spinning will kill us all immediately, so that's out too. But I'd probably do things like wiping out certain nasty life forms, such as the AIDS virus, the SARS virus, the Backstreet Boys, Celine Dion, etc. I'd probably eliminate all of the world's murderers and child molesters too, along with all stockpiles of NBC weapons. Leaving conventional weapons in place would prevent anarchy, although I'm sure many groups would immediately set about building new weapons to replace the missing ones (at least you can't really replace smallpox without a sample, so some of these weapons would simply be gone).

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-05-24 01:24am

AdmiralKanos wrote:Goddammit, what's the fun in being God if you can't make President Bush into a french homo? I think we need that option back, and then to top it off, we give him a horrible case of unrequited love for Einhander Sn0m4n. Mind you, God's powers are demonstrated in the Bible are pretty inconsistent.

EEP!!!

I don't feel like being the object of President Bush's desire. Does anyone remember what Bush did to Saddam Hussein? Let's just say I'd have to suddenly deal with a _LOT_ of SS Agents. I would rather not be forced to make like Neo in Matrix Reloaded...

EDIT: Unless I had this 'God Mode' cheat Lord Poe speaks of...

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-05-24 01:32am

Darth Wong wrote:Can I erase all of the world's religions and start a new one revolving around butt-sex and porno?

I think thats called Greek Hellenism.

Captain tycho · Post by **Captain tycho** » 2003-05-24 01:34am

Number one disease I'd cure is certainly cancer.
Then I would instantly create an empire for myself when I'm done being god.
After that..who knows?

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2003-05-24 02:28am

AdmiralKanos wrote:Goddammit, what's the fun in being God if you can't make President Bush into a french homo? I think we need that option back, and then to top it off, we give him a horrible case of unrequited love for Einhander Sn0M4n. Mind you, God's powers are demonstrated in the Bible are pretty inconsistent.

Now now...what happens next time God wants a vacation? If we don't have the above stipulation in, the next bozo can make all SW fans into Trekkies!

Can I erase all of the world's religions and start a new one revolving around butt-sex and porno?

Oh, you mean Catholicism...

Eliminating cancer is big because it's such a prolific killer.

True...but what about diabetes? One can lose limbs, eyesight, can lead to a life of dialysis treatments, has to constantly watch their blood-sugar level...

Flooding the Earth is not really an option because mass-murder is a pretty piss-poor solution to anything. Stopping the Earth from spinning will kill us all immediately, so that's out too. But I'd probably do things like wiping out certain nasty life forms, such as the AIDS virus, the SARS virus, the Backstreet Boys, Celine Dion, etc. I'd probably eliminate all of the world's murderers and child molesters too,

Ok, but remember that Twilight Zone episode "Eye Of The Beholder"? If everyone's good and stable, pretty soon we'll find another human foible to turn us against one another. Goddamn ingrown toenail suffferers...

along with all stockpiles of NBC weapons. Leaving conventional weapons in place would prevent anarchy, although I'm sure many groups would immediately set about building new weapons to replace the missing ones (at least you can't really replace smallpox without a sample, so some of these weapons would simply be gone).

What about the Israeli-Palistine conflict? Would getting rid of racists be a GOOD thing? (See the Twilight Zone example)

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-05-24 02:43am

Well, I'd get myself laid, smite the people I don't like, end world hunger, and cure AIDS. And that's in order of importance.

That's probably the way the Biblical God does things: There's disease, war, and starvation on earth because he's to busy getting himself laid and driving around in his Cadillac, and hasn't gotten to that stuff.

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-05-24 07:28am

One word: Olympus
Figure it out, my friends

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-05-24 10:06am

well considering i've pressed ` and typed "true god" in the console...this is what i'd do...

Make some hot vampire super powerful daywalking lesbians to do all the work, which they like doing.

Stick every holy building in the world onto the ozone layer spellnig out "Rye Was Here".

Make the BBC bring out Fist Of Fun and TMWRNJ out on DVD, and give Lee & Herring funding to make some new series.

Disease i'd eradicate:aging beyond 25 years old..or whever you're in your prime.

I'd change biology/chemistry/physics so we can feed on hyperspace taps or something...

Give humanity the divine inspiration to follow only 2 principles in life; hedonism and empathy...not necessarily contradicting free will.

Give humanity some viable form of interstellar travel and resources to get wherever and make big space ships etc etc....

Make a cool city that i own when i return to normality, it's 20 miles high, made of all sorts of cool spires and has metal playing in the streets...and everyone's got long hair.

My world would be cooooooooooooooooool.

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-05-24 12:01pm

Does stupidity count as a disease that I could cure?

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2003-05-24 12:04pm

I'd do all the regular make the world a better place stuff. Then I'd make myself a GSV to transfer my conscious to, then off to LIF

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-05-24 01:15pm

AdmiralKanos wrote: mass-murder is a pretty piss-poor solution to anything.

I'd probably eliminate all of the world's murderers

But wouldn't that be mass-murder too??

Cthulhu-chan · Post by **Cthulhu-chan** » 2003-05-24 01:27pm

Since he was referring to the flood in the first example, it would be the difference between unwarranted genocide, and understandable (though morally questionable) mass murder.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-05-24 01:46pm

Simon H.Johansen wrote:
AdmiralKanos wrote: mass-murder is a pretty piss-poor solution to anything.

I'd probably eliminate all of the world's murderers
But wouldn't that be mass-murder too??

And wouldn't you therefore have to be killed too? and the being that killed you ad infinitum...

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2003-05-24 01:54pm

Easy, create a ring that grants my every desire and intended wish. Then I can have godly powers as long as I wish.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-05-24 02:53pm

Cthulhu-chan wrote:Since he was referring to the flood in the first example, it would be the difference between unwarranted genocide, and understandable (though morally questionable) mass murder.

However, I'm in doubt about whether the "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" mentality still is a good idea.

EvilGrey · Post by **EvilGrey** » 2003-05-24 03:34pm

The responses in this thread epitomize perfectly why atheists should not be given power over others or the world.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-05-24 03:44pm

Well...I would make FTL travel possible, and cure AIDS

Other than that, besides generally helping people, I would have a bit of fun at their expense...

People would wake up and their ceramic dolls would be doing household chores, Their carkeys would be attached to the cieling, and chairs would move...

The computer would start hitting on them, and the mouse would begin showing *ahem* "affection"

Grog · Post by **Grog** » 2003-05-24 04:01pm

make everybody forget about religion and give them a good education instead

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2003-05-24 04:06pm

EvilGrey wrote:The responses in this thread epitomize perfectly why atheists should not be given power over others or the world.

Once again you are willing to take the actions of a few and attempt to use that to define the many. Get over it you fucking idiot. There is no universal set of morals that Atheists follow. You can not use any single Atheist in an attempt to label every Atheist.

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-05-24 04:25pm

Eliminate every copy of every Microsoft operating system around the world (including all of the original source code,) and replace them all with Linux or one of the BSDs. Create perfect ports of every Windows program for Linux (except for the various virii, trojans, spyware and other less-than-desirable programs.)

Cause attractive women around the world to decide that clothing is only useful for warmth, and to start going around naked on hot days.

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