Heaven Loophole

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-07-13 08:19am

Ok, i watched dogma yesterday, and then i thought of an even bigger loophole.

Ok, to fulfil the prophetic criteria to be the messiah, Jesus is still alive, and needs to fulfil these when he comes back:

Oversee the rebuilding of Jerusalem, including the Third Temple, in the event that it has not yet been rebuilt (Michah 4:1 and Ezekiel 40-45)

Gather the Jewish people from all over the world and bring them home to the Land of Israel (Isaiah 11:12; 27:12-13)

Influence every individual of every nation to abandon and be ashamed of their former beliefs (or non-beliefs) and acknowledge and serve only the One True God of Israel (Isaiah 11:9-10; 40:5 and Zephaniah 3:9)

Bring about global peace throughout the world (Isaiah 2:4; 11:5-9 and Michah 4:3-4).

Okay.

Now jesus said all those who believeth in him will get to heaven. BUT to fulfill prophetic criteria, he will influence EVERYONE on the earth to believe in him when he "returns" because he didn't do it first time.

So surely, belief in him now is not vital, we'll all get risen when he returns and have to believe in him and thereby all will be saved to fulfill messianic prophecy.

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-07-13 08:24am

Bigeth, fatteth, chanceth. Noeth wondereth mosteth saneth Christianseth ignoreth Revalationseth.
Thiseth iseth hurtingeth myeth toungueth

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-07-13 09:12am

Darth Gojira wrote:Bigeth, fatteth, chanceth. Noeth wondereth mosteth saneth Christianseth ignoreth Revalationseth.
Thiseth iseth hurtingeth myeth toungueth

Fucketh this.

, i needeth a drink.

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-07-13 09:43am

3rd Impact wrote:
Darth Gojira wrote:Bigeth, fatteth, chanceth. Noeth wondereth mosteth saneth Christianseth ignoreth Revalationseth.
Thiseth iseth hurtingeth myeth toungueth
Fucketh this. , i needeth a drink.

This always happens when I think about the Bible.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-07-13 12:23pm

Darth Gojira wrote:Bigeth, fatteth, chanceth. Noeth wondereth mosteth saneth Christianseth ignoreth Revalationseth.
Thiseth iseth hurtingeth myeth toungueth

That reminds me of that Muppet Babies episode when they were all in Noah's Ark, and Kermit was speaking like that

johnmarkley · Post by **johnmarkley** » 2003-07-14 04:30am

Rye wrote:Ok, i watched dogma yesterday, and then i thought of an even bigger loophole.

Ok, to fulfil the prophetic criteria to be the messiah, Jesus is still alive, and needs to fulfil these when he comes back:

Oversee the rebuilding of Jerusalem, including the Third Temple, in the event that it has not yet been rebuilt (Michah 4:1 and Ezekiel 40-45)

Gather the Jewish people from all over the world and bring them home to the Land of Israel (Isaiah 11:12; 27:12-13)

Influence every individual of every nation to abandon and be ashamed of their former beliefs (or non-beliefs) and acknowledge and serve only the One True God of Israel (Isaiah 11:9-10; 40:5 and Zephaniah 3:9)

Bring about global peace throughout the world (Isaiah 2:4; 11:5-9 and Michah 4:3-4).

Okay.

Now jesus said all those who believeth in him will get to heaven. BUT to fulfill prophetic criteria, he will influence EVERYONE on the earth to believe in him when he "returns" because he didn't do it first time.

So surely, belief in him now is not vital, we'll all get risen when he returns and have to believe in him and thereby all will be saved to fulfill messianic prophecy.

There are some universalist groups whose beliefs are more or less as you describe.

Equinox2003 · Post by **Equinox2003** » 2003-07-14 07:01am

I must sayeth, an interestingeth pointeth youeth maketh.
Iteth looketh liketh everybodyeth willeth believeth. By the wayeth,
theseth peopleeth, areth theseth the oneseth whoeth wereth "lefteft
behindeth" to faceth all that troubleth? Or is thiseth a different bunch
of peopleth?

The Duchess of Zeon · Post by **The Duchess of Zeon** » 2003-07-14 09:38am

I believe fundies have a simple, if ruthless, expedient to this: In the final war, Satan will cause everyone who does not believe in God to side with him, and they will all be killed by the followers of God. Besides, this would not help you if died before Jesus' return; you'd still go to Hell.

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-07-14 11:17am

Weeth goteth toeth stopeth thiseth threadeth beforeth weth driveth ourselvesth insaneth!

A Big Flying Fish · Post by **A Big Flying Fish** » 2003-07-14 01:14pm

Darth Gojira wrote:Weeth goteth toeth stopeth thiseth threadeth beforeth weth driveth ourselvesth insaneth!

anyoneth thateth speaketh liketh thiseth, iseth alreadyeth insaneth, oreth haseth aeth largeth speecheth impedementeth

Equinox2003 · Post by **Equinox2003** » 2003-07-14 06:05pm

I musteth noteth agreeth that this threadeth be closedth. Afterth alleth,
weth haveth only oneth answerth to the questioneth. Andth it mayeth
noteth be the righteth oneth. I amth hopingeth for moreth peopleth
to answereth so weth caneth get to bottometh of thisth most interestingth
issueth.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-07-14 07:26pm

Sthop it! Everyone ith making fun of my lithp!

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-07-15 05:20am

Oh, this is fun... I just posted it here:

http:// www. kgivler .com/ teens/tboard/viewtopic.php?p=62951#62951

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-07-15 02:08pm

Oh, this is fun... I just posted it here:

Hmm. Well at least now we know that the bible is wrong. Glad that's cleared up. Never occurred to me before.

I want to see some real honest-to-Erebus fundie replies gonesarnit!

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-07-16 01:11am

I'd post it in the Spirituality and Faith section, but apparently, atheists posting there is a bannable offense.

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