The "God is a jerk" thread.

Post by **weemadando** » 2005-09-25 07:49pm

Post your thoughts/comments on bits from the Bible that show what an uncaring/ignorant arsehole that God actually is.

This was brought on by this thought:

If God is going to set a strict list of things that man can and can't eat - and man is to be his chosen creation - then why create the things that man can't eat? Any why make them so plentiful?

Post by **Surlethe** » 2005-09-25 07:54pm

weemadando wrote:If God is going to set a strict list of things that man can and can't eat - and man is to be his chosen creation - then why create the things that man can't eat? Any why make them so plentiful?

He's testing us. Duh.

My main problem with LiteralBibleGodTM is Deuteronomy 7, among others. Full-blown ethnic cleansing.

Post by **weemadando** » 2005-09-25 07:58pm

Why would an omnipotent God who created all mankind only focus his efforts on a tiny sliver of desert? What about the rest of the world? Did he accidentally create all those Asians, Indians, Africans and the rest and then go: "oops, shit, didn't mean to - oh well, fuck them, let Lucifer have their souls, I'm too busy playing in my sandbox?"

Zero · Post by **Zero** » 2005-09-25 08:41pm

I've always thought God was a dick simply because he made the tree bit SO bloody obvious. He had to point out that specific tree, and of course, for some stupid fucking reason, he created the serpent, too. What a douche. And the whole bit about not actually doing ANYTHING himself, while claiming to be all-powerful... why does he always need prophets and all that to do his bidding if he's so fucking powerful?

I also find it ironic that lucifer was supposedly cast out of heaven for arrogance, something that God is guilty of in every bloody passage.

Psycho Smiley · Post by **Psycho Smiley** » 2005-09-25 09:36pm

da LAWRD in Isaiah 45:7 wrote:I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

But everything's our own damned fault anyway, right?

applejack · Post by **applejack** » 2005-09-25 09:52pm

Didn't God also kill all the first-born in Egypt at one time?

And what about the babies and children of Sodom and Gamorrah? Whatever the behavior of the adults, surely the toddlers did nothing to deserve annihilation.

Post by **weemadando** » 2005-09-25 09:55pm

But the sins of the father are visited upon the son.

Therefore - having a naughty parent means that you MUST BE PUNISHED!

Akhlut · Post by **Akhlut** » 2005-09-25 10:04pm

If the Genesis-based creationism is real, then I feel God is a major, major asshole. Why? Parasites. If God is loving, why create EYE WORMS? And if God is an evil bastard, why wouldn't he have just thrown us in a desert with fire drowning us all with the occasional attack from worms made out of aborted fetuses?

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2005-09-25 10:07pm

weemadando wrote:Why would an omnipotent God who created all mankind only focus his efforts on a tiny sliver of desert? What about the rest of the world? Did he accidentally create all those Asians, Indians, Africans and the rest and then go: "oops, shit, didn't mean to - oh well, fuck them, let Lucifer have their souls, I'm too busy playing in my sandbox?"

Because you touch yourself at night.

The Spartan · Post by **The Spartan** » 2005-09-25 10:08pm

Akhlut wrote:If the Genesis-based creationism is real, then I feel God is a major, major asshole. Why? Parasites. If God is loving, why create EYE WORMS?

Didn't you know? It's punishment because Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge. All parasites, etc. only existed after the fall and we're all being punished.*

Why does he send us to hell then if we're all being punished? Well, he likes to rub it in you see...

*This was an actual explanation given to me when I was a child. Long, LONG before my deconversion.

Akhlut · Post by **Akhlut** » 2005-09-25 10:09pm

Wait a minute, Wicked Pilot, God doesn't hate masturbation; he just hates it when you don't impregnate your dead brother's wife so that the theoretical son gets the inheritance and not you!

Akhlut · Post by **Akhlut** » 2005-09-25 10:11pm

The Spartan wrote: Didn't you know? It's punishment because Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge. All parasites, etc. only existed after the fall and we're all being punished.*

Why does he send us to hell then if we're all being punished? Well, he likes to rub it in you see...

*This was an actual explanation given to me when I was a child. Long, LONG before my deconversion.

What the fuck? Then wouldn't that be a second creation and therefore heretical? Shouldn't that have been mentioned in the Bible? "And on the 8th day, to spite man, God created a host of creatures that would eat men's eyes and drink their blood and feast on their nads, because, lo, God's an asshole."

The Spartan · Post by **The Spartan** » 2005-09-25 10:15pm

I don't understand it either, but it was a fundie school teacher at a Christian school feeding this crap to me... I never really bothered to research that particular oddity much because I realized it was bullshit and consequently didn't really care.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-09-25 10:43pm

God made penises so easily popped? What the hell was he thinking, making them work on hydraulics? Filling something to the stretching point with blood is NOT safe.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2005-09-25 11:13pm

2 Kings 2:23-24 wrote:And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Having bears kill a bunch of kids just for mocking Elisha's bald spot is pretty high up there.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-09-25 11:17pm

I dunno. That sounds like something I would do in a videogame. And existing forever with no equal must drive you apeshit insane, so that life is a game.

On second thought, I would join them in mocking the dude's baldness, and then send an army of bears to take over the city.

Boyish-Tigerlilly · Post by **Boyish-Tigerlilly** » 2005-09-25 11:25pm

I could never understand why God killed all the cute, furry little bunnies and animals along with the humanimals. HOw were they guilty of sin? That seems assholish.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-09-26 03:03am

They outcompeted other cute, fuzzy animals that could've come into existence through voracious eating and continual breeding. Oh yeah, the breeding must've really ticked God off.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2005-09-26 03:51am

God is a gigantic asshole because he was the original inspiration for Ashton Kutcher's PUNK'D reality TV show.

ABRAHAM: Isaac, let's go. Help me carry this wood up to the hilltop so we can burn up a lamb.

ISAAC: OK, Dad.

ABRAHAM: You're a good son. Let's go.

(they walk)

ISAAC: Ummm, Dad ...

ABRAHAM: Yes, son?

ISAAC: Where's the lamb?

ABRAHAM: Well you see, Isaac ... (grabs him and ties him down), it's YOU! You've been PUNK'D!!!! Oh man, you totally fell for that one! Ha ha!!

ISAAC: You fucking asshole!

ABRAHAM: Sorry son, but I'm not going to burn in Hell for you. OK, here goes ... (lifts the blade and prepares for the killing blow)

GOD: WAIT.

ABRAHAM: Yes, God? Wait for what?

GOD: Wait for me to say ... YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D!!!!! Ha ha ha ha, you should see the look on your face, Abe!!!! Man oh man, this fucking rocks! I got you good!

ABRAHAM (smiling weakly): Oh yeah, ha ha, that's pretty funny.

ISAAC: Untie me, you worthless asshole excuse for a father.

ABRAHAM: OK, son ... you're not going to tell Mom, are you?

Tune in next week for another episode of PUNK'D ... this time we play a joke on Job! Wait till you see how he reacts when we kill his wife and children!!!

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2005-09-26 06:43am

I say that G-d goes downhill after the first books, when the focus shits away from individual retribution (An eye for an eye) and a double measure of punishment for non religous acts (The tower of babel was because man wanted to conquer g-d, not because they were united, yet g-d simply scrambled them instead of killing them as he did for the flood when there was apparently half a dozen people who were acting like human beings).
The later the book the greater the mass retribution, the book of kings has it bad with a punishment being delayed for a genration such as with David and Solomon who's sons split the kingdom and ended up being conquered.

Modern god in the NT is even worse, and 21 century g-d is even less than his predecesor according to Mohamed who when he was talking about equality and an end to honour killings etc.... really meant that Women are cattle, Jews are to blame (Rather than being honoured as equals to arabs and believers) and that non believers instead of just unrepentant pagans should be killed and that the evil Shaitans are against the Caliphate!!!1!

.

speaker-to-trolls · Post by **speaker-to-trolls** » 2005-09-26 01:25pm

Zero132132 wrote: I also find it ironic that lucifer was supposedly cast out of heaven for arrogance, something that God is guilty of in every bloody passage.

Ironic, yes, surprising, no. If big J is as arrogant as he's said to be the one thing he wouldn't be able to stand is someone with an ego equal to his.

Lucifer · Post by **Lucifer** » 2005-09-26 05:46pm

Why would an "omniscient" God try to let us have free will? If he already knows what will happen to us because he's "omniscient", what kind of a "free will" is that?

Case in point: He told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge, and gave them "free will" to decide to eat or not to eat from the tree, yet he already knows they're going to eat from that tree.

Battlehymn Republic · Post by **Battlehymn Republic** » 2005-09-27 12:38am

The whole thing about Job is that after the extended conversation with God, at the end of the book it says that he was given another wife and family and his riches was multiplied several times.

Damn, that must have been a good wife for him to get over the old one.

VT-16 · Post by **VT-16** » 2005-09-27 04:54am

Ah, but you forget, wife = property according to the Bible, so it was probably like buying a new tv or car back then.

I like the story where God promises to help Israelites defeat their enemies and cleanse the land and they have to promise to worship him in return.
Fast forward, God can't defeat the iron chariots of the last army, stops in his tracks, the people starts mingling with the "heathens" still living near them, God gets pissed, the Israelites are punished.

What a douche!

mr friendly guy · Post by **mr friendly guy** » 2005-09-27 06:30am

I am currently reading the Encylopaedia of Biblical Errancy, which also has a section of God's actions, including things I wasn't aware of, such as advocating cannibalism, rubbing human faeces on the faces of people, and making a cake using faeces - yummy.

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