Christian wife roles. . . how delightfully 'Victorian'

[Magnetic]

Get a load of this:

I am reading Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin, and it got me thinking.

I know from personal experience that a lot of women don't know how to be the wives that God intends for them to be, and also that men don't know how to be the husbands God intends for them to be. Because of the need for some to learn what God intends for them to do to be better wives and husbands, I thought this would be an informative and interesting topic to discuss.

To start the discussion, I will share what I am reading right now in my book:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masculine and Feminine Roles
Man's Role:
Guide
Protector
Provider

Woman's Role:
Wife
Mother
Homemaker

The masculine and feminine roles, clearly defined above, are not merely a result of custom or tradition, but are of divine origin. It was God who placed the man at the head of the family when He told Eve, "Thy desire shall be unto thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." The man was also designed to be the protector, since he was given stronger muscles, greater physical endurance, and manly courage. In addition, God commanded him to earn the living when He said, "In the sweat of thy face shall though eat bread, till thou return to the ground." This instruction was given to the man, not to the woman. (Genesis 3:16, 19).

The woman was given a different assignment, that of helpmeet, mother, homemaker. In Hebrew the word helpmeet means as before him. This dispels the notion she was an afterthought. It was clearly understood that she was created to be his equal. In Fascinating Womanhood we apply the word helpmeet to mean the role of the wife as she offers understanding, encouragement, support, and sometimes help. Since she is biologically created to bear children, her role as a mother is unquestioned. Her homemaking role is assumed: She must nurter her young and run the household, to free her husband to function as the provider. (Genesis 2:18).

The masculine and feminine roles are different in function but equal in importance. In Henry A. Bowman's book Marriage for Moderns he compares the partnership of marriage to a lock and a key which join together to form a functioning unit. "Together they can accomplish something that neither acting alone can accomplish. Nor can it be accomplished by two locks or two keys. Each is distinct, yet neither is complete in and of itself. Their roles are neither identical nor interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other, since both are necessary. They are equally important. Each must be judged in terms of its own function. They are complimentary."

Continuing - reply to a post....

My husband does most of the yard work...cutting down trees, mowing the lawn...things that take muscle. When I try to do it, it is too easy to hurt my back or make me too tired to do the jobs I am to do around the house. Men are built stronger, and even though some women may be able to do the tougher jobs, it makes our husbands feel like they aren't needed in the home. I want my husband to feel wanted, for him to know that I do need him. Him feeling unneeded is not something I would ever want him to feel. I do the inside-the-house stuff, and the weeding outside, but leave the rest of the outside work up to him.

I have been a homemaker my entire marriage. I have stayed home and raised our children. When they are at school, I use that time to do housework, study, am available in case the school calls because one of the kids are sick, and I have the time to handle trips to the vet for our pets, shopping, errands, doctor's appointments for myself and the kids, plus do homework with the kids. We have struggled financially because I don't work, but it is a sacrifice we agreed was worth it for me to take care of the home. When we moved from California to Michigan, my husband took a huge paycut, but he said he will get a 2nd job to pay the bills. I support him as much as I can, by taking care of the home and the kids, and he never has to worry about anything at home since I'm here. This has been the best decision we have ever made, and our children love having a Christian home, and my daughter knows what is expected of her when she is grown and married, and my son is learning what will be expected of him when he is married with a wife and children to support and protect. My husband has said that he never wants me to work outside of the home, unless it is something that I want to do, like working at the church or volunteering somewhere. When we first married, I worked as a substitute secretary at our church while the regular secretary was on medical leave. A couple of years ago, I worked in the church nursery because they needed help on Tuesday mornings for Women's Bible Study for a few months. I found both of those jobs very satisfying, and they didn't take away from my jobs at home. I am very satisfied with being a homemaker, and have never desired working outside of the home, because I see the benefits to our family having me take care of the things I am biblically to do. I don't see being a homemaker just jobs to help our family...I am also doing my jobs for God, because this is what He has instructed me to do. I see it as a form of worship to Him.

[The Grim Squeaker]

but are of divine origin

And that has nothing to do with e-vol-ution .

because I see the benefits to our family having me take care of the things I am biblically to do.

The grammar, it burnssss.

While I may be flamed for this, women really are'nt built for physical tasks like men, however they are capable of doing them and I have yet to see a real non labour job that relies

onmanly courag

.

"In the sweat of thy face shall though eat bread, till thou return to the ground.

Can't argue with that , Genuine proof that men are supposed to be farmers and do manual labour while the women lead, guide take the intelligent jobs, protect the community and the the jobs requiring a brain .
All the above statements should be taken with extreme satire.

[CaptJodan]

I certainly don't see anything wrong with the fact that she prefers to be a homemaker or that she feels, right or wrong, that her household runs best in that manner. If it works for them, more power to them. Equally, I have no problem with others who feel the same way.

The problem, of course, lies in the fact that she feels every household should be run this way, and every woman should have no illusions to be anything more grand than a stay-at-home mom. Female scientists, female doctors, female military or NASA commanders (or other ranks) all should be unattainable for women.

Well, hopefully these views are not as wide spread as others. I still think this is a small minority of women who love what they do, and feel everyone else should be doing it too. (and the fact that God tells them to only strengthens their argument, to them)

[Lord Sander]

If it makes them happy to take traditional roles, good for them. So what's the problem?

[Darth Yoshi]

The problem comes when, like humans are wont to, they try to enforce their beliefs on others.

[Lord Sander]

The problem comes when, like humans are wont to, they try to enforce their beliefs on others.

Is she trying to, though? It's not like she's screaming "Wife, Mother, Homemaker, or Burrrrnnnnn you Heretic!"
If someone feels they don't know what god supposedly wants for them and it makes them happy to do what god supposedly wants for them, then they'll follow it. If someone doesn't have such doubt, they're not gonna pay the article any mind.
Or am I putting too much faith in people's ability to make up their own minds on what's best for themselves?

[Magnetic]

If it makes them happy to take traditional roles, good for them. So what's the problem?

The problem is that such ideology keeps girls, who are in the christian religion, thinking that unless they're the same way the post describes, they aren't being a "Godly wife".

Also, the fact that this lady is planning on teaching (and is currently teaching) these 'roles' to her kids, indocrinates them at an early age that it is the way they're supposed to be.

The final thought is, we know that a lot of men are egotistical jerks. Add that to the ideology described above and an abusive man, within a christian marriage, may see his abusiveness as biblically warranted.

Bottom line is, whenever I read such posts, all I can think of is the "fearful wife who's scared to make her husband angry."

[Lord Sander]

Ok, but teaching it to children is a whole other matter, and I agree completely with you on that.

[Magnetic]

Oh, and it also makes me angry because I personally believe that such verses were added in the bible because their culture was male dominated. Makes me wonder if those ideas would have even been included in the bible had men and women true equality.

[Lord Sander]

Damn, no edit button.
Edit: and there's a reason why I bolded happy in the first post I made.
A fearful abused wife obviously isn't happy.

[Darth Wong]

One of Rebecca's old high school classmates was intelligent but never tried to get an education because as she put it, "I'm just going to get married and stay at home anyway, so what's the point?"

That is why people who publicly promote attitudes like this are idiots: because their actions and words are designed to inspire others. If she was content to live her own life like this and had no agenda to spread this ideology, then how did we hear about her? Oh that's right, she's going out and trying to tell other women that it is their sacred duty under God to act like this.

[Lord Sander]

Fair enough. I guess I did put too much in people's ability to make up their own minds.

[Magnetic]

Fair enough. I guess I did put too much in people's ability to make up their own minds.

It's kind of like a "guilt trip" in the Christian community. If you're not staying home with your baby, . . . if you're not submissive to your husband, . . . . . if you're not taking care of the home, . . . . . (for the men) if you're not being the spiritual leader, . . . .. .

All these types of statements burden those who aren't doing them, or make them feel less "holy", . . . . . . .but of course, what is that to me, since I'm not trying to feel more "Holy". I allow my wife to make a lot of the major decisions mostly because she is a bit smarter than I am in some areas. Plus, I'm more concerned with her being happy than me getting my way all the time because I'm the "Godly head of the house".

[Adrian Laguna]

An interesting thought occured to me. What kind of red-blooded heterosexual male would prefer to know that he is wanted by his woman because she says: "Honey, please mow the lawn." As opposed to: "Honey, please fuck me NOW!"

On a more serious note, the idea that she has her husband work the yard "so he feels wanted" is rather strange to me. I would think that a couple would be more interesting in, say during autumn, raking the leaves and/or planning little Timmy's birthday toguether as opposed to assigning each role to an individual and have them do it independently. Another way of putting it. When the roof springs a leak being told "I want you to fix the leak" makes me feel as wanted as the handyman that could have been paid to do it instead, in other words, "I need you to fix broken stuff, and then leave me alone". On the other hand, "The roof sprung a leak, how can I help you fix it?" reaches on an emotional level, and seems to me like a better way to do things around the house. Obviously, time constraints mean that oftentimes tasks need to be divided and done independently to get more things done at once. However, setting certain things in stone, like who cooks dinner and who does the taxes, seems like a great way for the marriage to be slowly but suddenly killed by that very human desire for new things and new experiences.

[Adrian Laguna]

Dammit! "Slowly but surely"!

[Nephtys]

This again, is adding to the theme we keep seeing in fundamental Christianity. "Fear is what we're about. Not rational thought." You're supposed to fear the Big Boss. And in their minds, women are supposed to fear 'the boss of the house'. Instead of you know, trying to use our brains for anything productive.

[wolveraptor]

Bitch, you use that brain o' yours to give me head!

[Broomstick]

Fair enough. I guess I did put too much in people's ability to make up their own minds.

Nope, it's not just that.

See, these Fundie whackjobs don't just want to live their own lives, they want everyone else to make exactly the same choices they did, regardless of consequences.

I really don't fit their mold - I don't have children, I am the chief breadwinner as opposed to my husband, I am not submissive.... I don't have a problem with Suzy Homemaker living her life to please herself, but I DO have a problem when other people insist I take on the Suzy Homemaker role. That's not me. That's not my family. I am the most employable member of the household (the husband is disabled). God has, apparently, decreed we - that is, my husband and I - will not have children. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Sit at home in an empty house?

Let me tell you, these people do not hesistate to get in my face and attempt to tell me how I am going to hell because I am not toeing their "Biblical" line. They are a royal pain in the ass, insufferable, the very epitome of "holier than thou" arrogance.

And all that happens before they find out I'm a Pagan and a witch and unbaptized and have zero interest in going to church on Sunday.