Canadian Jokes....

[MKSheppard]

From my grandmother, who in turn gets them from her relatives across
the border up in the Great Frozen North (AKA Canada)

*********************

After the North American Beer Festival, all the
brewery presidents decided to go out for a
beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says,
"Hey Senor, I would like the world's best
beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a
bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the
best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of
Beers', a Budweiser."

The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer
made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."

He gets it.

The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what
he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask,
"Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?"

The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if
you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.

***************

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of
beer under his arm.

His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the
case of beer for?"

I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.

"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

************


An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie . He went to the neurosurgeon and
asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a
Newfie?".

"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out
1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."

The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation.

However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting
1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of
the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited
impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the
anaesthetic.

As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him
"I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of
cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your
brain."

The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

*************************

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car
accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but
all three of them died before they arrived.

Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American,
he stirred and opened his eyes.

Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a
beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing
at the gates of heaven.

St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die,
and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So
of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the
next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened
to the other two?"

Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over
the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."

[Kuja]

HA! That last one's the best.