Rules of the Road

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

Or why most drivers are idiots. Reading the "What Pisses You Off" thread inspired me to create this. Feel free to add your own. The Olde English is strictly optional.

I) If thou art going in the hammer lane (the far left lane.) Then thou shalt go at least the speed limit, if not faster. It doth verily pisseth me off when I goeth the speed limit and thou art going 20 MPH below it.

Corollary to Rule I: Thou should try thy hardest to go at least the speed limit. And yes, fucktard, I am talking to thee, the one who is going 30 MPH in a 55 MPH zone on a clear day.

II) Thou shalt not attempt to pass me on the right when I am already going the speed limit, or five or ten MPH over the speed limit. Thou mayest think that thou art getting ahead, but I shall cleverly arrange it so that thou doest runneth into the back of that 18 wheeler in the right lane unless thou doth goest the speed limit.

III) Thou shalt not engageth in "rubbernecking" which is defined as "staring at an accident for such long periods of time that thy neck doth verily turn to rubber." It doth pisseth me off when I am merrily going 55 MPH and I doth verily haveth to slammeth upon my brakes because thou hast slowed down to 30 MPH to see the accident. If thou doth wanteth to behold wreckage, then thou mayest verily driveth thy car into a brick wall.

IV) Thou shalt not talketh on thy cellphone while thou is verily eating a Big Mac that thou hast ordered from McDonalds. Thou doth looketh like thou art a drunken lout.

Corollary to IV: Thou shalt not talketh on thy cellphone while thou art on the road period. For if thou doest rammeth my rear bumper because of a cellphone, thou shalt verily find that cellphone jammed up thy nose.

V) Thou shalt useth thy turn signals. It doth pisseth me off if thou art in the lane next to me in one second, and thou art cutting me off in the next second. Some of us do verily desire warning before thou doest turn or changeth thy lane.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

And yea, thou shalt not jaywalk, because mine car is bigger and heavier than thine body, and I shall strike you down with great vengeance and furious anger, and thou shalt known that I drive a HUmmer.

Thou shalt use the proper lanes, and not turneth intot he path of thine fellow motorist, lest said motorist disembarks and defenestrates thee.

[Hyperion]

you forgot tailgating... and the cops are the worst with those damned lights.

[EmperorMing]

Thou shalt move thine vehicle frome the hammer lane when thou doest see a vehicle approach in said lane and is overtaking you. Said vehicle will flash his lights upon thee thereby indicating that thou shouldst move thine ass out of the way of said veihicle...


And there will be much rejoicing!

[Mr Bean]

VI)If though shall engage in give other motorvechicalists the "bird" keep mind sir, that most of those people are armed
I'm am one of them

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

Thou shalt not piss off people who wind their windows down and play their music loudly, for these people are either
a) armed
b) violent
c) stoned
d) gangsters
e) some of the above
f) All of the above
g) a serious threat to your life

[irishmick79]

Thou shalt promptly and efficiently moveth from a stop position at a red light. Thou shalt not changeth thy CD player while paused at said light, because it impairs your already limited judgement.

Thou shalt promptly and efficiently MAKE RIGHT AND LEFT TURNS. Useth thy slightest opportunity to do so, as the vehicular units behind you may not have the luxury of waiting for a mile of space to open up in traffic.

[Yossarian]

Thou shalt use thine turn signals on the roundabout
Thou shalt not ride mopeds
Thou shalt not wait for traffic when making a turn