Funny quotes

Zaku-chan · Post by **Zaku-chan** » 2002-12-07 03:34pm

ST:IV has some hilarious lines:

"Computer. (long pause) Computer? *picks up the mouse* Hello, computer?" -Scotty trying to use a modern computer.

Store owner: "I'll give you....one hundred dollars."
Kirk: "Is that a lot?"

Carol: "Do either of you like Italian?"
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No"
Kirk: "Yes! I love Italian. And so do you."
Spock: "Yes."

Pilot: "You fly?"
Sulu: "Oh, here and there."

Bones: "What's wrong with you?"
Woman: "Kidney dialysis."
Bones: "What is this, the Dark Ages?"

Driver: "Hey, watch where you're going, ya dumbass!"
Kirk: "Well....double dumbass on you!"

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-07 03:43pm

"In Space, no one can hear you cha cha cha!"

"Look out Earth, the slime's soming home!"

"MMmmm, something smells good, what is it? It's me!"

"my life started out so prominsingly: Good parents, good school, a pony called Trumper... How did i edn up here, on a ship where the third most popular pastime is going down to the laundry room and watching my knickers spin dry?"

"So let me get this straight: you want to fly on a magic capret to visit the King of the Potato People, and plead with him for your freedom, and you're trying to tell me you're completely sane?"

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2002-12-07 03:44pm

Where'd those come from?

Zaku-chan · Post by **Zaku-chan** » 2002-12-07 03:45pm

"Is 'ferocious delicacy' an oxymoron or an aliteration?"
"I think it's a shark."

-two of my roomates, one doing his English paper, the other getting drunk.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-07 03:48pm

Red Dwarf.

Now go and sit in shame in the corner... <points>

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2002-12-07 03:49pm

innerbrat wrote:Red Dwarf.
Now go and sit in shame in the corner... <points>

*pouts*

You coming to? It's lonely there.

*grabs innerbrat and sits in corner*

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-07 03:54pm

OK, but I'm bringing more RD quotes:

"I'll tell you one thing, I'veplayed pool with planets, I've been to a parallel universe, seen time running backwards and I've given birth ot twins, but I never though in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle"

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-07 04:01pm

"Yes my dear, but what if it had your brains and my looks?"-Playwrite George Bernard Shaw to his pregnant mistress.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-07 04:10pm

No, that was Winston Churchill again, I'm sure of it.

"What's a purple alert?"
"Well, it's a bit worse than a blue alert, but not as bad as a red alert"

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-12-07 04:24pm

Other Red Dwarf quotes:

"Forget red alert, lets go all the way up to brown alert"
"There's no such thing as brown alert!"
"You won't be saying that in a minute."

"Where is everybody Hol?"
"Their dead Dave, everybody's dead"
"What, Kachensky?"
"Everybodys dead Dave"
"Chen?"
"Everybody's dead Dave"
"Rimmer?"
"He's dead Dave, everybody's dead"
"What about Captain Hollister?"
"He's dead Dave, everybody's dead, Every body's dead Dave."
"Wait a minute. are you trying to tell me everybod's dead?"

"I'm good, i'm better than good, i'm smoooooth. With a capital Smoo."

"You rot infected piece of monkey vomit"

"You double dealing, back stabbing canniving bastard!"
"Ah, my entry in the Who's Who."

"The Cat's fought bitter civil war for Centuries over whether the Holy Lister's hats were going to be Red or Blue"
"They were going to be Green!"

I may have misquoted some, but their near enough.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-12-07 04:40pm

"Between faith and my glock 9mm, I'll take the glock."

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-07 04:46pm

"I am become Dog, sniffer of bums, and humper of legs."

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-12-07 07:07pm

From Bill and Ted:

"Dude when you playing Poker you gotta have a Poker face like me ..... ALLRIGHT, THREE ACES!"

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-07 07:15pm

"Dude, I can't believe we just Melvined Death!" - Ted

"It's the old, old story: Droid meets droid; droid becomes chameleon; droid loses chameleon; chameleon turns into blob; droid gets blob back again; blob meets blob; blob goes off with blob, and drois loses blob, chameleon and droid. How many times have we seen that story?"

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-07 10:58pm

"I like swords."

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2002-12-07 11:18pm

"All your base are belong to us"

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-07 11:29pm

"God makes dinosaur. God destroys dinosaur. God makes Man. Man makes dinosaur. Dinosaur *eats* Man."
'Woman inherits the Earth."

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2002-12-07 11:29pm

Kitembe: "Don't let the Bedbugs paralyse"
Marge: "Homer did you tip Kitembe?"
Kitembe: "No he did not"

Kitembe: "General Mbutu seized power in a bloodless coup, all smotherings."

Enlightenment · Post by **Enlightenment** » 2002-12-07 11:57pm

"George W. Bush is doing everything in his power to illustrate the inability of conservatives to manage the affairs of state." -- JOHN NICHOLS

"Are you out of your mind?" / "No, I know better than to support the NRA or the GOP." Bama Brian / Cyrus Afzali

"No one has, in this whole [airport security] process, asked me those stupid
questions about whether I packed my own bags, and whether I'm carrying
any mysterious sealed, ticking, packages given to me by guys in
turbans." -- J.D. Baldwin

“Intelligent” and “talented” don’t sound especially pejorative. That’s why the talentless and stupid had to invent the word “arrogant”.

"Some day the Star War universe will discover man-portable automatic weapons, too." -- James Nicoll

"If there were such a thing as domesticated bison, perhaps. There isn't,
and the idea is good only for inducing fits of laughter among the few
ranchers who are willing to deal with actual bison." -- John Shilling

"Well, at least face-to-face. A cunning bot could use the internet,
I bet. On the 'net, nobody knows you have gears." -- James Nicoll

"Fivers aren't pathetic, they are just scary. And inconspicious until they ram an icepick in your back because of all the voices in their heads are saying that you said "Ivanova sucks." They are also most likely to pipebomb a comic book store because of a poster of the Enterprise was present." -Gil Hamilton, on the exploits of the Fiver Resistance Army.

"Please add more study to your regimen of thinking." -- Carey Sublette

"[W]hen my Korean students talk about a white house they mean a mental hospital." -- Deborah Fitchett

"In the Star Trek universe, given how common space and time anomalies
are, you could be accidentally duplicated walking around a corner." -- David Johnston

"when you're relatively wealthy and comfortable, you have fewer excuses for acting like a savage." -- Mike Wong

"I've said it before, I'll say it again. It's Georgia. Their idea of higher education is the "Where's Waldo" anthology." -- Mike Wong

"More armor. Armor good. <scratch nuts> Want armor. Armor save me. <scratch armpit>" -- Geoff Cashman

Ah, pure concentrated idiocy, refined in the hollow heads of our planet's worst morons.

He wouldn't know rational sense if you hit them over the head with it.

If I wanted to see dumbasses (more fitting if you ask me) doing dumb things and potentially permanately disfiguring and disabling, I'll watch Hockey.

"Oh my. It's pure concentrated stupidity."

"The die-off of old scientists is a crucial part of scientific progress,
but the die-off of religious whackos (like christians) is even more
crucial." - Henry

Don't count on an idiot to fetch you firepower... he'll most likely blow himself up first.

"Faith is not a good predictor of future possibility." -- Ian Stirling

"Ah, brilliant plan. Destroy your own defensive fleet with close-range nuclear explosions. You should apply for the job of EA fleet commander." -- Mike Wong

Frank_Scenario · Post by **Frank_Scenario** » 2002-12-08 12:48am

"Heads."
-Rosencrantz

"Dude, I totally hocked a loogie on good dead me."
-Robot Ted (I think)

"I have to return some videotapes."
-P. Bateman

MirrorUniverseSpy1 · Post by **MirrorUniverseSpy1** » 2002-12-08 01:37am

Oh man, I'm flat broke, cha-cha-cha

Everybodys flat broke, cha-cha-cha

Livin in the gutter, cha-cha-cha

Early grave, cha-cha-cha
-Al Bundy.

Drewcifer · Post by **Drewcifer** » 2002-12-08 01:46am

"We have no information at this time. Can we confirm that we have no information? Yes, it's confirmed we have no information." --CBS News

and my poor paraphrasing of last night's FireFly:

Captain: How do you feel?
Doctor: Well, I've never shot a man before.
Preacher: Son, I was there, and you've never shot a man yet...

Post by **Zaia** » 2002-12-08 02:07am

The Dark wrote:"All your base are belong to us"

ROTF, I LOVE that!!!!!!

Captain: 'What happen?'

Mechanic: 'Somebody set up us the bomb!'

Some friends of mine and I incorporated that into everyday language for a while. It was tres hilario because no one had any idea WTF we were talking about, which of course only made it funny.

LOL, man I love that... In case one of you hasn't seen it: http://www.planettribes.com/allyourbase/AYB2.swf

Anyway, my contribution to the funnies is this, from a comedian whose name I cannot remember right now:

I just have one thing to say about women. Don't trust anything that can bleed for four days and not die.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-08 09:14am

LOL!

How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us! YOu are on the way to destruction!