Varying Marital Systems

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-01-01 05:37pm

I didn't know whether this would develop into an OT or SLAM topic, so we'll see what happens..

I've been having a debate (no, an argument) with, of all things, an atheist on CWorg, about mongamy versus polygyny, and their effects on women. This, in itself isn't somehting I want to debate here, but I was wondering what people's stances were. When i say marriage here, I don't really mean legally, but a committed long term relationship, analogous to a marriage.

I'm guessing everyone here who is in a relationship is in a monogamous one, but can you see yourself being a part of a different system, such as polygyny (more than one woman), polyandry (more than one man) or polygyandry (multiple women and men)? Not with your current partner, necessarily, because that would require breaking of a pair bond and a dramatic change in your relationship, but with hypothetical partners.
I don't include cheating, here, or 'open relationships', but loving, mutually commited relationships between more than two people.
And don't woory about the social constraint. Let's say this is in a society that is infinitely tolerant.

For example, I could conceivably be happy in a 'triple' of the sort described by Samuel Delaney in Babel 17, either with 2 men, 2 women or a man and a woman. I wouldn't want to 'share' my husband with another person, as in traditional polygyny, but instead love and share with both of them equally (and they with me). being bi, this wouldn't be a problem for me.
Sex wouldn't need to be three way all the time, but could be between any two partners (or all three), depending on the mood. Every other aspect of the marriage would be the same as a monogamous marriage, but with the responsibilities divided three ways.

Any opinions, or should life partnerhips be between two people only?

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-01-01 06:52pm

It seems to me that as long as the people involved are truely loving and committed to each other and the relationship, then what's the harm? The problem is that more than two people increases the risk of jealousy and hurt, not that there isn't enough of it in monogamous relationships already!

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-01-01 07:46pm

That can only be done if the people involved are EXTREMELY tolerant and loving. A three-way relationship, with the wrong people involved, will quickly crash due to jealousy.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-01-01 07:51pm

jaeger115 wrote:That can only be done if the people involved are EXTREMELY tolerant and loving. A three-way relationship, with the wrong people involved, will quickly crash due to jealousy.

The same might be said of a traditional monogamous relationship....as always it comes down to the exact people involved. If the people involved do care deeply for each other its perfectly alright to have a polygamous relationship as far as i am concerned.