I did something I regret yesterday

[SolarpunkFan]

I was best friends with someone up until yesterday.

That day, his wife (who I was also friends with) made a post on Facebook saying that she wanted to vote Garry Johnson because she hated both parties. And of course I hate the LP so I got into an argument with her and my friend.

Now they've blocked me on social media, and all because I was too stupid to keep my mouth shut.

I just... what the hell do I do? We actually wanted to do stuff in real life and we liked each other, but now that's all over. It hurts badly. How do I cope?

[Ralin]

I don't know how heated the argument was or what was said, but the obvious answer would be "Wait a few days then call or visit to try and smooth things over."

[Joun_Lord]

Find other friends maybe? Though easier said then done sometimes when you are an adult. I still haven't figured that one out totally, probably something to do with Facebook or something, I dunno, it eludes me.

Could try to talk to your ex friend through mutual friend or IRL if possible, apologize to him and his wife. Usually an argument isn't enough to sink a good friendship. Wait a few days for cooler heads to prevail. If they want to completely write you out of their life over some Facebook argument then much as it sucks to say you might be better off without such petty people. Maybe don't talk about politics again in the future either way it goes. For alot of friends and family politics seem to be a very easy way to get someone to hate you.

To cope don't get drunk or do anything stupid. Find a hobby or something fun to do preferably with other friends.

Of course take any of my advice with a grain of salt as my understanding of human relations is at the best of times shoddy.

[Ralin]

Also this is going to sound cold, but you might want to spend some time thinking about what political and social positions you think are worth jettisoning a friendship over. I've cut ties with people over politics posts before and I'd do it again, and I'm pretty sure others have done it to me.

Dunno if you hate the Libertarian Party enough for supporting it to qualify (I'm assuming you don't given that you made this thread), but people here are collectively known for aggressive arguments and strongly held opinions. It might be worth having your priorities about what is best to just let slide sorted out in the future.

[Iroscato]

In my experience, anyone who's going to throw a hissy fit and block you over something as trivial as a political argument is not worth having around. True friends just call each other names over their views and then go back to talking about beer or vaginas or what have you

You'll probably be better off without them in the end IMO.

[Ralin]

In my experience, anyone who's going to throw a hissy fit and block you over something as trivial as a political argument is not worth having around. True friends just call each other names over their views and then go back to talking about beer or vaginas or what have you

You'll probably be better off without them in the end IMO.

Let's be real. A lot of us have a very different idea of what an acceptable level of insulting during an argument from the general population. And I don't know what exactly was said, but whatever it was he said it to his best friend's wife too. Which adds another level to it.

Basically I'm saying there are a lot of ways this could be Solarpunk's fault and a lot of ways the exact opposite could be true. That being the case, making sweeping statements like that really isn't justified.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

I was best friends with someone up until yesterday.

That day, his wife (who I was also friends with) made a post on Facebook saying that she wanted to vote Garry Johnson because she hated both parties. And of course I hate the LP so I got into an argument with her and my friend.

Now they've blocked me on social media, and all because I was too stupid to keep my mouth shut.

I just... what the hell do I do? We actually wanted to do stuff in real life and we liked each other, but now that's all over. It hurts badly. How do I cope?

Let it go and drive on. Either they'll realize they'd been stupid and come to their senses, or they won't. And, even if they do, do you really want people who'll be your friends, only if you're willing to lick their asses?

[SolarpunkFan]

I'll clarify.

They're not Libertarians, but they do support Garry Johnson. I didn't call them Libertarians, but they seemed to think that that was what I was saying.

And yes, this was entirely my fault, I started the argument.

[Borgholio]

Same thing happened with a friend of ours. She was my wife's co-worker and said something on FB about why people hate illegal immigrants so much. She claimed it was simply because they were Mexican. I replied with a (polite) statement saying that the issue (at least for me) with illegals isn't their race, it's that they're breaking the law in coming here.

Well...her parents are illegals. So she automatically interpreted it to mean I was calling her parents scum who deserved to be locked up (none of which I even implied). And that was the end of that friendship. So a long as you weren't being a douche about it, I'd just let this friendship go away. If they are willing to over-react just because you have a difference of opinion...that's not your fault.

[The Romulan Republic]

Maybe I'm just an asshole, but I tend to think that someone who would end a friendship over your sincerely held political convictions (presuming you did not express them in a needlessly dickish way) is not someone you need to be friends with.

I'd rather be despised for my honest beliefs than liked for keeping my mouth shut. Or at least, that seems the more honest way to live.

And yeah, I've lost friends over political disputes before, on at least two occasions. I'd gladly do so again if it was over an issue I felt strongly about.

[Kingmaker]

Apologize. Even if it is completely on them and you did nothing wrong, apologize anyway. Occasionally your family/friends will be unreasonable, but I don't think it's ever worth dropping someone over that alone. Tossing away a relationship because everyone involved was too stubborn to try and sort things out seems like a shame. I'm not you and I don't know these people, obviously, so I don't know how severe this really is, but if they really are so prickly that they can't accept an apology, you've lost nothing.

(And it probably doesn't need to be said, but I'll say it anyway: make it a real apology, not a qualified one).

There are political views I'd break contact with someone over, but supporting Gary Johnson is not one of them.

[SolarpunkFan]

I apologized earlier. They blocked me afterwards.

[Simon_Jester]

I'll clarify.

They're not Libertarians, but they do support Garry Johnson. I didn't call them Libertarians, but they seemed to think that that was what I was saying.

And yes, this was entirely my fault, I started the argument.

From what you've actually said, there are three possibilities:
1) You said some really horrible things to them, which you haven't actually told us. That's fine, by the way, but if it's true, you'll know it's true.
2) They are so hypersensitive and have such excruciatingly poor communication skills that, rather than contact you and clear this up, they'd ditch a 'true friend' because (GASP) "he thinks we're libertarians!"
OR
3) You are excessively panicking, contact them in a few days to apologize for the most intemperate things you said, and this'll all blow over.

If (1) is true, then you need to re-assess your priorities about how important it is for you to argue politics with your friends. Hint: less important than you think, because you just alienated a good friend over politics if (1) is true. Bear in mind Winston Churchill's quote: "A fanatic is someone who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." It is the former trait that makes fanatics dangerous, but the latter that makes them unlikeable. Don't let that be you. Again, all this is assuming (1) is true. If not...

If (2) is true, your friends are too hypersensitive to be reliable people; they'd have blown up at you over something eventually anyway. You have lost less than you think. Make new friends, although you may need to watch yourself about talking politics with people as per (1). I get the feeling that you care deeply about things. People who care deeply about things sometimes get worked up about them in counterproductive ways.

If (3) is true... well, (3) is self explanatory. And yes, you just said you apologized to them. Apologize again, later, after they're not still feeling emotional/hormonal/chemical anger, which will wash out of their brains within a few days. Whatever happens, it costs you literally nothing to apologize and can only improve the situation. Either you'll regain a friend, or you'll learn valuable lessons about self-restraint and understanding how other people feel, so the apology is a win-win for you.

[SolarpunkFan]

From what you've actually said, there are three possibilities:
1) You said some really horrible things to them, which you haven't actually told us. That's fine, by the way, but if it's true, you'll know it's true.

This might be the case. But since the post was deleted after a short period of time, I don't remember much of what I said. I did respond "Pot, kettle, black" at one point, so... maybe? I'm not sure.

[Borgholio]

From what you've actually said, there are three possibilities:
1) You said some really horrible things to them, which you haven't actually told us. That's fine, by the way, but if it's true, you'll know it's true.

This might be the case. But since the post was deleted after a short period of time, I don't remember much of what I said. I did respond "Pot, kettle, black" at one point, so... maybe? I'm not sure.

My old next-door neighbor was the best man at my wedding, and he is so far right-wing that he makes Trump seem like a fucking communist. We purposely avoid talking politics because we have so much in common elsewhere that we don't want to jeopardize our friendship over something for which there is no right answer anyways. In the case of your friends, I have to echo what others have said before. Either you were an asshole, in which case you might have lost them for good...or they may be hypersensitive and you would have pissed them off eventually anyways. If you apologized and they blocked you anyways, I'd probably lean towards the hypersensitive explanation.

[SolarpunkFan]

Then I probably was an asshole. I do have some issues with communicating with others. I don't know if that's a reason, but I know it's NOT an excuse.

[Simon_Jester]

Then again, you also have problems with assuming things are really really bad when they're merely moderately bad, so maybe it's not as bad as you think.

Give it some time, a few days from the incident. Send another apology, taking a calm, mature approach, emphasizing whatever good you've shared and things you have in common. If that doesn't pan out, then either you said some truly nasty things (not just 'was an asshole' but actually 'said really bad stuff')...

Or they're too sensitive for you to have stayed friends with them indefinitely.

[SolarpunkFan]

Thing is, I don't think I said anything really really nasty. The only things that I said that really stood out to me were "I'm disappointed" and "pot, kettle, black". I guess those are really assholish things to say, I didn't really know.

But the really nasty things to me are like "I hope you die", or "I'm going to stalk you". I never said anything of that magnitude, I still wanted to be friends with them after all.

[Raw Shark]

Thing is, I don't think I said anything really really nasty. The only things that I said that really stood out to me were "I'm disappointed" and "pot, kettle, black". I guess those are really assholish things to say, I didn't really know.

That's pretty tame by normal people's standards, let alone here at SDN. I'm placing my bets on the hypersensitive option.

[SolarpunkFan]

That's pretty tame by normal people's standards, let alone here at SDN. I'm placing my bets on the hypersensitive option.

Hell, that's pretty tame for online standards (judging by what I've seen in other political "discussions").