An Apology.

[The Romulan Republic]

It is no secret that I have had a contentious relationship with this board, and a lot of the people on it. I have legitimate grievances. But I have come to the conclusion that to continue those arguments is petty, privileged, selfish, and narcissistic, particularly in light of what is happening today. I have not conducted myself with the maturity or care that I should have. And I deeply regret and apologize for that.

This realization has been building for a while. Today really drove it home, though. Today, multiple American cities are consumed with rioting, and America has just crossed 100,000 COVID-19 dead, and the President of the United States retweeted that the only good Democrat is a dead Democrat. And I know that in many ways, these things pale in comparison to what much of the world is suffering every day. My initial reaction to today's events was one of fury, and fear, followed by the usual nastiness that has come to characterize my interactions on this board. But as time went on, I started to think about how petty and self-absorbed it is to be focussing on personal feuds, about the role that impulsive and hyperbolic rhetoric has played in escalating things to this point, how I am participating in derailing and trivializing and confusing discussion of these and other topics, and about how I have not fully grasped and felt the seriousness of what is happening myself.

At the risk of sounding pretentious, I believe that these times make clear the need for careful reflection, sound judgement, and unwavering commitment to our principles, and they require unity on the part of everyone who believes that life or liberty or justice have value. To continue to engage in petty personal feuds, wild speculation or hyperbolic rhetorical flourishes at a time like this is inexcusable selfishness. Its a realization that has come far later than it should have- but, hopefully, better late than never.

Going forward, I am going to do my best to meet the times that we are facing like a rational adult, not a petulant adolescent. I will do my best to leave ego and emotional excess out of it, and to refrain from giving or responding to needless provocation. To the extent that I engage with politics at all, I will try to do so with one thought and one thought only in mind- what actions we can take to best protect the basic rights of all people from the many threats which we are facing.

[Solauren]

My suggestion: Take a 1 - 2 week break from SD.NET.

Just because you decide to change your behavior, doesn't mean you can do it automatically.

Walk away, (this would include not going on other discussion boards of a political nature), and then come back after that period.

And ask someone you trust, to watch your new posts, and see if they start mirroring your old ones.

If they do, decide what to do at that time.

[Jub]

I second Solauren's suggestion.

Take a break from politics for a week or two and do something that doesn't involve you getting mad about injustices that no individual, save very few, has the power to change. The health board says your risk of catching Covid-19 out in the park is minimal so maybe hit up a nice park or nature reservation and take in the sights.

[Zaune]

There's no shame in being scared and angry right now. In fact I'd be concerned if you weren't with the way everything is going to shit right now.

And while Jub and Solauren's advice is probably good, I know from experience that just walking away and pretending it's not happening is easier said than done when you've got a personal stake in it. The next best thing you can do is try and find something practical you can do. See if there are any unions or other voluntary organisations in your local area that are fundraising for people affected by the violence and offer to do some leafletting. Join a target sports club and learn to shoot a rifle. Maybe see if there are any groups like ARES in the area who need an extra warm body for when the shit hits the fan.

But whatever you do, don't let yourself burn out and write this off as "just how things are". I don't think you've got the personality type to feel better after you give in to nihilism.

[loomer]

Consider joining local anarchist solidarity action groups, to dovetail with Zaune's advice.

[Solauren]

I'd actually suggest doing something totally non-political. A good non-political fantasy novel series read comes to mind.

[Avrjoe]

I enjoy having you here tRR. Unlike some I enjoy talking to people with opinions that differ from my own. This is how you acid test your own ideas and beliefs. there are plenty of times reality and "Ideological purity" are at odds.

Remember no mater how bad things look not every crisis leads to Gotterdammerung. We will survive, ignorance and violence will continue to decline.

[Ziggy Stardust]

I like having you here as well, TRR. I think you are a positive net contributor to the board, and there have been plenty of times I can remember where you have made coherent and interesting arguments that made me think about an issue from a new perspective. So I do hope you continue to contribute to political discussions here. And IIRC, you DO have some sort of political advocacy work you engage in outside of the board, or at least you used to, so I don't think that doing more of that is necessarily the solution.

To be perfectly honest, and I can't quite figure out how to describe this the right way (and this certainly isn't meant as an attack), your biggest issue just seems to be that if someone insults you (or you perceive an insult) you feel SO strongly that you must address and respond to this to defend your honor that you put blinders on. I feel like there have been times on this board where you start out on the "right" side (by which I mean being either factually correct, or at least having a logically coherent and sensible stance on an issue, and so on), but once you take something personally you almost cast your own argument aside for the sake of defending your honor.

It's honestly kind of puzzling sometimes to see the way discussions can drift. I don't think it's all your fault (there ARE users on this board who troll you or who are uncharitable towards you, and in general the emotional content of political discourse these days is at a fever pitch which tends to make things harder to control). But there are times I read the arguments you are involved in and I just get frustrated because I think you ARE right but you are almost doing everything possible to undermine your own stance because you are more focused on responding to real or perceived sleights than you are in sticking to your initial argument.

I hope you don't take that as an indictment on your character, I'm just trying to be helpful by telling you how things appear from my perspective.

[Aleister Crowley]

It is no secret that I have had a contentious relationship with this board, and a lot of the people on it. I have legitimate grievances. But I have come to the conclusion that to continue those arguments is petty, privileged, selfish, and narcissistic, particularly in light of what is happening today. I have not conducted myself with the maturity or care that I should have. And I deeply regret and apologize for that.

This realization has been building for a while. Today really drove it home, though. Today, multiple American cities are consumed with rioting, and America has just crossed 100,000 COVID-19 dead, and the President of the United States retweeted that the only good Democrat is a dead Democrat. And I know that in many ways, these things pale in comparison to what much of the world is suffering every day. My initial reaction to today's events was one of fury, and fear, followed by the usual nastiness that has come to characterize my interactions on this board. But as time went on, I started to think about how petty and self-absorbed it is to be focussing on personal feuds, about the role that impulsive and hyperbolic rhetoric has played in escalating things to this point, how I am participating in derailing and trivializing and confusing discussion of these and other topics, and about how I have not fully grasped and felt the seriousness of what is happening myself.

At the risk of sounding pretentious, I believe that these times make clear the need for careful reflection, sound judgement, and unwavering commitment to our principles, and they require unity on the part of everyone who believes that life or liberty or justice have value. To continue to engage in petty personal feuds, wild speculation or hyperbolic rhetorical flourishes at a time like this is inexcusable selfishness. Its a realization that has come far later than it should have- but, hopefully, better late than never.

Going forward, I am going to do my best to meet the times that we are facing like a rational adult, not a petulant adolescent. I will do my best to leave ego and emotional excess out of it, and to refrain from giving or responding to needless provocation. To the extent that I engage with politics at all, I will try to do so with one thought and one thought only in mind- what actions we can take to best protect the basic rights of all people from the many threats which we are facing.

Yeah the real life environment is very tense. It's getting crazy out there. The internet should be a fun place to escape the insanity. That's why you can't take it all super seriously. Yes, there are people dying and going through a ton of shit. That just means we got to fight to keep our sense of humor and humanity. Sometimes that's all you have left. So that being said, there was really no need for an apology. Everyone is feeling kind of shit right now. You're good mate.