Engineering jokes

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-08-22 03:23am

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-08-22 03:59am

Three engineers got together one day.

The first, a mechanical engineer, said " God must have been a mechanical engineer; how else did he craft this great universe? "

The second, a chemical engineer said, " Rubbish, God must have been a chemical engineer. How else did he create nucleotides and DNA and enzymes? "

The third just laughed and pointed at their genitals. "God must have been a civil works engineer. Who else would put a waste-water pipe through a recreation zone? "

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2002-08-22 12:31pm

Popular at my university:

Q: What did the engineering major say to the business major after they graduated?

A: Yes, sir.

And then, the engineer's response:

Q: What did the business major say to the engineering major during the recession?

A: Would you like fries with that?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-08-22 01:02pm

Not strictly an engineering joke, but still funny:

Albert Einstein dies and goes to Heaven. At the pearly gates, he is informed that his room is being prepared, so he'll have to wait for a few hours in the lobby. His guide takes him to the lobby, where he sees four other people waiting.

The tour guide introduced the first person, saying "This man's IQ is 180."

"Wonderful!" Einstein replied. "I'll discuss mathematics with him."

The tour guide introduced the second person. "You should get along well with this woman," he said. "Her IQ is 150."

"Excellent!" Einstein replied. "I'll discuss physics with her."

The tour guide introduced the third person. "This man's IQ is 100."

"Superb!" Einstein replied. "I'll discuss the latest music and films with him."

The tour guide left at this point, and the fourth person sheepishly approached. "Hi, my IQ is only 80."

"So ..." Einstein replied, "where do you think interest rates are headed?"

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-08-22 01:16pm

Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: At least a dozen, but it's impossible to tell which one it is, because they're all pointing at each other going "That's me, over there !"

Q: How many Bill Gates' does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. He simply declares darkness to be the new standard.

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?

A: All of them. Bones to say "Its dead Jim", Uhura to send a distress signal, Sulu to listen to Chekov saying "Light bulbs vere really an old russian invention", Spock to be fascinated by the illogic inherent in the early demise of the light bulb, Scotty to do the work, and Kirk to get the girl.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2002-08-22 04:09pm

Q: What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?

A: Captain's Log

BioDroid · Post by **BioDroid** » 2002-08-23 02:19pm

Three engineers are in a car that suddenly breaks dow.

"Dammit!" The Mechanical Engineer swears. "Must be a piston or something."

"No, no, no." The Chemical Engineer replies. "Must be the fuel."

"You two are so stupid." The Software Engineer replies smugly. "If we all get out of the car, then get back in, it should start up and run just fine."

Witness · Post by **Witness** » 2002-08-26 03:56pm

What's the worst part about Star Trek?

... they kept writing.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2002-08-28 11:56pm

Lusankya wrote:What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Funny that, we use Aerospace rather than Mechanical at RMIT, oh well. My joke;

A Buisness student asks; What is my return on investment?

A Science student asks; Why does it work?

A Engineering student asks; How can I make it work?

A Arts student asks; Would you like fries with that?

Hey I liked it!

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2002-08-29 05:37am

A project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour.
Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2002-08-29 05:38am

How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years

White Cat · Post by **White Cat** » 2002-08-29 05:50pm

An engineer, riding a brand-new motorbike, meets up with his friend, another engineer.

"Nice bike!" says the friend. "Where'd you get it?"

The first engineer says, "Well, I was standing in my backyard yesterday, when a gorgeous woman rode up on the bike, jumped off, tore off all her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"

"Good choice," replies the friend. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."