Really rotten joke... :D

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-08-18 12:59pm

It's so bad, it's downright hilarious...

I wrote: Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again".

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.

............... I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian."

Oh, and another one, although it really is a verbal joke and is probably works best in the NE UK, where pronunciation of first consonants is a little sloppy...

I wrote: A man walks into a bar, and he says to the barman, "If I do this amazing trick for you, will you give me a pint and some food?" The barman, who has been in these sort of jokes before, said that he would, but it would have to be a damn good trick.

So, the man produces a large claw hammer, and proceeds to bite into it, showing no signs of discomfort and not stopping until the hammer is eaten.

"Amazing," cries the barman, "You've earned your food, do you do this sort of thing for a living?"

Says the man: "Me? No, I'm an amateur..."

I hope I dont need to explain that one...

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-18 01:01pm

"I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian."

So bad it's hilarious.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-08-18 01:19pm

sorry lumberjack, youre gonna need to explain the last one. please?

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-08-18 01:35pm

Maybe it's just a local pronunciation thing - amateur, where I am, it tends to get pronounced - 'ammer chewer'. Ah well. Chalk another one up to national obscurity.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-08-18 02:36pm

Some of the best bar related jokes: (well the only ones i can think of)

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "Why the long face?"

Shakespeare walks into a bar. The Barman says "Oy, you! You're barred!"

A man walks into a bar, he says "ow!" because it was an iron bar.

A welshman, a scotsman and an englishman walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this? a joke?"

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-08-18 07:00pm

From Family Guy:

A priest and a rabbi are walking into a bar.

Rabbi: Hey, did you hear the one about us?

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-08-18 08:46pm

A man walks into a bar.

He says: OW! Who put this bar here?

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-08-18 09:04pm

Heard this on Comedy Central's 'Last Comic Standing.'

Two asians walk into a bar...two weeks later, they own it.

It was really funny the way he said it (Oriental accent) and the story that went with it.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-08-18 09:34pm

Grrrrr, bad, don't make me sick Captain/Doctor Punishment on you.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-08-18 10:07pm

*groan*
*smacks you up side o' your lumberjack head

Straha · Post by **Straha** » 2003-08-18 10:26pm

Alright two lame jokes.

A guy builds a model castle of what camelot should look like, with towers, barracks, thrones, and tables of all shapes and sizes. So he's walking around the courtyard of the castle, and he stubs his toe on a rock, knowing that the rock has to belong somewhere he spends hours looking for its location, however when he can't find it he

throws it right up into the air.

I get the giggles everytime I even think of that joke.

Second one:

A buissnesman is on a plane with a really big cigar in first class. Smoking it happily, behind him is a lady with a chihuaua, not one of those ordinary street chiuauas which are cool, eat tacos, and revered by other dogs, but one of those attention whore chiuauas which the owner buys to make him/herself look cooler and more street smart but ruins the whole deal bynaming the dog fru fru. Anyway the dog is sitting in the lady's lap barking and yipping up a storm and making everyone just wish it was dead. Finally after about 30 minutes of flight from London to New York the man turns around to hear and goes "Look lady, couldn't you just get rid of the dog please? it would do us all the favour!" the lady, however, sneers at him and says "I love fru fru, I'm not getting rid of him!" The dog then goes on for another ten minutes before the buisness man tries again, with the same results. Finally after about and hour and a half of flight the man turns to the lady and goes "Lady your going to throw that dog out right now, or else I'll get the pilot!" THe lady thinks for a second, and then goes "Fine, but only if you throw out all your cigars, you must have had nine so far!" They agree and open the window, chuck them out, after one last puff of a cigar, and one last hug of a dog, the window to the cheering of the cabin. Ten minutes later the man looks out the window and sees the chiuaua on the wing with....

the rock in his mouth.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2003-08-18 10:38pm

A cowboy walks into a bar dragging along a sack of manure and carrying a dead cat in the other hand. He walks to the bar and plops down on a stoll and orders a couple shots of whiskey. He drinks a shot, fires his revolver into the sack of manure and eats a piece of the cat. This continues for a good 5 minutes when someone from out of town walks in and asks the cowboy what the hell is he doing. The cowboy replies:

"I'm drinkin' whiskey, shootin' shit, and eatin' pussy!"