I also used to have recurring nightmares as a child. Frightening ones. I would be paralyzed. and wake up. still paralyzed and the room is shrouded in an impenatrable silence. No air conditioner, fan, TV downstairs, nothing. no movement of air. just silenc. Like death. I can remember being so scared my heart would almost leap from my chest because I knew what was coming. There were several scenarios:
1. A cartoon wolf (It looked like the wolf from Disney's Song of Summer[the movie with zip a dee doo dah in it...wait, Song of the south.....]) would jump out from under the bed, and onto the bed, straddling my legs. I would almost not be able to breathe. then it would screech in this voice...god that voice "Ha ha! Anyone care to touch me?!?" Then it would jump off the bed.
--or--
2. A voice. I would be on my side facing the wall . (The open side of the bed at my back. the voice (The same one the wolf had) would order harshly, "TURN OVER!" and I would.
and at that instant, I would be lifted out of the bed and out the window. The whole time my body wracked with excrutiating pain. The worst thing I could ever imagine. It hurt so bad. but I couldn't scream, I couldn't move couldn't push away the invisible hand which gripped my chest. God, I get chills now just thinking about them...I was only 4...or 3..Every NIGHT! Every fucking night....God....(There is a point to this, bear with me...)
sometimes to find Solace from the Demons in my room I would sneak into my parents room and bed down on the floor. once, I had a nightmare in her room...only the monster was UNDER HER BED. when I awoke, For a second, directly in front of me (Yes I was awake, because the instant I saw this, I snapped onto my feet screaming, waking my mom.) A Face. Hooded, with red eyes glowing. Not unlike a Jawa, only bigger.
It had a name. It was called the "Blah" The Blah followed me wherever I went until I figured out how to beat it. No matter how often we moved, no matter where I slept..the blah would find me and I would have the nightmares with the silence...and the pain and the terror....
The blah was a monster in my mind I created as a baby. My first nightmare with The Blah was in Miami. I was in my crib, maybe 1....2 years old? and I woke up (In my dream) to the silence. (God damn that silence....this is really freaking me out to type this) only, it should not have been silent. I had a wall unit AC in my room, which was on when I went to sleep. and from the window, A Shrieking voice screamed out:
"BLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"BLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
(god I was so scared....I remember my heart freezing)
then the pain. That horrible pain that I was forced to endure and not be able to do anything about it. then when It finally released me from the dream I woke up. (It would later take me years to convince my grandparents that I remembered a dream while in my CRIB. but I described perfectly the layout of the room I was in as a baby and details of what my crib looked like, the animals on my mobile, etc.)
The Blah sound, I would later find out, was the peacock in my neighborhood in Miami, which, for some reason, frequented the neighbor's yard (It liked the mango/bannana trees? I don't know what peacocks eat.) and my window happened to face the neighbor's house the peacock seemed to like. But that sound created a monster which haunted me until I finally figured out how to drive it away: My mother.
When I realized I was having the nightmare, (This had to be done quickly, because too far into the dream, this level of concentration could not be achieved.) I would have to literally reach through my sleeping mind to my consious mind. and force myself, outside the dream, to say the word, "Mom." ( I later found out that I was actually forcing myself to talk out loud. My cousin heard me one time. she told me I was quietly repeating the word Mom in my sleep) anyway, as soon as I spoke the word, My eyes would snap open, and the paralysis would slowly leave my body, leaving very slight pins and needles behind. I would be awake for a few minutes, then drift back off to sleep, terrified, but confident now in my ability to defeat the Blah.
I still occaisionally will feel the beginnings of a nightmare coming on. the tingling in my limbs, the Silence creeping back in, slowly blotting out the sound of my air conditioner, oscillating fan, the rythmic clik, click, click of the light pull-chain on my ceiling fan against the light globe, but when it begins to happen, I guess it's because I'm old enough to realize now, and old enough to control it more, but I'm able to pull myself from the brink of sleep, and tear the covers off me and stand up quickly. While it sucks cause I gotta work on getting back to sleep again (Not easy with a fresh burst of adrenaline and my heart pounding) but definately better than the terror and pain of one of those Demonic nightmares....wonder why I created a monster from a peacock call and why it persists? And if aerius says it's because I touch myself at night I am going to scream like a woman.
Well, there's a peek into my mind. thoughts?
Okay, I have to say this: While writing this I was logged into the phone system at work, ready to answer a call, it is still early so we don't get many, when we do, our earpieces emit a loud beep. Just after I finished typing the Bllaaaaahhhh thing, I got a call and the beep scared the LIVING SHIT out of me....
