politics

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-10-01 07:13pm

it;s so true. . .hehehe

UNITED NATIONS—In an address before the U.N. General Assembly Monday, President Bush called upon the international community to support his "U.S. Does Whatever It Wants" plan, which would permit the U.S. to take any action it wishes anywhere in the world at any time.

"As a shining beacon of freedom and democracy, America has inspired the world," said Bush in his 25-minute address. "With its military might, it has kept the peace and bravely defended the unalienable [sic] rights of millions around the globe. In this spirit, I call upon the world's nations to support my proposal to give America unrestricted carte blanche to remove whatever leaders, plunder whatever resources, and impose whatever policies it deems necessary or expedient."

According to top Bush Administration officials, if the measure is passed by the U.N.—and possibly if it is not—the U.S. would immediately launch invasions of Iraq, North Korea, and Cuba; establish oil-drilling operations in Siberia; install nuclear-missile silos in Mongolia along the Chinese border; make English the official language of the planet; detain thousands of Middle Eastern nationals currently in the U.S. on temporary visas; begin each day with a moment of worldwide prayer; and prohibit Japan and Germany from manufacturing automobiles.

In addition, no demonstration against U.S. actions by any foreign nation or individual would be permitted. Any such protestation would be deemed a high crime subject to a U.N. tribunal, with those found guilty flown to Texas for execution by lethal injection.

"After the unspeakable events of last Sept. 11, the U.S. was deeply touched by the outpouring of support and condolences from our neighbors and allies the world over," Bush said. "This kindness played a vital role in our national healing process, but, more importantly, it cemented our long-standing self-image as the country, with all other nations lumped together into a vague, foreign Other Place. I call upon you now to join us in our vision of America as the only country whose wishes matter."

Bush then turned to the pressing issue of Iraq.

"Despite repeated American efforts to change the situation, Saddam Hussein defiantly continues his longtime policy of being the president of Iraq," Bush said. "The time has come for this man to step down, because we want him to."

Above: A sampling of the details of the Bush plan.
In addition to enabling the U.S. to address foreign crises, Bush said his plan will help solve many of the nation's domestic problems.

"While there exist many grave threats to America abroad, we suffer still more problems—from unemployment to a lack of quality, affordable housing—right here at home," Bush said. "After this resolution is passed, we will begin a 10-year project to clean out our nation's landfills and toxic-waste sites, transport the materials to Central American jungles, and build low-cost housing on the newly cleared land. This would solve the housing shortage, create thousands of construction jobs, and improve our nation's environment, all in one fell swoop."

As much of a boon as it would be to America, Bush stressed that his plan will also benefit the rest of the world, giving foreigners greater access than ever to American goods and entertainment.

"From the Beijing businessman who treats his family to dinner at KFC to the New Delhi textile worker who unwinds after a hard day's work by watching Friends, the world community has embraced our many wonderful cultural and commercial exports," Bush said. "As part of my plan, the U.S. will be allowed to export its products tariff-free, while other countries' goods will be subject to heavy taxes. This will help ensure that people the world over will continue to enjoy our computers, DVDs, and soft drinks, free of the clutter of competing non-American goods on their store shelves."

Bush concluded his speech by calling upon the U.N. to fly an extra-large U.S. flag outside its headquarters, high above the other member nations' flags.

"From the Monroe Doctrine to our ignoring of the Kyoto Treaty, America has always boldly defied the powers that be. Ever since its founding, this great nation has courageously asserted its will, bravely tuning out the objections of the other nations of the world," Bush said at the speech's conclusion. "I urge you today, do not let that legacy die. Allow us to continue our long-standing tradition of getting our way."

Global reaction to Bush's plan has been mixed, with 56 percent of Americans in support and 100 percent of non-Americans strongly opposed.

www.theonion.com

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-01 07:18pm

The problem with that is Bush really is that stupid.

Azeron · Post by **Azeron** » 2002-10-01 08:09pm

*stands up wiping tear from eye*

That was a brilliant plan, an eloquent speech!! what a visionairy!! I knew voting for Bush was the dest thing I ever did!!

I can't wait to start relocating our toxic waste to under utilized forests.

Absoluely brillaint.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-10-01 08:22pm

thot youd like it.

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2002-10-01 08:42pm

The funny thing is that we could probably get away with it as long as we ignore Europe and Asia.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-10-01 08:42pm

Before Bush does any of this, he'll rename the US "The United States of Texas". It's not that he doesn't like the environment, he just likes Texas so much he wants the rest of the country to look like it.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-10-01 08:49pm

IG-88E wrote:The problem with that is Bush really is that stupid.

No what's really scary is the US has the power to do quite a bit of this.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-10-01 09:00pm

and much too lazy to use it. damn, living in the capitalist capital of the world is good.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-10-01 09:20pm

*whistles innocently while loading sniper rifle* This is why I tried to convince my teachers to vote for Gore(I dont especuialy like him but he would be better than bush. Vote against who you dont want, not for who you really want.)*Smile and a thumbs up sign*

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-10-01 09:22pm

Good thing Bush was raised by his parents to be Lazy
Smart people too!

However the fact remains though no one has brought it up, China/Iraq/Iran/India/Pakstan/Isreal have do soo many things countrary to the UN Policys and they don't do anything the @%@% about it says alot

Still I at least support his Hippys for Toxic Waste Program

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-10-01 09:25pm

Alyrium Denryle wrote:*whistles innocently while loading sniper rifle* This is why I tried to convince my teachers to vote for Gore(I dont especuialy like him but he would be better than bush. Vote against who you dont want, not for who you really want.)*Smile and a thumbs up sign*

I'd be real careful about making remarks like that. Even threatening the president jokingly is a serious offense.

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2002-10-01 09:45pm

Then how come everyone wasn't locked up during the Clinton years?

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-10-01 09:51pm

IRG CommandoJoe wrote:Then how come everyone wasn't locked up during the Clinton years?

Because the secret service uses common sense when investigating.

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2002-10-01 09:54pm

(Looks at Sea Skimmer directly in his eyes and shakes head like Yoda.)

"Master Sea Skimmer has missed a joke! How embarrassing....how embarrassing..."

phongn · Post by **phongn** » 2002-10-01 10:20pm

In all seriousness, the Secret Service takes a dim view of any public threat (implied or otherwise) against the President. Alyrium, you're presumably from the United States, so just be careful about saying things like that.

And yes, the USSS has given a talk to people who make threats like that on the Internet (if they see it, which is quite possible and I have seen it happen on another board).

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2002-10-01 10:25pm

"USSS" "THEEM" "MEEE"

U.S. Secret Service?