Old Schoolyard Holiday Songs

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-12-11 02:01am

Y'know, I was just thinking of two "classic" holiday songs from my youth that, if sung nowadays, might not go over so well.

They were "Deck the Halls with Gasoline" and "Joy to the World, the Teacher's Dead". Anyone remember those? You think it might cause problems these days if kids sung them in hearing of teachers or others? Or am I just being paranoid? And, to finish this topic off, what other innocent things from your childhood that you could do then you would probably see kids getting busted for now?

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-12-11 02:13am

Joy to the world, the teacher's dead
We barbecued her head!
Don't worry about the body
We flushed it down the potty
Around and round it goes
Around and round it goes
Around, around it goes!

I never heard the gasoline one.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-12-11 02:24am

Howedar wrote:I never heard the gasoline one.

Verilon had it in the Name your Carol thread, but to repeat:

(NOTE: CHORUS is the fa la lala part of Deck the Halls that you normally hear, I just have no interest in typing it

)

Deck the Halls with gas-o-line!
(CHORUS)
Light a match and watch it gleam!
(CHORUS)
Watch the school, burn down to ashes!
(CHORUS)
Aren't you glad you played with matches?
(CHORUS)

Or thereabouts. May change a word or two, but it's the general idea.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2003-12-11 03:53am

Theres also the ever popular "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" song.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-12-11 09:39am

There's "The 12 Days of Christmas" that ends with the line "And a cartridge in an Uzi".

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-12-12 05:47pm

aerius wrote:There's "The 12 Days of Christmas" that ends with the line "And a cartridge in an Uzi".

Never heard that one...care to share?

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-12-12 06:03pm

I've been out of junior school too long and I can't remember it anymore. There's about 4-5 substitutions and the song ends with "And a cartridge in an Uzi" instead of "and a partridge in a pear tree". One of the other lines was "9 hookers humping" but I can't remember the rest. Pretty cool, I wasn't even 10 years old and I was already singing about guns and hookers.

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-12-12 06:12pm

aerius wrote:I've been out of junior school too long and I can't remember it anymore. There's about 4-5 substitutions and the song ends with "And a cartridge in an Uzi" instead of "and a partridge in a pear tree". One of the other lines was "9 hookers humping" but I can't remember the rest. Pretty cool, I wasn't even 10 years old and I was already singing about guns and hookers.

That explain why you touch yourself at night

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-12-12 07:21pm

Billy the Butthead Cowboy
(sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Billy the butthead cowboy
had a very shiny gun
and if you ever saw it
you would drop your pants and run.

All of the other cowboys
used to laugh and call him names
they never let poor Billy
join in any poker games.

Then one foggy Saturday night
Santa came to say
"Billy with your gun so bright
won't you shoot my wife tonight?"

Then how the cowboys loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
"Billy the butthead cowboy,
you'll go down in history!"

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-12-12 08:37pm

I've heard a few Christmas carols rewritten to be aboutI've also heard "Joy to the World, the School Burnt Down".

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2003-12-12 10:33pm

My version of "Billy the Butthead Cowboy" was called "Randolf the Buckskinned Cowboy." Plus it wasn't Santa, it was Sheriff. I also remember singing the regular lyrics, but we threw in little comments and extra words after almost every line.

And as for other things... I can't remember...childhood blocked out...

The Morrigan · Post by **The Morrigan** » 2003-12-12 10:38pm

Fairly inoffensive, but one of my all-time favourites:

No more pencils, not more books
School's out
Boys shout
Girls scream
Dogs bark
No more pencils, no more books,
No more teacher's dirty looks
No more English, no more French,
No more sitting on a hard board bench
When the teacher rings the bell
Grab your bags and run like hell

And another...

I don't wanna go to boarding school
They say the food at [insert school name here] is really mighty fine
A pea rolled off the table, it killed a friend of mine

(Chorus)
Oh I don't wanna go to boarding school
Please Mum, I wanna go...
But they won't let me go...
Please Mum, I wanna go hoooome.

They say the drink at [insert school name here] is really mighty fine
You ask for Coca-Cola, they give you turpentine
(Chorus)

They say the boys at [insert school name here] are really mighty fine
Just take one look at [insert boy's name here] and you will change your mind
(Chorus)

And last but not least, my school's unofficial school anthem, which is really much more interesting that the official one:

We're the mighty Kooralbynites
And who the f*ck are you?
If you want to be a Kooralbynite
This is what you've got to do:

You've gotta drink, f*ck, smoke, suck,
Nibble, nobble, chew.

We're the mighty Kooralbynites
And who the f*ck are you?

Ah, the benefits of a private school education. I can post this without fear of retribution because my school was wound up in insolvancy two years ago.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-12-14 01:40am

Morrigan wrote:Fairly inoffensive, but one of my all-time favourites:

No more pencils, not more books
School's out
Boys shout
Girls scream
Dogs bark
No more pencils, no more books,
No more teacher's dirty looks
No more English, no more French,
No more sitting on a hard board bench
When the teacher rings the bell
Grab your bags and run like hell

That sort of qualifies as a holiday song I guess...

And another...

I don't wanna go to boarding school
They say the food at [insert school name here] is really mighty fine
A pea rolled off the table, it killed a friend of mine

(Chorus)
Oh I don't wanna go to boarding school
Please Mum, I wanna go...
But they won't let me go...
Please Mum, I wanna go hoooome.

They say the drink at [insert school name here] is really mighty fine
You ask for Coca-Cola, they give you turpentine
(Chorus)

They say the boys at [insert school name here] are really mighty fine
Just take one look at [insert boy's name here] and you will change your mind
(Chorus)

You can also use this (and it's how I learned it) in refrence to any military service. Though you can modify bits of it (ie: replace "drink" with "coffee" and it's second line can be either "It's good for cuts and bruises, and tastes like iodine" or "(God-damn I wish I could remember, but my mind's blanked!), and tastes like turpentine."

Also, instead of a pea rolling off the table, there can be "A chicken jumped off the table, and started marking time."

And, of course, instead of boys are mighty fine, it's women are mighty fine, and the second line goes, "They look like Phyliss Diller (sp?), and march like Frankenstein."

There's probably more variations to those, it's just what I've heard.

But, that not being a schoolyard holiday song, I'll move on now.

And last but not least, my school's unofficial school anthem, which is really much more interesting that the official one:

We're the mighty Kooralbynites
And who the f*ck are you?
If you want to be a Kooralbynite
This is what you've got to do:

You've gotta drink, f*ck, smoke, suck,
Nibble, nobble, chew.

We're the mighty Kooralbynites
And who the f*ck are you?

Ah, the benefits of a private school education. I can post this without fear of retribution because my school was wound up in insolvancy two years ago.