152 rules of an evil overlord.

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-09-02 11:57pm

*Casts bigby's poking finger on sea skimmer*

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-09-03 12:00am

Lusankya wrote:*Casts bigby's poking finger on sea skimmer*

*Dodges* *Uses CIWS to explode Lusankya's skull with 35mm APFSDS rounds*

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-09-03 12:02am

You can't dodge bigby's poking finger. And you can't kill me with those things.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-09-03 12:15am

*Wipes sea skimmer out of existence with mystical DM powers* My offer still stands Lusankya And Mr. Bean I do not wish you to feel my wrath. But I will destroy you if I must.

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-09-03 12:16am

Thankyou Alyrium, I accept your offer.

Shall I cast hiccups on Mr Bean to prove my loyalty?

Or would you prefer a more graphic demonstration?

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-09-03 12:22am

I can do pretty much anything in D&D because I met God.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-09-03 12:30am

I would like to give him one more chance to consider my offer. That is of course befor Oghma the god of Writing, and literature(including lliterary devices such as IRONY) withdraws his protection from Mr. Bean*chuckles evilly*

If he joins me Tymora(the Lady of luck) will extend her protection to him.

Any suggestions for these other fools my lady?

(I love being the DM, ordering gods around is fun)

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-09-03 12:37am

Lusankya wrote: You can't dodge bigby's poking finger. And you can't kill me with those things.

Sure I can, just takes a little clever rule editing, and since when is mere decapitation lethal in D&D, the land of anti physics?

Alyrium Denryle wrote:*Wipes sea skimmer out of existence with mystical DM powers* My offer still stands Lusankya And Mr. Bean I do not wish you to feel my wrath. But I will destroy you if I must.

*Reappears out of reality*

My ship and I exist beyond the confines of the limited world of D&D, using such powers you can hurt but never destroy me. To do so you must journey beyond D&D, to the land known the real world and do battle without the benefit of your much vaunted magic or physical inconsistencies.

Muhahahahah, in such combat NONE short of Sheppard could even hope defeat me!

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-09-03 12:52am

But in the land of ANY kind of roleplaying I hold supreme power. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-09-03 12:57am

You do realise that bigby's poking finger is just a magical finger that pokes you constantly for 2d6 months? Likewise flatulence makes you fart uncontrollably for 3d8 hours.

Now, my lord, for Sea Skimmer, he will go mad soon, since he's afflicted with bigby's poking finger. I rolled for duration and got a 10, so the incessant poking should drive him insane before that time. As for the other fools, I shall create appropriate punishments soon enough. Just let me get my carry case.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-09-03 01:00am

Lusankya wrote:You do realise that bigby's poking finger is just a magical finger that pokes you constantly for 2d6 months? Likewise flatulence makes you fart uncontrollably for 3d8 hours.

Now, my lord, for Sea Skimmer, he will go mad soon, since he's afflicted with bigby's poking finger. I rolled for duration and got a 10, so the incessant poking should drive him insane before that time. As for the other fools, I shall create appropriate punishments soon enough. Just let me get my carry case.

My temporary removal to the real world undid all spells that you cast, I am quite unaffected.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-09-03 01:02am

Alyrium Denryle wrote:But in the land of ANY kind of roleplaying I hold supreme power. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

And the realm of role-playing exists within that of the real world and it at its sufferance, thus making me the supreme power over all.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-09-03 02:05am

My ship and I exist beyond the confines of the limited world of D&D, using such powers you can hurt but never destroy me. To do so you must journey beyond D&D, to the land known the real world and do battle without the benefit of your much vaunted magic or physical inconsistencies.

also goes for me...

sufficiently advanced technology> "wish spell" how do you know being ripped to subatomic particles and spread very thinly thought the cosmos will not affect it?

I shall create appropriate punishments soon enough. Just let me get my carry case.

This will be... amusing

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2002-09-03 02:25am

Ahh Bean, you really should just tell him that you are invincible, it's just cruel otherwise...[/quote]

Never say that you are invincible, you will be killed immediately. Didn't you read the damn rules?!?!?!?!?!

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-09-03 02:26am

shusssh

I want to see him go BOOM!

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-09-03 07:35am

including lliterary devices such as IRONY) withdraws his protection from Mr. Bean*chuckles evilly*

FOOL you think Irony is to be confied by Lit devices, Your more of an idiot than I though. Aparently you need more than 10k INT to grasp the scope of Irony

I have been playing with you up to this point its time to release one of my six deadly weapons!

CONNAN! DESTROY HIM!
His Charater Shield is equvilat to riped Shirt Kirk^1E47 greater, He hath smote down GODS, He has spit in the God of Death's Face and Beat Tymora at Ring-Toss

He is none other than the Elder God of DUMB-LUCK, No MEAR DM can touch him, His LUCK score is so high as to prevent manipulation even if every God in the planes Joined Forces to try and stop him he could not, He prosphsised to be the Destroyer of All Gods one Day. With his Sword he hath killed both the Gods of Betralyal and the God of War was nearly killed by him but he relented instead giving more power to Connan
No one man, Or a Billion can touch him, A thousand Death-Stars and a billion Sovergiens(Either ST or SW) could not scratch him, He is un-affected by negative wishs spells and can not be killed by any means for he is CONNAN

I hope he does not hurt you to baddly but he's in rather a bad mood today and he knows it because of you

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-09-03 09:41am

No amount of LUCK will save him from spells that HAVE NO SAVING THROWS!

Behold the might of my MAGIC MISSILE OF DOOM!(2400 damage in one round!)

Besides Connan cant fly or strike incorporeal creatures now can he?

He cannot stop me.

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-09-03 09:49am

My temporary removal to the real world undid all spells that you cast, I am quite unaffected.

Bigby's poking finger remains in effect whenever you enter any roleplaying world.

NOw, as for the punishment, I have with me a machine used to crush gold ore. it works like this: a whole pile of 2kg iron balls are mashed around in a big vat thing, crushing the gold ore into little bits so the gold can be extracted easily.

What I propose is either:

1) stick the offender in the operating vat.

2) construct a little hole in tthe side of the vat. the offender's arm will then be stuck through the hole and secured so it can't be removed. THen the machine will be turned on.

3) Similar to 2), except a different part of the offender's *ahem* anatomy will be placed in the vat. Me being female, I really won't sympathise with the pain. Perhaps for this option, smaller balls might be used, at higher velocities.

After 2) and 3) have been implemented, the offender must obviously be killed, as we can't have someone with that kind of grudge running around. Particularly after 3) has been inplemented, methinks.

now where did I put all my other notes... I had heaps of better ideas earlier, but I can't for the life of me think what they were...

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-09-03 09:53am

No amount of LUCK will save him from spells that HAVE NO SAVING THROWS!

Behold the might of my MAGIC MISSILE OF DOOM!(2400 damage in one round!)

Besides Connan cant fly or strike incorporeal creatures now can he?

He cannot stop me.

Ahh but you forget Connan gets an automatic saving throw VS anything that can kill him or even scratch him and a 1E47+ modfier to avoid injury that would hurt him

And he can fly and strike Incorporeal creaters or to be fair incorporeal creaters become corpoal and flying creaters loose flight when Connan gets mad at them

Never underestmate the un-imaginable power of Dumb-Luck

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-09-03 09:58am

Then I will not "harm " him simply lock him in a demi-plane of my own creation.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-09-03 10:10am

Then I will not "harm " him simply lock him in a demi-plane of my own creation.

Since locking him away from his target would be *Harming him he gets a saving throw VS that

All 1E47+ of a Saving throw to

Infact by Connan Rules unless you can top that your locked in that dem-plane youself

I'll say it before I'll say it agian
DUMB LUCK IS THE MOST POWERFUL FORCE IN THE UNVIERSE!

Nothing tops it
NOTHING

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-09-03 02:39pm

He's released conan!!

Surrender now and beg mr. bean for forgiveness and he may not torture you so much...

Seriously though, noting can stop conan, repeat nothing, [the fictional]Jehovah could not stop conan.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2002-09-03 02:47pm

NecronLord wrote:He's released conan!!

Seriously though, noting can stop conan, repeat nothing, [the fictional]Jehovah could not stop conan.

Aw hell, Conan killed his share of gods. And I'm talking about the Robert E. I-blow-my-fucking-brains-out Howard's pulp fiction Conan, not Robert I-should-have-my-fucking-brains-blown-out-for-screwing-with-the-formula Jordan's pansy version of him, with his cunning intelligence and human weaknesses.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-09-03 04:56pm

Alyrium Denryle wrote:Then I will not "harm " him simply lock him in a demi-plane of my own creation.

Why don't you just lock him in a plane, with this 'Bigby's poking finger".

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-09-03 05:01pm

Lusankya wrote:
My temporary removal to the real world undid all spells that you cast, I am quite unaffected.
Bigby's poking finger remains in effect whenever you enter any roleplaying world.

*Alter rules, reducing Bigby's poking finger to a one turn spell*

FOOL, You forget, the basis of the role-playing world exists within the real world. There I may alter it at will. Once again, you must cast off your magic and leave the land of RPG to do battle on my ground were I am supreme if you are to have any hope of defeating me.