Wrestlemania

[Next of Kin]

**NoK stares down irishmick79. "And just who fucking invited you to this little party!" Irishmick79 with a bemused look on his face replies, "You stupid little ass-hat!! DIDN"T YOU JUST HEAR A DAMN WORD I SAID! I'm gonna make sure that you and 'ski over here don't try to do anything foolish tonight. If anything, commisioner Morely wants a fight that will keep the fans on their seats, and I'm gonna make sure that its called right down the middle." Irishmick grabs NoK's hand and shakes it. "By the way, Kin, I haven't forget your little stunt yesterday when you tried to hunt me down!" With that, irishmick79 clobbers NoK with a vicious right that sends Kin realing!! "Good luck!!" Irishmick79, looking satisfied, leaves the dressing room. Before he leaves he quickly looks over at a cleary agitated theski and says, "don't try anything big man!" Theski goes over to NoK who is still laying on the ground...
[cut to a scene involving a limo pulling up into the arena area. Who could it be!]...

[theski]

NOK still down, theski asking the eternal question "Why" The thought of Irish upsidedown in the Jackhamer brings a smile to the face of the big warrior. He picks NOK up and steadys his partner, he sees the determination and anger on NOKs face and knows all will be right with the world when vengance is near........cut to the limo pulling up and the driver getting out and opening the door for?????????????

[Next of Kin]

**The black limo pulls up to the SD.net Arena and announcer Michael Cole quickly rushes out with a camera crew to pick up the latest scoop. HE eagerly waits by the back passenger door. An awed hush goes out from the faithfull fans in the arena as they witness Rob "The British Bruiser" Wilson emerge from the limo with his duffle bag in one hand and a large Singapore cane in the other.**

Michael Cole: Oh my gawd! Not any of us in the news media expected you to be here tonight!?! Rob Wilson, why have you decided to show up to the SD.Net arena without a contract I might add..

*Rob drops his gear and quickly grabs the mic from Cole**

Rob Wilson: "See here you little prat!! Don't you start going off saying what The British Bruiser is doing in the WWE!! Mind your Ps and Qs before I hand you your arse on a platter!!

*Michael Cole cowers in fear*

Michael Cole: "Err, I'm sorry Mr. Bruiser but I just wanted to...

**irishmick79 marches into view and grabs the mic from a flustered Cole. A loud pop goes out from the fans watching in disbelief on the Big screen in the arena**

irishmick79: "Listen, I know your history with Next of Kin and theski ain't pretty but I'm not here to remind you, I'm here commanding you to a)stay out of my way and b)don't stick your ugly, British, hooligan-wanker face in the hell in the cell match tonight. Do I make myself clear!!"

**Rob Wilson stares into the eyes of irishmick79. The crowd is going nuts! They don't know if these two combatants are going to go right now! Finally, Wilson steps back and picks up his gear.**

Wilson: "Fine, you don't want me here!?! Bollocks to ya, ya damned Yankee! However, I paid good money for these tickets 'ere **flashes front row seats** and my lovely date and I.."

irishmick79: "DATE!?!"

Wilson:"..Yes, the Lovely Esmerelda **just then a drop dead gorgeous valet with basketball sized breast implants slinks her way out of the limo. Michael Cole's jaw drops as Esmerelda puts her arms around Wilson.** Now be a useful Yank and take my bags for me!" **Drops bags**

**Wilson and his date walk towards the arena while irishmick79 is still fuming**

[cut to commercial]

[Next of Kin]

Ring Announcer: “Ladies and Gentlemen…children of all ages! I present to you the melt down match coming from a capacity crowd in the SD.NET arena! Are you readddddy! In the black trucks from parts unknown and weighing in at 285lbs…theski…the Viking from Valhalla!!

***Cues theski’s music***[DUN][DUN][DUN][DUN][DUN] starts Goldberg’s theme music. Theski jerks back the curtain and a loud pyrotechnical explosion is heard. As theski’s pyro wears off, he quickly sprints to the ring amidst boos and jeers from the fans. The camera pans the audience who are clearly voicing their disproval for theski.***

Ring Announcer: “And wearing the green trucks from North Tonawanda, New York…”

**NoK comes out with a mic an interrupts a clearly agitated Michael Buffer**

NoK: “Hold up Michael Buffer. This match ain’t gonna happen!! Screw you WWE and SD.NET!! Screw you fans!! Screw you Chief Morely!! Screw you Irishmick79! And especially, screw you Rob Wilson and your little tart of a date too!! Hehehe! **NoK points to a brace around his neck** Ya see, I can’t compete tonight! Too many injuries and..

Sean Morely: “Nah uh Kin! You’re not weaseling out of your obligations this time!!

**NoK spins around to see Sean Morely standing right behind him and getting ready to swing a steel char too! THWACK!!! Kin gets leveled by the chair and goes down! The fans are screaming as Morely drags NoK over to ringside. Rob Wilson kisses his date, jumps over the guard rail, and helps toss NoK into the ring much to the surprise of theski. Theski thunders over to Wilson and begins to lay the boots to him. Irishmick breaks up the commotion and yells at both opponents. Morely signals for the steel cage to be lowered with all four men standing in the ring. NoK stands up with blood gushing from the gash in head and walks over to theski. Both men look uncertain and confused**

Sean Morely: “As chief, you have to know what the people want and make decisions on the fly! After watching Kin’s, Theski’s, Wilson’s and Irishmick’s little spectacles earlier this evening I thought to myself, WOW!! Wouldn’t it be great if we had a couple of surprises tonight. Surprise number one, theski versus kin in the cage! Surprise number two, irishmick79 as the special guest referee! Surprise number three, The British Bruiser, Rob Wilson gets an impromptu invite, and a WWE contract to boot, and surprise number four…I now call this match a fatal four way! And guys, here’s one last surprise…no pressure or anything but the last man standing gets to keep his job! Have fun!!

**Morely drops the mic and struts back to the dressing room. All four men stare at each other in disbelief. A stand-in referee quickly runs down to ringside and locks the only entrance to the cage. There is no way out! Barbed wire lines the ring ropes. Fastened to each ring corner is a Singapore cane and in the center of the ring is a cookie tray. At that moment the ring bell sounds! DING!**

[seanrobertson]

So anybody want to make predictions on whether or not Lesnar is going to be in action for Smackdown?

Why wouldn't he? Is he injured? If it's not a broken bone or torn pec, he'll probably be there thanks to the miracles of Nubain.

Wrestling as it is sucks. McMahon has done a fantastic job in appealing to the masses, but I think it could be so much better. If he could reach someone like me, for instance, he'd really be cooking.

To that end, I suggest the WWF ditch a lot of its more boring characters, like those two guys that look like Fabio, with the long blonde hair. BORRRRING!

Here are my unsolicited ideas for better characters.

A big strong-looking guy dressed in medieval style armor. He'd carry a giant six-foot long battleaxe, and would wear a cast-iron helmet that only has eyeholes--with red eyes naturally--and big horns sticking out the top. He's be sort of like "Kane" meets Soul Calibre...WAY more evil and intimidating that way, huh?

This guy, named Beast, has about a 40 IQ, however, because he lost most of his brain in combat with some other big mean dude. So, Beast can't really think for himself...he requires the guidance of a little bald dwarf that looks like Mini-Me, only with an Irish or Scottish accent. The dwarf's name is "Bossman." Bossman leads his charge to the ring by a huge metal collar that looks like a millstone, attached to a big chain that Bossman has to drag on the ground (his brother, another dwarf, helps him to this end).

Once the fight starts, Bossman just squawks orders at Beast. He's essentially Paul Bearer, only not all stupid and fat. Bossman chomps an oversized cigar and is quick to yell at Beast if he does something wrong. He gets on stilts to egg people in the audience on, and believes everyone except him are the "true little people."

Next is Satan. Yes, Satan. A giant guy with a goat's head, brownish-red body, wings folded at his back (think of the intro possibilities...just pray he doesn't wind up like Hart did), and cloven hoof-type feet. He speaks with your typical, super-deep, distorted/amped "devil voice." He never fights himself because he's too bad-ass...instead, he has some of his droogies come out and do the dirty-work. It's thought Beast was a person he "altered" to do his bidding.

He's also fond of taking over other wrestler's minds, particularly tag-team partners or friends, and making them fight themselves.

After that we have the Lady of the Lake (someone like this, because she has an important talisman). Some hottie along the lines of FOX News' 6'3" ubervixen Laurie Dhue has the look. She'd wear a wispy white gown and wields Excalibur (or another similar talisman). She has a siren's voice. She's also tough as nails, and uses the sword to focus psionic type attacks. When you try to hit her, she just disappears and re-appears elsewhere...the key is to catch her off-guard. Separated from Excalibur, you could whip up on her, tie her up, etc. You might even think it'd be smart to kidnap her--some evil/heel character might get a kick out of talking smarmy shit to her--but the longer she's separated from the sword, the worse things get for the heel. They learn it's best to just leave her alone when possible, and when it's not, to try and sneak up on her, knock her out, then take off ASAP.

Then we have a guy along the lines of a Shaolin monk. His specialty is obvious. He dresses in a modest robe. He's only known as the Monk.

Next is Lt. Numbnuts...some kind of Green Beret gone insane, thinking everyone is Spetznaz. He wears full fatigues, a beret, and uses gas grenades on his enemies. He also has a machine pistol, but he's paranoid that his enemies will slip him some kind of explosive cartridges that'll jam and blow up on him, so he only uses rubber bullets. He's good with a Rambo-type knife and is skilled in hand-to-hand.

Then you have your obligatory Mike Tyson character. Maybe they could dig up Riddick Bowe for this role. It simply has to be a big, mean boxer that's got a couple of prominent gold teeth. His handler is of course just like Don King, a guy that wants to usurp control of the WWE from the McMahons.

Next is the Wrapper. He's a zombie/mummy type. Also real stupid, and fragile, he packs a punch but you can knock off his bodyparts pretty easily, spraying embalming fluid everywhere. The hard part is getting him to stay in pieces. If he whips you, you'll be mummified and turned into someone just like him. This would be perfect for losers who don't fit in anywhere else or have suffered bad injuries.

I'm thinking a basketball or soccer player who dribbles balls real hard off of opponents' heads might be appropriate too. A BBer would be "Wilt" or "Air [plus their first name]"; a soccer player would be Low Kick or Ball Buster.

Last you have a robot somewhat like a crude Data--human shape and all that but bright blue skin a'la Thrawn and exposed circuitry. He could be Dipshit Bot...I dunno. He's super-strong and really intelligent, but falls for the same sort of junk Data would (no ability to read people). He believes Vince McMahon is the greatest man in history, and does everything Vince tells him to do. But if someone got a hold of him and did a little creative reprogramming, he could wind up killing Vince...whoops.

Take that as you will. But some really whacked out characters, totally untraditional with unique personalities would make all that fakeness soooo much more interesting. I definitely like Beast and Bigboss way better than anything I've heard the WWE has cranked out. Big tards are a dime a dozen. Give them some background, some character other than to let them shout lame insults in a microphone!

Imagine this. The Rock is in the ring, talking trash. "The Rock says this: Bossman is too...small of a man to come out here and face the Rock." (Audience cheers loudly at the putdown of the dwarf.)

Bossman appears with Beast, and they make their way to the ring. The Rock keeps goading them. "The Rock says this: Beast should've stayed locked up in his cage, 'cause tonight I am going to make him SMELL-L-L-L...what the ROCK...IS...COOKIN'!"

Beast then lumbers into the ring and, without a word, chops Rock in half, then into several smaller chunks. He roars like a Klingon in heat.

Bossman goes in the ring, grabs a few of the Rock's dismembered parts, and puts them in a grocery bag. Then he climbs up on his stilts (or Beast's shoulders) and throws the pieces at the audience. Bossman yells into a megaphone he carries, "I don't know what Rocky is talkin' about, arr...but Beastie and mes are definitely be a' cookin' with da Rock tonight! Hahahahahaha!"

Is that not better than some idiot in a mask talking shit back to Rock before the two of them actually fight? It's too gross for little kids--most of that junk is already probably over the top for the dimmer bulbed kids, especially those left unsupervised to watch guys get pile-driven into the canvas--but I don't care. I want entertainment by God! And if Dwayne Johnson has to pretend that he's a dismembered corpse for awhile (no worries...I'm sure Wrapper would fix him up), so be it.

[Rob Wilson]

I see I'm playing against type, I'm the heel I take it?

Wilson:"..Yes, the Lovely Esmerelda **just then a drop dead gorgeous valet with basketball sized breast implants slinks her way out of the limo. Michael Cole's jaw drops as Esmerelda puts her arms around Wilson.** Now be a useful Yank and take my bags for me!" **Drops bags**

**Wilson and his date walk towards the arena while irishmick79 is still fuming**

[cut to commercial]

I can't stand artificial or overly large breasts in real-life, but what the hell, it's all about the character, and that last line was a killer.

Can't wait to read more.

[Rob Wilson]

**Morely drops the mic and struts back to the dressing room. All four men stare at each other in disbelief. A stand-in referee quickly runs down to ringside and locks the only entrance to the cage. There is no way out! Barbed wire lines the ring ropes. Fastened to each ring corner is a Singapore cane and in the center of the ring is a cookie tray. At that moment the ring bell sounds! DING!**

*munches popcorn, drinks orange juice, hits record on Video*

[Rob Wilson]

Wrestling as it is sucks. McMahon has done a fantastic job in appealing to the masses, but I think it could be so much better. If he could reach someone like me, for instance, he'd really be cooking.

To that end, I suggest the WWF ditch a lot of its more boring characters, like those two guys that look like Fabio, with the long blonde hair. BORRRRING!

Here are my unsolicited ideas for better characters.

You do realise that nothing you've just listed is physically possible in the world the rest of us live in, don't you?

About the only one that might work is the Beast, and then he'd ave to loose the axe, have plastic-pretend armour and millstone and and even then, he'll be pretty damned restricted as to what movements he could perform.

[irishmick79]

I was thinking that Lesnar is probably still hurting from Wrestlemania, and might not be in action for Smackdown. That fuck up looked nasty.

**As the bell rings for the match to kick off, Mick glares angrily at Morely. Definitely an ill temperment there folks, and Mick has some choice words for the commish along with a totally unecessary finger gesture. I don't think Mick will be donating to the commisioner's charity fund any time soon. Looks like NoK is having some ideas, and clocks mick from behind with a hellacious closeline, and we're underway! NoK goes to work on Mick's backside, with some sharp kicks and elbow drops. Mick eventually is able to roll out of the way, groggily gets to his feet, and almost immediately gets speared out of his boots by NoK. NoK is all over him in the turnbuckle now, just hammering him with strong right chops and kicks.

Probably ought to get back to the other two, Wilson and theski for a bit here. At the bell, they immediately got into each other's face, and stared each other down in the middle of the ring. The crowd is going exctatic now, and Theski delivers a nice smack to Rob, who reacts with a sharp right hand to Theski's jaw. They kick off exchanging some right hands, and eventually theski gets the better of Rob and sends him into an irish whip. Rob crashes into Theski's elbow, and goes down, holding his nose. Theski takes time to talk some trash, gestures angrily to the crowd, and lays into Rob with some boots to the head.**

ok folks, take it from there!

[2000AD]

*Waking up in his hotel room with Trish snuggled next to him, 2000AD flicks on the TV to SD.Net Raw*

*"WTF! Morley is commish!" he exclaims! "Fuck that!" He picks up the phone and dials a number. A quick conversation is held with the other person. 2000AD then kisses Trish goodbye and runs down to the hotel garage, before hopping into his waiting limo.*

[Lord_Xerxes]

You know, all this brings to mind a good point. Why don't we start an E-Fed. I used to run one before.

[2000AD]

You know, all this brings to mind a good point. Why don't we start an E-Fed. I used to run one before.

Hmmmmm .... What's involved in this E-Fed thingy?

[Lord_Xerxes]

You know, all this brings to mind a good point. Why don't we start an E-Fed. I used to run one before.

Hmmmmm .... What's involved in this E-Fed thingy?

You have a message board were people cut promos about their opponents. There's no Autoing though. (no. So and so hits so and so with a chair). It's basically based around your RP skills. There's weekly events and monthly PPVs, and someone writes up results for the cards. Sometimes the winners of matches are determined by how well they did their promo's, etc. Other times, it may be different because of the storylines. Titles are fought for, etc.

[seanrobertson]

You do realise that nothing you've just listed is physically possible in the world the rest of us live in, don't you?

Some of it's rather ambitious, but I would revamp everything about wrestling. The huge crowds of hicks surrounding the ring would be the first to go, so no one could see what's off camera (namely what the FX guys are doing) The only crowd would be provided a bluescreen, giving the appearance of a live audience.

About the only one that might work is the Beast, and then he'd ave to loose the axe, have plastic-pretend armour and millstone and and even then, he'll be pretty damned restricted as to what movements he could perform.

It'd all be pretend But I guess I got a little over the top in chopping the Rock in half.

I think some of the others would work well, like Monk. WWE could use a good martial artist. And I like the idea of a Satan or demon-type character. As I said, he himself wouldn't really fight; he'd just be some big dude in make-up and an elaborate costume that occassionally appears. McMahon would call him "master," LOL.

Lt. Numbnuts (just a name I threw out in jest) could also work...fake gas grenades and a gun that just shoots blanks (albeit not at close range) would be fun. He'd have some serious personality.

And we've gotta have Beast and Bossman.

But I should note, I was largely kidding about the whole shebang

[theski]

E-Fed Good !!!!!

[Lord Pounder]

*Cut scene to Pounder siting in his locker room watching the 4-Way on a monitor. The match continues in the ring NoK and theski begin to double team Rob and Mick. NOK and theski take Rob Wilson out of the game with a thunderous double suplex and being to work Mick over. Both Rob and Mick are thrown out of the ring. As Nok goes to climb out of the ring he makes the cardinal error and recieves clubbing double axehandle smash to the rack. *

next.

[theski]

Theski smiles evilly, as he axe handles his former partner. NOK stuned and a look of disbelief on his face falls from the ropes and on to the mat. Theski motions to Rob and moves to hold the ropes open for his former nemisis.. (next)

[2000AD]

*The door to 2000AD's limo opens and 2000AD steps out. Glancing around he beckons to the person inside. Suddenly a man in a mask rushes out of the car followed by 2000AD, leaving the camera men behind.*

[2000AD]

*Michael Cole stops 2000AD as he rushs by*
*<MC> 2000AD, what do you think of the possibility of an E-Fed?*
*Well Michael, I think it's an excellent oppatunity for me to whup the asses of all these losers again! Hahahahahaaaaaaa*
*2000AD runs off*
*<MC> Back to you JR*

[seanrobertson]

*The door to 2000AD's limo opens and 2000AD steps out. Glancing around he beckons to the person inside. Suddenly a man in a mask rushes out of the car followed by 2000AD, leaving the camera men behind.*

What in the hell are you guys talking about?

And hey, since when do you have a limo?

[Next of Kin]

**Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, the two commentators at the SD.Net Arena give their play by play analysis of the fatal four way match up**

JR: “Can you believe this King!?! I mean, we are witnessing wrestling history tonight with these four gladiators in the ring! Such carnage!! Such brutality! Such treachery! This is a good ol’ fashioned Oklahoman slobber-knocker!!

King: “You just had to throw in the slobber-knocker didn’t you!! J.R. I wanna know this!?! Where the hell are the puppies!! I mean Rob Wilson is the only guy here to have a valet and she hasn’t even flashed the crowd…what’s up with that! PUPPIES!! I WANT PUPPIES!!!

JR: “King, you’re a piece of work. These guys have been tricked to fight for their careers by Chief Morely and all you can think of are PUPPIES! C’mon…back to the action folks! Well, we’ve just witnessed Theski turn on his partner NoK and he still continues to pound on the up-state New York superstar."

King: “Bah! Kin’s a piece of garbage just like the rest of those losers from up-state New York!”

JR: “Do you mind King!?! My brother-in-law is from…oh folks, this doesn’t look good…Rob Wilson is reaching for one of those Singapore canes by the ring corner and LOOK OUT! Irishmick takes the full brunt of that cane! GAWD!! He’s out! Just look at that crazed face on Wilson as he’s looking around the ring for his next victim.”

King: “He’s not known as the British Bruiser because he likes in rough in the sack! Hehehe!”

JR: “Have you no decency! We’re in front of a live t.v. audience! Looks like Kin and Theski have forgotten about their past grudges and seem to be formulating a strategy to deal with Wilson and his Singapore cane; they’re circling around the British Bruiser in hopes to catch him off guard! CHRIST Almighty!! **Wilson swings his cane over NoK’s head and snaps the weapon in two** That cane snapped like it was a pencil!! Get a doctor out here King!! Some one get a damned doctor! This match has gone on long enough…someone’s gonna die pretty soon!”

King: “Wha..what’s Theski reaching for in his trunks!?!”

JR: “Why that low-down rattlesnake has throwing salts! Look out Rob! **As Rob Wilson quickly turns around, Theski throws a handful of salt in to Rob’s eyes! The crowd jeers and boo’s their disapproval** I can’t believe what we’re seeing King! Have a good, hard look Mr. Morely at the train wreck you created tonight! Four men are gonna be maimed or killed because of your whims! **As Rob Wilson staggers about in the blindness, Theski quickly delivers a stiff boot to Rob’s midsection causing him to double over. Just before Rob falls to the ground, Theski connects a Stone-Cold Stunner on Rob!** GOOD LORD!!!”

King: “See that JR!! I think we may have a winner of this match!”

JR: “Folks, I’m almost speechless as to what just happened…Rob Wilson is just lying there—he’s not even moving a muscle and just look at Theski gloating over his latest victim. Ya King, you’re right, Theski might win this after all but not because he’s the better man!”

**As Theski gloats over Rob Wilson’s beaten body, Irishmick stumbles to get up. His face is a proverbial crimson mask. Slumped against the ring corner, Irishmick delights to find another Singapore cane strapped to the ring post. **

King: “I don’t know about that one JR…have a look at Irishmick...he’s just found his new best friend!”

JR: “I don’t know why Theski doesn't turn around!?! Why is he posing in front of the crowd!! Turn around you dolt!! **Irishmick goes unnoticed by Theski who is still flexing his twenty four inch biceps for the crowd. Irishmick makes one final wind up and WHAMM!!!** HOLY GOOD GRAVEY KING!!”

King: “That was an impressive Greco-roman cane to the head!” **Irishmick crashes to the mat in exhaustion**

JR: “We’re at a stalemate folks!! Just look at the carnage!! Look at this train wreck of a wrestling match. We really need some paramedics out here!! I’ve had enough of this King…this can’t go on for the love of all that's holy!!” **The camera pans to JR as he gets up and throws off his headset. JR quickly waddles over to the referee and grabs the key to the cage. He climbs the steps to the door and unlocks it.**

King: “What the HELL is JR doing!?!”....

[irishmick79]

WWE could use a good martial artist. And I like the idea of a Satan or demon-type character. As I said, he himself wouldn't really fight; he'd just be some big dude in make-up and an elaborate costume that occassionally appears. McMahon would call him "master," LOL.

The WWE HAD a good martial artist. His name was X-Pac. And McMahon IS the Satan of the WWE. He's everything you ever wanted in the sadistic egotistical evil-genious boss type character.



You're telling me that's not evil enough for you?

[Next of Kin]

What ever happened to Hakushi?

[Next of Kin]

You know, all this brings to mind a good point. Why don't we start an E-Fed. I used to run one before.

I was inlvolved in one many years ago...I can't say I'd be able to post on a regular basis. They're pleanty of fun though!

[2000AD]

What ever happened to Hakushi?

Whatever happened to Tajiri?