Most Bizarre Things You've Ever Heard

irishmick79 · Post by **irishmick79** » 2003-02-11 12:15am

"I'd rather shove M80's up my rectum and squat over a fired up hibachi."

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-02-11 12:23am

XaLEv wrote:
Darth Fanboy wrote:*bonus points for whomever can place this reference*

If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."
Lewis Black - Things which induce aneurysm.

I am totally in love with Lewis Black. I thought about posting that quote here, actually, but I thought it would be like cheating since everyone else posted stupid things that people they know in real life have said.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-02-11 12:30am

XaleV wins the official cookie of excellence for those who know obscure trivia

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-02-11 12:36am

Regardless of wether I heard it in real life or not it is one of the most ridiculous things i've ever heard regardless.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-02-11 12:37am

Darth Fanboy wrote:XaleV wins the official cookie of excellence for those who know obscure trivia

Hehehehe....."eww"......heheehehe.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-02-11 12:38am

I didn't think Lewis Black was obscure, but whatever...

Raxmei · Post by **Raxmei** » 2003-02-11 12:41am

I once had a physics teacher who thought the Pythagoran Theorem applied to all triangles.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-02-11 12:41am

You're right, he isn't obscure. But wouldn't remembering one line of many from one show of several count as obscure?

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-02-11 12:51am

Darth Fanboy wrote:You're right, he isn't obscure. But wouldn't remembering one line of many from one show of several count as obscure?

Don't know. I have the whole thing memorized because I have it on my computer, along with 5 other Lewis Black mp3s of other stand-up routines (do you know the Starbucks one?). Anyway, yeah. Memorized.

"When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following. It was the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life, until Dan Quayle was voted the Vice President of the United States. She said, 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.'

I'm going to repeat that, because it bears repeating. 'If it weren't for me horse, as in, 'giddy-ap, giddy-ap, let's go!, I wouldn't have spent that year in college', which is a degree granting institution. Don't, DON'T think about that sentence for more than three minutes or blood will shoot out your nose..."

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-02-11 12:56am

Followed up by a rip to the International House of Pancakes no doubt

Nathan F · Post by **Nathan F** » 2003-02-11 01:12am

Baron Mordo wrote:
jaeger115 wrote:Some idiot in my ninth grade math class actually said that one could survive in the vacuum of space with only a gas mask and lots of thick clothing.
"My suit's filling up with space air!"

he he he HAAAAAAHHHAAAAAA

*ROFLMAO!*

Whew, thats rich...

Captain tycho · Post by **Captain tycho** » 2003-02-11 01:14am

'Flying fish can fly like birds! Why do you think they call them flying?'
some dumb moron in highschool

'Hydrogen bombs work by igniting the hydrogen inside them dumbass.'
another dumb moron in highschool, 'explaining' how hydrogen bombs work.

Alferd Packer · Post by **Alferd Packer** » 2003-02-11 01:16am

Darth Fanboy wrote:*bonus points for whomever can place this reference*

If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

Damn, I was gonna say that!

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-02-11 05:13pm

Baron Mordo wrote:
jaeger115 wrote:Some idiot in my ninth grade math class actually said that one could survive in the vacuum of space with only a gas mask and lots of thick clothing.
"My suit's filling up with space air!"

Put...on...the...goggles...

Anyway, there's a lot of stupid things I hear from others.

In 7th grade, I asked a kid this question, and he gave the answer below:

"What is the most widely spoken language in the world?"

"American"

I've heard dumb stuff, but not outrageously stupid stuff.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-02-11 05:20pm

(About the film Titanic)

"I can't believe it sank in the end" some dumb guy at my old barbers.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-02-11 05:25pm

Fanboy, just to let you know, that particular Lewis Black quote is the one that is most frequently quoted.

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2003-02-11 06:55pm

I have 2:

For the first one check out the quote in my sig.....

No! No! The bottom one!

What was really strange is that I was the only one there who laughed my ass of at that......

I just heard the second one in scholl this morning. It came from a assistant teacher in my math class:

"Did you know that swearing decreases the effectivness of your imune system? I saw on some documentry a few years ago."

And the above quote is ad vertabim.

Malecoda · Post by **Malecoda** » 2003-02-11 07:22pm

But the Pythagorean Theorem DOES apply to any triangle... Almost!
r^2 = a^2 + b^2 -2abCos@ with @ being the angle between sides a and b.

FireNexus · Post by **FireNexus** » 2003-02-11 07:30pm

Phil Skayhan wrote:I have half a brain - my friend Tom

This Tom wouldn't happen to be a 7 foot tall goth, would he?

Post by **fgalkin** » 2003-02-11 07:37pm

Wherever you find people with a great reservoir of common sense they don't believe idiotic things such as the earth spinning around the sun. Reasonable, intelligent people have always recognized that the earth is flat.

Have a very nice day
-fgalkin

Post by **fgalkin** » 2003-02-11 07:40pm

Captain tycho wrote:'Flying fish can fly like birds! Why do you think they call them flying?'
some dumb moron in highschool

'Hydrogen bombs work by igniting the hydrogen inside them dumbass.'
another dumb moron in highschool, 'explaining' how hydrogen bombs work.

Good thing I don't go to that highschool. My head would have exploded there.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Hotfoot · Post by **Hotfoot** » 2003-02-11 07:45pm

6th Grade History Teacher: "It's possible that this historical figure was the basis for the legend of King Arthur."
Girl who shall remain nameless: "Oh, you mean like King Arthur and the Knights of Justice?"
Me:

(For those who don't know, King Arthur and the Knights of Justice was a cheesy cartoon done by Sabaan and DIC, in which this football team goes back in time to England and is bestowed magical powers in order to become King Arthur and the Knights of Justice and fight the forces of Evil. Or something. It was really stupid, but it aired on Sunday mornings, when there is exactly nothing else on but infomercials and televangelists.)

Larz · Post by **Larz** » 2003-02-11 07:51pm

From former Empolyer "Doing big tires like this is just like sex, a little lube goes a long way..."

His favorite saying when teaching us new guys how to do split-rims and semi-tires by hand... practical advice if not used in a very, very wrong allegy

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-02-12 12:33pm

Ever heard of the claim that George Bush in fact is an evil lizard from outer space??

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-02-12 01:09pm

Simon H.Johansen wrote:Ever heard of the claim that George Bush in fact is an evil lizard from outer space??

Ah the fond wibblings of David Icke and his goal to unmask the space lizards that secretly rule the earth.