Troubled - Fundie Romance??

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-02-28 01:35am

Stravo wrote:Just to be clear, she is a born again Christian, believing much like Einy's boyfriend that Christ is her personal Lord and savior and she has surrendered her life to Christ and his teachings.

She is NOT raving, she does not preach, she does not hand out pamphlets. So she is not the raving loon fundie we think of off the bat when we say Fundie. But she is a fundamentalist in her belief system. God, though she is fun to be with.

I say keep her if she acts like Dave (my bf).

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-02-28 03:36am

I think this is a tough one. I dont know what to say, I would be pretty frustrated to find someone I enjoy to find out they are a fundie of sorts.

Im sorry, I thought you were married? Im assuming not. But you have kids, right? How does she treat them? That is important.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-02-28 08:57am

I wouldn't think her religion would be much of a problem, as long as she is not a raving fundementalist. I mean, is it possible you could gently present your views, which, if I am correct, are still a variation on hers?

That said, if she still believes in whatever it is she believes in, and she's a fantastic person, who cares? Go with it. As long as she's not picketing gay pride parades, there's nothing wrong.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-02-28 09:00am

Shit, dude, she's hot, she's fun to be around, she's not a Bible-thumper, and you're obviously into her. She hasn't seen you in 8 years and she sought you out. How many chances like this do you think you get in your life? If she's not pushing her beliefs on you, then you shouldn't let her get away because of her faith.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-02-28 09:34am

Maybe I can offer some advice from the 'experienced' platform.

If you're really worried that she's going to go UBER-FUNDY on you (they tend to later in life as fear of mortality setts in), well, that's something to think about when you're talking marriage, not dating. Who knows, maybe if she feels comfortable with you and her life and herself and less afraid of the big scary parts that religionists want to be saved from, she'll drift into agnostism. Bottom line, differing views on who created the universe doesn't make a hell of a difference in a relationship, but if she's scolding you for saying 'God fucking damn' or talks excessively about Hell, then that's where I'd label it a problem.

And, although it seems crude, wild and creative sex is a surefire way to cure someone of religion. I don't know why.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-02-28 09:39am

Trytostaydead wrote:When I think of when someone says they're Christian, I think it's someone who's trying their best to live by the Bible.

Trying to live your live according to the bible would indeed qualify someone to be a fundamentalist in my book. The bible says some pretty freaky things.

Strave, IIRC you are not an Atheist. So if you can deal with her inane beliefs I see no reason for you not to go for it, but I do suggest that you challenge her to a friendly dabate about these things. If the relatioship becomes truly serious there will eventualy be clash between your belief systems and I think that it will be better to get it out of the way right away rather then leter when there is much more emotional attachment involved.

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-02-28 11:56am

Stravo, if she's as committed a Christian as she sounds, she will not compromise her principles or change her mind. Her service and loyalty will be to Christ first, and all things will come second to that service and loyalty.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-02-28 12:11pm

Well you just got into this thing, so I'd say play it by ear, for now. There's nothing that'll kill a relationship early by brooding about what it'll be like a year or two down the road. Just have your fun now and let the topic come up naturally. As things go on, you'll probably want more sexual activity than she's willing to give, and you'll talk about it then.

I'll warn you though; there's barely a chance of you managing to get her more liberalized. Born-again Christians simply aren't flexible people. If anyone is going to have to make sacrifices to keep the relationship going, it'll be you virtually every time. If you think you can live with that, great. If you don't think you can, then save yourself the misery and just don't pursue it.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-02-28 12:19pm

Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate the effort and thought that went into the posts and thanks fro giving me some things to think about, encouragement and most importantly of all support.. I've got alot to think about, but I intend to enjoy this as far as it goes for now. Frankly, with the women I tend to attract and date, she's the most normal to come down the pike in a while.

Oh, and to clear things with some people because I've never really discussed it, yes, I have a daughter, her mother and I were going to get married but it never worked out. So that's the story there in case anyone is thinking, hey, isn't he married?

Mark S · Post by **Mark S** » 2003-02-28 05:03pm

For my two cents, you said she was "Born Again". Meaning she wasn't originally so religious. It's been my experience that people who did wild things eventually go through a phase where they look at what they've done and say, 'man have I been a shit' and want to redeem themselves. So they 'find God' and try to be saved. This only lasts so long (especially if they spend enough time around people, such as yourself, who don't hold the same hardline views) before they ease off a little. If you really like her and want a relationship, stick with it and see how it goes. If I'm wrong, eventually the two of you will have to talk about it or it will poison the relationship. You may have a few really good conversations and get everything out and have greater respect for each other. If she doesn't want to test her faith against your views, it's tenuous at best. Also, like others have said, if you're thinking this will be serious, you have to think about how you want your girl to be raised. You've already shown concern about sending her to Catholic school, this will be another religious view point that will affect her life (good or bad. The exposure may be good for her with the proper tempering by your views).

Don't think about it too much anymore. Who knows how this will end up. You haven't really said that much about her but she doesn't seem like it's that big an issue. A few times missing church for Sunday morning sex may just take all your worries away.

David · Post by **David** » 2003-02-28 11:53pm

I suggest that you not enter any relationship tring to change something about a person, especially their religion. If you accept her into your life you need to do so with the knowledge that she may not ever change into what you desire.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-01 12:19am

Stravo, she is telling you precisely what she believes. You are NOT telling her what YOU believe. Think about that.

David · Post by **David** » 2003-03-01 12:33am

You are NOT telling her what YOU believe.

Yes indeed but wait till you get you some *wink*