Flirting when taken: yay or nay?

Dillon · Post by **Dillon** » 2003-05-19 02:54am

Arthur_Tuxedo wrote:Yes, I would. I think simple flirting is harmless and even healthy.

Interesting. Healthy in what way?

Arthur_Tuxedo · Post by **Arthur_Tuxedo** » 2003-05-19 03:12am

observer_20000 wrote:
Arthur_Tuxedo wrote:Yes, I would. I think simple flirting is harmless and even healthy.
Interesting. Healthy in what way?

Monogamous relationships can feel confining at times. A tolerance for harmless flirting can be a needed breath of fresh air. Of course, I'm talking about flirting with waitresses, counter girls, etc., and not co-workers where it can be mis-interpreted as a signal and become a mess.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-05-19 03:24am

I wouldn't but you and Kelly do it so well.

Besides I think Rob Wilson is like the male master of the Flirt.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-05-19 03:30am

OK, I have two ways of interracting with people:

a) Flirting my pretty little ass off
b) Cold and hostile.

Basically, if I don't hate someone with a passion, I flirt. I don't know how oto be in a social situation and not flirt. Besides, there's bog all wrong with it. Anyway, I have very clearly defined boundaries and very few people even try to cross them.

As for the hypothetical situation, yes, I might well be little put out that my friend hadnt' told me they were taken (and led me to believe there was more to it) but the flirting itself is not the problem - it's that he never trusted me enough to tell me something so important about his life.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-05-19 03:46am

innerbrat wrote:OK, I have two ways of interracting with people:

a) Flirting my pretty little ass off
b) Cold and hostile.

I'll take option A

Basically, if I don't hate someone with a passion, I flirt. I don't know how oto be in a social situation and not flirt. Besides, there's bog all wrong with it. Anyway, I have very clearly defined boundaries and very few people even try to cross them.

As for the hypothetical situation, yes, I might well be little put out that my friend hadnt' told me they were taken (and led me to believe there was more to it) but the flirting itself is not the problem - it's that he never trusted me enough to tell me something so important about his life.

I agree that flirting is harmless IF everyone knows what's going on. But flirting in a situation where it could be easily mistaken for an overture is not harmless.

Dillon · Post by **Dillon** » 2003-05-19 03:53am

Arthur_Tuxedo wrote:
observer_20000 wrote:
Arthur_Tuxedo wrote:Yes, I would. I think simple flirting is harmless and even healthy.
Interesting. Healthy in what way?
Monogamous relationships can feel confining at times. A tolerance for harmless flirting can be a needed breath of fresh air. Of course, I'm talking about flirting with waitresses, counter girls, etc., and not co-workers where it can be mis-interpreted as a signal and become a mess.

I suppose it's acceptable. As long as it's harmless.

Hethrir · Post by **Hethrir** » 2003-05-19 04:01am

Yes i would flirt. I believe in trust and expect her to do the same (flirt that is). I trust her not to cheat. Probably only while aformentioned partner was around.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-05-19 04:29am

I personally don't flirt with anyone unless my GF is with me, and she knows it's a joke. I love her and couldn't live myself if I'd led another person on.

I have a feeling this will turn into another 10+ page Zaia thread.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-05-19 04:39am

Either only with a friend or (in my case) in an open relationship. (Those, by the way, suck very much).

Boba Fett · Post by **Boba Fett** » 2003-05-19 06:46am

Only if I'm to break up my current relationship....or anytime, anyplace when I'm free.

Personally I don't think there's any kind of harmless flirting.

Everytime you flirt with someone there's a possibility. If you choose to continue that's fine, if you stop you will always know that you got a chance at the person you were flirting with.

Don't tell me you're not interested otherwise why would you do it?

So there's no harmless fliting I think.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-05-19 08:23am

i flirt so much, half the time i don't even realize i'm doing it. it's just my personality. My fiancee knows that it is just what i am, and she knows it's harmless. Hell, i cant even cheat on my barber, let alone her!

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-05-19 11:00am

Darth Wong wrote:PS. Why do I get the feeling that this hypothetical scenario is not really hypothetical?

No idea.

innerbrat wrote:As for the hypothetical situation, yes, I might well be little put out that my friend hadnt' told me they were taken (and led me to believe there was more to it) but the flirting itself is not the problem - it's that he never trusted me enough to tell me something so important about his life.

In this case, I don't think it's that he didn't trust me to tell me. I think it just wasn't all that important to him, which is a bit screwed up, but he's already admitted to having issues with romantic relationships. He told me all kinds of stories about his friends and family, and never ONCE did her name come up. Never did any of his friends bring her up when we were hanging out in a group. I got the vibe that it was a relationship in name only. But I don't know that.

Gandalf wrote:I have a feeling this will turn into another 10+ page Zaia thread.

Well, that's not what I'm going for. It's not exactly advice that I'm looking for this time; just different interpretations on a particular situation.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-05-19 05:41pm

Zaia wrote:Well.......would you?

Depends on who it is.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 06:05pm

Well I tend to only flirt in 'Safe' situations when I'm in a relationship, Ie. everyone involved knows it's not leading to anything. That said, when I'm not in a relationship, I tend to only follow-on flirt, taking up a starting point from the woman in question.
I rarely initiate the flirting and that seems to work fine, you can gauge the mood and come on as strong as you think she'll accept, and just keep nudging it up until it leads to sex. In a Nightclub or even a group meeting of any sort, it's usually a target rich envorinment for the ingle male, so you can afford to let any no's slide off, plus flirting with one woman is a sure fire way to get other women to pay attention to you. Get it right and you can have a group of women simultaneously flirting with you, and that leads to sex much quicker... or you can fuck it up and it leads to no sex much quicker as well - you take the risks, you reap the rewqards or consequences.

On here it's slightly different, as I simply don't flirt on here. I just mess around and give the women a safe person to be lewd and crude with if they want. It should be blatently obvious to the women involved that i know nothing will ever come of it, and they pretty much set the parameters of the exchange anyway with any responses they make.

As to Zaia's little quandry about her male friend - just ask him kiddo, you'll drive yourself nuts second-guessing everything otherwise.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-05-19 06:12pm

Rob Wilson wrote:As to Zaia's little quandry about her male friend - just ask him kiddo, you'll drive yourself nuts second-guessing everything otherwise.

*groans* I know, I know...I will, I just know that now is a bad time...

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 06:22pm

Zaia wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:As to Zaia's little quandry about her male friend - just ask him kiddo, you'll drive yourself nuts second-guessing everything otherwise.
*groans* I know, I know...

This could actually help knock my post counts down. Whenever you have a personal question regarding guys you can add a postscript with "just ask him kiddo, you'll drive yourself nuts second-guessing everything otherwise.

" and it'll save me having to make a reply.

Zaia wrote:I will, I just know that now is a bad time...

How so?

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-05-19 06:27pm

If you make it clear that it's just harmless flirting (to the flirtee and your significant other) then it's okay. Without it, that's pushing it and jealousy can easily erupt. Not to mention it's potentially hurtful.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-05-19 06:28pm

Zaia wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:As to Zaia's little quandry about her male friend - just ask him kiddo, you'll drive yourself nuts second-guessing everything otherwise.
*groans* I know, I know...I will, I just know that now is a bad time...

Just come and live in England.

There's plenty of guys here, such as me, Necronlord and Rob. ( although i can't vouch for Nec's or Rob's availablity.

)

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-05-19 06:32pm

Rob Wilson wrote:This could actually help knock my post counts down. Whenever you have a personal question regarding guys you can add a postscript with "just ask him kiddo, you'll drive yourself nuts second-guessing everything otherwise. " and it'll save me having to make a reply.

Hey, I don't remember ever forcing you at gunpoint to answer my questions.

Robby-Rob wrote:
Zaia wrote:I will, I just know that now is a bad time...

How so?

It's a bad time for a couple reasons:

1) He still all freaked out and skittery about relationships because he just got out of that one, which apparently reminded him of the awful ones he had back in college. The last thing he wants to think about now is another relationship (even though we all know I would be a hell of a lot better than any psychotically possessive chick from his past).

2) He's really busy right now, so when I get to see him, I want that to be a pleasurable experience, instead of pummelling him with probing questions about his romantic fuck-ups and how they're affecting him now and what they mean for the future.

3) That's all.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 06:39pm

Zaia wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:This could actually help knock my post counts down. Whenever you have a personal question regarding guys you can add a postscript with "just ask him kiddo, you'll drive yourself nuts second-guessing everything otherwise. " and it'll save me having to make a reply.
Hey, I don't remember ever forcing you at gunpoint to answer my questions.

It's a compulsion I tells ya. Anyway how can I resist trying to help cute young women?

Baron Scarpia · Post by **Baron Scarpia** » 2003-05-19 06:43pm

I flirt all the time, but the understanding is that any catches I get I have to share with the bf.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-05-19 06:44pm

I hope he overcomes his feelings of relationships soon, ebcause honestly that can hurt him just as bad as his screw-up in the past have done to him.

I feel for ya babe...hopefully he does get over it.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-05-19 07:51pm

2000AD wrote:
Zaia wrote:*groans* I know, I know...I will, I just know that now is a bad time...
Just come and live in England. There's plenty of guys here,

Ahhh, you have no idea how tempting that offer truly is, my dear.

such as me, Necronlord and Rob. ( although i can't vouch for Nec's or Rob's availablity. )

*chuckles* Hmm, doesn't turn out too badly for you, then, eh?

GR: Thanks, babe, I hope so too. I think once the school year is over, we'll both have more time and an opportunity to talk about all this stuff will come up. That's about a month from now, and I think I can wait that long, so it should be ok.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-05-19 07:53pm

Baron Scarpia wrote:I flirt all the time, but the understanding is that any catches I get I have to share with the bf.

OOh, Phun!!!

Just like me and Dave!

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2003-05-19 08:38pm

I can't say, having never been in that situation before. *shrugs* Sorry I'm not much help.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

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