Post your jokes :)

[Graeme Dice]

What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pitbull.

[Crazy Goji]

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman!

Q: Why does New Jersey have the highest amount of Toxic waste and
California the highest amount of lawyers?
A: New Jersey had First Choice!

Q: What's the difference between a carp and a lawyer?
A: One's a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other's a fish.

Q: What do you call 20 lawyers buried up to their neck in the sand?
A: Not enough sand!

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer
in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
A2: Take his head out of the toilet.
A3: No. Good!

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigalo?
A: A gigalo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: Every day a rooster starts his day by clucking defiant...

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why shouldn't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing, there are some things that even a pig won't do.

Q: What do you call 100 lawyers jumping out of an airplane?
A: Skeet!

The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates.
After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective
professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly
station. After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Pete decides
to show them to their new lodgings. Only a brief flight from the welcome,
Pete brings them down on the front lawn (cloud-encrusted, naturally) of a
huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings. This, Pete
announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, (at least until
the end of time...) "Hot Dang", the Pope says to Him-self, "If he's getting
a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my digs!". They take flight
once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear
more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with
Brownstone houses. Pete indicates the third walkup on the left as the
Pope's new domicile and turns to leave, wishing the pontiff his best.
The Pope, in a mild state of astonishment, cries out "Hey Pete! What's the
deal here? You put that lawyer-feller in a beautiful estate home and I,
spiritual leader of terra-firma, end up with this dive?" Pete looks at the
pontiff amusedly and replies: "Look here old fellow, this street is
practically encrusted with spiritual leaders from many times and religions.
We're putting you here with them so you guys can get your dogma together.
That other guy gets an estate, because he's the first (non-)damned lawyer
to make it up here!!"

Q:How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A0: How many can you afford?
A1: Three -- one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
A2: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A3: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're
looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
A4: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and
forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of
failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting,
elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the
front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just
inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the
carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned
agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction
shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or
any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part
("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the
option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in
a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal
statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the
first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation
of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This
installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of
the procedures described in step one of this self-same document,
being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise
direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the
party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by
him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the
party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

[Montcalm]

Is there a 1001 lawyer joke book out there?

[Crazy Goji]

Is there a 1001 lawyer joke book out there?

Ther could be, but mine came from Barry's personal site at Stomptokyo.com (Barry's Temple of Godzilla).

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

Is there a 1001 lawyer joke book out there?

There's probably some big list out there, but the odd thing is, most of those jokes could have something else in the place of "Lawyer" and still make sense. I was out camping with the most ignorant, narrow-minded group of bigots I've ever seen a few months back, and they told some of those jokes, with "n****r" in the place of "Lawyer".

[darthdavid]

GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
Name:___________________
Stage name: ____________________
Agent:__________________
Attorney:_______________________
Sex:
___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:_______________________

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____

If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the
news in a high speed chase
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
company for 911 call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South Central residents only)

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4

In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH
b) drive twice as fast as usual
c) you're not sure what "rain" is

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?:
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
*If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour
b) 2 hours
c) 3 hours
d) 4 hours or more

When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit settlement
*******************
[To the tune of: "If You're Happy And You Know It
Clap Your Hands"]

If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi
And the bank takes back your Audi
And the TV shows are bawdy,
Bomb Iraq.

If the corporate scandals growin', bomb Iraq.
And your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq.
If the smoking gun ain't smokin'
We don't care, and we're not jokin'.
That Saddam will soon be croakin',
Bomb Iraq.

Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
So to *beep* with the inspections;
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq.
Yay! the clouds of war are storming, bomb Iraq.
If the ozone hole is growing,
Some things we prefer not knowing.
(Though our ignorance is showing),
Bomb Iraq.

So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq,
From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
Saying no would look like treason.
It's the Hussein hunting season.
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.
*******************
How many christians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic and Orthodox: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved — you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutheran: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish: What’s a light bulb?
*******************
Politics Explained by Cows

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your Lord takes some of the milk.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Singaporean Democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”.

British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Hong Kong Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly –listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Feminism: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of a non-specified gender.

Freudism: You have two cows. One represents your mother, and the other represents the woman you think you love, but is really just an extension of your mother. You milk them both and feel guilty.

Counter Culture: Wow, dude, there’s like… these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
*******************
100 ways to order a pizza

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition, ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT SYSTEM.

11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

15. Stutter on the letter "p."

16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If asked "Would you like drinks with that?", panic and become disoriented.

21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

23. Change your accent every three seconds.

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

28. Rent a pizza.

29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"

34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

36. Imitate the order taker's voice.

37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

39. Play a sitar in the background.

40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

42. Ask to see a menu.

43. Quote Carl Sandberg.

44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"

50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.

52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.

55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and
didn't mean it.

56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.

58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."

59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

62. Try to talk while drinking something.

63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

66. Be vague in your order.

67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
73. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.

75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.

77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.

79. Put them on hold.

80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

84. When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

85. Haggle.

86. Order a one-inch pizza.

87. Order term life insurance.

88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.

90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.

92. Engage in some serious swapping.

93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.

96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

97. Order a steamed pizza.

98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.

99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.

If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker,

100. Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
*******************
Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLES: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would
let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the Road
was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced
with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies
required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a
partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by
rethinking its physical Distribution strategy and implementation
processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped
the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and
experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in
support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts
and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in
the transportation industry to Engage in a two-day itinerary of
meetings in order to leverage their Personal knowledge capital, both
tacit and explicit, and to enable them to Synergize with each other in
order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully
architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework
across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting
was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful
environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built
upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with
the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive
towards the creation of a total business integration solution Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The
chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him
down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the
road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, The
chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares
why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't
anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking
around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which
will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the
road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross
roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
Beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it
transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

CLINTON : I did not, and I repeat, I did not have sexual relations
with the chicken.

[The Cleric]

What's the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstong?

One walks on the moon, and the other molests' little boys.

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in 4th grade. Which one is tallest?

The blonde, because she's 18.


Why wasn't Jesus born in L.A.?

Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.


Why can't blacks celebrate Thanksgiving?

KFC is closed on holidays.