Maximum Delta-t possible for you to date someone ...

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-27 11:56pm

C.S. Strowbridge wrote: If the person is close to mature as you are, then I see no problem. However, considering she's a 17 year old female and you are a 19 year male that hangs around in a Star Wars vs. Star Trek webboard, I'd assume she's at least twice as mature as you.

The funny part is that what makes her twice as mature as me is that she wouldn't care.

Good thing I didn't have a girlfriend when I went to see Episode II. She might have been weary of my notebook, calculator, physics textbook and flashlight.

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2002-12-28 12:09am

There's no problem dating her, 2 years isn't a big difference. If she was four years younger than you then maybe you would have a problem but for me anything up to a 3 year difference is no problem.

SyntaxVorlon wrote:Everything is fine as long as your relationship is purely platonic, and platonically pure. In other words don't do anything you would find awkward if both sets of parents were watching. If you're(second person plural) pretty compatible and mature in your relationship then everything is fine.

LoL, looks like we got another fundie on our hands.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2002-12-28 12:12am

Sir Sirius wrote:Either you're a really freaky exhibitionist or you're going to die as a virgin.

Durandal having a relationship, and doing the dirty, with someone only two or three years younger then your self is OK.

I never said it wasn't, I meant platonic on an elevated level, in other words it's ok as long as you form a utopian society.
Really I forgot that platonic meant no kissing either, but unless you didn't read his post, she is 17 which means she is a minor and he is 19 and thus is an adult, even consenting sex between a minor and an adult is considered statutory rape.

BTW what kind of calc did you bring? Graphing or Scientific
If it was scientific then the courts will try her for statutory rape.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2002-12-28 12:15am

ArmorPierce wrote: LoL, looks like we got another fundie on our hands.

Take that back or I'll be forced to open up a big ol' case of entropy on your sorry southern baptist behind, Thurmond!

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2002-12-28 12:16am

Actually it depends in which state you're in on the statutory thing, I don't know how it is in whatever state he is from

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-28 01:57am

I only use my good ole TI-86.

In this state, the age of consent is 18, so blow-jobs are the legal limit, here.

Oh, and she just got back from Colorado, and I just spoke to her. Dinner and a movie on Sunday. BOO-FUCKING-YAH!

Drewcifer · Post by **Drewcifer** » 2002-12-28 03:25am

Up until the last few years, I usually dated women in their mid to late 20's. Old enough to usually be mature and actually talk about things, but not bitter and cynical yet. Most of the women I've met lately that are my age (~33) are either married, divorced and viciously bitter, or single but desperate to get married (read: no casual dating for awhile to get to know each other better. Three dates and it's the "where do you see this going?" thing). And now that I'm starting to show my age (a few gray hairs here and there, a few wrinkles 'round the eyes), younger women don't bother to get to know me, they seem to judge me as old and crusty solely on looks.

heha, with any luck, I'll be bitter and cynical myself soon.

Durandal: Congrats man, nothing like the (potential) euphoria of a first date!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-12-28 03:28am

I'm glad that part of my life is over, to be honest. Dating is exhilarating, but it's also a minefield. Maybe I'm just being an old fogey here, but I like the warm and fuzzy feeling of having my soul-mate, and I don't miss the single life at all.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2002-12-28 03:44am

Im noticing the age thing too. Im no longer in situations where there are lots of single women. ( ie: a university or entry level job )

All the women at my last two jobs are married or if they are single they are really young (18-19) or older than me (31+).

Joe Momma · Post by **Joe Momma** » 2002-12-28 04:10am

TrailerParkJawa wrote:Im noticing the age thing too. Im no longer in situations where there are lots of single women. ( ie: a university or entry level job )

Jesus. I'm at a university and currently holding an entry level job (welcome to the nightmare of an economic depression in a city that was already going to fiscal hell) and the single women are still few and far between, especially in my age group (25-35)

TrailerParkJawa wrote:All the women at my last two jobs are married or if they are single they are really young (18-19) or older than me (31+).

I don't know if I'd even risk going out with someone I worked with again, at least if we're working in close proximity (someone from another department on the other side of the building would probably be okay). After years of warning my friends of why it was a bad idea to get involved with co-workers you worked alongside all the time (and even correctly identifying the specific problems that would end each relationship ahead of time), I took the plunge myself. I assured myself this was different and we could handle it.

Stupidest. Idea. EVER. Between her mood swings that should have been medicated and weren't and my preference for change and new things when what she wanted most was stability, it was a fucking mess. Everyone that knew us couldn't figure out what the hell two such obviously hopelessly incompatible people were doing together. The sex couldn't have been that great. They were wrong. At least in the short term and when she was in a manic phase.

Between that and another screwed-up relationship, I realized that "sane" was a better quality in a mate than "neurotically exciting". Truth be told, the sane ones can actually be more exciting when things click and you get to know one another well.

I'd still prefer being in a serious relationship rather than the "fun" of dating. The minefield metaphor used above was correct. There's also the "joy" of people trying to set you up with blind dates. Both of the ones I got suckered into were not just poor matches, but so hopelessly mismatched that I have to reevaluate what the hell my friends think of me.

Getting back to the thread topic, I've noticed that personally more than 5 years in either direction becomes a bit too much of a generation gap. The youngest woman I dated was six years younger than me (24 versus 30) and it didn't last too long -- this age disconnect was a bit too much for a romantic relationship, though we're still friends.

In many ways the age gap reminds me of a cultural gap -- I've noticed a lot of the same potential hurdles in relating exist between people of two very different ages and people of two very different cultures (which is true in general, not just with romance).

-- Joe Momma

Drewcifer · Post by **Drewcifer** » 2002-12-28 04:21am

Joe Momma wrote:After years of warning my friends of why it was a bad idea to get involved with co-workers you worked alongside all the time (and even correctly identifying the specific problems that would end each relationship ahead of time), I took the plunge myself. I assured myself this was different and we could handle it.

Stupidest. Idea. EVER.

I will second that. My last serious relationship was with someone I worked with. Things were great for about a year, but when things went wrong, they went horribly wrong, and my life went to hell in a handbasket.

NEVER date people you work with. Besides being unprofessional, it can really suck if things go wrong. 'nuff said.

Joe Momma wrote:...I'd still prefer being in a serious relationship rather than the "fun" of dating. The minefield metaphor used above was correct.

heha, like driving a supertanker through a minefield of thermal detonators whilst blindfolded...

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-28 02:20pm

Drewcifer wrote:Durandal: Congrats man, nothing like the (potential) euphoria of a first date!

This is more like a first-and-a-half date. My friends and I drove up to Chicago with her and her sister, and we ended up making out during the ride up.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-28 02:34pm

Durandal wrote: In this state, the age of consent is 18, so blow-jobs are the legal limit, here.

-RANT-

(Durandal, this really doesn't have much to do with your particular situation, because the AoC here is 16, and I think 17's perfectly mature enough to be sexually active)

Why are blow jobs OK, for fuck's sake? It's still a sexual act, and if a girl isn't able to give consent to vaginal sex, she is equally unable to give consent to oral sex. And oral sex without consent is serious sexual assault, even if it's not rape. Unless there's a specific AoC for oral sex, it's still immoral to do it with a minor even if it's not illegal.

It's like those fundies who won't have vaginal sex because sex before marriage is a sin, but will do everything else. Oral sex is still sex!

-/RANT - Thank you.

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2002-12-28 04:32pm

If you 2 click go for it, I've dated younger than me and i've dated way older than me, Age is but a number. The thing thats most likely to kill any relationship is to try and rush her into bed. Personally i don't sleep arround but if i'm in love i'll make love with that person.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-28 05:34pm

innerbrat wrote:
Durandal wrote: In this state, the age of consent is 18, so blow-jobs are the legal limit, here.
-RANT-

(Durandal, this really doesn't have much to do with your particular situation, because the AoC here is 16, and I think 17's perfectly mature enough to be sexually active)

Why are blow jobs OK, for fuck's sake? It's still a sexual act, and if a girl isn't able to give consent to vaginal sex, she is equally unable to give consent to oral sex. And oral sex without consent is serious sexual assault, even if it's not rape. Unless there's a specific AoC for oral sex, it's still immoral to do it with a minor even if it's not illegal.

It's like those fundies who won't have vaginal sex because sex before marriage is a sin, but will do everything else. Oral sex is still sex!

-/RANT - Thank you.

Blow jobs are acceptable because there is no risk of pregnancy, and because the law is generally stupid. There are no laws governing statutory blowjobs to my knowledge. If she's consenting, I don't see a problem with it. In my case, she'll be 18 in 6 months, and she can make her own decisions even at this stage. There's no magical infusion of wisdom upon your 18th birthday; it's just a convenient number. So, you can argue that there should be a statutory blowjob law, but then there should also be a statutory handjob law, as well as a statutory dry sex law. How far around the baseball diamond do you wish to go? Like the number 18, vaginal sex is a convenient limit for generalization. From a moral standpoint, if she wanted to give me a blowjob tomorrow, I'd see nothing wrong with it and graciously accept.

C.S.Strowbridge · Post by **C.S.Strowbridge** » 2002-12-28 06:32pm

Durandal wrote:
innerbrat wrote:
Durandal wrote: In this state, the age of consent is 18, so blow-jobs are the legal limit, here.
-RANT-

(Durandal, this really doesn't have much to do with your particular situation, because the AoC here is 16, and I think 17's perfectly mature enough to be sexually active)

Why are blow jobs OK, for fuck's sake? It's still a sexual act, and if a girl isn't able to give consent to vaginal sex, she is equally unable to give consent to oral sex. And oral sex without consent is serious sexual assault, even if it's not rape. Unless there's a specific AoC for oral sex, it's still immoral to do it with a minor even if it's not illegal.

It's like those fundies who won't have vaginal sex because sex before marriage is a sin, but will do everything else. Oral sex is still sex!

-/RANT - Thank you.
Blow jobs are acceptable because there is no risk of pregnancy, and because the law is generally stupid. There are no laws governing statutory blowjobs to my knowledge. If she's consenting, I don't see a problem with it. In my case, she'll be 18 in 6 months, and she can make her own decisions even at this stage. There's no magical infusion of wisdom upon your 18th birthday; it's just a convenient number. So, you can argue that there should be a statutory blowjob law, but then there should also be a statutory handjob law, as well as a statutory dry sex law. How far around the baseball diamond do you wish to go? Like the number 18, vaginal sex is a convenient limit for generalization. From a moral standpoint, if she wanted to give me a blowjob tomorrow, I'd see nothing wrong with it and graciously accept.

Better check the laws in your area. While a blow job might not be statutory rape, it will probably be 'Obscene conduct / contact with a minor.' Which will still get you beaten and raped in prison.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2002-12-28 08:35pm

A 20 year old friend of mind says this: "14 is the age limit for me. Anything older is out of the question".

For me eh.. I tend to go for older guys, but my boyfriend is a few months younger then me :p

I've got the hots for the members of Glay. They're all over 30 but look 15-20. LOL

C.S.Strowbridge · Post by **C.S.Strowbridge** » 2002-12-29 04:41am

kojikun wrote:A 20 year old friend of mind says this: "14 is the age limit for me. Anything older is out of the question".

Don't say stuff like that, or we'll get a whole thread of peverted saying.

.... Ok, I'll start.

If there's grass on the field, play ball!

CmdrWilkens · Post by **CmdrWilkens** » 2002-12-29 12:48pm

C.S.Strowbridge wrote:
kojikun wrote:A 20 year old friend of mind says this: "14 is the age limit for me. Anything older is out of the question".
Don't say stuff like that, or we'll get a whole thread of peverted saying.

.... Ok, I'll start.

If there's grass on the field, play ball!

The quote is:
If there's grass on the field go ahead and play, if there isn't flip it over andplay in the mud.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-29 01:31pm

C.S.Strowbridge wrote:Better check the laws in your area. While a blow job might not be statutory rape, it will probably be 'Obscene conduct / contact with a minor.' Which will still get you beaten and raped in prison.

Yeah, but it's a whole lot harder to prove in court that a girl has been giving oral sex than that she's actually been having sex.

C.S.Strowbridge · Post by **C.S.Strowbridge** » 2002-12-29 03:49pm

Durandal wrote:
C.S.Strowbridge wrote:Better check the laws in your area. While a blow job might not be statutory rape, it will probably be 'Obscene conduct / contact with a minor.' Which will still get you beaten and raped in prison.
Yeah, but it's a whole lot harder to prove in court that a girl has been giving oral sex than that she's actually been having sex.

Are you willing to take the chance and end up someone's bitch? Isn't it easier to wait 6 months?

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-29 04:19pm

She's 17. You're not actually going to get caught and charged with anything unless she presses charges.

My little rant was really that there is no law to prevent horny old men coercing a 14 year old into giving a blow job. I agree 18 (or 16) is just a number, but lines have to be drawn to protect the ones significantly below the line, and i happen to feel strongly about rape, statuary or otherwise.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-29 04:49pm

She just cancelled.

Fuck.

This makes me sad.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-29 04:49pm

Sorry babe. <hugs>

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2002-12-29 06:41pm

kojikun wrote:A 20 year old friend of mind says this: "14 is the age limit for me. Anything older is out of the question".

Sounds like a guy at my work. He likes messing with people's minds at parties, especially when there's mixed company. He's 21 BTW. The conversation would go something like this:

"You know, there's this really cute little girl I was with one time and we went out and I slept with her and and stuff. Real nice person, but it didn't work out."

"Why? What happened?"

"Well, we were going to go to a bar and chill but she said she didn't have ID, and I was like, don't you have a driver's license? She said no, and that she was too young to drive anyways since she was only 14"

"Dear god! You sicko!! You were dating a 14 year old??!!"

"Ok Ok, easy! Geez! I was just exaggerating a bit, she wasn't really 14, she was 12"

"Fuck!! What the hell man!! You're a fucking pedophile!!!"

The cool part is how he could talk so convincingly about it that people would actually believe him for a while.