Flirting when taken: yay or nay?

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2003-05-19 09:37pm

Actually, some of the toughest moments in my life have been when girls I am somewhat interested in, who are already taken, flirt with me. There are at least two girls I know, who have devoted boyfriends (one of whom is a friend of mine) who flirt playfully with me, and often are the ones who initiate flirting. It's not cool.

To be honest, as much as I love outgoing girls, it sends funky-ass mixed signals to a fellow when you flirt with him despite the fact you are unavailable. I would rather if that didn't happen.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-05-19 09:45pm

I'd just like to mention that what may be obviously meaningless flirting to a female can be completely over a male's head.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2003-05-19 09:47pm

That's true, but fifteen minute back rubs? hands on thighs under the table?

That sort of thing just has to stop.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 09:53pm

Thirdfain wrote:That's true, but fifteen minute back rubs? hands on thighs under the table?

That sort of thing just has to stop.

Whoa! I think you need to tell that girl you're not interested in GF's of your best friends, and see if she takes a hint.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2003-05-19 09:56pm

The guy's not my best friend, but he's a good guy, and I've heard him talk about her like she's the madonna or something, it's obvious he cares for her. I've known her longer than this guy, and we flirted alot before they started going out, but that just seemed to make her escalate. It's weird.

I've told her before that it makes me uncomfortable, and that her BF is really devoted to her, but she hasn't really stopped.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 09:59pm

Thirdfain wrote:The guy's not my best friend, but he's a good guy, and I've heard him talk about her like she's the madonna or something, it's obvious he cares for her. I've known her longer than this guy, and we flirted alot before they started going out, but that just seemed to make her escalate. It's weird.

I've told her before that it makes me uncomfortable, and that her BF is really devoted to her, but she hasn't really stopped.

Weird, how does he react to it?

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2003-05-19 10:01pm

She never does it in front of his face- I have the same free period she does, and I hang out with the same folks as she does at lunch. I actually don't see them together that often, but they spend lots of time together after school.

She sometimes complains about him, but she always perks right up when he's around.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 10:09pm

Thirdfain wrote:She never does it in front of his face- I have the same free period she does, and I hang out with the same folks as she does at lunch. I actually don't see them together that often, but they spend lots of time together after school.

She sometimes complains about him, but she always perks right up when he's around.

If she won't do it in front of him, then she's in the wrong and she knows it. You need to find out if she thinks it could go any further (maybe she thinks it can, you never know) and make it clear it can't. Either that or find out if she's thinking of dumping him and it could be she's ready to move onto you (though you being a friend might rule that out, I don't know enough about your friendship).

It certainly doesn't sound platonic from your description though. Have you talked with others that know you both, about the situation. They could probably give you a better read on the situation than I could from a brief discussion on a BBS.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2003-05-19 10:12pm

Heh, that's a damn good idea. I know a lot of her friends.

I have really just tried to tune it out, but at lunch today

the hand on the thigh...

Jeebus. I guess I need to talk to her before things get really out of hand.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 10:19pm

Thirdfain wrote:Heh, that's a damn good idea. I know a lot of her friends.

I have really just tried to tune it out, but at lunch today
the hand on the thigh...

Jeebus. I guess I need to talk to her before things get really out of hand.

Just becareful, the reason I gave such braod ranged advice is because these sorts of situations can blow up in your face if your not careful. She could get defensive, he could find out and over react. So find out from the mutual friends if they've noticed anything off in how she's been acting around you (remember they will relay all this back to her, it's how teenage grapevines work), so be circumspect. At the same time you need to talk with her in a general sense about how that hand on the thigh stunt felt wrong. Don't blow-up about it (chances are she'll come out with a "Jeez, just chill, I'm only playing around" or something similar) and start getting some idea from various sources of where her relationship with her current BF is at. When you think you know what's what, then talk to her and make it a good heart-to-heart so you can sort out everything.

If all goes well you'll still be friends by the end of it all, and maybe even more than if she is thinking of dumping her current BF.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2003-05-19 10:27pm

Thanks for the advice, man. I'll play it safe- chck with her friends, ask her in a nice way, and make sure to keep from insulting her. As for a future with her, I think not....
She's a nice girl, and pretty hot (NICE bod, runner chick, like I like it.)
Never the less, I don't want anything with her beyond friendship. I've still got my B5 girl, pretty near in my pocket.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 10:35pm

Thirdfain wrote:Thanks for the advice, man. I'll play it safe- chck with her friends, ask her in a nice way, and make sure to keep from insulting her. As for a future with her, I think not....
She's a nice girl, and pretty hot (NICE bod, runner chick, like I like it.)
Never the less, I don't want anything with her beyond friendship. I've still got my B5 girl, pretty near in my pocket.

You have a current GF? Does she know about all this? Or are you pursuing a Lady? If it's the latter, go get her mate, you've got to enjoy life while you're young.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2003-05-19 10:39pm

I am persuing a Lady (some would argue I've caught her, I'm taking her to the prom in a few days.)

J · Post by J » 2003-05-19 10:43pm

I hug my friends a lot, both guys and girls. I flirt with them too, but once again only if they're good friends of mine where we all know that it's all just kidding around for fun. With strangers and people I don't know too well I'm pretty warm & friendly but I don't flirt with them, and if they choose to do so with me I let them know that I'm taken and I try to do that as nicely as I can.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 10:45pm

jmac wrote:I hug my friends a lot, both guys and girls. I flirt with them too, but once again only if they're good friends of mine where we all know that it's all just kidding around for fun. With strangers and people I don't know too well I'm pretty warm & friendly but I don't flirt with them, and if they choose to do so with me I let them know that I'm taken and I try to do that as nicely as I can.

See my reply in the other thread.

J · Post by J » 2003-05-19 10:48pm

Rob Wilson wrote:See my reply in the other thread.

Yep, I'm losing my mind...I'm all discombobulated (I've always wanted to use that word).

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-19 10:49pm

Thirdfain wrote:I am persuing a Lady (some would argue I've caught her, I'm taking her to the prom in a few days.)

Excellent, I hope you guys have fun.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Flirting when taken: yay or nay?

Would you flirt with someone if you were already taken?