Good on you... More often than not people just like being heard.FaxModem1 wrote: ↑2019-12-23 09:36pm I've gotten to know the homeless at my job. Since I'm security, I HAVE to get them to leave. More often than not, it's just a polite conversation. You get really good at listening to their personal histories, when more often than not, I get lost in what they're talking about.
MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
Moderator: Edi
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head.
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
The homeless are a valuable asset. They have a lot of time on their hands, and will work for a sandwich or a safe place to sleep. Never discount them. They are your friends and allies.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
It wouldn't surprise me to learn that larger properties had areas set up homeless can crash in during bad weather, provided they keep the area clean and safe, and help out when they can.
I've been asked why I still follow a few of the people I know on Facebook with 'interesting political habits and view points'.
It's so when they comment on or approve of something, I know what pages to block/what not to vote for.
It's so when they comment on or approve of something, I know what pages to block/what not to vote for.
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Elheru Aran
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 13073
- Joined: 2004-03-04 01:15am
- Location: Georgia
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
Depends strongly upon the property and how generous the landlords are...
It's a strange world. Let's keep it that way.
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FaxModem1
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 7700
- Joined: 2002-10-30 06:40pm
- Location: In a dark reflection of a better world
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
It snowed today, which is rare in North Texas. So I had to direct some homeless people away from the building. One of them was this middle aged woman, who was convinced that I was her nephew and started spouting celebrity names at random.
Woman: "How old are you?"
Fax: "33"
Woman: "Do you recognize me? I think I'm your aunt."
Fax: "I don't think so."
Woman: "Dennis Hopper. Denis Leary. Where am I? Katie Homes, Kathy Griffin."
Fax: "Let's get you somewhere warm, okay? There's a Jack in the Box over here, and I'll get you some food."
Woman: "How old are you?"
Fax: "33"
Woman: "Do you recognize me? I think I'm your aunt."
Fax: "I don't think so."
Woman: "Dennis Hopper. Denis Leary. Where am I? Katie Homes, Kathy Griffin."
Fax: "Let's get you somewhere warm, okay? There's a Jack in the Box over here, and I'll get you some food."
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
I was friendly with an incredibly organized group of technically homeless people in Denver, the Invisibles. I dated one of them for a while. They're crazy, but not necessarily incompetent.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
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FaxModem1
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 7700
- Joined: 2002-10-30 06:40pm
- Location: In a dark reflection of a better world
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
Previous Shift Supervisor: "Hey, there's a leak here. Would you mind reporting it during your shift?"
Me: (looks at watch, it's 30 minutes until my shift): "Sure, why don't you want to report it during your shift?"
PSS: "Man, I have been way too busy training this person."(Both are sitting around doing nothing. )
Me: "Okay, do you want to train her on how to do it?"
PSS: "Nah, man."
Me: "You know how to do it, right?"
PSS: " Of course. Will you do it?"
Me: "(resigned) Sure.
5 minutes later:
PSS: "Hey Fax, show me how to do it."
Me: (looks at watch, it's 30 minutes until my shift): "Sure, why don't you want to report it during your shift?"
PSS: "Man, I have been way too busy training this person."(Both are sitting around doing nothing. )
Me: "Okay, do you want to train her on how to do it?"
PSS: "Nah, man."
Me: "You know how to do it, right?"
PSS: " Of course. Will you do it?"
Me: "(resigned) Sure.
5 minutes later:
PSS: "Hey Fax, show me how to do it."
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
Co-worker: My kids keep saying they hate me and it's starting to piss me off
Me: Have you tried marijuana?
Co-worker: Is that how you deal with your kids?
Me: No. But you should try marijuana
Co-worker: Me or the kids?
Me: Yes.
Me: Have you tried marijuana?
Co-worker: Is that how you deal with your kids?
Me: No. But you should try marijuana
Co-worker: Me or the kids?
Me: Yes.
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either.
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FaxModem1
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 7700
- Joined: 2002-10-30 06:40pm
- Location: In a dark reflection of a better world
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
*Checking elevator intercoms at work*
Fax: Hey, how's your night going?
Elevator Intercom Lady: (sighs) It's going all right.
Fax: Oh, are you having a bad day?
EIL: Oh no, it's not bad, it's my birthday.
Fax: Congratulations. Happy Birthday. How are you celebrating it?
EIL: Quarantine and cake.
Fax: Oh.....right. Well, I hope it's a good day. I'll talk to you soon.
(at the last elevator check for the night, which is typically where I just wish her a good night and we talk to each other the next time I do them.
EIL: (Company name) How can I help you?
Fax: (sings 'Happy birthday to you' in slow Ratpack lounge style)
EIL: laughs. Thank you.
Fax: See you next time.
Fax: Hey, how's your night going?
Elevator Intercom Lady: (sighs) It's going all right.
Fax: Oh, are you having a bad day?
EIL: Oh no, it's not bad, it's my birthday.
Fax: Congratulations. Happy Birthday. How are you celebrating it?
EIL: Quarantine and cake.
Fax: Oh.....right. Well, I hope it's a good day. I'll talk to you soon.
(at the last elevator check for the night, which is typically where I just wish her a good night and we talk to each other the next time I do them.
EIL: (Company name) How can I help you?
Fax: (sings 'Happy birthday to you' in slow Ratpack lounge style)
EIL: laughs. Thank you.
Fax: See you next time.
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
UBER DRIVER: I filed my unemployment claim six weeks ago, and I still haven't gotten my money!
BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So it says here that you worked for Uber until a Pandemic-related layoff... Did you do something for them other than drive?
UBER DRIVER: No, I'm a driver. I worked over forty hours a week until all the restaurants closed and I stopped making enough.
BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So you weren't actually laid off, you just decided going to work wasn't worth it?
UBER DRIVER: [after much hemming and hawing, grudgingly agrees]
BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So your statement that you were laid off was not in the strict sense accurate? You checked the box that says you acknowledge that providing a false statement to obtain benefits carries severe legal penalties.
UBER DRIVER: What do you mean, false!? I can't live on $25/day!
BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: I'm sorry, but you've reached the Department of Unemployment, not the Department of I Don't Want to Work Unless I Make More...
MY SUPERVISOR: [virtual office chat] LMAO
BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So it says here that you worked for Uber until a Pandemic-related layoff... Did you do something for them other than drive?
UBER DRIVER: No, I'm a driver. I worked over forty hours a week until all the restaurants closed and I stopped making enough.
BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So you weren't actually laid off, you just decided going to work wasn't worth it?
UBER DRIVER: [after much hemming and hawing, grudgingly agrees]
BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So your statement that you were laid off was not in the strict sense accurate? You checked the box that says you acknowledge that providing a false statement to obtain benefits carries severe legal penalties.
UBER DRIVER: What do you mean, false!? I can't live on $25/day!
BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: I'm sorry, but you've reached the Department of Unemployment, not the Department of I Don't Want to Work Unless I Make More...
MY SUPERVISOR: [virtual office chat] LMAO
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
ME: Thank you for calling the Division of Employment Security Helpline. How can I help you?
TRAVEL AGENT: Uh, yeah, hi. I'm wondering about the status of my claim, it's been three weeks...
ME: Sure, let me get your Social Security Number and I'll take a look.
TRAVEL AGENT: Okay, it's XXX-XX-XXXX.
ME: One moment please... Right, are you [FIRSTNAME] Corona, of [TOWN?]
TRAVEL AGENT: Uh-huh.
ME: Get a lot of jokes about that lately?
TRAVEL AGENT: [sigh] Yeah.
ME: I bet. I won't dogpile you, I'll just do a search for any outstanding issues and we can - A-HA! It says here that YOU started the plague! I knew it! No wonder your benefits are denied!
TRAVEL AGENT: [laughs] You got me. It was supposed to be a harmless prank, until it got out of hand on my vacation to China.
ME: Hey, gotta get The Wall for your Instagram, right?
TRAVEL AGENT: Of course! [long pause] My claim isn't really denied, is it?
ME: Nope, just a pending resolution on your elegibility. I can't fix that, but hey, at least I've got jokes!
TRAVEL AGENT: Super.
TRAVEL AGENT: Uh, yeah, hi. I'm wondering about the status of my claim, it's been three weeks...
ME: Sure, let me get your Social Security Number and I'll take a look.
TRAVEL AGENT: Okay, it's XXX-XX-XXXX.
ME: One moment please... Right, are you [FIRSTNAME] Corona, of [TOWN?]
TRAVEL AGENT: Uh-huh.
ME: Get a lot of jokes about that lately?
TRAVEL AGENT: [sigh] Yeah.
ME: I bet. I won't dogpile you, I'll just do a search for any outstanding issues and we can - A-HA! It says here that YOU started the plague! I knew it! No wonder your benefits are denied!
TRAVEL AGENT: [laughs] You got me. It was supposed to be a harmless prank, until it got out of hand on my vacation to China.
ME: Hey, gotta get The Wall for your Instagram, right?
TRAVEL AGENT: Of course! [long pause] My claim isn't really denied, is it?
ME: Nope, just a pending resolution on your elegibility. I can't fix that, but hey, at least I've got jokes!
TRAVEL AGENT: Super.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
ME: Okay, next up are the demographic questions. "Other" and "Choose not to answer" are valid for most of these.
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: Okay.
ME: First off, what is your gender?
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: Now what kind of question is that!?
ME: I have to ask all of them as-written. Should I put "Choose not to answer?"
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: I am a LADY!
ME: Female, got it. Next, what is your race?
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: White.
ME: Okay. Are you also Hispanic or Latino?
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: *condescending snort* No, my ancestors are European.
ME: Spain is in Europe, ma'am.
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: ...well, I guess you've got me there.
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: Okay.
ME: First off, what is your gender?
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: Now what kind of question is that!?
ME: I have to ask all of them as-written. Should I put "Choose not to answer?"
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: I am a LADY!
ME: Female, got it. Next, what is your race?
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: White.
ME: Okay. Are you also Hispanic or Latino?
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: *condescending snort* No, my ancestors are European.
ME: Spain is in Europe, ma'am.
OLD SOUTHERN LADY: ...well, I guess you've got me there.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
[JUST YOUR AVERAGE WORKPLACE FLIRTING ON A TUESDAY AFTERNOON]
NEW COWORKER: So yeah, I grew up in Vermont.
ME: Really? What town?
NEW COWORKER: [SMALL TOWN]
ME: No way! I totally went to school there. Did you ever hang out there?
NEW COWORKER: Holy crap, small world. The students there don't talk to us much, we just know them as the stuck-up weird kids on the hill, but I always felt like I'd fit in there.
ME: Not me, I actually dated a townie for a bit. She worked at the coffee shop.
NEW COWORKER: You mean [ONLY COFFEE SHOP?]
ME: That's the one. She was great, her name was [NAME].
NEW COWORKER: How random! My Mom's name is [NAME] and she used to work there, too, before I was born.
ME: [becoming very uneasy] Really. Um. Do you know your father?
NEW COWORKER: [saddened] No, she said he left town right after she got pregnant. She never told him.
ME: [feels an icy finger run down his back] ... How old are you..?
NEW COWORKER: Twenty, why?
ME: Ohthankfucking- I mean, that's too bad for him, he had a great kid.
NEW COWORKER: Thanks!
NEW COWORKER: So yeah, I grew up in Vermont.
ME: Really? What town?
NEW COWORKER: [SMALL TOWN]
ME: No way! I totally went to school there. Did you ever hang out there?
NEW COWORKER: Holy crap, small world. The students there don't talk to us much, we just know them as the stuck-up weird kids on the hill, but I always felt like I'd fit in there.
ME: Not me, I actually dated a townie for a bit. She worked at the coffee shop.
NEW COWORKER: You mean [ONLY COFFEE SHOP?]
ME: That's the one. She was great, her name was [NAME].
NEW COWORKER: How random! My Mom's name is [NAME] and she used to work there, too, before I was born.
ME: [becoming very uneasy] Really. Um. Do you know your father?
NEW COWORKER: [saddened] No, she said he left town right after she got pregnant. She never told him.
ME: [feels an icy finger run down his back] ... How old are you..?
NEW COWORKER: Twenty, why?
ME: Ohthankfucking- I mean, that's too bad for him, he had a great kid.
NEW COWORKER: Thanks!
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
[CONTEXT: Due to work slowing down at the Unemployment Office, I have started working part-time at a large hardware chain]
ME: [holding a can of paint-remover and calling across the paint department]: Hey, TECHNICALLY-NOT-MY-DAUGHTER, what do I do with, "Premium Stripper!?"
TECHNICALLY-NOT-MY-DAUGHTER: [calling back across the department] Pay her extra!
ME: [holding a can of paint-remover and calling across the paint department]: Hey, TECHNICALLY-NOT-MY-DAUGHTER, what do I do with, "Premium Stripper!?"
TECHNICALLY-NOT-MY-DAUGHTER: [calling back across the department] Pay her extra!
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
I always like reading the More Conversations From Raw Shark's Front Lines thread...
a) they brighten my day.
b) unless Shark has figured out how to post from the afterlife, we know he's not dead yet.
a) they brighten my day.
b) unless Shark has figured out how to post from the afterlife, we know he's not dead yet.
All people are equal but some people are more equal than others.
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LaCroix
- Sith Acolyte
- Posts: 5196
- Joined: 2004-12-21 12:14pm
- Location: Sopron District, Hungary, Europe, Terra
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
I am checking the "inbox" every day - I'll let you know if he shows up here...
*end "my job is hell" joke*
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay
I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.
I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
Thanks! I try.
I actually did die once, in 2018, but I got better.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
I thought that was just you having an acid flashback.
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)
Replace "ginger" with "n*gger," and suddenly it become a lot less funny, doesn't it?
-- fgalkin
Like my writing? Tip me on Patreon
I Have A Blog
-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)
Replace "ginger" with "n*gger," and suddenly it become a lot less funny, doesn't it?
-- fgalkin
Like my writing? Tip me on Patreon
I Have A Blog
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
My acid flashbacks are usually way more fun than that.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
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Lord Baal
- Padawan Learner
- Posts: 261
- Joined: 2011-08-25 03:17pm
- Location: Segmentun Solar, Sol system, Terra, America, South America, Venezuela, Lara, Barquisimeto, my office
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
I used to work on a rather large food factory. At the time of a expansion on the production lines we had an Austrian team trolling over the Italian team (the production line used machines from different companies) anyway, the mess they both left behind on UTP and phone cable was epic. Since I was the sys admin, network admin, help desk and field tech all rolled into one it was my task to unravel all the mysteries left behind.
At the end of all that was left behind was to connect the desk phone of one of the workstations, nothing to fancy, a simple analog phone. When finished checking the connections on the panel I ask the operator:
Please could you pick up the phone and tell me if it has tone?
The guy pick up the phone and blankly stares at my general direction for a while. I ask:
Well? Does it have tone?
Operator: "I don't know, it only has this continuous "beeep" sound."
I just stared in disbelief at another guy in there, thanked the operator and walked out.
At the end of all that was left behind was to connect the desk phone of one of the workstations, nothing to fancy, a simple analog phone. When finished checking the connections on the panel I ask the operator:
Please could you pick up the phone and tell me if it has tone?
The guy pick up the phone and blankly stares at my general direction for a while. I ask:
Well? Does it have tone?
Operator: "I don't know, it only has this continuous "beeep" sound."
I just stared in disbelief at another guy in there, thanked the operator and walked out.
[signature]Insert cliche or funny statement here. [/signature]
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LaCroix
- Sith Acolyte
- Posts: 5196
- Joined: 2004-12-21 12:14pm
- Location: Sopron District, Hungary, Europe, Terra
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
In a conference with a really obstructionist programmer who (during this conference):
said that the user not being able to work with the program is fine, sinde it matches the design, the version that they might work with will be rolled out in a few monts, anyway.
Says that the current design is to be 1:N for tarifs and bookings, so more than one tariff is not possible in the code (even though I just fixed it)
we can't do 20 lines of bookings because the window to show them is only big enough for 10 (as if adding scrolling was impossible...)
has accused me of breaking his code when I fixed bugs he implemented for a Bugfix, and when they got merged up, his testcases would not work anymore, complained about that IN THE TICKET THE CUSTOMER COULD READ! and then simply deleted my fixes so his code would run clean, again.
(He got a very thorough "behavior adjustment talk" from the bosses after I managed to clean up the mess he caused with that.)
Side chat while talking to that guy, with a Designer who transferred from that guy's team to mine, because of the mess they have been causing with the latest code and trying to blame him:
Me: Feels like talking to a wall, or an AI assistant...
Designer:
Just think - I had to deal with this for 2 full relases.
do you understand why I m so happy to work with you (smile)
imagine, getting yelled at bythe ProductOwner for something not working, then trying to build up a solution, only for "guy" later telling you " I do not need the design I understood the expected behaviour "
...for two releases .
...and I felt to be the wrong one, since I was not understanding him
Me:
Just asking - is he always like that - I mean this kind of inflexibility must be a thing or not? Feels like he would be the kind of guy who has his Wardrobe sorted by color and pattern of his shirts.
Designer:
For his standards, he was even way too kind, since you were there and he knows who you are.
And - his wardobe, as he confirmed, is 3 pair of the same shirt, tshirt, pants, shoes. literally the same. and the justification for this is that if you do the same thing each day it become perfect! (smile)
Me:
just as I imagined...
He is Maurice Moss, or Sheldon Cooper.... just with less amiable traits...
Designer:
(laugh)
Me:
He is the guy that all people think "programmers" are like (laugh)
Designer:
EXACTLY!
said that the user not being able to work with the program is fine, sinde it matches the design, the version that they might work with will be rolled out in a few monts, anyway.
Says that the current design is to be 1:N for tarifs and bookings, so more than one tariff is not possible in the code (even though I just fixed it)
we can't do 20 lines of bookings because the window to show them is only big enough for 10 (as if adding scrolling was impossible...)
has accused me of breaking his code when I fixed bugs he implemented for a Bugfix, and when they got merged up, his testcases would not work anymore, complained about that IN THE TICKET THE CUSTOMER COULD READ! and then simply deleted my fixes so his code would run clean, again.
(He got a very thorough "behavior adjustment talk" from the bosses after I managed to clean up the mess he caused with that.)
Side chat while talking to that guy, with a Designer who transferred from that guy's team to mine, because of the mess they have been causing with the latest code and trying to blame him:
Me: Feels like talking to a wall, or an AI assistant...
Designer:
Just think - I had to deal with this for 2 full relases.
do you understand why I m so happy to work with you (smile)
imagine, getting yelled at bythe ProductOwner for something not working, then trying to build up a solution, only for "guy" later telling you " I do not need the design I understood the expected behaviour "
...for two releases .
...and I felt to be the wrong one, since I was not understanding him
Me:
Just asking - is he always like that - I mean this kind of inflexibility must be a thing or not? Feels like he would be the kind of guy who has his Wardrobe sorted by color and pattern of his shirts.
Designer:
For his standards, he was even way too kind, since you were there and he knows who you are.
And - his wardobe, as he confirmed, is 3 pair of the same shirt, tshirt, pants, shoes. literally the same. and the justification for this is that if you do the same thing each day it become perfect! (smile)
Me:
just as I imagined...
He is Maurice Moss, or Sheldon Cooper.... just with less amiable traits...
Designer:
(laugh)
Me:
He is the guy that all people think "programmers" are like (laugh)
Designer:
EXACTLY!
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay
I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.
I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: Does this shirt make my tits look too small?
ME: Quit fishing for compliments, you know you look great.
TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: They're never going to be as big as my Mom's...
ME: Nobody has tits like your Mom, when she was your age I wore them like a hat.
TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: EW! TMI!
ME: Well, maybe don't bring up your Mom's tits with the guy who used to love playing with-
TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: Okay, just stop! Question withdrawn!
ME: Mm-hmn.
~~~~~~~~~
SMUG LIBERAL: May I help you?
ME: I don't mean to stare, I'm just trying to read what you wrote on your apron.
SMUG LIBERAL: It says, "I wear this mask to protect other people."
ME: Oh man, if you're going to feed me a straight line like that...
ME: Quit fishing for compliments, you know you look great.
TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: They're never going to be as big as my Mom's...
ME: Nobody has tits like your Mom, when she was your age I wore them like a hat.
TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: EW! TMI!
ME: Well, maybe don't bring up your Mom's tits with the guy who used to love playing with-
TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: Okay, just stop! Question withdrawn!
ME: Mm-hmn.
~~~~~~~~~
SMUG LIBERAL: May I help you?
ME: I don't mean to stare, I'm just trying to read what you wrote on your apron.
SMUG LIBERAL: It says, "I wear this mask to protect other people."
ME: Oh man, if you're going to feed me a straight line like that...
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
NEW SUPERVISOR: How in the world did that pallet even get assembled?
ME: Offhand, I'd say with sheer bravado and a degree of negligence that seems less carefree than homicidal.
NEW SUPERVISOR: Jesus. Do you want to get that down from there and rebuild it for me?
ME: Do I want to..?
NEW SUPERVISOR: Let me rephrase that.
ME: I'm on it.
ME: Offhand, I'd say with sheer bravado and a degree of negligence that seems less carefree than homicidal.
NEW SUPERVISOR: Jesus. Do you want to get that down from there and rebuild it for me?
ME: Do I want to..?
NEW SUPERVISOR: Let me rephrase that.
ME: I'm on it.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines
DISAGREEABLE CO-WORKER: Yo, Shark!
ME: Disagreeable Co-Worker. What's good?
DISAGREEABLE CO-WORKER: I been hearing you like saying my name.
ME: You been hearing wrong.
DISAGREEABLE CO-WORKER: People tell me you goin' around calling me a little bitch.
ME: Actually, I've been going around telling people that somebody in this building is a little bitch. There's about a hundred people here, and nobody saw us argue yesterday. If they all assumed I meant you, including your friends who mentioned it to you, maybe you should reflect on that.
ONLOOKERS: [chorus of knowing chuckles]
DISAGREEABLE CO-WORKER: Oh yeah? Well, you better watch out! [stomps away]
ME: You too! Somebody in this building is a little bitch.
ME: Disagreeable Co-Worker. What's good?
DISAGREEABLE CO-WORKER: I been hearing you like saying my name.
ME: You been hearing wrong.
DISAGREEABLE CO-WORKER: People tell me you goin' around calling me a little bitch.
ME: Actually, I've been going around telling people that somebody in this building is a little bitch. There's about a hundred people here, and nobody saw us argue yesterday. If they all assumed I meant you, including your friends who mentioned it to you, maybe you should reflect on that.
ONLOOKERS: [chorus of knowing chuckles]
DISAGREEABLE CO-WORKER: Oh yeah? Well, you better watch out! [stomps away]
ME: You too! Somebody in this building is a little bitch.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker