Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Raw Shark]

You should try that someday, Shark. Get a bowler's cap, grow a thin mustache and pretend to be Alfred.

I've worn a suit and tie on Halloween a couple times, with the explanation that I'm costumed as the office drone I used to be. I'm not really a hat person, though.

[Raw Shark]

NERDY-BUT-HOT: Wow, that sounds intense. I just finished the A Song of Ice and Fire series, have you read that?

YOUR DRIVER: Oh yeah, I'm all about it. I've read the first four three times, the fifth one twice, and I'm actually in a book club specifically dedicated to getting drunk and talking about it.

NERDY-BUT-HOT: I... think I might be in love...

YOUR DRIVER: I even got to meet George when he was here on his book-signing tour, and he signed my copy of Dance and my original-edition Wild Cards #1 for me!

NERDY-BUT-HOT: Okay, no, actually I hate you.

YOUR DRIVER: It's a thin line, they say.

[LadyTevar]

This I heard third-hand, but knowing the Deputy Sheriff involved, it's true.

Background: New River Gorge Bridge is in the middle of New River Gorge National Park, in Fayette Co. WV. The bridge is 837ft (~600m) above the river itself. Like any large, high bridge, it gets folks who really want to end their lives permanently. The first jumper in 1977 took his dog with him. The ambulance sponged up the man, but left the dog (no dogs in the ambulance). Earlier this year, a lady parked on the bridge, got out with a step ladder and used it to get high enough to go over the edge.
Thus, the following conversation between the Fayette Co Deputy Sheriff and the Park Ranger on duty.

Ranger: Ain't never seen one bring a step ladder before.
Deputy: Yep, she was really serious about going over.
Ranger: You gonna help us go find her and clean her up?
Deputy: Nope, she left my jurisdiction 800ft ago.

[InsaneTD]

That's bad and I'm trying very hard not to laugh. No, it's not bad, it's terrible. And I'm a terrible man for laughing.

[Broomstick]

Police, fire, and medical folks have a rather dark sense of humor due to incidents like that. It's a horrible thing, but it's still funny.

[SCRawl]

The bridge is 837ft (~600m) above the river itself.

Nitpick, but 837 feet is about 255m, not 600m. Still more than high enough to get the job done, but not 1.5 Empire State Buildings high.

[LadyTevar]

The bridge is 837ft (~600m) above the river itself.

Nitpick, but 837 feet is about 255m, not 600m. Still more than high enough to get the job done, but not 1.5 Empire State Buildings high.

I found out what I did wrong -- when I used Google's fet to meter, it starts at 1ft. I typed 837, and it left the 1 in front. 1837ft is ~600m. 837ft is much less, as you pointed out.
So, no Empire State Buildings will fit under New River Gorge Bridge. However, the Washington Monument and TWO Statue of Liberities will.

Police, fire, and medical folks have a rather dark sense of humor due to incidents like that. It's a horrible thing, but it's still funny.

It is funny. You should laugh. I mean, seriously, a Step Ladder, brought all the way from South Carolina, just so this short little woman could climb up over the railing and jump. You gota admire her determination.

But the quip about Jurisdiction is priceless.

[Raw Shark]

It is funny. You should laugh. I mean, seriously, a Step Ladder, brought all the way from South Carolina, just so this short little woman could climb up over the railing and jump. You gota admire her determination.

I can agree with this. She obviously put some serious thought into offing herself. Why deny somebody the right to elaborately opt out of life, volition, etc, if they want to?

[Thanas]

Student got caught plagiarizing.

"I wasn't".
"So you're saying this passage is entirely composed of your own words?"
"Yes."
"Ok then. Please explain to me the difference between a zernierung and a belagerung".*
"...."


*First one is surrounding a fortress, the latter is actually sieging it.

[Lagmonster]

My work has a common area adjacent with a small kitchenette, because people gotta eat. At one point, the old microwave conked out. Our admin, a charming lady about three years from retirement and with bigger balls than I've got, put in a request for a replacement with our accommodations team. A week ago. In the meanwhile, the complaints slowly stacked up as people had to find increasingly inconvenient ways of heating their lunches.

Finally, this morning, a nice new microwave appeared as if by magic in our kitchenette. I took a moment to go talk with the admin, and thanked her for doing everything she could to get the new microwave despite the horrible delays coming from Accommodations.

"Oh, it's not the new one at all" she said, "I took this one from the executive lunch room on the top floor. They'll replace theirs faster."

Full disclosure: Part of me suspects she probably asked them to help and is playing up the Robin Hood act for fun, which would fit her personality, but I'm choosing to believe she's basically Office Batman.

[Raw Shark]

DRUNK FOREIGN GUY #1: Do you want to come inside and smoke a blunt with us?

YOUR DRIVER: I appreciate it, but I've got to drive, thanks.

DRUNK FOREIGN GUY #1: C'mon, hang out for twenty minutes! You can have some cake. I have a really good cake.

YOUR DRIVER: Uh, no thanks. I've really got to work.

DRUNK FOREIGN GUY #1: C'mon, this is no bullshit cheap cake, man. This cake is for real. The frosting is like cheese cake.

DRUNK FOREIGN GUY #2: It's not like cheese cake, it's like cream cheese, but it is a very good cake.

YOUR DRIVER: I believe you, I just really can't afford-

DRUNK FOREIGN GUY #1: Run the meter! You have to try this cake.

[InsaneTD]

Was the cake as good as they said?

[Raw Shark]

Was the cake as good as they said?

I got a weird cult vibe, and get sick when I eat sugar on an empty stomach anyway, so I just stammered excuses and fled at that point.

[Lagmonster]

You just literally suggested that the cake was a lie. What is that, a level ten meme conversion?

[Raw Shark]

You just literally suggested that the cake was a lie. What is that, a level ten meme conversion?

That's about 90% why I found it funny enough to post. The specific emphasis on cake acted as a red flag on me because of that meme, even though the two guys themselves were pretty innocuous.

[Broomstick]

Over the Retail Nightmare Weekend we had a lady come in for our discounted butter special.

She bought 60 cases. NOT 60 individual boxes, 60 cases.

That is 2,160 pounds of butter. 980 kilograms.

This lady bought a ton of butter. Literally. At 9:15 in the morning, thereby wiping out the entire stock of on-sale butter.

Needless to say, everyone coming in after her looking for the butter on special was Very Unhappy. So, no substitutions and no rainchecks, says that right on the ad. Although with so many cranky unhappy people management did eventually relent and put the other brands of butter on sale. Which was all gone by 3 pm. So our store is out of butter. This is somewhat annoying, as I have cookies to bake for the annual potluck holiday party at work for which I need... butter. Was hoping to get some for cheap, just like everyone else, but we have to let customers get first dibs. Back to Aldi's for me.

Holy crap - I was expecting arguments about TVs, not butter!

[Temjin]

Over the Retail Nightmare Weekend we had a lady come in for our discounted butter special.

She bought 60 cases. NOT 60 individual boxes, 60 cases.

That is 2,160 pounds of butter. 980 kilograms.

This lady bought a ton of butter. Literally. At 9:15 in the morning, thereby wiping out the entire stock of on-sale butter.

Needless to say, everyone coming in after her looking for the butter on special was Very Unhappy. So, no substitutions and no rainchecks, says that right on the ad. Although with so many cranky unhappy people management did eventually relent and put the other brands of butter on sale. Which was all gone by 3 pm. So our store is out of butter. This is somewhat annoying, as I have cookies to bake for the annual potluck holiday party at work for which I need... butter. Was hoping to get some for cheap, just like everyone else, but we have to let customers get first dibs. Back to Aldi's for me.

Holy crap - I was expecting arguments about TVs, not butter!

I'm kind of surprised. Don't most stores have a quantity limit on sale items? Specifically to avoid cases of convenience store owners coming in and buying the whole lot (she sure as shit is not going to be eating it all herself)?

[Zaune]

Why the hell would anyone need that much butter yet not be able to buy from a wholesaler?

[LadyTevar]

How many fuckin' cookies was that lady going to make?

My only other thought was she was buying it up for care packages for the homeless, or some other charity

[Borgholio]

A better question is how did she move it? Did she show up with a refrigerated truck and had your stockroom people forklift it out to her?

[madd0ct0r]

she just slid the pallets. they're self greasing

[Borgholio]

Huh...well that's one of the butter ideas I've heard so far...

[Broomstick]

I'm kind of surprised. Don't most stores have a quantity limit on sale items?

Yes.

Not sure it was an "oops" that left the limits off that ad, or it just didn't occur to anyone we would need one.

Specifically to avoid cases of convenience store owners coming in and buying the whole lot (she sure as shit is not going to be eating it all herself)?

And... you are correct - she is the owner of convenience store.

Not sure how it got from our store to hers, I didn't really ask. I do wonder how long it took for her to check out. We're not a warehouse store, we're not set up to sell by the case.

[Dalton]

Unless she's planning on showing up at the Iowa State Fair with a butter cow, *what the fuck*

My work has a common area adjacent with a small kitchenette, because people gotta eat. At one point, the old microwave conked out. Our admin, a charming lady about three years from retirement and with bigger balls than I've got, put in a request for a replacement with our accommodations team. A week ago. In the meanwhile, the complaints slowly stacked up as people had to find increasingly inconvenient ways of heating their lunches.

Finally, this morning, a nice new microwave appeared as if by magic in our kitchenette. I took a moment to go talk with the admin, and thanked her for doing everything she could to get the new microwave despite the horrible delays coming from Accommodations.

"Oh, it's not the new one at all" she said, "I took this one from the executive lunch room on the top floor. They'll replace theirs faster."

Full disclosure: Part of me suspects she probably asked them to help and is playing up the Robin Hood act for fun, which would fit her personality, but I'm choosing to believe she's basically Office Batman.

I have experience with this...seems that somehow the kitchen used by the big-name Network shows tends to receive replacement equipment in a more...expedited fashion. I remember that when our dinky little TechOps kitchen got a new microwave, someone did swapsies with the crappy one that until that point was inhabiting said fancier kitchen. The floor manager was very annoyed by that. Not to mention the games of Musical Chairs that happen around here...all the old crappy chairs with broken pistons tend to magically wind up at desks where there had just been shiny new chairs.

[Raw Shark]

HOT BUT COMPLETELY INSANE MARTIAL ARTIST: I've got a black belt! I've been doing it for ten years.

[time passes; conversation happens]

HOT BUT COMPLETELY INSANE MARTIAL ARTIST: [hard punch!] I like you. You're funny.

YOUR DRIVER: I am seriously not okay with the hitting.

HOT BUT COMPLETELY INSANE MARTIAL ARTIST: What do you mean?

YOUR DRIVER: I mean I don't like being hit, or hitting other people. I've been in a bunch of real fights and it's not fun for me, it just makes me feel like I'm going to barf.

HOT BUT COMPLETELY INSANE MARTIAL ARTIST: What? I barely touched you!

YOUR DRIVER: I told you I cracked some ribs last week, and you keep doing it. I am not into that. Just stop, please.

HOT BUT COMPLETELY INSANE MARTIAL ARTIST: Okay, I won't. [promptly does it again; gets thrown out]